I don't want these moments to end. I'm enjoying myself too much, loving each moment that I'm playing this music that I love so much, and when I'm on the stage under all those spotlights, I feel so at home. All my worries just automatically fade away. Because all that matters then is the music that we're all creating together as one. I don't want the show to come to an end tomorrow. I just want to play forever and ever. No need to go back to work on Friday. No need to worry about getting my diploma transcript as soon as possible. No need to bother about anything. But alas, things are never that way.

3 years ago, I would never have thought of being so committed to this. Now, I have never regretted it. No matter how tired I am, no matter how tiring it can be from practices to the actual bump-ins and show days, no matter how hard it can be to deal with certain people, it's still what I love, and it's always, always, ALWAYS worth it.

I'm not really looking forward to going back to work on Friday. The days just pass by too fast. :(

Oh wells. Sigh.

I Won't Give Up

I will always be thankful to have him by my side. :3

Hello! I know I haven't updated in a looooooooong time, mostly because I totally switched to emo mode the day I received the email from NTUC First Campus stating that I wasn't selected for the Teacher Trainee Scheme, which was actually the day I last posted. Yup. I cried. Like maddd. Of course, nobody in the house noticed because I cried myself to sleep, duhh. & also whenever I did my prayers. It sucks, you know. You want something so much, tried so hard to get it, but in the end, it wasn't enough to be selected.

I guess my attitude towards it sucked a lot until the guy in the photo above sent me this really long text message that woke me up. He always knows what to say to make me snap out of it. I wonder how. Pfft.

So anyway, today was my off day from work. Please don't get me started on why I hate work at Uniqlo sometimes. I have really great colleagues, but it's the managers that suck. Well, 2 of the assistant managers at least. Ohwells. I'm just gonna suck it up and like another colleague told me, ear in ear out.

But that's not the point. Today, right after my Zohor prayer, I was still sitting in position, still wearing my telekung, and wondering out loud why the early childhood institutes that I emailed never replied back. & at that moment, my phone rang. It turned out to be one of those that I emailed. It was actually a teaching position with full sponsorship of the early childhood diploma. I happened to stumble on it last week so I decided to just try my luck and apply. Who knows, right? So I sent in my resume. & finally, the call came today. Right after I was praying. Like, wow. They just want my transcript in order to accept me in. And also, I have to go for an interview in April.

I just hope and pray that this time, this is it. But this time, I'm not pinning my hopes too high on it.  The higher the expectations, the greater the disappointment.

I received a pleasant surprise on Twitter a couple of days back. When I read it, I couldn't believe my eyes. I read it for like, about 10 times before bursting into tears. I didn't reply because by then, I was a little unstable and I didn't trust myself to reply with the right thing. Unfortunately, yesterday, I forgot to bring my phone to work so I couldn't access Twitter the whole of yesterday.

I guess this is about it. Busy weeks ahead, full of work and Gamelan shows. On The Gamelan Express starts this Tuesday, and even though I'm pretty much tight, sometimes when you're on stage, you slip. I hope I don't. Getting the songs right means a lot to me.

Alright, I just said goodnight to Ahmad. I better head to bed now, long day ahead tomorrow. But I'm not complaining, because I'm doing what I love after all. Gamelan forever. <3 So, till my next post, always be in the best of health.

I'm sorry. I'm afraid to make promises with you, all because I don't want to break them. But someday, we'll have our time. :)

I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up

Didn't get it.

I don't get it either. What I did wrong, where I did wrong, what I didn't do that wasn't enough to show that I was really keen?

Maybe I just wasn't meant to get it through this. It's okay. When one door closes on you, there is always another door that will open.

I must believe.

Gawd, so demotivated right now.

Mum is complaining that I should work longer hours so that I won't have to work on so many days and waste money on transport. I agree with her, but I'm actually just taking it slow by working short hours so that my body can get used to it. Once I know my body can take it, I will work the longer shifts. But the thing about my mum is, I tell her repeatedly, she still won't understand. Soo, never mind. I've already taken a couple of 8-5 slots for next week so we shall see how it goes. It doesn't matter how many days I work as long as I hit 20 hours each week. So I did my calculation and if I were to work two 8-6 shifts and one 1-8 shift, I'll be hitting 24 hours, minus off the break times. So I guess that should be okay.

FYI in about 2 weeks' time, full house shows. & we haven't even tightened our repertoire yet. I barely even practised yet! Sigh. Will be rushing down from work tomorrow to RP for the practice. I really missed gamelan alot.

One of the customers I served today was an angmoh guy with the most bluest eyes ever. It's like, wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww~~~~~~

I'm off to sleep now. Super long day tomorrow. 9am to 11am = teaching. 1pm to 6.30pm = UQ. 7pm to 9pm = GA.

Being too busy isn't good. But it means making a living on my own without relying on my parents. For once. :D

Till my next post, InsyaAllah. :D

I had fun the past 3 days. I honestly did. But it's sad to say that I couldn't get to spend as much quality time as I wanted with the one that matters most. I miss him. He said he missed me. But when we finally have 3 days to ourselves, it felt to me like we didn't spend enough time together. I don't know if I expected too much from the start but I'd really hoped to spend more time with him. I understand that he was tired, I understand that he had a lot of things to do. But we barely had this much free time with each other around, and we didn't make the most out of it.

It saddens me even more that our 31st month didn't even feel like a monthsary. It felt like just another day. Or maybe it's just me. Emotional, sensitive me.

I was glad I had friends to hang out with through both nights that I tried not to sleep. Because I knew this is the only time left that I have with them before we graduate. Who knows, after graduation, everyone goes their separate ways and it will get harder to arrange gatherings like this again? I had so much fun last night till 5am playing Monopoly Deal with Fahmi, Alfian, Alia, Mai and Siti Nurul. Laughing at Shaa freaking out at a huge lizard on the ceiling. Heart to heart talks with Fahmi and Mai. I can't get these kinds of moments the same way ever again. & I wish you had been there to share that with me.

I guess what I'm really feeling is just disappointment. Or maybe, I should have tried harder. Because after this, I have nothing but work work and work. Our chance to spend time together is gone. Sigh.

On a brighter note:

Our beloved boy, Habib, has officially turned 1 year old today.

:3

Beautiful Like You

Hello hello kopi ke milo!!!!

I sincerely apologize for the lack of updates, if there are still people following this little blog. It's been empty, hasn't it? Very little updates the past months. Sigh. What to do, I can get so busy sometimes.

But this time, I really am busy. I even needed a monthly planner to write down important dates and events. & it really helped, especially since I started working at Uniqlo. The working shifts are flexible, which is why I had to write them down in case I forget. They don't tolerate latecomers or no call, no shows. Also, there are Gamelan shows to take note of as well. & teaching!

Teaching on Mondays have started to become really fun. I've finally managed to grab the class's attention with fun activities during their learning. And the very naughty boy called Ron has started to cooperate, even though he can be very vulgar for his age. I have a few favourite students as well though. This girl who is apparently the class monitress called Kai Ling, and this boy called Jarius. He seems to be really passionate about learning Malay. Everytime he sees me waiting at the canteen, he'd stop and greet me, "Selamat petang, Cikgu Siti!" Some kids can be so cute!!!!

Now, Uniqlo. Yeah, the first week was damn, damn tiring for me as this is obviously my very first job. The assistant manager who trained me, Yvonne, was really nice and when she found out this was my first job, she was shocked 'cause she said Uniqlo as your first job can be physically draining. So I guess that mentally prepared me for the upcoming week. But it has been a week since I joined and I've survived! I kinda like it, even though one bad encounter with a customer almost made me quit. That's why I always check my blind spots whenever I walk around the shopfloor. The working shifts are flexible so I could build my shifts around Gamelan so that I won't miss practices. Gamelan as in GA and GSM. I don't know why I can't work out a timetable around GNK. I just can't seem to get a shift that would enable me to come for a 1-4 practice. Anyway, back to work. I love working at fitting room the most. It's damn, damn, damn fun. I hate having to fold the jeans at the jeans shelves because customers can just come up with stupid questions or requests. Sigh.

A couple of days back, I went for a 1 day attachment at Serangoon My First Skool. Since I'm interested in the early childhood sector with NTUC First Campus, they sent me on this attachment for me to really decide that I want this field and also for the principal to assess if I'm suitable to be in this sector. I learnt alot, observed alot and managed to have a long talk with one of the teachers. That day was the day I realized, finally realized for real, that my passion really is teaching. I really hope they accept me in the Trainee Teacher Scheme. I've been praying so hard for it. I just hope they don't call while I'm at work. That would be so suay.

Okay. What else is new? Hmm. Oh, Khloe still hasn't emailed about my 35mm adapter and it's annoying the hell out of me. Ugh.

Okay, really, what else can I say? Uhhhh, kay I think I'm done here! Hahaha. Looks like I'll be updating weeks later. Haha, joking. I swear I miss Melbourne. I feel like going back there to retake lomo pictures. The picture above was probably the nicest out of the whole roll that I developed. Sigh. Okay, I'm done.

See you in my next post, Insyallah! Till then, stay safe and in the best of health always. Love, Faz. :)

If you could only just stop stop stop running 

If you could only take a second to breathe it in 

Everything that you know would be beautiful 

Like you

You know they're never gonna stop stop stop your love 

Let's pretend that the world is waking up 

Everything that we see is beautiful 

Like you

Like you