Day 2 of us both working. :(

He's looking so handsome. *hearts coming out from my eyes*

Salam, all!

Today went well! The Mrs. was on medical leave! So I actually had fun doing my work in Rachelle's classroom with Jean and Sun and Jean's son, Yongyao. We all laughed a lot too because Rachelle is just so funny! Everytime I'm around her, I'm always smiling and laughing till my stomach hurts. Yes, she's that funny. And her jokes are not offensive, you just know that she's joking and doesn't mean it. Her willingness to share and spread laughter is so admirable, especially coming from this centre.

And!

I found out that I'm bonded to this centre, not PCF. Haiya. I thought I could request a transfer to Pasir Ris or something. But on second thought, Pasir Ris centres have more teachers per centre, so there's definitely bound to be drama. So, I'm fine with where I am actually, I'm just not fine with the travelling. Ha. Ha.

I've made my decision. After I get my transcript, I'm taking the degree straightaway. So I'm starting to save up for it now. Apparently, my bond starts once I have my transcript. Sigh. I thought the bond would end exactly in Jan 2016. Anyway, I plan to enrol in the degree at Kaplan but offered by Monash University. Yes, yes, yes! The very university I visited when I was at Melbourne. But I don't have to go all the way there. I can study right here in SG! And then work at the same time, woohooo! The not so woohoo part is the course fee. I have to save about SGD26, 000 for it.

Yep.

The number is such a turn off, FOR ME, but my mum didn't even flinched. She was like, "InsyaAllah, by the time you nak masok tu degree, my investment dah IPO/split (entah hape I dunno la which one) then I help you pay." I was like, "It's okay, Mie, I can slowly save. Boleh ambek loan or bayar by instalments all this." and she went "It's okay, Long, as long as it's for your education, I will try my best to help you."

:')

I have such supporting parents who believe strongly in education. Not "Alaa, pempuan belajar tinggi-tinggi pon, lepas kahwin masok dapur jugak..."

This always pisses me off.

Like, hello? Kalau tak belajar tinggi-tinggi, abeh lepas kahwin, kalau laki tu tinggalkan kau, kau ade ape hah?

Chehhhh. Hahhahahahahahaha. Ooops.

I'm kidding. But I get annoyed with these type of comments. With the kind of high living standards and costs, it's not wrong for a woman to be able to support herself, her family and also help her husband, once she's married. It even lightens the husband's burden. The responsibilities are shared, you get what I mean? I, for one, sure as hell don't wanna spend all my time in the kitchen. I can cook and everything (I love baking more though!) for my husband but I don't want it to be a full-time job. After working hours, still got time to go back and cook mahhh.

Eh, why are we talking about this? HAHAHA!

So mentel eh, Faz, talk about kahwin all this. About masak-masak for husband some more! Wah, don't pway pway ah.

I can see why all these have been my oh so hot topics the past few months. It all comes down to Ahmad. Him and how he raised the topic. Refer to the post here.

Sometimes, it still is surreal. You know like how you've spent almost your whole secondary school life with insecurities and stuff, and thinking you don't deserve anyone good enough because you're just never going to be good enough (insecure, insecure) and when someone does come your way and pays all this good attention to you and expresses his intentions of a possible forever with you, it's just so fairytale-like, too good to be true, a dream you'd wake up from anytime. Ya know what I'm sayin'? I don't know, I can't stop thanking Allah for placing in my path such a wonderful being, someone full of empathy and patience and sympathy and understanding and love, lots and lots of love. So much that he accepted someone like me, especially someone like me.

If I were a boy, I don't know if I would have that kind of strength and patience to love me. Because even I myself get frustrated with myself. I beat myself up about it all the time. :(

And so, ends my cheerful to emotional post. I know right. My feelings are quite unbalanced, LOL.

Pilates yesterday killed me, by the way. Luckily my butt bone's better now. Otherwise, I'll be getting texts from Ahmad like "Your butt dah okay?" which sounds sooooo funny!!!! *rolls on the bed laughing*

I love this guy. I was just telling Ain today, when I met her for a short while, how his humour attracts me so much, because I love to laugh. Well, I prefer laughing than emo-ing, and the latter just happens to me sometimes without my control. :(

Yep, love this guy. I still don't know how I got so lucky. He's one of the men in my life that I really admire and look up to. :B

I'm trying to blog regularly, which may equals to once every 2 days. I'll try and see what works for me. I miss the regular blogger me. Until then, may you all be in the very best of health. :3

Salam,

Fazzz

Assalamualaikum!

Apa khabar semua? Harap baik-baik saja ya. 

Hahaha, okay stop. I'm back after a week of not blogging. I just needed to blog today, I don't know why. Just felt like it. So well, my week went pretty well, though I was pretty stressed for the first half of the week because of an uncooperative team member and loads of project work. Luckily, by Thursday, everything was over and I could start my short holiday over at Sentosa with who else but Natasha Yow Hisham. Unfortunately, the haze worsened during our stay, to the point that we had occasional breathlessness. When we were at USS, we stayed indoors as much as we could until the PSI dropped. The first Mummy ride we took, I got scared by the Pharaoh mascot or something. Hahaha, it was so funny. Overall, haze aside, it was fun. Well, spooky experiences aside as well. We managed to change the tickets for Adventure Cove to another day because NEA issued a requirement for outdoor activities to cease so AC is closing for a week. So freaking wasted. Sigh. Anyway, I invited her over one of the weekends for a home-cooked local dinner specially made by my mum. Hahaha.

 Elmo's new ride!

Spaghetti Space Chaser! Super cute!

So our dear friend, Muhammad Azhar aka Acha, who just got engaged back in January (without telling us this piece of good news), got posted to military police at Brunei for a year and this week was his home leave for a week. We managed to meet up on Wednesday for a catch up session with just Ahmad because the others couldn't make it. And today, we sent him off. It was nice to have at least some of us gathered, just like old times. When he entered the gates, I suddenly remembered that time when Ahmad also entered the gates to Australia for 2 months. I don't know how I got through that, and Azhar's fiancé had to get through a year of this, with just a week to spend with him in between. It made my own ordeal, if you'd call it that, so minute. I definitely have to salute her for that. :)

Anyone agree that we look married?
:O
Okay la tak la.
He's just looking a lot like Cik Halim.

He was looking so incredibly handsome, so charming and so modest. I really like it when he wears long sleeves and long pants. It makes him look so modest. So smart looking. Tee hee. :p

I start work again tomorrow. Jeanne's on sick leave, I guess. The haze caused her to be hospitalized so she had to rest. Now I have to cover her this week until she gets back. I'm not complaining but I just feel lost whenever she's not around. And besides, I don't like being alone in the classroom with the Mrs.

And the fact that I start work again tomorrow is a whole new ball game for our relationship. When Ahmad started working, I was on holiday and didn't have work. So I was able to meet him whenever he was free because I was free. Now that I'll be working, I don't know how it will be. I don't know what to expect and not expect. I don't know what will happen. We'd both be tired. And even with Singapore being a small country, island actually, we're still living pretty far from each other.

But I know I gotta have faith. Because we always work something out.

I'm so glad to have him. So glad he found me, so glad I found him, so glad he chose me, so glad I opened my heart to him. He's such a good person. :') [I know I keep saying that. :p]

So, this marks the end of my post. I know this isn't much, but I'm getting sleepier now. I realize now that I'm probably the only one among my poly friends who actually still blogs. I feel so..... weird? But anyway, this blog is like my diary already. Besides, it helps me to practise my writing skills. I don't want it to rust. :D

I guess that's about it. No song lyrics for tonight because I just didn't have any in mind. Ramadhan's coming so soon. Alhamdulillah, I get to meet another month of Ramadhan. This month usually brings so much memories, and worse is 1st Syawal. But we all learn to move on, and I have. She stays in my memory and heart, and I read Al-Fatihah for her whenever I can. I do miss her sometimes, but I know she's in a better place. :)

That's about it before I get too emotional and this post will drag longer than it's supposed to. May you all be in the best of health, especially with this kind of weather condition. Amin.

Salam, and have a smooth week ahead! :3

No matter how hard things will get, promise me  you'll still work it out with me. Promise me you'll still fight for us. No matter what happens. I'm gonna be right here for you. I'm willing to stay by your side through it all. :')

@muddness

@Ahmad Mustaqim

Hee :3

Salam all!

In recent months, I noticed a change in people's reactions towards me and Ahmad. It's a positive change, I guess, because now everyone keeps asking when we're getting married. Coincides with the fact that we've been talking about it too, and planning out how we want it to be like. Well, Ahmad's pretty confident about what he wants. I'm not sure what I want yet. Because all I can think about is how much money I have to save up from this point onwards.

But I've gotta say, at my wedding, I definitely want a grand piano there. I'd dedicate a special song that I (hopefully) composed just for my husband. I know right! I'm very romantic like that. Heh!

I just found out that my official graduation from my course would be in October 2014. That is a whole lot of months wasted while waiting for graduation and I can't stand that! Which Is why i'm dying to find out if I can request for the transcript after my course ends on the last day of assessment which should be around March or April. Then I would immediately take my Leadership diploma. I am actually considering not taking the diploma at all. Otherwise, if I only get my transcript in October, I'm not gonna waste my time on Leadership so I'll just take the degree at either Monash or Auston. Trust me, I took a long time to consider this ever since I found out the graduation would be in October instead of the usual 3 months after the last day of assessment. Imagine, from December 2013 to October 2014 with nothing but work. I could use that 10 months to study at the same time. I just don't want to lose the momentum, if you know what I mean.

I told my mum about it, that I'd take the degree first if that's the case, and the leadership would be later on. Besides, if I leave PCF and maybe join Pat's Schoolhouse or Learning Vision or any of the preschools under Knowledge Universe, my pay would be very high with just my current diploma. And unlike PCF, they recognise degrees, so your pay becomes higher too. And with a degree, you can become a curriculum specialist, which sounds cool, if you ask me.

And I need to save up at least 26K just for the degree. Well, for Monash, it would be 26K. For Auston, it'll be about 16K. I like the sound of a degree better than the leadership diploma. I mean, degree is a higher rank already.

Stress you know, think about all this. I wanna get the studying part of my life over and done with, so that I can focus on work and the children.

Speaking of children, I really miss Wayn. T.T

I really, really need to learn how to save properly. T.T

Okay, time to sleep. ECE115 assignment done and ready for submission tomorrow. Just Noelle's commentary left to do and submit on Tuesday as well as the Sealions presentation to prepare for Wednesday. Pretty busy week, ugh.

I guess that's all for now. I had a really good time with Ahmad yesterday. We went on an adventure, relying on GPS to get around in his dad's car. From Pasir Ris to Changi Airport to Bugis to Queensway to Esplanade. And I totally embarrassed myself with him but, he doesn't seems to mind. In fact, he enjoys it all the time. I'm always embarrassing myself in front of him anyway. Sigh.

May you all be in the best of health till the next time we meet! Amin!

I always feel so blessed and lucky to have you.

When I read the old conversations we had,

the ones you were so serious about especially,

when I look at our old photos over the years,

when I recall back those many times you stood by me,

cried with me, laughed with me,

I feel so thankful to have you.

Everything you've done for me,

everything you've gone through for me,

I appreciate it just so much.

I can't even thank you enough for sticking through everything for me.

For someone like me.

Especially.

You know my shortcomings.

Yet you're still always here for me.

No one else could do that.

Except you.

Just know, I'll always be here for you.

Praying for you, your safety, your well-being.

No matter where you are.

I think I'll always be indebted to you.

You're such a good person, a role model.

I'm never gonna be good enough.

But I'll still keep trying.

:)

Be safe always. :3

I know I'm way past the date but I still wanna post this anyway.

Salam, all! Phew! The week's been pretty hectic and it's only Wednesday. Presentations for the past three days were crazy! The preparation was madness, even! I stayed up till like 11 plus last night just to finish up the lesson plan presentation that was due today. All because I went out with my best ladies for a movie and forgot totally about the lesson plan due today. But no regrets, because I had a helluva time. Actually, I had fun the entire day. Out on a date with my favourite policeman (well, the only one I know anyway, haha!) at Bugis and in the evening, watched Now You See Me with the ladies. It was an awesome show too!

Anyway, I don't know what my purpose of updating is because I have nothing else to say besides the above. I'm just so bored, I guess. Ahmad already started work as a police officer and may not be replying my texts till he gets his free time, which is after work, I presume. So that's why I'm pretty bored because he's like the only other person who can stand my nonsense and entertain me at the same time. I need to find something to fill my time. Pilates on Monday evenings, starting 4th week of June. and maybe regular jogs. I need to start regular exercise. Sigh. Swimming didn't work out so well. Need to get running shoes real soon!

Oh and tomorrow would be my 3rd ngaji session with Ahmad's mum. I totally embarrassed myself the last session because I couldn't even spell "goncang" and "kebaikan" correctly and had to ask Ahmad who sat in front of me. Paiseh much, because they laughed at me! :(

Pretty packed day tomorrow. After class, head to Lakeside for ngaji, then head down to Bugis to wait for evening for the class at Madrasah Aljunied. Will be meeting Mirah tomorrow too! I guess I'll just spend the hours between my arrival at Bugis to Maghrib at the library and do my assignment there or something. At least I'll be doing something productive. Unless Masjid Sultan has a power supply I can use to charge my laptop, that would be better.

I guess that's all. Lucky I have nothing planned for the weekend. I can use it for my assignments. Except in the evenings though. Did I mention Ummi Aisyah is in town? Heh.

I'm sleepy now. Haiyo. Ta ta for now. Till my next post then. May you always be in the best of health. 

So handsome, so so so handsome.

His POC day, which I couldn't attend because they didn't allow.

Somebody help me photoshop me beside him can? HEHE.

Salam!

I don't know why but social media is starting to lose my interest. Whenever I turn on my laptop, I focus too much on work related things such as checking my email, continuing assignment essays, logging in to my other Facebook account to reply to parents who have any queries or just to update, checking Le Love or Tumblr sometimes and that's it.

Is this what becoming an adult is like?

'cause really, I couldn't live without Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr back when I was in poly. It's like an essential routine daily; updating all three, otherwise I just feel funny.

And now? Turning on the laptop once a week is actually fine with me. Unless, I have assignments to do. Otherwise, I'm fine with not even touching my laptop. It's a weird thing to realise, now that I suddenly noticed it. I can't live without my phone though. I'm still an avid gamer; I love Hay Day and Cause of Death so much that I play almost everyday! That's if Hay Day doesn't hang on me 3 days in a row, and when I completed the COD chapter and will have to wait till the new episode is released.

I'm actually craving for Ikan Bakar so badly right now. I have NO idea why.

So, anyway, I got to FINALLY meet and talk to Ahmad properly yesterday. Our meeting on Saturday had none or little interaction between us, mostly because I was too shy to talk to him for some reason I still can't fathom. Or maybe because his family surrounded us so, cannot la mania-manja as usual.

And we walked to Woodlands MRT from RP together and it was soooooo funny! It brought back so many memories of the many, many times we always walked back together after whatever it is that made us stay late. Kenangan manis kau dan aku. Hehehe. So anyway, he's been really.... hmm, how do I put it? Direct? Straightforward? About the thing I'm always too shy to talk about with him. Hahaha, alamak. I also shy want to say here.

Marriage. Saving up. In-laws.

These stuff came up in our conversation during our walk last night. Well, as usual, my heart went "Tak tak etc" because he's saying everything out loud, and he's not afraid to. Because he says the things we say become our doa. InsyaAllah, can come true. :):)

They say when you find someone, a partner, who brings you closer to Allah, appreciate them and don't let them go. If all goes well and you marry them, then they can guide you towards Jannah. :')

The very thing I hope for in a partner. I look at my parents, who always solat jemaah whenever my dad is home, and I tell myself, I want that too. Pray together, ngaji together. It's just nice, somehow. Well, as an onlooker. I don't know when I'd even get married. Mak says must get degree first. She tells people and relatives she's just joking. That's why I don't know if it's a joke or not!!! Stress, you know! I thought of skipping the leadership diploma but I thought what if in future I need it and never took it? There goes the opportunities, if ever. So, bottom line, I still have to take the leadership. Bummer, you know.

So anyway, readers (if I have more than one), I believe you would have noticed that in the past couple or so months, my blog posts are usually, normally, about Ahmad. I hope you're not sick of seeing his name all the time, haha. 'cause honestly, he's one of the people I look up to. Now, I'm not saying this just because I'm his girlfriend. But I'm saying this because over the years, I've seen him grow up and change. As his girlfriend, friend, committee member, member of our IG, I've seen different sides of him. One thing I like about him is that he has a sincere heart. That's one trait that is very rare nowadays. Often, when people help others, they expect something in return. I'm not saying it's wrong but it's just rare to find someone doing it out of goodwill. When we walk around places and people come up to us with donations or voucher-donations, he'd just give them and I don't. That's why I mentioned before, he's pretty admirable.

I've gotten off track. HAHA.

So yeah, the past few months have been about Ahmad because ever since the first time he raised the topic of marriage and our future together, I can't shake it outta my head. And the more he talks about it, the more I realise how serious he is. And it's cute how he talks about it. I know it's kinda a long way to go till we can actually do it but it's not wrong to start planning. Plus, we need to save. Badly. Living in Singapore isn't easy, gotta tell you that.

Let me emphasize: It still feels surreal.

Growing up never felt scarier than this. But I know I've gotta have faith. Always have faith. InsyaAllah, he's the last one. :)

I know it's a pretty deep post. I just don't have anywhere else to drop off my thoughts and feelings. I've been pretty emotional, but my emotions are starting to stabilize ever since the end of PTC. So I'm doing great. :D

I suddenly feel so paiseh to want to post this up because that's all my bare feelings up there, no filter. And I know Ahmad's gonna read it too. So paiseh but... Sigh.

See you in my next post, InsyaAllah. :)

Evergreen

This stung a lot when I saw it.

I feel so bad that whenever I pray, I end up crying so bad.

Anywaysss, salam!!!! This week was pretty hectic. Chasing deadlines to upload the children's portfolios to the school's hard disk as a backup copy for principal and MOE/PCF HQ to check when they come, then realizing that my Mac couldn't read the hard disk, saved the portfolios into a thumbdrive instead and gave it to principal, helped Jeanne realign her slides and convert her morning class's portfolios to PDF, listening to her complain about her husband (LOL), talking to the parents on the parent-teacher conference day, talked to the fathers who came alone and they complained about how naughty their child was (LOL), chased down the parents who haven't paid the following term's material/school fees, got the children to colour their files' cover page, rushing worksheets that haven't been completed, and finally FRIDAY, a mini celebration to welcome the June holidays. Played games with the children, who enjoyed it too much. By too much, I'm referring to Wayn Goh. He refused to accept his loss at Musical Chairs, and while he circled around the chairs, he went "Dong dong cheng" and I don't know what that means but it's just so super cute and funny! Watch the video! It will be easy to identify him; he's the loudest and the most excited among the boys. Hahahaha! 

This is only one of the videos I took. The "Dong dong cheng" part hasn't started yet but really, this boy is one funny thing. He also became Ahmad's favourite kid to watch on video.

Now, speaking of Ahmad.

Ehemm.

Well, to make a long story short (I'll still talk long long about it anyway hahaha), I just started ngaji sessions with him, or rather, his mum. Here is how the story went.

It was after his POP, which I took MC for and attended, alone, if I may say so. Alone because nobody else was free to attend with me. So, I think maybe a week or so later, he suddenly asked me to ngaji with him. I said I would if I could, but the first time we tried, my parents felt uncomfortable with the idea of me going to his house for ngaji. Even if it was just ngaji. Apparently, it's not nice to see anak dara masuk rumah lelaki, without any hubungan whatsoever. Go figure la. I didn't mind because my intention was it's for ngaji, I needed to start, otherwise, when would I start right? And it's like, ni dah ade orang ajak. It's like, an opportunity already. I don't have to search for places to attend ngaji classes or whatsoever. (Though I was considering going for the Perdaus one with Ain.) But they minded so, no choice but to cancel that plan.

So when he asked me to go ngaji with him, despite the fact that he already knew why I couldn't because of my parents' opinion of the idea, I asked him why he suddenly asked again. Which brings us to this "Tak tak dung daa dung dung dung GONG" conversation.

Which eventually led to this:

When I read the above message, my hands were shaking like crazy. I could barely type properly. My heart was pumping so fast, I thought I was gonna faint, and at that time, I was already lying down on my bed, hahaha!

So anyway, we discussed the ngaji thing, and I told him he will have to talk and fully explain to my parents about it. But it ended up being me who talked to my parents about it. The guy was starting to have cold feet hahaha! Okay, joke. It's never easy meeting and talking to your partner's parents. I told him I'd talk to them first about him coming over and the reason for it. And while explaining, I ended up giving the details. At first, mum said no. So I turned to dad who said can la, just try. And mum couldn't say anything because she has to follow dad's decision. Which is why dads are awesome. Hee!

This approval was just two weeks ago.

And yesterday was the first session at his house. All I've gotta say is I had a repeat of the "Tak tak dung daa dung dung dung GONG" sensation, like, throughout. To the point that halfway, I couldn't even feel anything. My mind just blanked out, but not entirely, otherwise I wouldn't even know what I was doing. But during the ngaji session, I absorbed every word his mum was saying and that led to my face being so serious because I was concentrating so hard. Because I got feedback from Ahmad that my face was so serious that he got worried. Which was why yesterday, after the whole thing, he kept asking if I was okay. Hahaha. Oops.

It was the first time I heard, and I mean really heard, Ahmad recite the Qur'an. My jaw wanted to drop to the floor. And it was also the second time I ever solat jemaah with him. His nenek joined us yesterday. But I've gotta add that it was the first time I really felt awkward around Ahmad himself. With his family members, it would be normal to feel awkward. But somehow, I don't know why, maybe because of my formal/professional mode on, I just found myself feeling so awkward whenever he spoke to me. Nak eye contact pon tibe2 malu. Ahak ahak!

I have to admit, I really was in my most formal, most professional self, as much as I could muster and put on, yesterday. But looking back, it was so funny and I don't even know why. I really wasn't myself at all. But, his nenek was the best!! She's so super cute la, sigh. It made me miss my own grandma that I never knew, even if she knew me.

The whole family, minus his nenek and youngest brother, sent me home to Pasir Ris. Yup, I was squeezed in the backseat beside his mum. She's got such piercing eyes. I bet Yash would flinch if he starts to throw a tantrum and she looks at him. Hahahahahaha. Okay, serious. But during the car ride, she started small talk and stuff so it's quite okay. I still feel so paiseh la, I don't know why! Just thinking about the whole of yesterday makes me smile and laugh at the same time.

So, yup. That's basically the summary of it. Whenever things have anything to do with Ahmad, everything feels so surreal. Like, every word he says about us or our relationship or our future, all feels surreal. I guess I'm still trapped in the mindset that I'll never be good enough. I just can't help it, sorry. But I learnt somewhere today that positive thinking leads to positive things so, I'm gonna try my best, I promise. He's just sucha good and sincere person, I feel like I'm not good and sincere enough. He's really admirable, actually. (Ahmad, jangan kembang, bro.)

Pretty long post, hehek. Tomorrow, he embarks on another new adventure. Finally a police officer. I'm excited and scared for him. Nevertheless, my prayers will always be with him. :)

So this is my update. I don't know if I'll update again, given my busy schedule. But when I do post, I'll make it worth the read. See you in my next post. Until then, may you always be in the best of health. :D

I'm gonna take this moment 

 And make it last forever 

 I'm gonna give my heart away 

 And pray we'll stay together