I don't know why I'm here, but I am. Especially at this time. I should be sleeping, catching up with sleep instead of.... doing work.
My life is consumed with work. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. But I feel like I need some kind of purpose now because it's the same old mundane routine every single day. I've got the job I always wanted. I worked so hard to get here. I've almost got my Bachelor's Degree. Alhamdullilah for all these accomplishments. But tonight, as I sit and do my work (damn you portfolios), I found myself asking "Now what?". What's my next step? Where do I go from here? What do I really want to do now?
The past only God knows how many years, I've busied myself with chasing my dreams, studying and working at the same time that now I have all this "loose" time, I don't actually know what to do with it. Next year, InsyaAllah, will be another "loose" year because I have no plans to study again. So, point is, I don't know what to do but I just want to do something meaningful. I feel like there's so much more to just teaching/doing what I do (now that it's childcare). I just feel like there's more that I can do, there's more that I can offer to people.
Also, I'm picky about what I do with my time. It's annoying. It's like, I wanna do something meaningful but I don't want to tire myself out because there's work the next day. *rolls eyes* I prioritize work so much I should win an award or something.
I just want to get to the end of this year and move forward. Graduation, the show, the concert, the final PTC. There's so many things to deal with until the end of the year, I feel suffocated just thinking about it.
I don't even know what I'm talking about and I'll probably wake up tomorrow and read this and think, "Wow, Faz's thoughts are messed up at night".
Bye.
Play that song
The one that makes me go all night long
The one that makes me think of you
That's all you gotta do
