I miss you dearly.

Over the years, as we get on with our lives, we think of our lost ones lesser.

I admit, I think of you lesser now but when I do think of you, the sadness still hits me very hard.

I don’t know why I’m writing this but I just want to put this here for memory’s sake.

I miss your smile, your laughter and your gruff voice.

And I’ll always remember your last piece of advice to me that I’ve always held on to.

With everything that’s happening in my life currently, I do wonder if I should take a step back just to put everything into a clearer perspective for me

Am I overworking myself? Am I under a lot of stress and pressure from various aspects in my life?

I guess I’ll just use this weekend to wind down and reflect.

Instead of doing work-related stuff, I should focus on t4t instead.

With the COVID-19 virus just raging on and on, things have not been picking up and I do worry for the future. I wonder whether this was meant to happen to the world. Was this pre-destined? The answer is probably yes. I guess I just need to have faith in Allah that things will be better for all of us, slowly, some day but surely.

InsyaAllah. 

Ramadhan 2021

 

Salam!

It’s been a long while since I last blogged. Well, wow, it’s been 1.5 years, I think, since I got married. This is my second Ramadhan as a married woman. & this time round, it has been a different one from alllll the Ramadhans I’ve spent. Why? Because I spent a lot of time and energy to try to khatam the Qur’an in this holy month. However, I only managed to reach Juz 19 before my period came. So, take note, Faz, 10 days to pay back for this year. Although I’m sad that my intention to khatam Qur’an during Ramadhan was not achieved, I actually feel proud that I at least got halfway through. I’ll just continue after Ramadhan, and hopefully, I can do it on a daily basis. I think that would be a good intention too, right?

This Ramadhan is different in terms of the trials that I’ve had to go through at work. It took a lot, like really a lot out of me not to stay angry the whole day at all the shit and nonsense my leader left us hanging by. It’s now Week 4 that she’s away and, boy, the things that got revealed were astounding. Like really, how lazy can one person be? So yes, it’s only natural as a staff to feel angered by the things a leader should have done or been responsible for. It took a lot of energy to stay patient with all that was going on. 

I also just want to give myself a gentle reminder here. Something happened before Ramadhan started and I did something I normally would not have done and/or had the strength to resist because I am naturally a cheapo person (hahaha!). Okay, only I would know what happened because I’m not gonna tell that story here because of how personal it is but when I read this back, I will be able to understand.

You will have faith. You will continue to have faith. Every woman goes through a different type of journey, and perhaps, yours wouldn’t be as easy but your time will come. Stay strong, have faith, keep trying, keep praying. Even though it’s hard to say it out loud, even though it’s hard to watch that kind of joy and happiness on social media, someday, you will have it too, InsyaAllah. All you have to do is be strong. It’s okay to cry sometimes, because the disappointment is painful, it’s hard, it’s stressful, and there’s so much pressure. But, take it easy. Your mental and physical health matter. It’s okay to cry once in a while, but you don’t deserve to stress yourself out about it. Just have faith because your time will come. If it was meant to be, it will be. If Allah wills it to be yours, it will be. Just be strong and enjoy life as it is. Focus on yourself and the relationship. Build it up, make it stronger. And then, everything will fall into place. :)

I’m always, always so thankful to have Ahmad as my husband. This past half year has been difficult, but we’ve been getting by. Maybe there’s a reason for everything that happens. Maybe the time isn’t right for it to happen. At the end of the day, Allah knows best, and He decides what’s best for us right? No matter how badly we may want it, if Allah says it’s not good for us, He will exchange it with something better. & I’ve gotta remember to always hold on to that.

It’s been hard. But I’m okay. I’m thankful that I have great support systems to turn to anytime I need. So I will be okay.