I might make this short, I might not. It all depends.

It's been 3 months since I started my early childhood course, and 2 months since I started being an official assistant teacher at my centre. Everything is going so smoothly right now, though I do feel the occasional fatigue. It's quite tiring, and I only realised it now. But I love what I'm doing. It's like, waking up each morning is such a drag because I just want to continue sleeping like a pig instead of dragging my feet all the way to City Hall. Then, during classes, I'd be either half awake or half asleep, haha. But once I get to the centre and get surrounded by the cute, adorable, sumpah-nak-gigit children, I feel so.... warm and fuzzy inside. When they tell me "Teacher Siti, I love you!" or just Teacher Siti this and Teacher Siti that. When they acknowledge my presence in a certain room, or pass me by along the corridor, or even before/after school when they see me outside the school. When there's always funny moments in the classroom or funny comments made by the children that make me laugh out loud in front of them. They make me so happy, so happy with my job, that it always inspires me to be the best teacher I can be.

There's so much I want to do in this line that I've chosen. My mum actually has plans for me, what I can do once I complete my course, what I can do during the bond and after. But I already planned ahead, earlier than she did. I want to take it one step at a time, because I also do realise that I'm not getting any younger. That by the time I get a degree, I'd have to settle down. Which just reminds me of that one news article I read online last week about the Malays' having higher fertility rate in Singapore. & the people were wondering if it's because Malay men are more romantic. I swear, when I read that particular sentence, I totally laughed out loud. I mean, are you serious? Out of all the possible reasons you can deduce from the statistics, you come up with romanticism? Are you FREAKING serious? HAHAHAHA. I'm laughing again, just typing this.

I've gotta find a romantic Malay guy in order for that assumption to be valid. Well, not that I don't know one anyway. Who so turns out to be romantic when he doesn't even tries to. I loike. ;p

Speaking of which, he will be enlisting soon. Time just passed by too fast, we hardly had time for each other. I was able to see him yesterday though. Gamma Rays played Just The Way You Are and it was.... something new. But it was quite nice. After the show, le boy and me went for dinner and he sent me home! Happee girl!!! :3:3:3

Sometimes, you just can't get enough of someone. Even till now, I just can't believe I have someone so special and good by my side. :') :3

My assignments are back down to 1. I'm submitting it next Monday, InsyaAllah. :)

My headache has not dissipated yet. It's been since Friday! Ugh.

Alrighty then, that's about it. 

Oh and before I forget and before I end off,

SHYME IS FREAKING PREGNANT!!!

Well, we strongly think je. Cause the symptoms are there. Oh wells, tawakal je la. :)

Guess I made this long after all. ;p

I really miss the guy so much. Sigh.

Yesterday was fun.

Although we can never accept her presence,

or look her in the eye anymore,

it was enough that our grandpa could still be there with us.

& what matters most too, is Pak Ucu was there with us too.

I'm happy enough, even if there were other things that pissed me off.

Still, more than enough.

It's okay if you don't acknowledge us as your family anymore.

It's okay that my parents helped you so much and you repay them like this.

I know you've got your punishment, deep down, I know.

But you still haven't realized it.

No matter how angry I am with you, I pray that Allah shows you His path someday.

& I hope you realize your mistakes and make amends with Umie before she decides to never forgive you forever. :(

Finally got my hands on the only picture I took with my students.

I was so busy that day that I couldn't even find the time to snap a picture with my students.

& this was coincidental because Benedict's mummy wanted him to take a picture with me.

He's really adorable. :)

I seriously love what I'm doing now.

I just want to be better at it.

Better strategies, better classroom management.

I've done extensive research on how to achieve that.

But theory is a completely different thing from practice.

I'll slowly be better at this, InsyaAllah. :)

So I went for a checkup today, and it turns out everything is...

Pretty much about the same?

Everytime I'm there, I just can hardly believe it.

Because, sigh.

I don't even wanna talk about it.

& even though I know that everything is pretty much okay,

I was thrown into a bad mood the rest of the day.

It was a lucky thing that I had no choice but to skip the GNK iftar.

Else, I'd be showing everyone else my bad side.

& even though I seriously want to say, "F*ck everything",

I keep telling myself to stay strong.

Because everything that happened, has a reason.

Had a reason.

I miss Ahmad so much right now.

On a side note, I stumbled upon this singer I'd always had a huge crush on back when he was in Click Five. Mr. Eric Dill.

He looks a thousand times better now after ditching that old skool kind of haircut.

Which fit him too back then, I must admit.

But now, he looks even sexier.

Somehow, a little emo looking.

Sexy. That's it.

& this particular song has been on repeat since last night.

I just....

Sigh.

Continue my assignment.

3 years ago, we met. We were in the same class. As simple as that. I barely noticed you, but you told me you noticed me the first time you saw me. I wonder, and I still do until now, what was so special about me. & I wonder, how I got so lucky to even be noticed when I am just.... me.

3 years ago, we were just freshies in RP. You were the 'loner' in class, and I was the.... well, in the malay girls clique, rather. But we malays formed one clique. & that was the start of everything, I guess.

3 years ago, Syai was the closest guy friend I had in class. He was that sunshine in the class. You and me, we were nothing to each other. I never even noticed you, all I saw was you, that quiet guy in class, who rarely speaks a word. I leave you alone because you never bothered me in any way, or at least, the way Syai did.

3 years ago, there was the H1N1 outbreak. We were home quarantined because a classmate contracted it. & that was really the start of everything.

I started to notice you.

Your humour.

Your voice.

Your identity.

3 years ago, after the e-learning period ended, we were back to square one. BUT. I had already begun to notice you. I probably stalked you too. I developed funny feelings for you, feelings that until now, I still have.

3 years ago, I don't know how Syai found out about my crush on you. Maybe because of the random question he asked in the middle of the night. But, he was a pain in the ass the whole time he knew. He assisted you. He gave you my number, and you sent me that lame, lame, super duper lame text message and I remember every single exact word till now. Something started then.

3 years ago, that one week where we got to know each other, that one week when Syai obviously encouraged you to 'pursue' me, that one week when pretty little Maisarah Kamal spilled the beans, was the one week I'd always remember. Looking back now, it was funny, so so funny, but yet, it was quite a dramatic week.

3 years ago, it was beautiful.

3 years later, it still is beautiful.

& in these 3 years, we have grown tremendously. We have gone through many shits together. We stayed strong when we had oceans between us. We fought through emotional storms together. But, we were there for each other. Always. Even when we couldn't, we still tried our best to.

3 years later, we graduated together. Well, on separate days though, but it still counts!

These 3 years with you, it's just amazing. Simply amazing. Though we had our ups and downs, especially what I put you through emotionally sometimes, with regards to my health and... stuff, I'm still always surprised that you choose to stay put. All the times you could have walked away, you stayed. Maybe any other guy would have walked away. But you. You surprise me all the time. & I can't thank you enough for that. For once, someone has accepted me for me, and my flaws.

What can I say now? I'm at a loss for words. 3 years. Time flies so fast. It feels like just yesterday that we were in class playing Blind Man with Syai and the rest.

3 years.

36 months.

Like, WOW.

So, thank you. Thank you for not giving up on me and on us. Every emotional storm we go through, you always take time out to think through everything calmly, but at the end of the day, you will always be there for me. So, thank you. Thank you so much for everything and for the love you've showered upon me the past 3 years. I love you. :3

I'm lucky to have found someone I can be silly with. :)

The past few days had been tough on us after a little burst of emotion sparked off some confusion between us. I wasn't sure what happened but I guess the distance that's growing between us ever since I started my course, was taking its toll on our relationship. We miss each other a lot, actually, but because we're each busy with our own matters and jobs, meeting up becomes really, really hard to do.

I was really emotional, trust me. I couldn't concentrate in class but when I'm around the children, they make me forget everything that's bothering me. It's like, the children were a temporary cure for me, and after dismissal, I'd go right back to my emotional state.

But we cleared everything up. Just like we always do. I was so terrified, I really was. Because recently, or rather, this whole year, people I know have been losing their partners over stupid things. & I was really blaming myself for the distance between us right now. I was afraid it'll affect us, somehow.

I guess, this is really a test for us, whether we can overcome this together. I'm just afraid that we're not strong enough for that. It scares me that much. :(

I know I'm willing to do anything to make this work. He means that much to me. :)

On a side note, my K1s have exactly 2 more days to practice their National Day dance before the actual celebration day comes. I am so going to take pictures of them. I actually sought help from a GNK junior recently, Ahmad Piano, to help me play the song on piano but it turned out too soft and less energetic. I guess we'll just have to risk the amplifiers booming out the song on that day. :/ Nevertheless, I am still proud of the K1s, more to the afternoon session because I practise with them all the time so they're quite tight with the dance movements. Just cannot wait for that long weekend though. Heh. :)

I guess this is about it. On Mondays, my energy level will be like, 100%. But by the time Friday rolls in, I'll be at like, 9%. It's a vicious cycle all over again. This, for the rest of my life? For the sake of working with children, I am willing. For the sake of my future, I am willing. Remembering Mr Arthur Tan's words: One year of sacrifice for the next 50 years.

It will be worth it. :)

Finally opened up my hard disk to check the contents.

All the files and pictures are all jumbled up.

& I found this cute picture.

This was before he went to Sydney.

Slim river sia the bodeh. Heh.

I'll do a proper update later tonight or something.

Wanna sort out my hard disk first.

Later peeps.