Don't Let Me Go

Salam and hello to everybody.

Today, I'm feeling very sad somehow. A conversation with a very close friend of mine a few days back finally hit me in the face now that I'm reflecting. In the past few months, I have reviewed my 5-year plan over and over again. But somehow, I can't find a way to ensure that in this plan, I would also still have a life. You see, after I end my DECCE-T course this December, there would be a 3 month break before the release of results where I would eventually graduate. & at the same time, I would have started my 2-year bond in January 2014, I think. This is all according to my quite inaccurate calculations and hopefully, I'm correct. Now here comes the really important part. I plan (and really hope I can) to take my degree in the same field at UniSim, whose intake is usually in July. So, come next year, if I get accepted into the course, I would be juggling work and school all over again. But the best part is it's a part-time degree, so school will just be 2 or 3 times a week. & it's for about 3-4 years. When I read up at their website, they said the average student took 4.5 years for a basic degree. :O, i know. :(

So here's what scares me. I'm afraid of not having a life then. Not being able to meet friends as frequently as we used to, not being able to spend more time with family, because I'll be so focused on work and study. & with all the policies and "improvements" the government is planning for the early education sector, who knows what will happen in the future? I only realized the amount of workload a teacher has just 3 months back. Lesson plans, classroom layout, printing worksheets, proposals etc, you name it, we got it. & to top it off, when the children are in, it's a whole different story. You've got all kinds of kids, "perangai" is what I'd call it. Kids aside, there's the parents. If you're lucky, you'll have nice, understanding parents. My only bad encounter with a parent was the first week of school when her son got smacked by Grace three times in a row and the parent was quite upset until she requested a change of class. I know this wouldn't be the last time but, I know I gotta suck it up. But that's not the point! The point is, I only realized now that the government didn't justify our workload with our salary. The teachers often complain that the government isn't paying them enough. High workload; not-even-close-to-moderate salary. I used to say, the salary doesn't interest me. But then Rachelle knocked my head hard the other day. She listed down the amount of things we teachers have to do and we get like, what? Barely $2000 a month. In the private sector, they earn at least 2.5k to 3k. & we're also a private kindergarten! PCF is NOT a government school/kindergarten/childcare. There is NO government KN/CC in Singapore. Get that straight.

I sidetracked, sorry. So, yeah. Once I start my bond, I know that I will definitely be handling 2 classes, morning and afternoon respectively. That is also if my centre does not convert to kindercare, but I'd cover that another time. So, with 2 classes, you end at 5, gebakgedebuk, by the time you reach home it'd be 6 plus. Ever since I started working, I made it a rule to never bring work home. I haven't so far, and hopefully it'd stay that way. By the time you reach home, you'd be so tired, dinner and everything else. Probably the only time for socializing would be on Fridays and the weekends, and the school holidays. Doesn't that suck? People say it becomes a routine after that, you'd get used to it eventually.

But really, an 8 to 5 job daily takes away more time from your life than you think. & if I pursue the degree, that's a lot of years taken from my life. & the next question would be, when will I settle down?

I sure as hell don't wanna study for the rest of my life. I keep telling myself this is for my future, for my family's future, for my future kids, for their future. I've been sticking to what my facilitator at RP once told me: One year for the next 50 years. But in this case, it'll probably be 4 years for the next 50 years. 4 years from now, I'll be 26.

ZOOOOOOOMMMMGGGGGG!

Or even, 27.

Well, I have another alternative, apart from the degree at UniSim. The reason why I wanted the UniSim degree is because it's sort of like, 2 in 1. There is a leadership component in the degree that would enable me to take on a principal role if I ever want to. & all of that would be at least 4.5 years. OF MY LIFE. Sigh.

Anyway, the other option would be to take the degree offered by AIC, and it's only 20 months. Only eh? Hahahaha. But that's without the leadership component and I'm kinda stressed about that part. I think I'd probably ask Rachelle tomorrow cause she doesn't have a Diploma in ECCE Leadership but she has a degree. If I were to take the DECCE-L, the course is 2 years, and if I continue on to the degree, it would just be 1 year for me instead of the original 20 months. So in total, it'd be 3 years. Now tell me, somebody, which is better?! I'm so stressed. :(:(:(

And on top of it, I'm so scared of not even having time for myself.

Mudd's POP is this Wednesday, and I can't even go. I can't stop beating myself up for it. Everytime he brings it up, I get reminded of the fact that I can't even be there on one of his most important days. :'(

Back to work tomorrow. Hopefully, it'd be a better week. InsyaAllah.

Don't let me go when I'm this low

Why can't we talk about it

Why can't we figure it out 

I wanna know as people grow 

How do they sort it all out 

Work out what love is about 

So tell me now yeah I've gotta know 

When this feeling I've got won't let go

Kuala Lumpur 2013

FIRST DAY IN KUALA LUMPUR @

AMBASSADOR ROW SERVICED SUITES

It was a really long car ride. We left the house at 4am sharp. Pretty amazing. We initially thought our trip would be cancelled because the car we rented gave us no response the day before. It was quite a stressful night because we (girls) were ALL so excited, especially Farah. When the guy wasn't responding to our calls and texts, we thought we would have to cancel the trip. Of course we were pissed. I already changed SGD700 okay! Farah took it harder, she cried and cried until she fell asleep. But we ended up borrowing my third uncle's car, which was super squeezy at the back because Farah laid down on all of our laps and my legs were apparently too long to be any comfortable. Sigh. Nevertheless, we reached KL safely and our hotel room was worth the stress the night before. :D

So the first day, after one hour break in the hotel room, we headed down to Masjid India, le tudung heaven! Of course I shopped till I dropped, half literally. We walked around till I was really tired, for once. Got myself loads of shawls and pashminas (of course), and some for friends. & two skirts, thanks to Mum's persistence. I wanted this tribal dress that was so nice but the material would probably make me sweat truckloads in Singapore. My maid bought the kain for her bridal dress too. When the salesperson was packing the kain and veil, she asked me, "Kakak bila kahwin?" I looked at my sis with a smug face. Hahahaha. I don't know why but lately, I've been getting that question a lot, and not only at weddings. Maybe it's a sign that it's time to....

No, no! Let's not sidetrack! After Masjid India, we headed back for Maghrib. I was so tired after that I fell asleep. Halfway, my maid woke me up to ask me to order food and I fell back asleep again, only to wake up at about ten to eat the food. Went back to my makeshift bed and turned on my laptop since my sis said the wifi was working. Connected to life at Singapore through FB, wanted to blog about me being in KL when I remembered I had work to do. Yes, assignments while on a holiday. When will this part of my life ever end? Hahahaha. 

SECOND DAY!

We went to have breakfast at some Jalan place and I had egg prata. My family's table tried ayam puyuh (quail bird) too. The skin is really thin and a little salty. But it's still nice. :D Anyway, after that, we headed to a place called Mid Valley or something. That was where I did my modern shopping. Hahahaha! Bought headbands and little stuff like that. Then, we came across this shop called F.O.S, like some sort of factory outlet and I spent in total RM343!!! Got myself shirts and belts and whatnots. Then I came across the men's bermudas and remembered that my boyfriend kept telling me he was looking for those. So I decided to buy for him. It was 2 for RM53 anyway! Quite a deal. And I bought him a shirt too! So nice, and I'm so jealous. Hoping that it'll fit him cause I was torn between S and XS. :/

After that, we went to KLCC. Gosh, that place is huge! I didn't buy anything because the stuff were all those high-end brands that I have no interest in. & the place was crowded! Couldn't find F21 there though. :( But my sis bought a pair of jeans at Topshop for RM169, and later on saw jeans at Bershka that were RM89 onwards. Her heart broke. Hahaha!!! Thing about her is, she buys on impulse. Me? I don't. If I see the price makes my heart drop, I drop the item. Unless! It's really, really, really nice like super duper nice.

This was what I wore to Petaling Street. I knew the place would be hot so I took off the cotton shawl and donned my light chiffon. Bought a cap for the boyfriend there since he requested for one. Things I do for my boyfriend. Where to get girlfriend like me, huh? Hahahaha. Anyway, Mum saw some harem pants and made me buy. 2 for RM50 (after much haggling, Mum's getting better!), and they're nice too. Comfy material, and the kind that I can't find in Singapore. :p Afterwards, we were just leaving when I saw a stall that sold shawls. & I left with 2. I just loooooove printed shawls now. :D

They say we look alike. I always wonder, how so?

BURGER RAMLY!

It tastes awesome! Better than our pasar malam kind. :D

So we ended yesterday with a seafood feast at this huge place that has a live band playing while we ate. We were supposed to drop by at Malacca but due to us leaving KL late (because we went to Central Market) and the aunt's family-in-law actually had time to eat at the stopover to Malacca. I was pissed because they changed the plan without telling my family. I actually saved the last of my money for Malacca. Sigh. Anyway, the food was good but the fish wasn't. It smelt of a lot of things. Mum and my maid said maybe they used the same oil to fry everything. As in, fry fish already, use that used oil to fry other things. Sigh.

But anyway, if you look at the last 3 pictures of me, you'd notice that I was wearing 3 different tudung styles. Hahahaha, I left KL with the first style (picture of me and Daddy), 3 hour car ride caused me to change the style to something else (with Ramly burger) because the drapes kept tickling my face while I slept, and finally, settled with the normal style I always don. I broke my record, 3 styles in a day! :D

Got the cramps today, bugger. Back to reality tomorrow. But overall, I'm pretty satisfied with my visit to KL. I just wanna go Melaka one day. It's just, ugh. I just wanna go. They say there's nice stuff there besides tudung. :(

Back to reality tomorrow.

Back. To. Reality.

My second postcard from Miss UK.

Lots of loveeee!!!!

Miss the girl & can't wait till she gets back!!!

Meanwhile, I can't wait for KL this weekend!!!!!

42nd!

I love you! :3