Hijab Hijrah 2013

Salam!

Here I am gonna be sharing my experience at the Hijab Hijrah event yesterday. (I'm feeling tired and burnt out as I type this so I'm gonna make it quick.)

At the end of the day the most powerful takeaway was. 

"Hijab your heart first." - Ustazah Su'aidah, Soul Project 

"Stay positive and surround yourself with positive people." - Sis Nur 

"Doa for what you want, no matter how long it take. Doa and be patient." - Dila Jazzy 

"Let go and let God." - Rosita Hussin 

"Hijab covers my body but opens my heart to Allah."- Aida Saini

So basically, the quotes above are what they covered during the event too. The hosts and sisters who shared many things with the rest of us made the whole event so much more beneficial and inspiring. But they did get one thing straight from the start of the event; the event was not meant to make or force ladies into putting on the hijab. It's just an event to share stories and challenges faced when donning or wanting to don the hijab. And there were so many others who shared heartbreaking experiences that brought endless tears to my eyes. After each story, Ustazah Su'aidah would give a short opinion that related some verses from the Qur'an, hadith or sunnah, and I cried too. It's just an eye-opener, heart-opener, mind-opener all in one. 

One of the things she shared that made me and Mirah cry so badly was when she said banyak wanita masuk neraka. She said that during our Prophet Muhammad's Isra' Mi'raj journey, he encountered a lot of women suffering for their sins. Ustazah said this was because the women did not cover their aurat, give zakat, always complain, hurt their husbands' feelings etc. I cried so badly, I don't know why, but I was so scared. :(

After one particular story shared about how it took a sister 2 years to persuade her husband to allow her to wear the hijab, Ustazah asked the floor what the responsibilities of a wife are. And I loved what she said, "Our life as a wife is not to make our husband happy. We listen and obey our husband. We make Allah happy, whatever we do is to please Allah."

:')

Touching giler, I tell you. She reiterated the importance of women giving lots of charity and to seek lots of forgiveness. She also shared about the difference between aurah and hijab. That's why now I have a better understanding of those two words. That's how she came about to the topic of "Hijab your heart first."

I really loved the session. There was also a segment of tutorials, different ways you can wear the hijab for Hari Raya later. And the hosts are so funny yet gentle and elegant. So inspiring. :3

And then, here's where it's gonna be embarrassing to admit it, I cried like a baby when someone asked what it means by "Allah is bigger than the problem." because Ustazah replied, "It means Allah is the solver of all problems. The moment you have a problem, focus on Allah." I remembered all the times I cried myself to sleep because of the problems I have, yet forgetting that all I had to do was turn to Him.

That's why yours truly nangis macam baby tak dapat minum susu. Mirah kat sebelah discreet-discreet lap tears. Gua bertissue-tissue lap hingus and tears. *inserts emoticon muka gelak2*

It was overwhelmingly nice to be there. And just nice, on the 3rd year anniversary since I started wearing the hijab. I can't remember the exact date; I'd have to comb through my blog archives for it but I know it's in July that I started wearing. Eh, I just checked! It was on 1st August that I really started wearing for good but takpe la. My niat started in July. Ahak!

It doesn't matter. As of right now, it's been 3 years. And I feel that I've changed for the better, and I still am improving myself. :)

That's about it, folks. I just noticed I've been blogging almost daily. :D

Today was stressful, though. My patience got tested really badly. Sigh.

Salam, and may you all always be in the best of health. InsyaAllah.

Salam, everybody!

It's been a tiring weekend. Can you believe that on both weekend days, I took the train towards Joo Koon?! On Saturday, for ngaji at Ahmad's place. And today, for the Hijab Hijrah seminar at NUS. Tiring, I tell you. But anyway, the above picture is super cute la. I was already at his place, already seated at the table with his mum. "Be home soon honey!" macam dah kahwin la gitu. HAHAHAHA. He makes me laugh, this guy. :3

Check out Wayn in baju melayu. So cute la, haissssss. 

Malay, Indian, Chinese, Indian.

Hijab Hijrah 2013

Honestly, I learnt a lot, a lot, a lot from the seminar. But I can't talk about it right now 'cause it's 12.42am on Monday and I just finished my last essay. Having a headache too. But! I'll definitely share about my experience at the seminar. It's worth it. I cried like a baby at the stories they shared! But takde la teresak-esak. Tak cute la. Hahahahaha! Mirah cried too. She was discreetly trying to wipe her tears, hahaha. But I was openly crying, and we were directly in front of the stage, and the ustazah kept looking at me. Hahahaha. Terase la. I love it. And I wanna go for more. :)

Till my next post. Salam!

I hope you won't ever stop.

:3

Been a tiring week.

Finally, observation is over, even though it was bad.

And RHD celebration is over as well.

Now, currently focusing on my assignment that's due on Monday.

Sigh.

Sleepless night, probably.

Pretty much love today though.

Finally got to meet lé beloved after I don't know how long.

But I don't know why I'm still awkward around his mum.

I just can't help it! Hahahaha.

He gave me her number and I put her as "Ahmad's Mom"

*inserts emoticon muka gelak2*

But his nenek is sooooo super cute.

When she gave me the bag of Roti Boyan, she gave me this wide grin along with it.

Saya cair rabak.

Why so cute!

Got my pay today!

Weird how I got $200 extra.

Let's not question it and just say,

Alhamdulillah.

:)

And our dear Habib has finally been castrated!

Like, finally finally!! It's been 2 years of getting stuff peed on.

But we'll see if he improves or not.

Otherwise, I don't know what I'll do.

He came home with a weird walk.

Wish I videoed it. 

But so pitiful. He's in pain. :(

No matter how much i hate him sometimes, seeing him walk so weirdly and slowly and carefully, still pains me.

Soon, I'll send Lumos and Shyme.

Gotta kick the kittens out first though. Haahahaha.

That's about it.

Back to assignment 117.

I've taken 17 modules in the past 1 year 2 months! :O

Assalamualaikum!

Kalau tak jawab, dosa!

Kalau jawab, sayang!

:3

Get It Right

Motivation, motivation, motivation.

I found out that the Bachelor in Early Childhood Studies offered by Monash University had a curriculum review recently, and they will be adding 4 more modules to the current 12 modules, thus increasing the duration and cost of the course. When I read the email, I received another wave of headache. They replied my email saying that the new duration is estimated to be 2 years. So from 18 months, it will become 2 years, starting from the July 2014 intake, which I intend to be a part of.

$$$ -> pening, pening, pening.

I'm so stressed right now. I just emailed my principal the lesson plan I'll be conducting this Thursday for the observation by the QAC officer and video recording by  my principal herself. This year alone, I have been videoed twice! And this Thursday will be the third time. I think. It's different when you're being observed by the officials and being videoed at the same time. So stressed, you know.

It's all thanks to this Sparks accreditation that the government implied is so important to achieve. No wonder the teachers are so stressed. There's so much to do to achieve only the Emerging level. Pfft.

On the other hand, I suddenly had this random idea of making my own hijab tutorials. Share with the world on how yours truly wears her hijab. Heh. But! I don't have a good digicam for that now. So, the idea will be shelved for now. Hahaha. But it might be fun la. Maybe can make it different and get my sis to copy in the background. HAHAHA! Or use her voice as the voiceover. Alamak. Hahahaha.

Okay that's it. It's late already, and Ahmad has gone to sleep. My assignments are not half done yet but I'm getting there. Observation on Thursday! Ughhhhhh. T.T

Salam, and hope the first week of Ramadhan has been well for you!

What have I done?

Wish I could run away from this ship goin' under

Just  tryin' to help, hurt everyone else

Now I feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders

What can you do when your good isn't good enough 

And all that you touch tumbles down? 

Cause my best intentions keep makin' a mess of things 

I just wanna fix it somehow 

But how many times will it take? 

Oh, how many times will it take for me to get it right? 

To get it right

This has to be a constant reminder to myself.

I'm not here for a long post.

But just to say that I've had a bad day.

I messed up so much.

I just really don't like the oldies at work.

I wish my grandma was still alive.

I'd probably know what to say to oldies if she was.

I find myself so awkward around the elderly.

It's like, I just don't know what to say besides the formalities.

Sigh.

It's going to be a long week, I swear. 

Learn To Love Again

I miss you.

Caution: Emotional post ahead. You have been warned.

It's going to be 4 years in less than a month's time. How time flies. Time really flew. Again and again, whenever I reflect about our relationship and the trials that followed, I realised how much I've changed over the years. Emotionally, mentally, spiritually, religiously. He's one of the men in my life who really inspired me. I can't be more thankful and blessed to have him, really.

And during our relationship, all the trials that we had to face, prepared me for adulthood. He seasoned me to cope with his busy schedules. He made the effort to make time for me whenever his schedule permitted it. And now that we're both so very busy, I realised that maybe all that time we could have had but never did, prepared us for this moment. We're coping better than I expected. Or at least, I am. No matter how much I missed him, as long as he texts me, as long as I know he's safe out there, I'm happy enough.

This is actually not so bad. The worse was probably in 2011. We had to experience 2 months of being apart from each other when he had to go to Sydney. Till now, I'm quite amazed that we got through that; me being left behind and him having to cross oceans. Even during this separation, I faced some trials, on top of not having him around physically. My cousin, Aisyah, got taken away from us forcefully and my maid was sent to MOM because my mum was accused of using her to make the kuih business. Ahmad was there for me through it all, from oceans away. :')

I could use the strength I had back then, right now. I've been working for a year already, I've had my share of disappointments and betrayals during this one year, I've succeeded through it all, coming out stronger than before, knowing without a doubt that Allah has always been there for me and has put pillars of support by my side to get me through everything. My family, my friends, Ahmad.

I couldn't be more blessed right now but, I still wish it'll all slow down. I know I wanted to graduate as soon as possible for that salary raise, so that I can help my family better but, I just want it all to slow down because I can't even catch my breath sometimes. Everything's a whizz past me. All of a sudden, assignments are back in full force, conflicts and problems arising at work that affect me because I'm in the middle of it all. I just want it all to slow down. I want to deal with it all one at a time.

On top of it all, I have my stupid insecurities to deal with. Always, always, always. I can't stop. I don't know why. I can't help it. I realise I'm always troubling others. But I can't make this others understand, I never can. What it's like to be me. They can never imagine themselves in my shoes. The tears I cry in secret, the pain I feel, the feelings coursing through me every single day. I wake up each morning, thankful to be able to breathe, and I always pray for the day to be smooth from the moment I step out of the house to the moment I step back in. Why? Because I am me. I can never have the guts to tell people what the problem with me is. I'm too afraid to have history repeat itself. I'm not strong enough, I never can be. I'm weak. I'm terrified. It's stupid. Because instead of letting everyone know so that they can at least try to understand me better (according to what someone said), I chose to keep it to myself and let them hurt me without realising what they're doing. But then I realised, what's the point? People forget. Before long, they'll still hurt me no matter what I tell them. And the problem is, it's not even their fault. It's not their fault I'm like this. It's not their fault I was born this way, right?

Everytime I'm on the brink of pouring out everything to someone, I hesitate. I always do. The problem with this world is you don't know who can be trusted and who can't. So I end up keeping everything to myself, relying on diaries and my blogs to pour everything out to instead. Is that bad?

My lecturer said internalising your feelings can cause your stress levels to increase. But I'm not internalising all my feelings. It's just this issue that I choose to keep to myself because no one will be able to understand what it's like to just be me. Not even my own mother. You have no idea what it's like. She gives up on me sometimes. In the middle of a conversation, she'll just give up talking to me. Any idea how much that hurts? You'd think a mother would be able to understand what her child is going through. I envy my children sometimes. When I talk to their mothers, the way they are able to describe and interpret their children's behaviour, verbal and non-verbal, and explain to me so that I can understand their children better, that's when I envy their children. What understanding mothers they have. Mothers who can immediately tell when there's something wrong with their children's behaviour or feelings.

Maybe it has to do with age. My mum's getting older, her patience level decreases as she ages. Still, it's no excuse to hurt your daughter's feelings. She didn't ask for any of this.

I've said too much. And this is only the filtered part.

All those ulama' that I meet always tell me that I'm always sad, I always cry. But no one even bothers to ask why. Why do I cry? What's wrong? Why am I always sad?

In my prayers and conversations to Allah, all I always ask for is strength and patience. I know there's a reason why He gave me all these trials.

I guess this is all. Enough tears for tonight. I have class and work in the morning. Salam, and goodnight all. :)

That you and I could learn to love again

After all this time

Maybe that is how I knew you were the one

That you could still believe in me again

After all our trials

Maybe that is how I knew you were the one

Salam, everyone.

Alhamdulillah, I've met yet again another month of Ramadhan. I hope everyone's doing well and making use of this blessed month to be closer to our Creator. Semoga ibadah puasa kita diterima Allah Swt. Amin.

It's been a while since I last posted. I'm not sure why but I was terribly tired this week. Maybe it was the effects from my incoming period, which came today. I had really bad terrible cramps because of it, and it somehow affected my mood at work. I was harsher to the children, losing my patience with the slightest things, getting so annoyed with Jeanne but choosing to just shut up. I felt bad for the kids at the end of the day because I'm not like this. I was never like this. I don't normally let my mood swing affect the way I behave to the children but today, I was just so.... out of control. It hurts to pee too, ya know. I really, really hate getting my period. I still feel so bad for scolding the kids too much today. Especially Muhammad. :(

I've got assignments due next week and I haven't even started. I feel like crap right now. The past week has been crazy. I got to know the real truth about Jeanne. Deep down, I already knew something was up, there was just something up with the way she exaggerates situations, but I just chose to ignore it because I don't like to assume things without concrete evidence. But yesterday, I finally found out the truth and it annoyed the hell out of me. All this backstabbing and backbiting others will never leave this field. I, for one, have to get used to that, but I can't seem to. I just keep forgetting. I don't know why such humans exist.

I still gotta reiterate how much I like my principal though. I can see that she does have passion for this field. I spoke to her for a while after work today about continuing on to degree. Apparently, by 2014, principals should have a degree if they want to stay on in their leadership roles, otherwise, they'd have to step down. She was considering taking a degree but she doesn't mind stepping down because she's quite tired of the leadership role. I'm quite amazed at how the qualification requirements change so fast and so much in just a short period. Singapore is so competitive. Nak je macam negeri lain.

I really can't wait to get my diploma transcript. I could do with a little salary boost. I feel so helpless while my parents struggle to feed my family. Sigh.

I am feeling so sleepy now. Bahaha. So much for wanting to stay up to do my assignment. Or maybe I will. Stupid cramps. So painful, T.T

There's so much more I want to say here, so much reflection to do but my eyes aren't permitting me to stay up. Hahaha.

I just realized that next month, when my relationship marks its fourth year, it would be falling on the eve of Hari Raya. Double celebration or what. Unfortunately, my babies will be performing on stage for the National Day celebration with the other centres in Kampong Chai Chee branch. MP Lee Shyan will be the guest-of-honour so, yeah. The kids will be dancing to Xiao Xiao Ping, whatever that means and the Singapore cheer. I foresee that it'll be messy, because my babies are just.... still babies.

So, I shall conclude with a Ramadhan Mubarak to all my Muslim friends who are observing their fast in this holy month. :)

Until my next post. Salam. :)

No One

Some pictures from the staycation at Sentosa last, last weekend!

S.E.A Aquarium

I love this shot so much.

I don't know what this is but I think it's a witch's hat.

Or wizard...

I like how candid this was. I didn't know I was being captured, haha.

I think I was thinking what pose to do with the letterbox. 

Check out the hazeeeee..!!!!

Amaciam, Corporal Mustaqim.

I'm posing with your future ride, hahaha.

And a sweet picture with Puss to end the photo slideshow.

Credits to Natasha for the very awesome pictures!

Now, let's get to the serious talking part.

Salam, everyone!

Today was the first day being back at school. We had a new student who had a 4 words long name so Jeanne and myself didn't know which one to call the kid. Anyway, when the kid arrived at the door, I got a shock because when I looked through the registration papers and photos, the kid looked like a boy so I was telling Jeanne we have a new Indian boy who's Sinhalese, Sri Lanka (Social Studies all over again, HAHA). But! It turned out to be a GIRL! I was like, I am so stupid, why didn't I look at the gender section of the reg. papers? HAHAHAHA! Well, as usual, the kid cried her lungs out so I took her to the toilet just in case she started vomiting. The other teachers were quite repulsed by the way the kid was crying and coughing her lungs out like she was gonna throw up anytime, so I had to handle the situation myself. In the end, after she calmed down, she became attached to me and became my second shadow the rest of the day. This is the normal behaviour from a new kid; they attach themselves to that one person who can calm them down with gentle words the minute they enter school crying. So while I was shadowing my dear Grace, someone else shadowed me. I find it funny somehow.

But, other than the crying kid, everything went smoothly. Of course, my darling Wayn was his usual pak kpo, busybody about others when his work was not even half done. And my dear manja Nathania who hugged me when we were in the music room. The children were so happy today and it makes me happy too. :D

So this is the afternoon part of today. Here's the morning part.

He insisted on fetching me from my morning class at City Hall today because it was his off day. We met yesterday for a short while at JCube with his friends but it was too short. :(

So, he fetched me today from class and we made our way to Bedok for lunch. It's rare to have him in the East, given his busy schedule all this years, and that is why what he did today meant so much to me. No one has ever done this for me. Being so tired from work, yet, still insists to meet me. I feel so special, so blessed. :')

We walked to school together too. Now he officially knows where I work. And yup, today was the first time, after a year that I've been working here, that he sent me to work. When I was working at Uniqlo, he also dropped me off when I had work. :D Sigh, I still don't know how I got this lucky, so so so blessed to have him, to be loved by him. :')

*cries*

*wipes hingus* Anyway, I realized today that my birthday falls on a school day, a working day, unlike last year when it fell during the September holidays. So I suddenly had the idea of celebrating it with my babies! It will be pretty cute! Maybe I'd buy (myself haha) a cake to share with them and party hats for them to wear too! Don't forget the goodie bags! I thought of mini cupcakes but their snack time is from 2 to 2.30pm and by the time I take the cupcakes out of the box for phototaking and distribute them out, there will be barely enough time for them to eat. My babies, as expected, are slow eaters, and messy too. Hmm. I''m still thinking, but it's cute right! Or maybe coconut balsam but the inti is maybe chocolate or jam, then serve on party plates! :D:D *excited*

*cries again*

This year will be different, I guess. Ahmad and me have clashing schedules. While mine is a fixed schedule, even on weekends, I may not get to meet him because his schedule is a 2-day work, 2-day off thing and well, it's just not fixed like mine. I don't know if I can celebrate his birthday this year either. I actually already had a special plan. But, there's too many gaps and holes in the plan that... Sigh. I dunno. I'll see how it goes.

I miss him already. Tomorrow's his morning shift. The next day is his night shift. Being working adults does suck sometimes.

Okay, guys, this is all. Haha, so much for posting every 2 days. Sorry, man, I was just lazy to turn on my laptop. I submerged myself with Vampire Diaries the whole weekend, in between open houses and maulids and spending quality fun time with my little girls (Keisha, Nabilah and Farah) that I felt too tired to blog about anything. So I guess it'll all still come down to my mood; whether I want to blog or not. Hahahaha!

Imma sleep now. Till my next post, may you all always be in the best of health. Salam! :3

This I know for certain

You and me together

Through the days and nights

I don't worry cause

Everything's gonna be alright