What Makes A Man

5-room

4-room

2-room

This girl is the most cheerful person I've ever met. There is no silent moment when you're with her. & sometimes, you can really talk about deep stuff with her one moment, and the next, you can laugh your ass off at each other. Today's meeting was random and unplanned. I was in school to pay the stupid fines I got for using the game room, and Haz didn't turn up, and Liyana happened to be in school for FYP, so we both ended up at Toa Payoh for a late lunch. After lunch, we went over to this HDB building where they had this showroom of the flats they have. & by the way, the picture of her is the showroom for the 2-room flat. The toilet has 2 door entrances. Imagine doing your business and forgetting to lock the other door, then someone comes right in on you. That would be soooo embarrassing.

I've been having bad headaches lately. It's so bad to the point that when I'm on my feet and the dizzy spell hits me, I actually sway. Then I will have to sit down till the dizziness goes away. Gosh, sucks to be me.

Gamelan on Tuesday and Wednesday. Balinese on Wednesday night. I can't wait till the show comes. It's so very exciting!!!!!! Wooooooo!!!!!

At least I have many things to do for the next 2 months.

& MOTHER IS IN HONG KONG, TOTALLY ENJOYING HERSELF. SHE WENT ON A CRUISE TO WATCH THE SUNSET. ARGH, I WISH I DECIDED TO FOLLOW HER. GAAAAHHHHHH.

& you know what? Westlife never gets old. :p

Okay, it's 11 now. Have to head off to sleep, else I'll wake up late tomorrow. Breakfast in the morning with Boyfriend-for-2-months (LOL, Ahmad, don't jealous! :p) before the bridging programme thing. Lancaran Yuyu~~~~

This isn't goodbye

Even as I watch you leave

This isn't goodbye

I swear I won't cry

Even as tears fill my eyes

I swear I won't cry

When We Say

Now that I've cleared up a little, I can finally remember what exactly happened yesterday. Pffffft.

I have to say first that Balinese rehearsal was arggghhhhhh. No surprise though, it is as usual, stressing. Anyway, the poster or brochure or whatever you call it for Suara Bali was out, and Mei Yin gave me one. So, I shall probably get GNK to go. Hmm.

2 people offered to be my boyfriend for the next 2 months. HAHAHAHA. None other than my 2 buddies, Liyana and Syai. It cheered me up somehow. & talking to Syai after a while brought back the good old memories of W35F. Sigh.

Anyway, Mother dearest left for Hong Kong today. But last I heard, she ended up stuck in the hotel with a flu while the others went shopping. I am soooooooo not surprised. Mum's nose can never stand any type of cold. Abeh boleh berangan nak gi New Zealand. Her nose would probably fall off. HAHA. Kay la, I kind of miss her loud, annoying, commanding voice around the house. The house seems too quiet without her. Okay, scratch that last. The kids were just fighting earlier. But kids are, well, kids.

Hippo came over just now with her maid and Nabilah. I kind of decided to let go of the past yesterday when we met up for dinner with granddad's family. It was kind of random, by the way, the dinner. Seafood at Fisher's Tavern never fails to satisfy your hunger. Even though an hour before that, I actually had a Filet-o-Fish meal at Macs with Liyana and my sis. Perangai orang gemok. Finished up the whole plate of cereal prawns, favourite sia. & Tom Yam soup, absolutely mouth-watering. Omg, my stomach's grumbling just talking about food. So, Hippo and me are talking again, and I was joking around with Cik Jal yesterday. Just like we used to, ya know? I found that I actually missed that.

But you know, sometimes, there are things that people do that makes you unhappy with them. But then again, what is the point of holding grudges? :)

Will be meeting Haz tomorrow to go to school to pay the stupid fines we got for using the game room. -.- I got a $1.00 fine. Like that also must go all the way to Woodlands. Gosh! & I still can't get over the fact that Haz declined a job offer just because I didn't get it too. Epic sia! Hahahaha, kay la, shall not go into that or I'll end up laughing non-stop again. HAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will not be listening to my phone playing this song for the next 2 months. The exact same song from 0:27 onwards. But, ohwells. I got surprised when I opened my MSN and read a long mono-conversation from Ahmad. So cute. As usual. :]

The end of my day: this little girl.

At least, I had a reason to stop crying.

That long message had me crying worse.

The hugs from Liyana had me crying even worse.

But the four of them at least tried to make me feel better.

Shak, Rafi, Liyana and my sis.

I'll pray for your safety, always.

& I'll wait patiently till you come back.

Be safe always, and have fun there.

I love you. :)

Think I might just cry tomorrow.

Sigh.

I'll always remember today.

From buying your camera bag,

to having nasi goreng at the Esplanade concourse,

to walking in the sunshine to Marina Bay Sands,

to walking around The Shoppes endlessly,

to poking fun at each other,

to endless photo-taking with your new camera,

to another round around The Shoppes because it rained,

to walking in the light drizzle back to City Hall,

to singing old national day songs,

to marching kiri, kiri, kiri kanan and switch,

to just, being with you.

I smiled a lot today.

I laughed so much today.

I fell in love again today.

You made me have premature ventricular contractions.

But the whole time, I was holding back my tears,

not wanting to ruin a fun day for us.

All I can say is thank you,

for letting me have such wonderful memories of today

to last me till the day you come back.

I love you very much. :)

Things are pretty crazy around here. & today was so kecoh with Liyana because we were asking and discussing about getting jobs. Then I had to join Haz and Cynthia on MSN to discuss about which FYP project to select. So I'm waiting till I can get ahold of that Azhar who is always so busy somehow. Haha. Deadline is like so soon. :/

I discovered something last night that I'm very happy about. I'm gonna just stay happy about it. HAHA.

I'm kinda craving a Double Filet-O-Fish meal right now. Hmm.

Sakura tomorrow with the GNK darlings! :D:D:D:D:D:D x736483985429342

5 days left

Pretty much like this shot a lot.

Tomorrow's the last day of UT!!! I don't know why but I don't feel happy about it. The years just went by too fast. After this holidays, I'll be in Year 3. I'm not prepared for it and the UTs so far have been easy, which means they'll go strict on the moderation part. :(

So, last night, I had a long, super long chat with my maid. Mother and Father were not around, and middle sister was studying in the room while the 2 younger brats were watching TV, so I had pretty much a peaceful chat with my maid. However, it is not that much of peaceful. She was actually reading her huge encyclopedia called Al-something, where inside is all you wanna know about Islam. They cover about azab Neraka, the different categories of Neraka, to the beautiful gardens of Syurga and Ahklak and all that. So, before she made me read some sections of that book (1000++ pages, oooohhhmygawddd!) we discussed about what happened when he came by the other day. I don't really like talking about the bad stuff about my family here, especially since I know people are reading into my personal life, but I have nowhere to vent except my diary. So anyway, I learnt many shocking possibilities that my maid brought up and we discussed it last night that brought us to a few possible conclusions as well.

So firstly, all these years, he had really wanted to meet us. Well, of course, this is his elder sister we're talking about. & of course, I feel safe to say that me and Far were the only nieces that he always brought out jalan-jalan with his girlfriend. Heh. Anyway, he told my mum that he told both my youngest aunts to arrange for him to meet with my mum, but they didn't. So, obviously, they'd always had his contact number but never even told my mother. Well, I'm not surprised 'cause those two women have always been like that. & apparently, my aunt who married that ang moh actually bad-mouthed about us. Wow. That's what we get for helping her out when her house almost got sold and when she was going through divorce. Tsk3. Apa nak jadi dengan manusia skarang.

So my maid was telling me about Mother dearest talking about this radio syarahan or something that was talking about penzina and children who are unfilial to their parents. Then she said, "Ah, tu Tini kene dengar ni. Die kan dulu slalu gadoh ngan mak bapak die." & my maid actually replied something about orang yang durhaka pada ibu-bapa, Allah akan turunkan balasan di dunia, or something like that. & Mother dearest teros shut up and changed the subject.

Mom, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Terase!

But, true. Look what happened with my grandpa.

Now, moving on to that couple pulak. He told my mum that during the time when Mother halau grandpa out of the house because of what he did with that maid, apparently a few years later, something disturbed his wife until she was wheelchair bound. So when he brought his wife to see the Ustaz/tukang ubat, they said that it was sent by either my grandpa or the maid. But my maid's theory is that it's most probably the maid.

But! We're not accusing her of anything. Hanya Tuhan sahaja tau yang sebenar. But this is what we can deduce based on our own observations. So, it's not wrong.

Why did my maid say that?

Because the maid is from Madura.

I asked my maid why she thinks that way. Apparently, people from Madura (some la!) use ilmu hitam/black magic. But I protested. I said: Tapi, kalau die pakai ilmu hitam, macam mane die boleh bace Qur'an, solat tu sume?

& my maid excitedly opened her Islam encyclopedia *smack forehead* and read to me this section that was like, people who are religious on the outside as a cover for the evil things they do. I was like, whoa! Such people exists! & my maid was like, dorang masok neraka la nanti!

Duh! -.-

So I did a little research on black magic in Madura. & yeah. It's true. Not all of the people la, but there are some who practise it. & our theory is, what happened 12 years ago in that bedroom could possibly be because she used it on my grandpapa. I mean, kalau kau dah naik Haji, takkan la nak buat maksiat. So, our theory was he was possibly under a spell. & my maid said that ever since that incident, my mother swore that she would never, ever take a maid from Madura again.

So after realizing this, I was like, noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! I've been nice to her all these years ever since I witnessed what happened and now, there is a possibility that she used that on my family members! Pffft.

No wonder my mum wants to run away so badly. Haha.

My maid even said that both Habib Saggaf and Ummi Aisyah told my mum that it's not safe if she stays in Singapore. So, from the start, they knew! -.-

& speaking of Ummi Aisyah, when she comes to Singapore for the usual maulids, when it'll be at my house, confirm that maid bace very loud. I've always found that annoying. -.-

From now on, I'll pray hard for Allah's protection around my family.

Yeah, of course I'll let it go, but you know, sometimes, you can forgive, but you can't forget. The scenes in that room are still etched in my mind till this day. Sometimes, I'd feel like digging out those bad memories just so that I wouldn't replay them at random moments or be reminded of them.

But, my maid said that from this family alone, I can learn a lot of things just by observing hard. Some members have committed many crimes and from their experience alone, I can actually become a better person. But she's too late; I've long realized it. So I guess being part of this family is kinda beneficial in some way. :D

Okay, that's it. Tata for now! :D

I was too late when I got home; he left long before I arrived.

He studied Chemical Engineering. He left his pilot job and is now working in an oil refinery company or something. He travels alot; he's leaving for China tomorrow. He has a son and daughter now. Aunty Tini apologized to my mum. His son is in Anglo Chinese Primary and his daughter is due to go to Raffles Girls Primary next year. He's rich now, no surprise. He always said he'll prove some people in the family wrong.

My sister got the chance to meet him. I didn't. She got to talk to him. I didn't. I missed him. For 8 years, I've wondered where he was. All I can remember is his young, handsome face. But my sis got to see how much he'd grown over the years.

Well, Faz, it's not your fault. You're always a little too late sometimes.

I hope to get to meet you someday, Pak Ucu. Don't leave again. :(

Distant

I almost cried when I found out that he tried to guess what I would like to eat today. He had two choices on his mind: Chicken Chop or Spaghetti. He recounted on the times where I'd always have spaghetti at Art Bites, so he chose to get me Spaghetti, and Fish & Chips for himself. Unfortunately, he was wrong. I really felt like having Chicken Chop just now, but what he did, really, really, really, really touched me. Usually, he'd ask what I want to eat. But today, for the first time, he took a big step at guessing what I would want to eat. & while we ate, he kept asking me if it was nice, and if I was okay with it. The truth was, I really felt like crying because I've never been so touched by someone's action.

& after doing my notes for tomorrow's OS paper, I decided to read the E-Learning MSN convos that I kept. It got me laughing like crazy, in the freaking library! I really missed those times. & I went to my blog to watch the Live In Texas videos as well. & it is only now that I realized how much my camera always focused on him. Heh. Biase la, zaman crushing. :p

I promise I will be strong. & I'll be waiting here, always. :)

Loyalty is not an entity

Of what we are

Distant strangers

Foolish aren't I

THIS IS FREAKY. IT'S THE EXACT SAME AS 2 YEARS AGO!!!!!!

& IT WAS UNINTENTIONAL!!!!

MIND-BLOWING!

It's amazing how fast time flew. I had a lot of fun when the girl specially came down to RP to meet us after such a long time. So we had lunch at The Reel Room @ the library and we all laughed a lot. Azhar, Mirah, Ahmad, Maisarah and myself. Syaiful Amiril, if you're reading this, you missed out on alot. HAHA! Never mind, the 24th okay? Check the picture on my FB profile.

So. I'm doing my revision right now. It began on Friday, even though I was actually quite tired after spending the whole day outside and also that long hours of standing during The Big Five. But. It was worth it because I really enjoyed the whole day. So, that is enough fun to last me the next week of UTs. :D

By the way, I got a B for MIS. & C for SAD. Boy, am I so happy. I shared it with Haz and she was like, "See? If I didn't motivate you, you wouldn't have done so well." I'm blessed to have her as my friend. :D:D:D

Alright, people. I'll be on hiatus for the next week because of UTs, unless my fingers itched to blog. So, take care and good luck with studying! Jia You!!!!!

13 days left. :(

I'm a terrific liar when it comes to my true feelings.

I'm a terrific actor when it comes to hiding my feelings.

& I'm also terrific at crying silently with no one noticing.

But I don't feel terrific.

I'll miss you.

But I know I gotta be strong.

I helped Aisyah with her Art homework last night. It was due tomorrow. I came back from the clinic, wanted to catch a few winks before catching Autumn's Concerto, but that Aisyah reminded me about her art homework. I was like, ARRRGGGGHHHH!!!! But as tired as I was, I told her to fetch her art book and art materials. So we sat on the floor surrounded by newspapers and did the art together. It's been ages since I touched poster paint. She wanted the animal to be a cat, but I told her cat cannot paint much colours. Do butterfly la, butterfly very colourful right? So she said okay. It was fun, surprisingly. Despite my being tired from my endless walking around Bugis, Marina Square and CityLink alone, I found myself wishing the girl's mother was still around to watch her daughter doing her art. But I don't know, Aisyah was very happy with her art work. So that makes me happy. :D

I've been having a headache since yesterday and it bothers me. And my left shoulder area hurts when I use strength on my left hand. The chest pain came back too. I'm being very careful with my breathing right now.

Revision for UT3 starts today. Good luck, everyone! :)

I just emailed the passwords to Lisa a few minutes ago.

Yet, I don't know why I feel so sad inside.

It was so painful to hit the SEND button.

It's like, sending a part of myself off.

It was hard trying not to cry, but I did. And I am, right now.

It's like, looking back, despite all the stress we were all under, if I could, I want to turn the year around, so that I could play committee again.

You know that feeling?

When you're so used to being something, that when you have to let it go, it's so hard because you've grown so used to it, and so attached to it.

& now that you've let it go, deep down, you know you're gonna miss it.

Yeah, so we can always come back whenever we want.

But the feeling would be different.

& who knows, we might be too busy to return.

I just know one thing:

I'm gonna miss everything about Gamelan and GNK.

& I'll never forget the memories I've made with this family.

:')

I can't stop crying.

& it doesn't help that I'm listening to sad songs.

Take care, GNK. :')

I never thought I would feel sad about stepping down from GNK. It's been a whole year of ups and downs, of meetings, of struggles, of meeting deadlines, of working as a team. It's sad that we've suddenly grown up so fast and have to move on individually. I don't really know what to think or what to feel right now. It's the feeling I had when I had to step down from Photography Club, the exact same feeling. I never thought this feeling would come back.

Yeah, GNK is like my second family. It was the place where I found comfort in not only music, but with people who shared the same passion. It was where I could laugh and stress at the same time. It was the place where all the fun started. We went through thick and thin together, as a family. That room, is filled with too many memories that I want to hold for the rest of my life.

I'll always remember everything I learnt in GNK. Pak Amran is a good teacher, no matter how impatient he can get, he really is a good teacher. I'm glad I learnt from one of the best. & the people of GNK made learning an enjoyable ride.

It's been a wonderful 2 years being part of GNK. Thank you all for the memories. :)

*starts crying*

Hahahahahaha. All the best to the new committee, yeah! May you all achieve even greater heights than we did. Amin.

Okay, I'm going off. Take care. & please, for Heaven's sake, look right look left look right again before you cross the road kay? Bye!

One Year, Six Months

Because he's so cute.

Because he's so awesome.

Because it's so easy for him to make me smile.

Because he always tries to be there for me.

Because even after all these months, my feelings have never changed.

Because he's amazing.

Just the way he is.

:3

Happy 18th, dearest. :)

Sew this up with threads of reason and regret

So I will not forget, I will not forget

How this felt one year six months ago

I know I cannot forget. I cannot forget

I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do

Follow me there

A beautiful somewhere

A place that I can share with you

Happy Chinese New Year!

I don't know if I've uploaded this picture before. But damn, I like that camera. It's a real beauty. Not mine, but Kak Ros's. Jealous sia, that time. I plan to travel the world and find those kind of cameras to collect. Mum is going to trade her Nikon SLR for a DSLR soon. Heh. & if I can, I want my uncle's Nikon F3 too. HAHAHA! Okay la, cannot, 'cause he needs it to earn a living. Professional photographer sia he, don't play-play. Got the Nikon vest. Bikin jealous je. Tsk.

If you love someone, you stay by them. There is no such things as a wrong time or a mistake that is too great. Love is just love. Any excuse to walk away from love offered is just that: an excuse to explain you can’t and don’t feel the same way back towards the person that’s offering their love to you.

Le Love is just too awesome.

I'm in the best of moods today. I received a surprise call last night and laughed my ass off so much with my dearest boy. & today, I followed my parents to deliver food to this Chinese family who live at the bungalow/terrace houses opposite Cedar Primary, and me and Farah received hong baos from them. Each packet has 6 bux. Alhamdulillah. Heh. & that goes in my piggy bank. Heh. Liyana wants to save and buy new clothes and shoes at the end of the month. Insyallah, boleh ye, kak? Eh tak, adek. Hehehehe.

Nadeem is turning 20 on 4th March. Like, omgggggg. My turn is in September. Time just flies too fast. :(

But I'm still young, so it's okay. :)

Yesterday was 1 Rabiulawal. My whole family went for the maulid at Cik Nana's house (as usual). Si Farhana tu, kalau time maulid je, muke confirm grumpy giler. I was sitting behind her but I can still feel the grumpy vibes from her. Hahaha. She keeps complaining that her legs feel crammed. Like as if mine don't. Tsk. So yeah, I told Cik Nana about my dream of Habib. & she kecoh-kecoh. Ni la aku kene bergaul dengan makcik-makcik gini. Tak lame lagi aku jadi makcik jugak. Baru nak masok 20 tahun. -.-

Okay, what the heck am I talking about?

Alright, to heighten my good mood, I shall indulge myself with Tsubasa Chronicles the whole day. The advantage of being a woman. Boys droolz. HAHAHAHA!!! Okay, kidding!

& lastly, better late than never, GONG XI FA CAI to all my Chinese friends! :D

It's 2.20am.

& I'm still waiting for you.

Hmm.

& Sydney trip got postponed to September.

Tskkkk.

I don't really know what to feel now.

Back To December on repeat. :(