World Music Days 2010

My two favourite items currently. Heh.

So we were both involved in GA's performance at Skate Park today. It was kind of great. Somehow, it seemed okay to make mistakes, haha. The lunch before the show was damn funny. Didn't know there is another side of Amran we didn't know about. Haha, but it's good la. Anyway, the hightlights of today would be:

1) Ahmad getting a jewelry shop's flyer. LOL banyak-banyak, after what happened yesterday. HAHA.

2) Getting a picture taken with Sleeq. Somehow, my crazy fangirl behaviour wore off over the years so I wasn't screaming like a crazy fangirl but well. At least, I kept my promise. To only take a picture with Sleeq because they happened to be there. I told myself long ago that I would only take a picture with Sleeq if we were fated to "bump" into each other. I'm not gonna be like other fans who chase after them. HAHAHAHA. Still waiting for Miss Liyana to upload the picture to FB.

3) Meeting Shak & gang again after what seems like ages. Couldn't stop laughing my ass off, especially during dinner at KFC. :D:D

So that sums up my day today. I had so much fun, even though I was very tired, and almost slept during the Sunda Gamelan performance at Esplanade. Well, considering how I only had like, 5 hours of sleep. That's why I'm going off soon. Haha.

Sis felt like going out tomorrow. I wanna go out too. My hands really itch on spending that 40 bucks that's collecting dust in my wallet right now. Saw a dress at 313 Forever21 that's pretty. & the price shocked me because it was reasonable. I want sia! Shall drag Far there tomorrow if she really wants to go out.

Somehow, I find myself in love with F21 ever since I started wearing tudung. Is that a good or bad thing? I asked Ahmad if I was being materialistic (cause I wasn't that much before wearing tudung) but he doesn't seems to know. Hmm.

Okay. I'm off to bed. Goodnight, all. Enjoy your Sunday before Monday comes. :( Take care, and may you always be in the best of health. :)

Busy week ahead. Gaaahhhh~

This cheered me up that day.

The day I received news that I'm still trying to digest now.

I was just watching the Live in Texas videos. I really miss those times when we were so close. & Syai and his random jokes. & Ain and her beautiful voice. & Azhar's laugh just cracks you upppp!!!! Watching the videos after sucha long time makes me laugh all over again at Syai. But then, when we separated, we grew up, we had our different lives, we changed into different people somehow. Sigh.

Anyway, today ended perfectly. I kept that little thing somewhere safe. Hehe. Of course, I was not just scared but shocked! Heart attack skejap. Maybe muke merah, but I don't blush that easily. HAHA. But well, thanks for the funny moment. :)

I miss the melayus. But nothing will be the same again. But then again, it was never the same since almost a year ago. So much changed. People, attitudes, personality. What used to be a daily routine, changed into something else altogether. The people we used to hang with, get replaced.

But me? I'm not gonna do that. & I'm glad our Syai is back. :)

I want the op. But I don't want it too.

I'm too afraid of the risks, the chances of rejection.

I'm too afraid to lose what I still have.

If I lose them all, what am I going to do?

How can I continue living?

Ya Allah, what do I do now?

Happy Birthday, Buddy!

Hi, Syai. I don't have a very recent picture of you, and I feel lazy to save one from Facebook, so this is from last year in December.

Happy Birthday, my dearest friend! =D

Thank you for your friendship the past almost 2 years. I feel so lucky to have a friend like you, who's almost like a brother to me. You started my love story, and I would never forget that. But Syai, even if you didn't have a hand in my love story, I know I would still be your friend. Because you're the kind of friend no one would want to lose. Thank you for being there for me all this while. Thank you for trying to protect me. Thank you for all the advices you've given me. Thank you for everything you've done for me. & I hope that you'll have a blast on your 20th. May you always be blessed with good health and happiness always. & may you always be in Allah's protection. Amin.

P.S Sorry I couldn't do a surprise birthday bash for you like last year 'cause I'll be at the hospital for my checkup. Sorry, buddy. Have a blast though. :)

I never thought today would end the way it did.

I like how we cried together in each other's arms.

I didn't realize I could scare you as much as you scared me.

Or the fact that you were so afraid to lose me.

I realized that you do care about me, but you don't show it at all.

I failed to see that, 'cause you disguise it so well.

What caught me off-guard were your tears.

I never thought a guy could ever shed a tear for me.

This is the first time, and it touched me deeply.

When you told me about your nenek, I felt guilty that I wasn't there for you to turn to.

& I cried with you too when you started crying again.

I'm sorry, really.

I know you have a lot on your plate.

I never wanted this to happen or make things worse for you.

But I'm glad everything is fine now.

I just wish there is some way I could tell you how much you really mean to me.

I love you, baby. <3

I love you.

Don't and never doubt that. :)

Broken

I'm reading my blog posts from last year, trying to find the person you once were.

The difference is vast.

Everytime I think about what you did, I can't stop the tears.

I'm not angry, I'm disappointed.

Is it broken?

Can we work it out?

Let's light up the town, scream out loud.

Is it broken?

Can we work it out?

I can see it in your eyes

You're ready to break

Don't look away

& just when I remembered the pain of what he did to me, you seem to be doing it too.

It hurts to the cores of my heart.

& to think I've cried on the train, on the way home, right now.

When I didn't have the heart to hurt you.

Thanks ah.

I never thought I would ever set my eyes on you again after...6 years. I've searched for you on FB, Friendster, hoping to find you somehow. But I failed. So I forgot about you. & when you added me on FB, I almost had a heart attack. It was early in the morning, and that was the first thing that greeted me. & when I found out you were in this school, I got another heart attack. I don't even know why. Then you admitted to seeing me around here, which was why you looked for me on FB. I swore since that day to watch where I was going. I didn't want to run into you. At all.

Just a couple of days ago, I believe, I told Liyana about you being in this school too. I was wondering, since the first semester, I haven't even bumped into you. Maybe because you were a Year 1 student. Which was a relief. So I was saying like, maybe it isn't our fate to cross paths again, or maybe it isn't time for us to meet again, yet.

& today, there you were, right in front of me.

You were walking alone, and so was I. I was a few steps behind you. The second I saw you, there was no doubt in my mind that you were you, even though you've changed so much over the years. I looked you over from behind. You walked with the kind of confidence you've always had. Your dressing style had improved somehow. & it was already 8.39 and you were still walking coolly towards school.

It was only after we crossed the first traffic light that you noticed me. Then you smiled. & it was this very awkward moment because I started to remember things from 7 years ago. Everything that happened, what you did, what I did, what we did. A friend of yours caught your attention, and you talked to her. I quickly crossed the road and walked as fast as I could into school. But the memories never left me. I was close to tears by the time I reached class.

& coincidentally, this was on Le Love.

You were my first love, before I knew what a mature relationship was. The sweet innocence of a childhood romance… we played outside and did fireworks. I fell in love with you at the age of 12. Some may say that’s too young, but I knew it was real love. It felt just as real as the love I have felt at the age of 21.

Whatever. I'm just gonna suck it up and get over it. What's the point? You've changed, and most definitely have I. You're not the same person anymore, and I'm definitely not the same person too. But somehow, a part of me will always remember what you did to my heart. I'll never forget that. You were a jerk. A bastard. & I'll always hope and pray that what you did to me, will not happen again.

I forgot you. Now, I'll forget again. :)

I felt shitty the whole day thanks to you. -.- _l_ & thank you, Syai, for the advices. As well as mentioning me on your blog. I don't mind the tears you spill, nor the fact that you think you're a weakling. You are strong, or else, you wouldn't be where you are right now. If you were a weakling, you would have succumbed to the heartbreak and really killed yourself. I mean, kill as in masok kubor betol2. Taking small steps to get over her is not weak. It's a sign of strength, because you're slowly learning to live again. I want to see you smile and joke again like you did today. If you say that's just a facade, I already know that. But I also know that at least you tried. :)

I'll end with the quote I told Syai today:

It's easy to become lovers from friends. But not easy to become friends from lovers.

& so, this woman officially started work yesterday. Dropped by when I reached Paris at around 8, I think. Had a $2.20 dinner with her at Ananas. Damn cheap, and damn nice as well. Hers was $1.00. It's this fried bee hoon which is undeniably nice. Okay, anyway, after dinner, had a cup of yoghurt at her shop: Devil Yoghurt & His Evil Advocates. Or something like that. As usual, my flavour is Chocolate. I find the other flavours sour somehow. & of course, my usual topping would be the Froot Loops cereal. Cannot get enough of that. Hehehehe. Then watched a guy buy that same cup of yoghurt for 7 bux, when he could have gotten the small on-offer one which was like, 3.30 bux for any amount of yoghurt. I was laughing my ass off secretly. HAHAHA.

I find this very the sweet. :)

Anyway, I just wanted to vent out here. Just a couple of hours ago, I had a tiff with a dear friend of mine, and I just want him to understand something.

I'm sorry if you think that I don't understand you. Sorry if you think I don't know the difference between friends and someone whom you can spend the rest of your life with. Because the truth is, I really do understand. Yes, I'll admit, I do have hopes to spend the rest of my life with the one I love right now. But chances are, God may have a different plan for us, so you'd never know what the future holds. We could end up just like the relationship you just lost and that could just kill me the way it did to you. But my point is, I do understand. I've felt lonely like you before. I totally understand. But it's the friends I have that made my life more bearable. Sure, you're right, friends come and go. At some point in our lives, we might grow too busy for our friends and too busy to hang out as frequently and stuff. Yes, when that day comes, who do we turn to when everyone gets so busy? One question for you: What is Allah for?

He is always there for you. Gawd, remember that!

I'm sorry, but it's hurting me too that you're like this. I keep wanting to blame her, but when I think about it, if she never entered your life, I don't think I'll see the kind of happy that you were. But seeing you fall apart is worse. You were my friend since day 1 of year 1, and you know how we're all fond of the funny, bubbly guy that we know. Seeing that transition makes us all worried about you and I'm sure you know that. I know it's hard, shit I know it's hard. But you were doing okay. I was seeing a little progress. Then you went and reopened the wounds. Now you're back to square one. Tell me now, who's in it for more pain now?

I know it's hard. Dammit, I know.

I don't even know why I'm crying for you, dammit!

I may have commitments like school, gamelan, Ahmad, family problems, whatever. But I want to be there when my friends need me. All you need to do is text or call. :)

& I'm really sorry if I sounded angry, sarcastic or whatsoever. It just shows that I care. :)

Night, all!

I realized a lot of things today. That maybe I wouldn't become the person I am today if I hadn't gone through what I have the past few years. That maybe Allah wanted me to remember Him always, which is why He did this to me. That maybe He wanted me to become a better person than I am so he made me go through all these. Maybe. Just maybe. But I could never know.

Still, her sentence resonates in my brain: "Banyak jugak penyakit kau eh."

It just got me thinking, sure, that's true. But somehow, I think that maybe it was good that I went through all that. Because, I doubt that I would be the person I am today, if I hadn't gone through what I have. I'd probably be a bitch, who knows? I might not even have a change of heart after visiting Indonesia. I don't know for certain. But what I know, and am very sure of, is that I am glad that I turned out okay. Maybe some people may have a problem with me, maybe sometimes I may not be as perfect as the next person, but what I do know, is that I am me. I am fully aware that sometimes people get frustrated with me. I do get frustrated with myself too. Really, sometimes I feel like giving up, and I get angry with myself, and curse myself. Sometimes, even getting angrier with my fate. But at the end of the day, I remember Allah, and tell myself that everything happens for a reason. No one can understand how I really feel, not even my parents. This is what I am going through, and have gone through. And unless you have gone through the same thing, you'd never know what it's like. I don't even think you know what I mean, I doubt you'll even understand what I'm talking about. But I'm just venting out here.

I've had like, half a dozen people tell me to pour out my feelings and not keep things to myself. I have to talk it out. But how can I? People think they understand, it's so easy for them to say, "Sabar, cobaan, be strong.." etc etc. I think I understand how Syai feels. I'll have to admit that I was one of those who said the same thing to him weeks ago. But now, I absolutely know that this was how he felt. It's so easy for someone to tell me to accept my fate. But they don't know what it feels like. It's this slow, painless pain that's inside you that doesn't eat you physically, but mentally, emotionally. I'll have to admit, I've cried about it at night until I had no more tears left to cry, asking myself, asking Allah, why? Why me? It's always the same old question over and over, repeatedly, endlessly.

Then I'll look at my sick aunt. She's been fighting her cancer since June. Actually, it's been about 2 years. But it only got worse in June. Anyway, there was once when my maid talked to me about it. She said that Allah is already showing us many signs through Angah. I wondered at that and asked what she meant. She said, "Kalau Allah sayang seseorang, Dia akan selalu pelihara orang tu. Dia akan jaga, betol2 jaga orang tu. Tengok Angah. Mungkin bila dia masih muda, dia tak ingat Allah. Dia enjoy je. Skarang, bila sakit, dah terlambat, baru ingat Allah. Dulu bila dia masih muda, dia kurang ajar kat nenek kau, mak kau. Tau? Dia tendang nenek kau, mengamok suma. Sebab itu, Allah balas dia gini. Sakit sampai boleh gila. Ini baru balas kat dunia. Kalau akhirat? Lagi terok."

This got me thinking. She was right. Sometimes, when we get too carried away enjoying our lives, we forget about The One. We forget about what He can do to us, for us. Sometimes, it does scare me a lot. I'll cry like crazy when I pray, so afraid of the future, of what else could happen to me, or to my loved ones. I know maybe you think I'm such a crybaby. That I cry over every little thing that happens. But no, you've go no idea what it's like to be me. So you can think whatever you want about me.

I love my maid. She's been like an older sister to me the past 8 years, and she always says the best things. We could talk for hours about anything; religion, family, friends, gossip, relationships etc. & at the end of the day, she'll leave me with food for thought. Last night, she told me this: "Allah akan tolong orang yang berusaha. Kalau kita tak berusaha, buat apa Allah nak tolong kita? Biar kita yang berusaha terus, Allah akan menentukan hasilnya." So tell me, when she leaves at the end of this year, how am I gonna survive without her?

Okay, so much emo-ing at 2.18am. Night shift. My pussy sister pandai-pandai watched a horror movie on Sensasi despite knowing that we were doing shifts to look after my aunt. Ended up, she told me: "Long, we watch her together kay? Until 6am. I scared uhhhh, after watching that ghost story." Siape tak -__________- ????? So, yeah, she's watching The OC right now while I'm here.

Been a while since I wrote long posts like these. :) Nights.

Aku Yang Akan Pergi

Take me up on a ferris wheel, up to the highest carriage and watch the sunset with me.

I just feel worse and worse everyday. At least this semester's classmates are friendlier than last semester's. They're easier to talk to. But I still have a problem when the chinese go chinese on me. That bugs me a lot. Sheesh, it's like, every semester, there's sure to be chinese who will speak chinese during discussion, and you'll be the lost one. Tsk. But, so far, so good. Malays are all very friendly. There are 2 malay guys and a total of 4 malay girls, including me. Okay, one of the malay guys has a complicated name with Ibni. I asked Liyana if that's Arab, she say ya. I was like, muke tak macam orang Arab pon. She was like, tak semestinya name Arab, muke kene Arab kannn. HAHAHAHAH. Bimbo Faz.

So tired. Good luck to those surviving the Opening Launch schedule. I have the Wind Symphony performance to worry about. Preview on Thursday. Like, so fasssssssssstttt!!!!!!!!!

Dimana, dirimu yang mencintai aku sepenuh hati

Aku yang akan pergi bila kau enggan memilih

Cintaku ini bukan seperti tempat persinggahanmu

Benci Bilang Cinta

Ummi Aisyah is the lady in black, extreme right. I miss her. Period. :(

If only I had this Saturday free. I wouldn't mind going shopping. I need a proper bag, man. My shoulder hurts like fuck just carrying a side bag. Now my whole neck feels like crap and I need a good massage. I wouldn't mind flying off to Indonesia right now to spend a few nights at Puncak. Especially at the cool, lovely inn with the most spectacular view. That place is heaven. :D

& I need it right now because of all the stress I'm under. School, gamelan, sick aunt, home, stupid other family I have to put up with. They get worse everyday. I wish they'll just move out. Like, leave ASAP before I lose my cool again. My sister surprised me when she said she can't wait for Angah to die. She wants to scream at the other family's faces in front of our relatives if that family cries. I look forward to that kind of drama.

&. I. Love. Having. A. Diary. Woooooo!!!!!

Jangan benci bilang cinta

Jangan marah bilang sayang

Jangan mendustai hati

Bila engkau memang suka

I'm still trying to digest and accept the news.

It just never leaves my mind.

I keep trying to imagine a few months without you but I can't.

I just...can't.

I'm sorry but whenever I think about it, the tears fall on their own.

But I'll be fine, I promise.

Just give me time to accept it. :)

Thanks for being there throughout the 30 minutes last night. I think if I hadn't called you, I would have ran across the road or something, out of anger. But I do have to apologize for making a small group of people worry about me. It's not alright for a girl to be out in the night alone, just walking around the neighbourhood. Anything could have happened, yes, I was very much aware of that but I just needed to calm down and cool my head which was super fuming. I promise it won't happen again. It has NEVER happened before, and I guess yesterday was too much for me to handle. But whatever, it's over. I don't wanna think about it. So, I'm sorry to those who got angry for a moment with me for my behaviour. It won't happen again. :)

I'll miss you when you go next year. That's for sure. I don't know why I'm crying now because it's kinda stupid since it hasn't happened yet but I think it's just cause the news sank in properly. Yeah, I'm pretty much shocked but then, I remember how we got through the 2 week separation when I went to Indonesia, and I know that we can do this again. I believe. & I love you. :)

World War lll in the house. Like, vad faen. I am blamed for trying to do something right. & you can't accept that and made a huge hoo-haa about it. Now see the damage you've done.

I'm kinda glad school's back. & with the intensive Gamelan trainings, I'll be too busy to think about the shit at home. & I'll keep my little diary with me. Hehe. I've got a diary! Back to the old school days huh Natz? Black, black heart....... :p

Heeeee!!! Happy to the max with this!!! Sisto was jealous too!! Hahahha. Awwsumm! Thankiews to Natasha Yow Hisham pleeeezzz!!! :D

On night shift. Better go sleep now. Pfft.

Doing a sneak peek video for our Reflections show on Monday. VP approved of the idea. Hehe. :p

Night! :)

She Will Be Loved

I rushed down to Dhoby Ghaut after the recording for the promo video was done. That was hilarious, man. Especially Wahidah. If not I'm mistaken, 11 Nov. Like, mega big LOL!

So, anyway, met Natasha at Dhoby Ghaut first. I stopped by Plaza Sing Spotlight to see if there were buttons I could buy for my sis but there wasn't. Waited for Natasha outside Spotlight cause her birthday present was giving me a hard time. HAHA. & her birthday gift for me is lovely! I love it to the max sia! Okay, then walked to SOTA where Syed fetched us to go to the Play Nation place. The lemonade was nice! Hehehe. Played Rock Band and what nots. I ended up singing some songs, even songs I hardly know. & I suck at drums. Pfft. But it was fun, and funny, while it lasted. At 6, we left the place and went for dinner next door at Rex Mackenzie. Ended up arguing at the road about the bill, which was hilarious. Haha. Then, we went to the LAN shop for L4D2 woohoohoohoo!!! Been so long since I touched that game. It was damn funnnnnn!!!!!!!!

I took the train home with the guys 'cause Nat took the bus. One good thing about Marine Parade is it has direct buses to almost everywhere, somehow. Haha. I found out the guys actually took the green line all the way to Dhoby Ghaut, changing train at City Hall. I was like, haven't you heard of the Circle Line??? & they gave me that weird look and even wanted to check the map. -.- & they realized I was right. Noobbbssss. Hahahaha.

Today was very fun. I'm kinda glad I joined them. I'll take a nice picture of my birthday present from Natsy. Hehehehehe. I luvvvvvvvvv ittt!!!! Damn naiseeeee!!!!

Okay, we shall end with the hardest song I had to sing today. HAHA. (This was also the song that my science team sang together last year in W35F. The team with Ahmad, Eunice and Reuben. :D)

Tap on my window, knock on my door

I want to make you feel beautiful

I know I tend to get so insecure

It doesn't matter anymore

I'm sorry I'm not of much help, Syai.

Everytime I read your blog, it never fails to make me cry.

You really don't deserve this, but I am not god.

Maybe He is trying to test you.

Remember Allah, Syai. Be strong, for Him, at least.

My birthday surprise for him was a major failure. Instead of him getting surprised, I got surprised. -.- But I got to spend the whole day with him, Gamelan training included. 'cause it is during training that I find myself watching him. Okay, shut up. Haha.

His birthday bash by GNK was damn fun AND funny! Zaff was also sabo-ed 'cause she's an October baby too. And soon, Norliyana Bte Ahmad Ali, in November. Woooooooooooooooo!!! Can't wait!

Alright, another 11-5 training day tomorrow. Bugger. Can't wait for Thursday!

Happy Birthday, dearest!! :D

♥ you!! :)

I do not fucking understand why she and family has to continue staying till next year. I do not fucking understand why she can't just move out. I do not fucking understand why you must give in to her tears and fucking fake acting. Don't you fucking understand how she's using us for everything? Free house, free food, free aircon, free everything. All she needs to do is walk in and out as and when she wants, day and night. Fucking selfish woman. And she wants to point a finger at me and Far for talking behind her back, what the fuck, it's facts, even if it is done without her knowledge. Fucking bitch, you can fucking go to hell. I don't know what else to say to you, Umie and Abah. I don't know why you must make us suffer because of them. You know what we are losing yet you still let them stay. Your second daughter will be taking her O's next year and I don't fucking want her to screw up like I did. I really wanna yell at your faces, I wanna talk to Mohd Rizal Bin Kasemin about this, I wanna pour this all out to him because he is the man of that family and apparently, does not have any balls to lead his family like a man because he is under his wife's orders. Like, hello? Are you a man or not? How can you stand to walk around this house, even in front of my dad, and not feel ashamed? I don't get you people seriously fuck.

Pissed. Bye. This is SO not helping.

I want this guy back. The smiling person in this picture. The happy-go-lucky one. The one whose jokes and funny stuff would be so random and unexpected that you could laugh your pants off.

Not the one who tried to kill himself over a girl. Not the one who looks so sad all the time. Not the one, the last time I saw him, had red eyes like he had cried the whole night.

I'm not gonna give you anymore advices, Syai. You know I'm here whenever you need me.But just so you know, I will keep telling you the same thing: Ingat Allah.

It's 6am right now. Sick woman has been very, very difficult ever since I started my watch on her at 3am. I can't even count the number of times I've brought her to the toilet. Neither can I count the number of times I've washed my hands. I think I'll bug my dad to get a hand sanitizer or something. The ones hospitals have. Pardon me, but I'm really at the end of my patience level. She really tested me, and I'm sorry to admit that there were a number of times I shouted at her. I don't blame her 'cause I know the pain is killing her.

Why must this happen to my family?!?!?!!?!?!?!!? I have a selfish bitch for an aunt, and a sick, childish-at-times aunt, both living in my house. What the fuck?!

There, the husband of the selfish aunt just walked out of the room. Like as if there isn't a breast and bone cancer woman living here. How the fuck can they be so heartless?! Why are WE suffering for THEM? Fucking pissed at 6am. Bye.

The message i sent to my lover when he ended things telling me he all of a sudden had no time for or relationship...

There's so much left unsaid that It's got to a point where I'm a mess. I can't keep trying.

I won't lie; I still hope you'll call & probably won't move on properly till you do.

I'm confused that you were just going to leave it though you know what I'm feeling.

Being openly emotional isn't something I do so you know I'm really trying.

We've both had unsuccessful relationships & it kills that you won't give us a chance.

I just wanted to be there for you. No drama, just me & you.

Despite what you have going on I'd support you not stress you. You say your life has a schedule,

I could've worked with that; all I wanted was your time, however much or little.

I need you to know that I would've been different. No lies, control, cheating or games.

Think of the time we spent together. You know we'd have been good for each other.

You made me feel things I'd never felt before then took it away as if it was nothing.

As if I was nothing. No explanation. Imagine how that feels.

I don't know if it's because of what happened or because you truly don't want someone right

now but you will soon enough, we all do, & I'm here. Still wanting you just the way we were.

If you felt everything you said you did you could balance it. But I can't force that.

You have your reasons. I just wish you didn't.

You mean so much to me & you can't tell giving up on us makes you happy.

I meant it when I said I loved you.

We had something. Maybe it's over. Maybe you need time.

Either way my feelings won't change.

-anon

I can't describe how I felt when I read this. It kinda hurts me, and I could imagine myself in that person's shoes. I understand how that person felt. Well, kinda at least. :(

I'm on night shift. I was planning to rant here, everything that happened today. & it's all about my sick aunt. I'm trying to be as patient as I can with her but sometimes, she just makes you so angry that you can't help but leave her. But it's because of pity that you come back to her to help. I don't know what else to do, man. People have limits to their patience. She has crossed the line many times, and it is because of her that my parents fight, and me and my sister fight too. Sometimes, the four of us argue among each other. It's very frustrating when the only days that you're really at home, you spend them fighting with your family.

I'm actually really tired of having to deal with this. I'm really, really very tired.

I think I'll go sleep now. Have to wake up at 3am to look after the woman till 7am. Bugger. Hope Charmed will keep me awake.