Fix You

& just like that, he returned to Allah.

It's surreal how that same morning I was taking care of him and he left us in the late afternoon.

How strong my parents have been throughout this whole month.

Sacrificing so much for him.

How my mother pulled herself together after breaking down when he drew his last breath.

How my dad supported her throughout.

You learn a lot about your family (and extended family) when a loved one gets critically ill.

My parents and sisters, we've done our part, the best we could.

No matter how helpless I used to feel, I hope my part was enough to show that I cared about him.

It was a 2 month battle since the onset.

I miss him already and it's only been 2 days.

How I healed from Angah's demise, I'm not sure.

But whatever I did, I hope I can do the same because it's all I can do not to cry overtime I think about him.

Until here.
I know it'll get better.
We grieve, and we move on because we have to.
The only way is forward.
:)

When you try your best but you don't succeed 

When you get what you want but not what you need 

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep 

Stuck in reverse 

When the tears come streaming down your face 

When you lose something you can't replace 

When you love someone but it goes to waste 

Could it be worse?

Salam!

I know it's been a while since the last proper post. Let's steer away from the emotional roller coaster that is my life at the moment and talk about the above because everyone needs a breather from stressed times. :)

Watched Wandali with my family + Nafisah & Shahrul last night and it was mind blasting! The energy that continued building throughout the entire show, the combination of the 3 types of Gamelan and the powerful energy from the performers themselves. Yeah, my boyfriend was one of them up there and he still amazes me with his drumming skills. *inserts heart eyes* I've been so attuned to his Javanese drumming and used to watch him from my position at the gongs. It's been so long and I can't even remember the last time I touched the Javanese gongs. Seeing them last night brought back too many memories. :O

Anywaysssss, mandatory ticket shot below!

Favourite part of the show just cause it's Rampak.

I felt so happy watching this!

It's been a while since we had a nice couple shot like this.

& one that he smiles properly for.

I really miss this guy.

 We deserved to watch this show after such a hectic and tiring 2 weeks. Well, not me exactly but my parents and sisters. They were the ones who helped with my grandpa more than I did. By the time I came home from work, they were changing shifts with each other and I only helped out with whatever they needed passing on with or just cleaning the house because they just didn't have time to.

I need to talk to someone about this. All this penned up feelings, this helplessness. They told me it's not my fault but, no matter how hard I try, I just feel like he doesn't want me there because I can't help him enough.

I guess that's it. Till next time, InsyaAllah.