Yesterday:

So, my sis had 2 distinctions and 4 B3s for her N Levels.

She performed above my expectations, way above.

So, to thank the two men for helping her in her sciences and language,

Mum told us to give them a treat.

So, yesterday, we brought them to Rex Mackenzie...

& had these!!!!!!!!

I can have them all over again siaa.....

Minus the beef and soup, not my favourite. :p

So, after that heavy lunch, we went to PlayNation next door.

Unfortunately, all the stations were fully booked.

They put us on the waiting list though.

So, while waiting, we went to the LAN shop next door...

and played L4D!!!!

Not even halfway through the game, PN called and said we had a station.

-.-

So we hurried our game, which was so kecoh, I must say.

And then, the real fun started.

This was hilarious.

The Just Dance game I randomly picked. HAHA!

And finally, a group photo. :)

My dear boy left early, as usual, and my sis bought a bracelet and a headband at Diva. Year end sales suck when you don't have enough money. Overall, yesterday was great.

Today sucks because the spring cleaning gave me a flowing nose THE WHOLE DAY. It's amazing how the gamelan room could collect that much dust in just 9 months. Especially, INSIDE the instruments. Really, really amazing. But, the thing that made me somewhat happy was Syai. I dunno, but I see my old friend back. His lame jokes, his annoying interruptions at unwanted moments, his funny self, the guy is back. But, I was a little wary, of course. I mean, it's easy to fake a smile, hold up a facade in front of people who love you. But I think, I'll just go with the flow. It's good enough to see him shouting and screaming his lungs out and joking and laughing and creating havoc in a group, as usual. I couldn't ask for anything better than just my old friend. :)

I wrote another song again today. LOL. Kay, random.

I hate those random moments when I'm alone and my thoughts drift to my late aunt. In the train today, I remembered how she was once so healthy, and how we were close, and used to stay over at her house and we brought our Barbie stuffs along too. & then, she started going for chemo, lost her hair, I saw her bald before and tried not to stare, and she kept a smile on her face all these years. & while she stayed at my house 5 months before she went, I saw her condition worsen. But the one thing that made me smile, that makes me happy, that makes my heart smile too, is that she lived to see my change, when I made that decision to join the 'Hijab' world. :') I hope she's happier up there. But, I still have to learn to not cry when I think about her. It's kinda hard, especially when those random thinking-about-her moments come at the most unexpected places like the train and other public places. Kind of annoying if you ask me. Tsk.

Okay, off to sleep. Gonna study my brains off tomorrow and Friday and Saturday and Sunday. Since when have I been this hardworking? Since I got all Ds for my UTs. Not gonna get the same for the next UT, that's for sure. :)

Toodles.

Firework

This was how I spent my Christmas.

First, to Downtown East, then to the birthday party @ Tampines.

& then Orchard, for the lights! :D

Enjoy the pictures!

It started raining the moment we stepped out of the house.

Sighs. But we were still happy to go out! :D

Little Farah, so semangat with the hat.

I was checking Twitter. HAHA.

Downtown East, for Farah and her kiddy rides.

While waiting for the rides to end, camwhore la! :p

@ ION. The Christmas Tree's inside.

It was raining heavily at Orchard.

Totally unsafe for my baby camera. :(

Kebetulan, warna lampu Christmas tree favourite maid aku.

Nasib die laaaa. :p

My little sister is very the cute!

She wanted so much to take this picture with the worm.

-.-

The outing was pretty enjoyable, despite the rain. I've never cared much for rain, I'm always fine with rain. It's just the lightning and thunder I don't like. Whenever there's a flash of lightning, my automatic reaction would be to close my eyes, squat and cover my ears. Or else, find cover behind someone (like as if that'll work if lightning were to strike, LOL).

Anyway, it's almost Sunday, and soon, it'll be the day our new wardrobe arrives!!!! It's almost like a walk-in closet. It's customized to our needs, so we actually chose which kind of compartments we wanted to have. & it's pretty cooolll!!!! I'll take a picture of it when it arrives. Gawd, I cannot wait. Cause it sucks to live with your clothes in boxes, and having to dig out the ones you want to wear. Tsk.

Okay, currently doing Ass 2 aka Assignment 2, which is a bloody pain in the ass, but unfortunately, this is only the hard codes for HTML. Wait till the PHP part comes in. I'll be wearing the WTF face 24 hours straight.

NOT!

Hahahaha. Okay, malam-malam berbual merepek eh, Faz. See what programming has done to my brain! But it's actually kinda fun, typing out the codes. Now I'm figuring out the catalogue part, and Haz has already gone to sleep. -.-

Okay, off to continue! Toodles, my loverly people! :)

Boom, boom, boom

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

It's always been inside of you, you, you

And now it's time to let it through

Read this: click!

To tell the truth, the whole post made me cry. Out of the many comments I read, this one fits so much.

I cried just reading the title and first sentence. I'm going through a break up with the first real man I've ever been with and the first real love. Not an adolescent connection, but a mature intimacy. A romance. A completely consuming love.

But, we're not together anymore. People change. Or, in our case, I think we maybe didn't. We just were different people all along. Fighting to make it work. Good people, trying to be good to one another. But it was too hard.

There's at least something every single day that makes me think of him. It's painfully piercing. I miss him.

It was real, too.

Sometimes, the posts on Le Love can make me cry, and some may even fit what I really feel. Sometimes, it's nice to know that someone has gone through something I'm going through and I would be able to learn from their mistakes. But sometimes, when there's too much pain in a particular story, it hurts too. :(

Okay, GNK camp ended today. Very, very tired, especially since I rushed through the 'gifts' from over the weekend until 2am last night. Okay, I don't wanna talk about that. Heart pain. *punches heart*

The best thing about the coming days is that we will be preparing our room for the arrival of our new wardrobe!!!!! *does the hula dance around the house* Fat woman and family have officially moved out, like, last week. I dunno, I don't care. They've given us enough problems the past 2 years to last us a lifetime. Unfortunately, there is not a single doubt in my mind that they would still cause more problems in future. And duhhhh, it would all be about money. My late aunt left a huge sum of money under my mother's name, and the siblings are all arguing with my mum to share it. Kepala otak kau berjambol kat pantat kau. You didn't even look after your sick sister and you claim that you have a right to have a share of that money. Desperate pe nak duit? Sampai duit orang dah mati pon kau nak. Pabo.

Okay, on a happier note, I came home today to an excited sister telling me excitedly about the exciting new colour she chose for the room. Some kind of light pink colour. She tried to pry the lid of the paint can open, but couldn't, so, tired as I was, I told her it could wait till tomorrow when we paint the room. I cannot wait till the wardrobe arrives on Monday, and then see the outcome of our new room's look.

UNCLE AMEER, FASTER MOVE OUT SO I CAN HAVE MY ROOM BACK TOO! I WANT A WALK-IN CLOSET LIKE THAT TOO!!!! HAHAHA.

Sorry for the long hiatus the past week. I've been too tired to update this little space of mine. So I hope this update is sufficient for another week-long hiatus. Hahahahaha. I'll blog again soon, that is, if there is anything worth blogging about.

My back hurts from the Hunter game when Shaa fell on me. Never knew she was that heavy. Or maybe I'm just too small. :/

Okay, I guess this should be all. Off for my well-deserved beauty sleep.

I hope you're trying as hard as I am

But I'm trying twice as hard to be patient

I Wrote This Song

Dad's birthday picnic with his secondary school mates. I saw my dad talk like a young man for the first time, reminiscing with his friends about the 'good old days' where they got into trouble and stuff. I watched my dad giggle geli hati at a funny memory his friend recalled, and I listened to them all talk. It's rare to see my dad open up like this. Usually, it's with his siblings. But this is different, because they have all been friends for 33 years. It's amazing, really amazing that they still kept in touch through out the decades. & I still wanna know who Ipin Tonggek is. :p

I think once you have feelings for someone, those feelings will always be there. You may not like them anymore, but you'll always care.

I wrote this song about you

Isn't that cliche of me to do

But it's nothing for you

The band just need something more to play

So don't blush or hurray at the possible sound of your name

No, I wouldn't go that far

오늘은 지루했습니다. 내가 일을 게으른했다. 내 수업은 수업을 왼쪽으로. 그들은 그렇게 나쁘지. 난 지쳤어요. 그리고 몇 사람은 바보입니다. 왜 그런지 모르겠어요. 그들은 제대로 그들의 두뇌를 사용해야합니다. 또는 뇌사에서 죽을 수 있습니다.

Okay, that's enough for today. :)

작별

She irritates the hell out of me.

You fake a smile in front of me because last night you said you would trouble me no more.

I fake a smile in front of you because I know you have too much on your plate than a girlfriend giving you problems.

You don't understand what love really means so shut up and don't curse my relationship.

3 problems weighing on my mind.

:(

I think I cried myself to sleep when I read his midnight text message.

The boy is just so sweet.

:')

Love doesn’t just mean saying I love you to someone.

Love is love even without saying anything.

Love is also sacrifice, it also means keeping quiet for each others’ sakes.

Loving isn’t merely possessing.

Love is also giving up your own happiness for someone else’s happiness.

My babyboy is going off to Indonesia tomorrow. :'(

But this is just for the weekend.

I don't wanna think about next year. :(

Be safe. :)

I just realized that I have a lot of drafts I didn't publish. It's like, a diary in a blog. My feelings in drafts, but not exactly published. Because I don't want people to know how I truly feel. Sometimes, I kind of get what Syai feels. It's like, if you say what you truly feel, people would definitely get offended, especially if they think it's directed at them. Even if it's not about them, they will terase. &, it would definitely complicate things. But. But. But, if I twist my words, in a way that it would not offend the readers, it is sort of betraying my own words. So what's the point of writing it?

It's hard when you keep feelings to yourself. But, how do you let it all out when you know the person you tell it to would definitely feel offended, or I don't know, angry or something. At some point in my life, I feel anger, I feel sadness, I feel disappointment, I feel betrayal, I feel lost, I feel pain, I feel weak, I feel all the million things I could possibly feel. & yet, I keep them to myself. I see change in the people I love, and I keep what I feel about it to myself. I see people drifting away from me, and I keep the pain to myself. It would seem like I enjoy hurting myself, but hey, I don't have a choice here.

I seriously don't know what I'm talking about.

But today, and yesterday, just got me thinking. The year is coming to an end. First thing I don't want to do is live 2011 the way I lived 2010. I swear, I do NOT want to go through another year of what I've gone through this year. But what am I doing about it? Nothing. Therefore, I have no one to blame but myself.

But, the more I thought about it, the more I want to change the way things are. & I'm figuring out how. I'm still figuring out how.

Goodnight.

Hi, Syai. You sent me a random text message that confused me, and you wouldn't reply to my text messages or my MSN nudges. So I turned to your blog for answers. Your posts made me cry a little and when I saw that one up there, I cried harder. I hope you're proud of us, because you were the director of our love story and without you, 16 months wouldn't have been possible. I'll always pray for you, because you deserve happiness, and someone who would love you as much as you love them. I'm positively sure that one day, you'll find that someone who would appreciate your love. Until then, you know your friends would always be there for you. Always ingat Allah okay?

Here's a little something that I stumbled upon:

When to Fight For the One You Love

In my last relationship, I hardly fought for her. From the beginning, I was told our relationship had an expiration date—she didn’t want long distance relationships. Despite that, I decided to make every day count from June til the end of summer. When the time came, I was willing to let her go without chasing after her. Within weeks, we couldn’t really survive without each other and it became a long distance relationship.

However, that feeling of anxiety didn’t dissipate; it would consume me some nights. Even though I would do sweet things, I never felt secure. We had very different personalities and very different views on alcohol especially. When she broke up with me again and again, I just wouldn’t do something about it. It’s because I thought she deserved better. And what I have to say is this.

You should fight for the one you love, but only if you actually love them. If you just want a significant other, you’re just being selfish. If you love that person, you have to prove it to them. Not all love stories work themselves on their own.

One more, before we move on.

When to Let Go of The One You Love

Remember when I said relationships can be a lost cause? It’s true. Sometimes people stay in unhealthy relationships and the reasons are not logical by any means. Some people just do not know who to live without a significant other, but instead they project this mythic image onto them; losing them, would be losing everything.

Herman Hesse said, ”some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.”

Love isn’t always about clutching someone to show that you care about them. Love is not selfish or at least it shouldn’t’ be; love is about letting them be an individual too and if their life is better without you, you have to accept that. You can’t keep someone with you because you “need” them. Love shouldn’t be about being someone’s burden. You should be the opposite actually—you should bring them up.

No one wants to let go of someone they love. No one wants to let go of the feeling of that has awakened their lives, but not everything is about you. A relationship is between two people.

You have to learn to let go.

And like heiress78 said, letting go of that person can bring you to a better place. All those bruises and scars made you a stronger person, moving you closer to a better life that you have to seek for yourself.

This isn't just for Syai. I think there are some of us who still can't let go of a person. Be it a person you were once involved with, or a close friend, or family. I think that moving on and letting go applies for any category you're in. I'm learning to let go too. This weekend, we're gonna be packing her stuff and throwing some out, and next week is the 40 day kenduri. I'm doing good, I guess. Even possessing some of her stuffs doesn't hurt that much anymore. It's just those random moments when I think of her and about the things I couldn't do to show her and make her feel proud that makes me feel sad and I'll cry. But I know someday, I'll look up in the sky and feel her watching over us. I won't feel sad then, but happy that she's somewhere better.

Now, enough of the emoshit. I met up with Maisarah Kamal yesterday. The last time I saw her was in January this year, I think. I've missed her a lot ever since she left RP. But, I was happy to meet her again yesterday. We sat at the Food Junction from 4.30 plus to 6.30, just talking about our friends, Syai, relationships, driving, school, old times, and everything there is. & I doubt that was even enough. After that, went to look for her winter socks since she's off for Germany today until the 22nd of this month. Lucky woman. China earlier this year, then Germany. Haha. We laughed a lot yesterday, and I keep teasing her about the old times. When we'd do stupid stuff together. Haaai, missed those times. & the girl too. She was my love guru then, and still is. She gave me a lot of food for thought after the meetup. :)

I kind of love today. A lot of things made my day. I hope it continues. Even though PHP stressed my brains out. The best part is today, Ahmad and me were oh-so-sweet and romantic to each other. Tak tau lah angin ape. Not complaining though. Heh.

I'm going for the Sec 5NA reunion on the 20th. Woooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bye for now. Take care. & may you all always be in the best of health. :)

Don't be fooled by my smile.

Or my laughter.

Inside, I'm hiding a lifetime of pain.

No, you deserve much better than me

Mine

Remember 16 months ago?

Look at how much we've changed. :)

I still do remember every feeling I felt at that time too. The crush that began during E-learning week. The MSN conversations with the budak melayus, the dag-dig-dug of my heart each time you msn-ed me, the disappointment I felt when Sarah and me found out you were still trying to get over your ex, the secret glances at you, being teased about you by the rest, blushing when Syai started on his teases and when Sarah made fun of me, telling myself to forget about you when the semester's over, the dag-dig-dug of my heart whenever Syai interrogated me about you and you were sitting right there in the same room, the dag-dig-dug of my heart when you first texted me that lame message, how angry I felt at Syai for making you do this, the gooey gushy shy feeling when you texted me again the day after, the embarrassment I felt when you said you were texting me 'cause you wanted to and not because Syai told you to, feeling nervous that Monday about stepping in class to face you 'cause I knew we wouldn't talk to each other, embarrassing myself during the truth game, fighting with Syai over that small truth, you tried to make me feel better the next morning, smiling shyly each time we caught each other's eye, feeling that kinda hunch that you were secretly watching me (uh-huh *nods head vigorously*), feeling so so so shy around you, talking about relationships in the middle of the night, the dag-dig-dug in my heart when you said you wanted to ask me a question, the harder dag-dig-dug when you popped the question, not thinking straight enough to give a proper answer, the happy feeling amidst the dag-dig-dug when you said you were 'high giler siol', the awkward goodnight, the shy shy smile the next morning.

The story has continued for 16 months. And Insyallah, for many more months to go. We've changed a lot ever since the first day we started this love story, and we have gone through terrible ups and downs, but at the end of it, we've come out stronger than before. I believe in us. I hope you do too. I love you, baby. *virtual hugssss* Hahahaha. ;p

Sorry that I forgot at first. But I hope this makes up for it. :p

P.S I'm sorry, my dear friend. But I can't watch you go on like this. I'm still here if you need me kay? :)

Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water?

You put your arm around me, for the first time

You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter

You are the best thing that's ever been mine

The Way I Loved You

Long overdued picture. Haha.

Why Farah never smile?!?!?!?!?!?

Natasha gave me a surprise when she texted me this evening. Apparently, she needed help for a cover story for her magazine or something. Her team had to write an article that might be called 'Teenage Warrior'. In her words: 'It's a profile story about you and what you struggled through the years, health wise. Cause it's a health magazine. I thought about you for a while but I was afraid you wouldn't allow me to do it. I wanted to present the idea to my lecturer, so that's why I asked you for permission.'

& guess what? I said I was happy to help! Hahahaha, anything for a dear friend. It might be an interesting experience. She was so happy to the kemuncak. Hahaha. Looking forward to hear from her. Hohoho.

Both my sisters went to watch Rapunzel with Kevin and his sister. & when I look at the neoprints they took, they look like a family! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. So funny! Abang Kevin, Abang Kevin! Okay, Faz, irritating.

Because, love, love, love, love, loveeee, love loveee, makes the world go round! :D

Tomorrow is........the 16th month, I think. The conversation between Ahmad and me during lunch was funny though:

A: Eh, besok hari ape?

Me: Huh? Entah?

A: -.- Tengok your phone.

Me: *looks at phone screensaver cause got the date* GASSSPPP!!!! OMG I FORGOT!!!

A: *smiles*

Me: Sorry ah. Tak pernah lupe seh. You je yang slalu lupe. Dulu.

A: Ye la.

Me: Dah brape months ah?

A: *muke stunned* Entah.

Me: *cannot stop laughing* Masih ingat seh your lame message.

A: -.-

Me: *in funny voice* Hi, guys. Ahmad here. I don't think you have my number so here it is. Smiley face. *laughs like crazy*

A: -.- *takes bandung drink* Nahh, minum ni.

Me: Eh, one more! What if I want to take our friendship to another level? *laughs like crazy again*

A: -.- Dah eh. Minum ni. Diam.

Me: *continues teasing him* Why don't you like smoker dudes? I explain already. Then, hmm, maybe I should stop smoking.

A: ..........

Me: One more, one more! I message you because I want to, not because Syai asked me to. *laughs like crazy again*

A: -.-

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. It's been a fun, enjoyable, memorable, exciting, wonderful, and so much more, 16 months. :D

Breaking down and coming undone

It's a roller coaster kinda rush and I

Never knew I could feel that much

And that's the way I loved you

For The Rest Of My Life

Meet Hadi, my nephew No.1! :D

The video they made specially for the guests' eyes.

The song they used was the same title I'm using for this post. :D

Maher Zain = <3

Asraf & Suhailah

We were totally enjoying the whole Arabian style reception. Heh.

Arabian performances. :D

The keyboardist is awesome sia!

The male singer that my sis finds cute.

& he sang one Spanish number too. Heh.

They look perfect together sia. :')

I like this picture siaaaaaa.

Awwwwww. :')

Double awwwww. :')

So cute sia. :D

Managed to grab pictures with my dearest nephew!

Hohohohoho!

HOHOHO <3

I don't feel old anymore when I'm with them.

I told them to call me Kakak. :p

Meet Muhammad Lutfihakim, nephew No.2! :D

My Saturday was so enjoyable. Wardrobe hunting in the afternoon. Then, this Arabian style wedding reception dinner at SIA Sports Club. The wedding was freaking cool laaa. & me and Far couldn't stop talking about what we want for our own weddings. But the worse she said was, "Get married faster can?!!?!?!" I was like, WTF? -.-" If you look at the bride's henna, it's sucha deep red. Maybe it's the henna brand or colour, but from what I know from the Indian family who were once my neighbours, when a woman's henna is a very dark colour, it means her husband loves her deeply. Awwww. :') I don't know if it's true. But I'll stick to what I believe. :) Sigh. I love weddings. :D

I'd wanted to go Bugis today to buy some more tudungs from the shop Nafisah brought me to the other day. But my parents wanted to go wardrobe hunting again. We finally decided on the made to measure wardrobe. It was a good choice, though. We get what we want, how many shelves we want and stuff. Heh. Then later next year, when the other family move out, we'll have that made to measure wardrobe done in my room too. I sooooo canNOT wait.

& today, is the day since ages that I cooked for my family. It's been sooooo long. Hopefully, when I'm free next weekend, I'll grab one of my mum's recipe books and try one recipe. Heheheheh.

& so, begins another week of school. Will be going to school alone tomorrow. :(

& we have 3 weeks to pack our clothes until the new wardrobe arrives. Mum says pack the clothes that we don't really need. Thing is, I need all! -.- Oh well, will work something out somehow.

For the rest of my life

I'll be with you

I'll stay by your side honest and true

Until the end of my time

I'll be loving you, loving you

For the rest of my life

Through days and nights

I'll thank Allah for opening my eyes

Now and forever I

I'll be there for you