The day has come, and she has left.

I feel tremendously sad, but it's ten time worse for Farah.

I'm not going to talk about it.

It'll just make me cry all over again.

I feel emotional enough already.

So, instead of a super emo post tonight, I decided to just post about what I made for my lunch tomorrow. In case you didn't know, I've been bringing food prepared from home to work for lunch, all because I wanted to see how much I can save from not spending on food. And thanks to the Monny app, I've been able to keep track of my spending and savings. :D

I've been craving for baked pasta for quite some time so I decided to make it for tomorrow's lunch. Since I've never made pasta or spaghetti from scratch before, I was just gonna do it the traditional way: dunk tomato paste into the pot and add whatever extra ingredients I want to it. But no, my sister told me (or rather, forced me) to use her recipe. But all of a sudden, she told me to google it, and use the one I find that has her 4 main ingredients. So, yours truly searched google macam nak terberak. Okay la no. That's disgusting. =.=

After the wedding jemputan at Bedok (where I met Ryan's grandma who gave me the shock of my life when she grabbed my hand and pulled me to where Ryan was. LOL. Super small world, but it's Bedok. Hahaha.) I finally went to deposit the money that Mei Yin gave, and at the same time, shopped for the groceries I needed for the baked pasta. Tomatoes (like probably 15, thanks to mum because she says I should stock up, but also because it's cheap. 10 cents per 100 grams!), 1 capsicum and 1 small can of button mushrooms. All that amounted up to $3.94!!!! I was expecting about $10 because of the many tomatoes. Hahahahaha!

I always wanted to have a food diary blog or something like that. You know, post stuff about what I cooked today and all that, instead of my usual ramblings about work and personal problems. I mean, it sounds more positive, at least. Plus, it'll be like a log book, how much I've learnt to cook and how much I suck or succeed at a certain recipe. Hmm, sounds like a good idea. Maybe I'll consider including it here, once in a while. :)

Anyway, here was how it went:

The sauce is called "Roasted Tomatoes, Capsicums, Garlic and Onions Sauce".

Or rather, these were the 4 main ingredients my sis insisted the sauce should contain.

First, cut the above mentioned ingredients into quarters or halves.

Bake them, or roast, whichever, them in the oven for about 45 minutes.

To cook the pasta while those are roasting in the oven, is completely up to you.

But I decided to cook the pasta while waiting, just for something to do.

Once the veggies are cooked, you'll get something like this!

It smelt so strongly of the capsicums.

Then, you blend it in the blender!

Here's what I learnt:

- You put too much capsicums, your mixture will turn yellowish.

- Too much capsicums: Taste will not be tomato saucy, but capsicum saucy. Yuck!

- You put more tomatoes, it will turn the correct colour of orange-y.

And! Tastes more tomato saucy!

I should have put half the capsicum!

So I added more tomatoes to solve the problem.

Put that whole mixture in a saucepan on the stove and heat it up.

Mmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!

I added Maggi tomato sauce and chilli sauce to spice it up more.

As well as oregano leaves and ground white pepper.

While heating up the sauce (make sure you don't burn it though)

I sliced up some of the button mushrooms.

I didn't use the whole can, just about 5 buttons.

And oops! I forgot to take a picture of the minced chicken that I sautéed with the mushrooms.

Heheh.

But once you mix the chicken and mushrooms in the sauce,

you'll have something like the above!

That's it! :D

It didn't turn out too bad, for a first attempt.

Phew. Otherwise, my money would have been wasted.

The pasta and sauce will be poured into this tray,

layer by layer and topped with cheeeesseee!

But that's tomorrow!

Hee!

Well, I guess that's about it. I find the taste unique though, but well, at least it's home cooked. My sis keeps pushing me to go for wholemeal food and healthier choices. I have yet to buy my multivitamins. I keep wanting to buy but I don't end up buying because I either forgot or felt just too tired to even walk around. Mum recommended something though, from Herbalife. If I got the spelling right. She said they have this drink that will enable to you to lose weight, if you need to, or gain weight, if you need to.

She said she'll tell her friend to come over to talk to me about it. Sigh. People keep telling me to gain some weight. Hmm.

Sigh. I miss the guy so much. Sigh.

I hate emotional turbulences. It's hard to keep your emotions in check when you have a whole tsunami of them raging inside you.

Until here, salam and may you all be in the best of health. :)

When will our turn be? :p

The middle one apologized to my parents last Friday night.

We may be on talking terms now, but we don't know if we'll be as close as we used to be. :(

Ignore me holding up the "Still single" sign. I just grabbed and go. :p

After this particular picture, she salam-ed my mum and hugged her.

And they both started crying.

It touched my heart to tears. :(

Salam! I initially wanted to talk about what happened between my aunt and my parents but I'm really too tired right now. But I also decided not to talk about it anyway because it might just evoke tears from me and I'd turn emotional, which I don't want to because I'm already too tired.

Why am I tired? As usual, work + Y-boy. I swear, he can just really make me go into depression. Every single time he starts getting angry and crying loudly to get his way or attention, I get a massive headache. Macam nak scotch tape je mulut dia tu. Today, he was so angry at me that he smacked the worksheets I was holding in my arms till it fell to the floor. I was this close to strangling him there and then, but I had 14 pairs of eyes watching us too. So I told the other Indian kids, "You saw what he did right? Now you tell his mama later okay?"

Easy peasy, I've got witnesses, because his mother doesn't seem to understand OR realize how seriously disturbing her son's attitude in school is. And I was so frustrated that I told his mother frankly just now, he just wants to get his way everytime and I can't always meet his needs because I have 17 other children's needs to meet as well so it will be unfair to the others if he keeps getting what he wants.

Bingo! That shut his mother up though. She was like, I understand, Teacher, I understand.

That's enough about work. I'm really, really so tired. Just finished the learning centres plan so I'll email it off first before I go to sleep.

Hope everyone's in the best of health. The sun's been merciless these past few days. It's so hot out! Take care and salam!

Love,

Marry Your Daughter

Alhamdulillah and congratulations to Abang Fazli and Kak Fatila!

It was seriously nerve-wrecking, and I wasn't even the pengantin! Hahahaha. When two of my cousins on my dad's side got married in December and January respectively, I wasn't feeling nervous for them, maybe because I wasn't really very close to them. But with Abang, we grew up together and he's always been hilarious everytime we meet, it's hard not to connect with him.

I was sitting right in front of the pelamin to take photos using Aunty Yoyo's DSLR. Heheh. I was touching it and exploring it randomly when she said "You suke amek gambar kan, pegi lah. Tolong amek gambar." So there I was hopping here and there taking photos while waiting for the Tok Kadi to arrive, IN MY WEDGES.

So when the nikah ceremony started, I was sitting down, because a crowd had gathered to take pictures and I didn't want to fight for the best position. Actually, I was just lazy and wanted to witness the nikah. So when Kak Fatila's brother held Abang's hand, my heart was already tak tak dug da dug dug dug..... Please eh, stop it! HAHAHAHA!

Abang was very calm though. And he's so funny!!!! When Kak Fatila arrived and sat at the sofa at the side, facing the pelamin, he turned to her and touched his stomach and mouthed "Lapar!".

My aunt and me couldn't stop laughing. Hahaahahaha!

Okay, back to the ceremony. I was holding my breath the whole time. And when Abang started to say "Saya terima...", I was so nervous for him. I don't even know why! And then the Tok Kadi declared it sah and I could finally breathe. I even teared up. Ibu Long cried too. :( Kak Fatila maintained, though. She didn't cry. :D Anyway, it was somehow a first time experience for me, because for once, I understood the whole ceremony and speech given by the Tok Kadi, as compared to when I was younger and didn't care at all. Hahah.

The feeling of Alhamdulillah that I had just now was just indescribable. :')

My sis said that if I get married, I will cry for sure, without a doubt. I'm like, of course la! I'm a crybaby for a reason. From birth until now, still cry at the most random times and emotional times. I was just born this way. This heart can't withstand any kind of sadness and pain, so it lets everything out through tears. And this heart can't withstand too much happiness because it will still let everything out through tears. :)

I was thinking about my own wedding in the bus ride home when my sis asked me, "Will you let me drive you on your wedding day?" I was like, "Well, you gotta get a license first." And she was like, "Of course la, you think I stupid or what?"

I didn't mention to her that my boyfriend intends to ride in a pumpkin carriage on our wedding day, ala-ala Cinderella. *inserts muka gelak-gelak here*

Okay la, joke la. Hahahahahaha.

Today was just touching and sweet. :')

I won't talk about the not-so-drama drama last night right now, but probably another time. And also what my grandpa said to me. :(:(

Tomorrow is the reception for Abang's side of the family which includes me! :D

I'm gonna marry your daughter 

And make her my wife 

I want her to be the only girl that I love for the rest of my life 

And give her the best of me 'till the day that I die, yeah

I'm gonna marry your princess 

And make her my queen 

She'll be the most beautiful bride that I've ever seen 

I can't wait to smile 

As she walks down the isle 

On the arm of her father 

On the day that I marry your daughter

Salam, all!

Today, I got involved in a very much awkward conversation, the most awkward I have ever been in, and it was only between me and another person. Awkwardness level was 200%, please. Ugh. It was quite uncomfortable to talk to her because I just felt that it was just not a good topic for conversation. But she consulted me because she knew that I ngaji and go for the Thursday night classes, which I have NO idea how she knows because I told absolutely no one about the Thursday night classes, and thought that maybe I could give her some advice.

Advice that I had to ask my other friends for advice too! Kental la, Faz.

I ain't gonna say what the topic was here, though. No, no. Can't stain my blog with such a sensitive topic. But I just want to touch on the topic of gratitude. Being grateful for whatever you have, for whatever Allah has given us. Be it less, or more, or not enough.

Let's just call it assets. She was unhappy with her assets and felt less confident because of it and wanted to somehow, how should I put it? Enhance it? I guess. So she asked me about the hukum and stuff and I ni bukan Ustazah ke ape la but I just shared with her my own basic knowledge. What I know and grew up learning from my parents, especially. Unfortunately, I couldn't make her change her mind. Haram is haram, right? But she said if it's okay if it happens after marriage, if there was a mutual understanding between husband and wife.

And yours truly was like, OHHHMAAHGAAHHHHH WHY TALK UNTIL THAT FAR?

This brought the awkwardness level a higher notch. But she doesn't seems to care because she wants to hear the answer from me, an answer that she hopes to hear but unfortunately, isn't receiving.

So I told her I would ask my mum and maid, because I most definitely can't ask the closest Ustaz I have, who happens to be my boyfriend because it'll be super duper awkward, right? I can ask his mum but, it still will be awkward. So, the answer is still no. :D

So, I asked my mum and maid. They both had the same answer: after marriage. To make le husband happy, yes.

And yours truly feels awkward again. Sigh. And my mum made a remark too: "Kawan-kawan kau semua pelik eh!"

Hahahahahahaha. I cannot stand her comments sometimes.

But it made me reflect. Why do some people still feel insecure about themselves and always seem to want more? Why is it always never enough? Especially us women. To attract men, to feel beautiful and attractive, that kind of self-satisfaction. They're willing to go lengths just to achieve this because appearance matters so much. (After marriage is probably a different thing altogether.)

And it's wrong, isn't it? This niat, this intention. I mean, in my opinion, we should just be grateful for what we already have, what we were given. Because others may not have what we already have. 

I find that I'm always highlighting this. Others may not have what you have. Nobody's perfect, not me, and not you. We're always definitely lacking in something, and it could be just anything. But if we learn to overlook this and just accept and love ourselves just the way we are, we could lead happier lives.

Cause you're amazing just the way you are

Yeps.

Unfortunately, the world never thinks alike. So be it. :)

I'm really actually very tired right now. JL had a workshop to attend so I was alone to handle my afternoon class, with a birthday celebration on top of it. This is the third time that I've handled a birthday celebration alone, this year. I feel pretty awesome about it but it leaves me super shagged after everything was over. And today was terrible because my angry boy threw a major tantrum with huge tears streaming down his face because he wanted me to scold another kid. He just kept insisting that I scold that boy, but he did nothing wrong to deserve a scolding from me, so angry boy got angrier. I'm surprised that I could patiently handle him. Hees. Patience is not really easy to maintain sometimes, and it doesn't only apply for this line of job. It's the same for every job. :)

Bottom line, I strained my voice at the end of the day. Still can't seem to grasp the concept of using my diaphragm to project my voice louder. Luckily Jeanne bought for me the honey throat drops already. :D

I wish I could say I'm tired of pretty much everything but I realized that I'm holding up well. But I do wish I could sleep until I don't feel tired anymore. Sigh.

I guess that's it, folks. Time for bed, because my boyfriend is out fighting crime while all of us are safely tucked in bed, and he can't reply my messages. :(

I miss him. And our poly days. Sigh. :'(

Salam, and may ya'll be in the best of health always. :3

Hey Monday...

Oh no!

The holidays passed by too fast, baby.

Why why why why?

Well, hoping it will be a good term.

Oh no! There's practicum too!

And le portfolios to prepare!

:(

May Term 4 be a smooth one, Amin.

Wish me luck!

:)

We've Got Tonight

Salam!

Ahmad just received his 3-in-1 lens yesterday that included fish eye, wide and macro lens and he was somehow really, cutely, super excited after receiving it. Hehe. Why sho cute, baby?

Anyway, after a long hiatus, had ngaji at his place again this morning as usual. It was pretty much the usual, but I just wanted to highlight on how cute his grandmother is. His nenek was already out when I arrived, so I actually thought I wouldn't be seeing her. Then at around 10 or 1030, she arrived home with Fatah. She came towards me to salam, and then she said something like "Hari Raya tak datang?" and all I could do was laugh, guiltily of course. :/ But she was joking. I think.

So while we were continuing with the hadith, okay. Just picture it in your head. In the dining room, I was at the dining table, sitting and facing the living room while his mum sat opposite me, but all she sees will be the mirror behind me. Then while I happened to be looking up as she was explaining the hadith, suddenly nenek's head appeared from behind the wall and she stood there and grinned friggin' widely and waved her hands like sort of telling me to wait. You know that hand gesture when you're telling someone to wait, but from a distance. Yeah, that.

I don't know what that meant though. As in, wait for what? But it made me want to laugh. Really, she's too cute!!! All I did was smile as secretly as I could because his mum was still explaining away. Hahah. 

So when Ahmad was taking the car from the carpark, I waited with nenek under the block and she suddenly told me about how Ahmad called home and told her to tell me to wait for him. Awwwwww! So I was just listening to her as she "Mustaqim..." this and "Mustaqim..." that. I dunno, I just like listening to her and answering her questions wherever appropriate. You can just tell how close her relationship with Ahmad is.

Myself as an onlooker, and outsider, I feel envious that he could receive that kind of love as he grew up. All those of you who still have grandparents, treasure them. Keep them close to you and your heart, because you'd never know when you'll never have that chance again. That hug, that kiss, that love. I used to have my grandfather, but now, well, things have changed. Too much.

Too much emotions. & all I meant to do was talk about how cute his grandma is. Hahaha.

I've got the sweetest boyfriend. Even after 4 years, I still get butterflies whenever I see him. As he was driving me home, with his nenek riding shotgun and me at the back, I just couldn't stop watching him. Not creepy watch but just, looking at him. :) He's just really sweet and cute and good to me all these years. I'm so blessed to have him. :3

I know it's still a long way to go for bigger plans for us but, I know no one else can love me the way he does. That's why this probably explains the first picture. Even if it won't be anytime soon, I'm gonna wait. I'm always gonna wait for him. :)

And with that, we end our update. I submitted an assignment yesterday and boy, does it feel good to not have any assignment to worry about at the moment. Haha. I'm already starting on the one due on 7 October though. A headstart is always better than last minute work. Besides, my practicum is coming. Jeng3. One whole month of 8am-5pm work. Well, starting next year, it will be like that anyway. I have to start getting used to it. Omg, I need to reiterate again how much adulthood sucks. More money, less time, less energy. :(

Always be in the best of health all. Salam. :3

Still here we are, both of us lonely

Longing for shelter, from all that we see

Why should we worry?

No one will care, girl

Look at the stars now, so far away

We've got tonight

Who needs tomorrow?

We've got tonight, babe

Why don't you stay?

In the practice of tolerance, one's enemy is the best teacher.

Today, you've made me realize many things. How I ignored and shrugged away the others' comments about how I'm so tolerant with you. How the rest "salute" me for being that patient and tolerant with you. How you twisted my own words against me. How you twisted your words to your advantage, but the rest still could see through you. How some of the things you say sometimes are just simply unnecessary. How you twisted your words to make others have bad impressions about the person you speak about.

Today, I realized how cunning you are. How downright cruel you've been, without me even realizing it. And now I ask myself, why do I repeatedly have to work with these kind of people? What have I done wrong? Why can't I just have peace as I work? Why do I have to have such bullshit all the time? 

Today, I rant.

I can't stand you. I really can't stand you. Today was the final straw. I can't understand why I'm always being sabotaged so many times already. I try to be good to everybody. I'm nice to everyone. So why? Why do I get this kind of treatment?

I'm still being as patient as I can continue to be. Because I still have support from my other fellow colleagues as well as my principal, so Alhamdulillah for that. 

Sigh. Just one more term to endure working with her. I don't want to think about next year.

Hello and salam everybody. Whoever is still bothering to read this blog la. Sorry I'm pretty moody today and just had to rant all of the above because I was feeling upset since this morning. I spilt my hot soya bean drink before I could even drink it. I had to listen to this person's endless chatter about the same personal problems she had and I'm already sick of hearing the same predicament she is in because really, in my honest opinion, she made the decision so this is the consequence of it. Basically, you asked for it. Stop complaining and seeking attention because honestly, you're just annoying the rest of us.

You're like this negative vibe for me at my workplace. Once I'm away from you, my ears rest, my heart pumps slower, my blood flows back to its normal rate.

I'm very drama, right, I know. Hahahaha.

Anyway, this past year has taught me a lot of lessons but the most important one I learnt and have been practising, is to let go.

That's why, I'm letting it go now. :)

Yes, Fazlun can let go now. (Whoopee!)

Things that upset me, things that make me cry, things that anger me, I've learnt to let go of those past incidents. I end up even forgetting it, right down to the smallest detail. Because I told myself, I told my heart, [finally], that it's no use holding grudges due to the past. Whatever happened in the past should stay there. It shouldn't be brought forward; it'll just make you miserable that way. Whatever happened today, happened, but it's over. It's part of the past now. But by using what I learnt today, I can make a better tomorrow for me. Be it related to work, or my character.

How come I didn't realize this a lot lot lot lot x193820414 sooner?

I know, right. With age, comes major common sense kicking in. I wish I was like this since 2009. It would have saved me from a whole truckload of problems.

But hey, I'm learning. I'm always learning. To be a better person, a better Muslimah, a better teacher, a better friend, a better sister, a better daughter, a better girlfriend. I'm even training myself to be a better wife. :)

Oh wow hey! Long post! Been a while!

Hahaha, at the expense of my assignment. Okay la, have to go do it now. My sis designed the flyer for me and it looked pretty awesome. I'm so blessed. Hahahaha!

Salam, and always stay in the best of health, InsyaAllah! :3

Almost Is Never Enough

Students at KCC.

Shu Yin and Zheng Quan, whose father owned a coffeeshop on Ubin.

So their mom came with us and gave us a tour of Ubin.

Salam!!!! Sorry for the hiatus but I was gonna share about the Ubin trip! :D

It was a fun and tiring day at Ubin because 1) I volunteered to take Landee, my principal's 5 year old daughter, as a passenger on my bicycle 2) There were too many hills to cycle up, given the extra weight I had on me 3) I didn't have breakfast, hahaha! 4) Given the team's habit of always making fun of each other, the whole thing turned out to be quite fun.

But most of them were complaining of getting bitten by mosquitoes. Me? I covered from head to toe, bro. No mosquito can touch me except on my face and hands. :D

Yesterday, I went for the phonics workshop at Blue Skies, which was located at Potong Pasir. I have to admit, it was worth my time and money. You can't get this kind of workshop from MOE or PCF. Sigh. Anyway, it ended earlier than expected so I decided to join Mr. Ahmad and his bro at Vivocity. Feels like ages since I last saw the guy but it was on my birthday that I last saw him. I swear, sometimes it feels like time is passing too fast but it actually isn't. It's just me and my heart and simply missing him all the time. :(

Gonna watch The Mortal Instruments tomorrow with mah sisto. Thus, the title of this post. :D It's a really nice song, and she kept saying it was a nice movie so since I haven't been to the movies for a long time, I'll just go for something worthy of my time.

Still haven't watch Percy Jackson, Monsters University, Despicable Me 2, TEEN WOLF SEASON 4 LATER EPISODES, Vampire Diaries Season 4.

I'm so left behind. :(

How almost, almost is never enough

So close to being in love

If I would have known that you wanted me

The way I wanted you

Then maybe we wouldn't be two worlds apart

But right here in each other's arms

And we almost, we almost knew what love was

But almost is never enough

22

Salam, all! I hope everyone has been in the best of health. I'm finally updating after wanting to update on Sunday but just felt too tired to do so. Anyway, an update is an update! :3

For a first timer to a Teachers' Day Dinner, I wouldn't say it was bad but I only wish the food catered to us in general instead of the Chinese style courses that they served. It was disappointing. I was so looking forward to a grand banquet, good food and quality taste whatsoever, that would be worth the $100 per head but nah, it was way below my expectations.The door gift was even more pathetic and I thought they were trying to be funny by giving us a plastic foldable hat that says "We take our hats off to you!" on the front but I guess they meant it. >:(

Anyway, I won the lucky draw for the first time in my life at prize number 68! $60 worth of Metro vouchers. And my centre won the 5th place for Best Dressed Group Award too!

Saw some familiar faces that day too! Serina from secondary school, Atiyah and Sella (I think) from GNK!!!

It was also the first time I felt super duper lousy because I had a super duper lousy camera with me to take pictures with. The lighting in the hall was pretty poor, or rather, not bright enough to reduce that shakiness in the results of the camera. So I was pretty pissed with the camera and with myself. After so many years of holding a pretty good camera and always getting the results I want, having a shitty camera really felt like a slap in the face. Time to give darling 400D a makeover. My sister suggested to buy a DSLR at the end of the year when I get my bonus because she wants to share with me since she has finally got herself a job now. I don't see the need in buying a DSLR, sigh. But whatever, we'll see how it goes. Still can't wait to get lè SX510HS.

So, I celebrated the actual day of my birthday with these kids. Their happy birthday song was super messy but it still made me so happy. They're just too cute to stay angry at. :3

My third celebration was with my boyfriend, Ahmad Mustaqim, who apologized the night before my birthday because he couldn't celebrate my birthday with me as he had police training or something like that. On his off day! :( I was extremely sad when I woke up to that particular apology message. And then, right before I wanted to bathe, he texted me, asking if I had plans because if he ended early, he wants to meet me. Of course I said can right? The rest of the day, after the celebration with the kids and all, I was wondering why he was so quiet, no text, no update. Until right before I ended at 5pm, he said to meet at City Hall, so I did. While waiting for him, Liyana called and sang me a birthday song. Hahaha. Miss that woman. :D

And so, we ended up at Swensen's. At least this year I wasn't dragged, literally dragged, into Swensen's. I told him I felt like eating ice-cream because he suggested to have dinner at Manhattan Fish Market, so we circled Marina Square looking for Swensen's. :D I had the Crayfish Pasta for the first time since donkey years! And he told the waiter it's my birthday! Hehe. And so, I finally got the Firehouse Birthday Sundae that I should have gotten last year also but I forgot to bring my IC last year, haha!

And soooo, from thinking that I wouldn't be able to spend my 22nd with him and emo-ing about it all day long, it actually still came true anyway. Thank you for making the effort even though you were tired from training. I appreciate it so much. :3 You're the best, you know. The very absolute ultimate best! :3:3

I don't feel 22. Yet. Sigh, growing older sucks. Can't wait for the long weekend, but I have the phonics workshop on Saturday from 9.30am to 3pm. Sigh.

Until my next post, InsyaAllah. Salam!

I don't know about you

But I'm feeling 22

Everything will be alright if you keep me next to you

You don't know about me

But I bet you want to

Everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we're

22, 22

Kudos to Ain for doing the awesome makeup.

And lending me the shawl because she said the original didn't match.

Last night was one of the rarest times that I actually felt pretty in makeup.

Because I was confident in my makeup artist, ya. :D

Not gonna update about anything yet but look forward to a good post about the past weekend!

Till then, salam and may you always be under Allah's protection and love.