:)

Salam, guys, and hello. I know it's been a while. So, here's an update for whatever I feel like saying and can recall from the past week.

Well, for starters, my weekend was kinda awesome, aside from the stress that mostly comes from Balinese rehearsal. Macam biasa la stress dia. Even my sis was stressed, and she's a newbie! Yup, my sis has officially joined Gamelan. Quite a surprise, even to me. Who would have thought right?

Anyway, I had a picnic with my usual girlfriends on Sunday at Sentosa and it was so awesome! We set up at Palawan beach where there was the bridge, so we sat nearby to it, thinking of swimming across to the opposite island since it was so near. It was too hot to swim at first so we played games under the shade of the trees. It was so fun! When it was slightly cooler, we moved down to the beach's sandy area for more games. It started to look cloudy after a while and the lifeguard cleared everyone out of the water, because there was thunder. But no rain! Pfft! We waited till 5, and that was when the lifeguard took the red flag down because the skies cleared. The fun began then. The seabed felt weird, though. I can still feel it right now and the hairs on my back are rising 'cause of the disgusting feeling. Haz and me took a while to adjust to the seabed's sensation. But, it was still fun la. These girls, just awesome. 

Maybe I'd talk about work another time. Gotta sleep, new module tomorrow. Have I ever mentioned how everything is going too fast for me? :(

Till my next post, InsyaAllah.

Love,
Fazzz.

Salam!

I decided to update today because there's been some things going on at work since yesterday. & I'm here kind of to rant because I only just discovered today that I have a big butt.

There, I've said it.

I was just walking down the corridor to pick up some things from the office and I just so happened to glance at the classroom windows. Well, not really glance. I looked at my reflection and since I was walking, obviously my reflection would be sideways. That was when I saw that big bump down there and I totally stopped in my tracks. I stared at it for like, 3 seconds, before I gasped. Literally. I was so thinking, ohmaigod is that my butt? Why like so big?!

Okay, fine, maybe there are bigger butts out there, I'm not gonna comment but this is different because I was wearing a knee length muslimah dress that covers my butt entirely and somehow it's still showing itself. So I complained to Jeanne and Rachelle, and they were SO not helping. Jeanne was like, "Eh, Siti, you know what they say not? You got big butt ah, can give birth a lot of children know." Then this Rachelle can still ya ya her and they started talking in Chinese about which Malay friend entah say this and that. I could only understand a little. But still! My butt eh! It's my butt eh!  And when I complained to my sis, she said, "You don't know meh? You since last time pantat tonggek."

T___________________________________________T

I hate you people la.

Anyway, on a more serious note, I'm pretty much beat from scrubbing the classroom down yesterday for the QAC officer to check today. I'm not sure how the classroom has been managed all this while but the amount of dust in the cabinets and shelves is alarming. I found not only dust, but dead insects and live spiders (which I'm too afraid to kill but Jeanne killed instead) and webs. Lots and lots of the webs. So I wiped the shelves, even up till the corners by using cotton buds to dig out the points of the corners because the rags can't do much at the corners. Jeanne emptied the dirty water from the pail and refilled it 8 times. She was like, "Siti, how you clean until so clean ah? The water until black eh!" And then she starts laughing. Hahahaha. I'm thankful that I got her as the form teacher for my class. She's so brave to speak up against Mrs Tan, unlike me. But it's easy for her because she's not bonded to the school for the next 2 years. Sigh.

As for today, I spent most of the time in the office, helping Jeanne make the learning centre materials and task cards. I was so sleepy the entire time because I was facing the computer and it was after lunch. Haiyaaa~

Oh and hey! All of a sudden, I have a daughter. Apparently, according to the aunties and Jeanne, Grace is afraid of me. For some reason, she is. Whenever I had to relief a class, Grace would sometimes misbehave because I'm not around. Then either Jeanne or the aunties will just shout my name "Siti, Siti!" and Grace would hurriedly obey or do what she was supposed to do. It's so funny hearing the stories from them until they said, "Siti, you see! Your daughter don't want listen to me!" or "Siti! Your daughter, Grace!" It got annoying after a while. But I can't do anything about it 'cause they're just joking.

I miss Ahmad. Everyday gets harder sometimes because I don't get immediate replies when I text him something exciting or maybe depressing. He would only be able to reply hours later. You'd think I would be used to this by now because it's been this way since September '12 and that time was worse because his texts only come in in the evenings, most of the time. I'd be spamming him with my texts and only God knows how annoying I am. And he never complains. He puts up with it. But it's not like I spam him with desperate texts la. Of course not! Desperate = "I miss you so much I wanna die..."

Haha.

My texts are mostly..... belt-belit-beating-around-the-bush kind.

Haha.

I should sleep now. Sigh. I'm so tireeeeddd!!!!!

 I'm only me when I'm with you. :)

'Nuff said.

I'm sorry for the lack of updates. I haven't had time to pour out my feelings for this past week because I've been focusing on my art assignment. It's so troublesome, let me tell you that. All I can say for now is I love yesterday, with  my beloved and my sister, to GSM rehearsal. I haven't stepped in Little India with Ahmad for quite a long time, especially to go for GSM together. I mean, Gamelan was also part of the reason why we're together all the time in the past. We both love it. But of course, he's more hardcore about it than I am because I'm as hardcore for piano as he is for Gamelan. :B

He always tells me that he's lucky that he found me. & I always tell him that I'm lucky that I found him. He, who has accepted me for all that I am, my flaws, imperfections and the whole package. I'm always so thankful for him.

I guess that'd be all. Maybe I'd update, maybe I won't. Till then, may you always be in the best of health. My knees have been hurting lately and I had to resort to taking Glucosamine. Sigh. Age is really catching up. :(

Salam!

I'm  just gonna be here for a while because I have a presentation tomorrow that I cannot be late for. But I just wanna share my dream last night. & it's also sort of like a reminder for me and I want it on my blog so that everytime I read, I'll remember.

Well, what I dreamt was really nice. As usual, it has Ahmad in it. I don't know why but lately, he's been appearing in my dreams a lot. Ever since that talk we had, I think. Anyway, in the dream, we were just walking around from place to place, just like we do in real life. We were seeing new things, new places and just having a lot of fun and enjoying each other's company. There were some more things that happened and I vaguely remember Uniqlo being involved but I can't remember the exact details except for the ones I just can't forget and am talking about soon.

So here's the freaky part. Later on in the dream, I got separated from Ahmad for some reason I don't know because I remember there being a riot and there were policemen involved too. So I was alone. Then I was walking down this cemented pathway and it was dark. But even though it was dark, it's as though there was a light in me that allowed me to see what's ahead, left and right, and behind. So I just walked alone. & after some time, I realised that the light was illuminating tombstones on my left and right. And when I looked around, I realised that I was at a graveyard. A Chinese graveyard, to be specific. So I finally got scared, really terrified this time. Bulu roma berdiri and all those sensations. That was when Ahmad reappeared beside me and held my hand, and we walked together ahead. I didn't feel scared after that. Ahmad said something to me and that's when I woke up. I don't remember what he said and that bugs me a little 'cause I wish I knew.

So I told my maid about it, but I was a little vague on the details, just said that I dreamt that I was walking down the pathway of a Chinese kubur and I'd felt really scared at that point. And she said, "Mungkin itu peringatan untuk kau. Life is short. Maybe you have to lebih banyak do'a, ibadah."

Something like that la eh. I love my maid. :3

So it got me thinking, and I googled. HAHAHA.

Mimpi melihat kuburan, artinya: pertanda akan teringat pada sesuatu yang telah dijanjikan.

So now I'm wondering what's that promise.... Hmm.

That's all folks! :3

Salam,
Fazzz

How I Know I Love You

Happy 43rd monthsary to us!

You've been nothing but the best to me.

I can't thank you enough for the love you've given me all these years.

These 43 months that we've been together has taught me so much.

I learnt to grow without growing apart from you.

These 43 months that we've been together has separated us one too many times and yet, we've managed to remain strong and pull through the good and bad times. Together.

I still can't believe that 43 months ago, you chose me.

And then we went through so much after that.

Yet, here you are, always supporting me through whatever.

You could have had any other girl,

but you chose me.

I feel so, so lucky and blessed.

If I were given a choice, I would still choose to go through the same 43 months if it means being with you in the end.

Thank you for loving me.

I love you. ❤

"I know I love you because I want to get you soup when you’re sick. Not only do I want to get it for you, I want to make it for you so you can eat something made with love instead of with crushed insects and preservatives. I know I love you because I want to slap anyone who hurts you, even if it’s your boss. I know I love you because I worry about the stuff only people who love you worry about, like the amount of quality sleep you get a night and how much you drink when you’re sad and whether you’re getting enough vitamin B.

I know I love you because I want to listen, I really do. I don’t have anywhere to be that can’t wait for a while and I’m not checking my phone, in fact turned it off and buried it in the cushions the moment you said you needed me. I’m here for you and that other thing can wait.

I know I love you because I’m truly concerned with how your life turns out. It’s not just that I want you to “be happy” or attain that vague self-helpy “inner peace” bullshit we’re all supposed to aspire toward, I want you to express yourself and be fulfilled and feel like you’re living life for a good reason, not just passing the time. I want everything to work out for you the way it should and I want to be there for it.

And I’m genuinely convinced that I love you because I want to do things for you that I don’t want to do for anyone, ever. Examples: I’ll babysit your loud sticky children when you have them. I’ll bring you ice water and take care of you when you eat too much ecstasy like an idiot. I’ll even stand there patiently with a video camera as you attach piranhas to your nipples when you’re broke and trying to get on Jackass, all that and more. That’s how I know I love you, and I hope you know it too."- From Stumbleupon :)


❤, Fazz. :)

Daylight

I'm gonna sum up the entire week in this post. Bear with me. Heh.

Let's begin with this text message above. He sent me this on Sunday night, I think. & I cried so, so, so terribly after that. I felt so bad. I'd really wished I could go. Drop everything and see my boyfriend on one of his most important days. Probably every Singaporean man's important day. So I was really, really stressed about it. & then on Monday, he said the parade was actually in the afternoon, and all along I thought it was in the morning. So I decided to take leave on the day itself. & while I was at it, I went to the doctor to get the proper remedy for my week-long cough and sore throat. Then, we got this...

It was definitely a new experience for a girlfriend going to her boyfriend's passing out parade for the first time. When they started marching out and into their formations, I was thinking, "That's my boyfriend out there. After everything we've been through the past 5 months, that's him out there and I'm finally here." These were the exact words, I swear. I felt so proud of him, words aren't enough to express all the emotions coursing through me until the boys cun-cun stamp "sedia" together and threw their caps in the air at the end. I met his nenek too, after ages. Apparently, according to him, she has been asking about me and joking about why I never come to see her. She hugged my arm tightly while we were walking at one time and I was speechless because that's never happened to me before. And it was super duper maximum awkward with his parents around. They were nice and stuff, really nice, and even offered me a lift back to CCK MRT but I tried to turn them down as politely as I could. His nenek was tearing up when they bade farewell, even though he was going home. So cute la. Best nye dapat jadi cucu nenek.

This speaks for itself. Sometimes, it seems like I'm not appreciating him enough. I thought since I was able to figure out a way to attend his POP, maybe it could make up for all the times he was always there for me. But still, I can never appreciate him enough. Because he's done too much for me, he's accepted me as I am, and he's always there. :')

Here is my darling, baby, manja, drama queen, Nathania aka Nat-Nat aka Rabbit aka Thania. She's the one I was talking about in my last few posts, the one who dramatically crawls backwards when a bully was anywhere too close to her. Cute, right? :D

So while Ahmad counted down to his POP, I had my very own countdown to meet these ladies on Friday evening! :3 We planned a dinner and arcade at Jurong Point. They were arguing on our Whatsapp group about which arcade was better in the west side. And I was simply reading and laughing away. I have hilarious girlfriends. :3

Dinner at Pizza Hut, Haz's treat. Heh. Gossip and deep talks and Philosophy101. Plus lotsa lots of laughter. Hearts hearts, love love. 

So this Dance Dance game was the one they were so looking forward to. But after 3 rounds of it, I decided to switch to the game next door to it....

Para Para Paradise!

It was something like Kinect, something that I've had good practice with compared to the stepping dance game that got my legs aching like mad after that 3 rounds. I decided I was just lousy at it. But Para Para was fun and you can make stupid moves like I dunno how to explain but fun la!

So that pretty much sums up my Friday. I guess POP day and Friday night were the only exciting days of the week because the rest of it went like this:

Monday - Depressed because Ahmad is sad that I ain't going his POP.

Tuesday - A little happier because I decided to take MC and go anyway.

Wednesday - Depressed again because I don't know how to get to HTA without getting lost.

Thursday - Too happy and still can't get over POP day. Corporal Ahmad so hot!

Friday - Hyper like crazy because meeting the girls.

But! Lemme add this.

I was on the train on the way home from Boon Lay after meeting the ladies, when he texted me that he was at Pasir Ris MRT because he had a family chalet at Changi. But I was still far away and told him that maybe we couldn't meet anyway. He insisted on waiting and when I was reaching, he insisted on sending me home in his father's car. But it wasn't his dad driving, it was him, with his second brother, Fatah. You can see from the picture what the time already was. He parked the car a little further from the MRT so he walked halfway to meet me. And sigh, I still can't get over how so very handsome he looks now. My heart was beating very fast, despite my tired legs and all, and with his flirting while we walked to the car, ish. Cair la saye. :p

It's nice to hear people saying that me and him are cute and "not like other couples". I'm not in this relationship because I want it to be like other couples' or do what other couples typically do. I'm in this relationship because after all these years of repeatedly falling in love with him, I know he is the one I can turn to in the happiest and lowest times. & sometimes, it could be because we're so ourselves with each other that we can entertain each other's lamest whatever you call it.

"We're different but same in some ways. And things I cannot cope, he'll be there helping me. We're just compatible. Dia lack in some things, I pon lack in some things, tapi we can meet at some point."

And when the daylight comes, I’ll have to go
But, tonight I’m ‘gonna hold you so close
Cause in the daylight, we’ll be on our own 
But, tonight I need to hold you so close