Always. :3

In a relationship, it's always the next step that makes it scary.

The next step that might change anything and everything.

It won't be easy in the future.

No one said it was gonna be easy anyway.

But we'd still try our very best.

I know you would.

I would, too.

We've been through so much over the years.

Through it all, you've always been there.

So I can't thank you enough, really.

You've been the best. :3

Kau

I locked myself a gong position for the upcoming GSM show. Gong Master belom pencen lagi okay! Hahahah. This is only for Kak Rose's song though. The other songs, I'll be hopping from Peniaca or Calung or Jegog. Just these three. I'm sorry to say that I'm hopeless on the Gangsa. My own interlocking for Javanese Gamelan is already so bad, you want me to interlock for Balinese whose speed is like 2837468239 times faster? Keep dreaming! Hahahaha.

Anyway, I have been considering a hiatus from Gamelan for quite some time already and well, I'm still going ahead with it anyway. My reasons are because:

1) I can't juggle having shows and rehearsals on top of my assignments and work-related responsibilities .

2) I become really extra super tired at the end of the day.

After a long, really long time thinking about it, I decided my only choice is to drop all Gamelan groups until I'm able to juggle everything better. Yes, it's a little sad, wasted and stuff but if I don't do this, I'd be really, very stressed out. And once I'm stressed beyond my limits, my health will start to become unbalanced. When I was still schooling, I rarely ever got sick. Unless you count my, oh never mind. But I rarely ever got sick. But ever since I started teaching, I'm so prone to sore throats, coughs, losing my voice, flu, runny nose, and the occasional fever slash vomiting. But I still love my job, and that's the problem! Hahaha! I've never regretted being where I am right now. I see it as a blessing from Allah, and I can't thank Him enough for this opportunity and experience thus far. It has challenged and tested me, but there are always takeaways at the end of the day. Honestly, I learn more from the children than they do from me. :)

That's why I have to drop Gamelan. If there's shows, it takes a huge chunk of my time and that's very precious. I have assignments, yada yada. I received feedback that it's sad that I'm quitting but, I just don't have a choice. It's either this or that. I'm not juggling everything well, there's no work-life balance for me as it is, and with Gamelan, it's just overwhelming la. I mean, yeah, I love Gamelan, or making music as it is, but now my options are very limited. I never asked to be in this position, really, but here I am. Sigh.

I've got quite a cute bunch of kittens for this second round. The stripes are more prominent and you can see more of the lilac colour on their fur. Their faces are flatter, more like a British Shorthair as compared to Lumos's batch because his face was a little, snout-ier. Muncung la, go figure. This batch is very noisy though. You carry them in your hands and they'll mew like crazy. It doesn't help that their mews are super high pitch. So anyway, Yesterday, they're 3 weeks old. :3:3:3

I'm currently continuing to finish up my portfolios. Don't get me started though, haha. Anyway,  I'm pretty tired. Tomorrow, there's rehearsal from 2pm-6pm, almost the whole Sunday burnt. It's okay. It's the final lap now. Plus, I'm meeting my happy bubbles next Sunday for a picnic again at Sentosa. Something to look forward to on top of the tiring week ahead. Sigh. As much as I can't wait for this to end, I know I will definitely miss it. When I stopped for a few months, I actually missed it. Now I'm choosing to stop for real. It's gonna take a lot from me to do that. Sigh.

Di antara 7 petala langit dan 7 petala bumi, ada 7 petala cinta.

I miss you so much I can't even begin to explain how much my heart yearns to see you. Every second that you're out there, facing only God knows what kind of dangers there are, my prayers are always with you. I miss you so bad but I can't even have you near. It's been 8 months and I'm amazed by how much we've had to go through. I just hope we're strong enough to face the obstacles ahead. :(

Aku kan selalu menunggumu

Hingga waktu yang kan memisahkan 

Ku yakin itu semua 

Hanya kita yang kan jalin bersama 

Tiap saat engkau selalu berikan 

Rasa cinta yang begitu dalam 

Sehingga membuat aku terlena

Read All About It

We're 45 months old!

I'll always be here for you, through everything we'll have to go through.

Cause together, we're stronger.

I'll always believe in you and us.

As long as you're still trying, I'm trying.

No matter what you say or see yourself as to me,

you are, and always will be, the best to me.

You've always treated me well so stop putting yourself down.

You are the best. :3

Happy 45th,

3 years, 9 months!

& InsyaAllah, many more months to come. :)

You've got a heart as loud as lions

So why let your voice be tamed?

Maybe we're a little different

There's no need to be ashamed

You've got the light to fight the shadows

So stop hiding it away

Come on, come on

I wanna sing

I wanna shout

I wanna scream till the words dry out

So put it all on papers, I'm not afraid

They can read all about it, read all about it

I really miss having a best friend nearby.
I really miss having a best friend to cycle to.
I really miss the young me.
With all these feelings coursing through me right now, with my mind in a chaotic mess, I just hate how fast paced my life is right now.
Though being told I'm lucky to be in such a stable relationship despite the hardships somehow made my day.
Honestly, I truly feel blessed.
But I really was never given the time to appreciate what I have in my life.
Everything's just happening too fast.
It's just too fast that I can't even catch my breath.
I can't even sit back to watch life pass by because there's so much demanded of life as it is.
Sigh, I don't even know what I'm saying either.

Don't Forget To Remember Me

I miss her. I can't wait till she gets back here in June. I really missed her so much. I've lost so much time with her. Bumping into Mdm Norul today suddenly made me relive those secondary school days. Each moment she was there for me, through every ups and downs, everything we've been through to get us here to this present day. We've grown up so much, maturity and age has set in. What I would give to be back in Coral's uniform and running across the parade square, taking photos for National Day and the parade, as the event photographer. I just really miss being young and carefree. Never having to worry about saving money, or deadlines, work-related stuff or whatever else. All we had to worry about were our grades and whether our crush likes us back. Writing in the diaries we'd always have each new secondary year. Those really good, young, get-into-as-much-trouble-as-we-can days. Or even possibly, the try-to-stay-out-of-drama days.

Meeting Mdm Norul today made me realize how I've been so caught up with my working life lately that I didn't have the time to stop and just simply reminisce. I used to, all the time. But lately, it must be the stress from work that made me too tired to even just take a short walk down memory lane.

So I thought about it while walking home. And with Haz texting me at the same time, asking for my free schedule, I realized how much time I've lost with the people around me because of my workload, this career choice I've embarked on since May 28 of 2012. Honestly, it's not like I wanted it to happen. Having to meet deadlines that are back to back is no easy task. It's incredibly draining, and I have work related stuff on top of it; lesson plans, overview plans, proposals etc. The last 4 months were mentally and physically draining. & trust me, for the whole month of May, it will continue to be. I have the gamelan show to worry about, back to back rehearsals for that, 4 evenings of first aid training this coming week ahead, portfolio preparation, HQ officer's visit, zee interview wiz her (!!!!), parent-teacher conference at the end of May. :O My whole May is packed to the brim! Hais.

That's why I can't wait for June. I have a 2 week break in mid-June. That's also why I can't wait for the staycation with Natasha over at Sentosa. There's so much to catch up with her. I feel so bad that I haven't been doing that. Life can be so tough on friendships too.

I guess this is it. I'm starting to feel sleepy. I still have comments to input in the portfolios. But I'll do it tomorrow. :D

Salam and goodnight! May you always be in the best of health, Amin! :)

This downtown apartment

Sure makes me miss home

And those bills they're on the counter

Keep telling me I'm on my own

But don't forget to remember me