My dearest cat just can't get any cuter.

Anyway, tomorrow is finally and hopefully the last UT paper that I will ever sit for. I'm praying like crazy that I will be able to graduate safely from RP and finally chase my dreams. :)

I've been reading a book called The Cinderella Society by Kay Cassidy. & it's really nice. I know it's just a freaking book but I can't help but to quote something the "Prince Charming", as they called him, said.

"Because when I'm with you, I can almost see the guy I used to be. That's why I didn't want to sit at the round tables on our first date. I didn't want you to see that part of my life. I didn't want it to scare you off. But I screwed up anyway, because I couldn't get past it myself. You make me want to be a better person just so I'm worthy of you. You're beautiful and smart, you care about people, and you stand up for what you believe in. I'm in awe of you most of the time."

That's really sweet because it touched me a little. But nothing beats The Pact by Jodi Picoult. That book is the sweetest of all sweetest.

Okay. Busy week ahead. & I mean, reeeally busy week ahead. Bismillah.

So, how should I say my week went?

Well, I suddenly had some kind of good luck this week. I got the part-time job at Uniqlo, and was posted to ION. This story was funny. Haz and me were at Compass Point Macs for a late lunch after my teaching ended. Oh, please don't get me started on how the class went. For primary 3 kids, they're really rude. I am shocked myself. Anyway, we were talking about everything when suddenly my phone vibrated. We both stared at the unknown number together and I picked it up. At first, I thought it was Recruit Express (-.-), so I was prepared to reject any offer if it clashes with my Gamelan timings. The person on the other side asked if I was Faz, and then said, "I am calling from Uniqlo." I immediately sat up in my sit EXCITEDLY. & Haz was like, "Who? Who?" & I was mouthing, UNIQLO! Hahahahaha. Yada, yada, yada, after I hung up, I was like, Oh-my-god. & then suddenly Haz's phone vibrated. Same number. We got too overexcited and I almost screamed. People were already staring at us by then and I was flapping my hands excitedly. Haz composed herself and answered the call. When she finished, we couldn't stop high-fiving each other. The next day, we went down to Somerset to sign the paperwork. I'm starting on the 24th. Got some tips from Shaza earlier just now, so I'm looking forward to it. Maybe might even see her since we're both at the same outlet. Did I mention Haz got posted to Vivocity? :(

Second stroke of luck is finally getting the salary from Ivory Metal. I'm still trying to control my spending. I just bought two shoes yesterday. Sigh. I am so gonna develop the film photos next week. How long has it been? 2 years. Sorry, Mustaqim.

So, I guess that's about it. UT3 in full swing next week. I hope to breeze through it. It sucks when you're doing your exam and you're confident it's the right answer, but later on, you think it might be wrong. You know how demotivating that is? Ugh.

I have teaching again on Monday, ughhhh. Now I'm no longer excited for it anymore. I've got the naughtiest class in my hands, with one of them being the most rudest boy I have ever met. So far. I have to replace Faezah on the 29th this month at Yio Chu Kang Primary. I just really hope the students are not like Mee Toh. I can just DIE. 

I think my throat just needs to get used to shouting every Monday. :/

Okay, till here. Gotta continue revising. 3 more UTs to go and I have unofficially graduated from RP!! :D:D

If it's very painful for you to criticize your friends - you're safe in doing it. But if you take the slightest pleasure in it, that's the time to hold your tongue.

She was looking really fabulous last night. & I had fun people-watching with her while we sat and ate. TK was the MC, and he was pretty awesome. He's like a natural, and I won't be surprised if one day he appears on TV. :D

So anyway, last night was fun except the part where we had to wait for the dance floor segment to end so we could get on with the lucky draw. They all danced for one hour! Gosh. Sadia kept going from us back to dance floor back to us again then back to dance floor again. Repeatedly. It's so funny! & Haz was super paranoid with the way she looked. Sigh. The next time I will see her dress up so fab is on her wedding day. Haiya....

Anyway, I was so tired this morning I had to drag my feet out the door to go for Balinese rehearsal. Serious, sheesh, serious. I even didn't know what time it was. Ahmad called when I was at the circle line platform at Paya Lebar and I was talking like a person who just woke up from sleep. & I was confidently saying, "I will reach there no later than 1.30." Padahal dah 2 o'clock! He pointed that out and I was like so paiseh! HAHA!

Habib and Shyme are chasing each other in and out of the room as I'm typing here. Sungguh irritating. Texted Liyana earlier, been a while since I met that girl. It's hard to meet up with friends when you're working or when you have a busy schedule. It sucks even more when you try to fit them in your schedule and they complain that you're not trying hard enough. It sucks more than that when they say you have more time for your other friends than them. What's wrong with you people, honestly? Dah bagos orang nak tepikan time untuk kau, tak tau bersyukur pe?

Anyway, had a long chat with Liyana. Really miss her. Been a while since we went to lepak at Ya Kun @ Changi Airport. Haha. That's like our standard place to lepak. Sit like nyonya, drink kopi ke milo, gossip-gossip. :D

Okay, I'm actually multi-tasking between typing here and doing my Business Finance UT3 notes. I just realized exactly how much formulas I have to understand again. Gawd, I regret taking this module. When I thought there won't be any calculations, there is! Plus using excel as well. Like what the.... I can't even.....

My first class ever on Monday. Balinese performance at Canadian International School on Wednesday. Shall bring laptop on Tuesday before GA practice to continue doing whatever notes I have left.

I'm scared. I'm just really scared.

You're still the best that I'll ever have.

"Relationships fall and whither because eventually someone stops trying and it doesn't feel the same. The first couple of months or even years it may be the best thing you ever wished for, but eventually someone loses feelings, gets to busy, or doesn't even bother to try. You know why? Because they're comfortable. The beginning is all about the chase. Can you keep up? If you can then you'll get the hang of it and then you won’t want to try anymore. You aren't afraid to lose them because they're yours. Arguing leads to fighting and it just gets worse from there. It all flashes by so fast. So, cherish what you have."

Cause it's true. Cause that's what I'm beginning to feel.

Cause I just need to be sure that us is really what you want.

Cause I don't want to get hurt. I just really don't.

It's scary when you've been in a relationship for so long. I am happy, I sure as anything am happy. But to look to the future is a whole different thing. It scares me. I don't know what is in store for us. I don't know how long more we will last. It's not that I have doubts, it's just this nagging feeling like, "Shouldn't this be about the time that they actually get tired? Oh no, I don't want to get hurt." kinda thing. I cherish us, I love us, I want this to last. I sure as hell want this to last. But I guess it's just a girl thing to feel insecure sometimes.

I told myself whatever happens in the future, I'll accept it. Because if it was meant to be, it will be. All I'm afraid of is getting hurt. Well, I guess this truly is love.

Sometimes I just wanna tell you, you deserve better.

Saturday: It was okay. But because I was using energy since morning, by evening, I was already tired and even got too emotional when my family pissed me off over the phone. But anyway, Gamelan @ The Gardens was nice. I pretty much screwed up Kupu Kuwi with my super FAIL interlocking with Lina. Sigh. But at least we knew to keep going. But one thing to note is the fact that Botanical Gardens changed so much since the last time I was there, which was in Primary 5. & I suck for not bring any of my cameras that day. The scenery and lighting were absolutely perfect for a nice portrait. Sigh.

Today, was the last lesson of Hospitality and Tourism Management. Sure, there is a couple or two people that I didn't particularly like in that class, but the module was a useful one. Honestly, I learnt a lot from it and I think I don't regret taking it now. But still, the last lesson of the module in a semester is always an emotional one, especially when the class is attached to the teacher. He was a great storyteller, if not a draggy one, but it's from this kind of elderly teachers that we should look up to and learn from them because they've experienced so much more than us.

After the outing and lunch with dearest Faleela, I called Haz when she permitted it and found out that the class assigned to me is the "most well-behaved class", which is the most sarcastic way of putting it. Just my luck to have a naughty class as my first assignment. Baik uh, Mr.Jaffar, terima kasih la banyak-banyak. -.- Looks like I'll have to imagine this lot of kids in front of me when I'm teaching later: Farah + Nabilah + Keisha + Zahir + Ari + Maman + Daus. This is the only group that can get me really angry when they're together. We'll see how it goes. I'll just remain as optimistic as I can.

I just realized today that ever since secondary school, I've always tried not to show my weaknesses to people around me. I don't know why, but it's only today that I realized it. I put up a strong front and keep smiling, and when I'm at my worst state, be it in the mental or physical sense, I refuse to let people see me as weak.

Is that pride?

Well, bye then. See you in the next post. Till then, I hope you'll all be in the best of health. :)

2 Fridays I have spent crying for you. I wonder again why you even came back a year ago. If you weren't planning to stay, why did you even show up? I could live with another 10 years of waiting for your return but I can't live with you walking out again. I know the reasons why you won't come see us again, but still, we're family. We're still family no matter what happened 13 years ago. It's so hard trying to live with the state this family is in right now. I still blame her. Always her. If it wasn't for her, maybe my grandpa would still be living with us.


But I guess it's already written in fate, that this was meant to happen to our family. Whatever la. This will be the last time I'm weeping for you. You can come and go as you wish, I'll just have to learn to block the pain every time you fade in and out of our lives. I've got better things to worry about anyway.


This is it. The last lap. Once this final week is over, one week later is the UT week, and then, I am done.


Cannot wait.