I don’t understand why I am being treated this way.

I don’t understand why you only can see it in one perspective.

I will never say you deserve it but some things you do makes me think that maybe it’s a sign from Him to change your ways before iti’s too late.

I’m not saying I’m a saint. I have my days where I can’t deal with it either.

But at least even I know I’m not as rude to her as you are.

At least I know I don’t hurt her feelings even though she hurts mine all the time.

Ever since those things happened during Ramadhan this year, you get away with so many things now and it’s unfair for me to shoulder things alone.

This past weekend has gotten me more tired than I’ve ever felt.

But I can never say all these to you because of your temper and defensiveness.

At some point, I realized that I got too sick and tired of your attitude that even I let you get away with a lot of things.

But why?

Why do I have to do this too?

I just don’t understand.

Salam!!!

Hellooooo! I’m alive and back on track! Hahahahahaha. Well, first of all, I AM JOBLESS!!!! I decided, after much consideration, planning and careful thinking, to take a break for the whole of July. This is already the end of my second week of break, homaigad time flies so fast when you’re having fun. I’ve been mostly out with friends and Ahmad, and going for interviews. Because I have the luxury of time, I’m actually taking my time in choosing a suitable centre. I’ve been targetting the international schools actually, but so far, there has been no response because it’s the summer break right now. I should have like, applied earlier but I was doing my notice period and I didn’t want to clear leaves just for interviews. Honestly, I regret that now hahaaha but what to do. I’ve been to many interviews I lost count but that’s another story to tell.

Anyway, I am very much focused on enjoying my break as much as I can. Catching up with friends is one of the best things for sure. It’s so nice to know what they’ve been up to and reminisce on younger days slash poly days mostly. I’m turning 27 this year and school years really feel so far away, as though it was a lifetime ago. We’ve been so quickly sucked into working life and dealing with people in general on top of the daily challenges of our respective jobs. And not forgetting the adulthood responsibilities like paying for the bills, supporting the family, saving for the future and so on. Despite that, I am really happy and thankful for what I have achieved in the short 6 years that I’ve been in the education industry. Alhamdulillah. *inserts namaste emoji”

I promised before that I would share what has been happening in my life. Man, where do I start? My previous job at Punggol first then. Wah. What do I say man? When I first joined last year, I was honestly happy and could actually envision myself staying long-term with the company. But then, 2018 came and all of a sudden, it was like BAM in my face. The management suddenly became shitty. I endured this for 4 months and then decided I had enough so I threw the resignation letter on my principal’s table. I was the first to resign, followed by 2 others (LOL). The 2-month notice period also revealed alot of bad things about the company so my decision to leave was definitely a good one and not like, an impulse thing. I timed my leaves to clear such that every week during the notice period, I get a day off or half day off.

Despite the negative experience in the first half of 2018 at this centre, I can’t say I didn’t learn anything either. I learnt the importance of team work and team spirit. The culture of helping each other in a workplace is so, so, so, super duper important. I learnt and reflected on the kind of teacher, mentor and leader I want to see myself become in the future. The best leader (hands down) is definitely the one at PCF. Sigh. Leadership is not an easy role to take, guys. It’s a make it or break it kind of thing.

The last negative thing (and this one really shook me in anger by the way) was when I found out about something on my 2nd last day at the centre. To cut the story short, someone fitnah me la ah. I confronted the director about it but because these two idiots are best friends, the one who fitnah me got away with it. But honestly speaking, why why why would I ever tell someone NOT to become principal at a centre? Who am I? It’s not even in my place to tell that person what to do or not to do. I couldn’t understand why such people exist in the world. Penipu haram betul.

So much for wanting to leave in peace. I was a harmless person there and someone cari pasal with me. You all win company of the year la please. So annoying. But anyway, I’m over all that. Why waste energy holding a grudge right?

So here I am today. Of all the interviews that I went to so far, I liked today’s company the best. The company’s beliefs towards their staff and stakeholders really impressed me. Plus, it was the first time that I had a panel of 2 interviewers at the same time so I could actually assess whether they were both on the same page while they were sharing information about the centre’s operations and stuff like that. So they will get back to me about the remuneration package in a few days. I actually feel now like I should lower my salary expectations. Some companies just cannot pay because they’re not Shaws. Hahahaha.

I was out with Zaff after the interview and while we were having my very late lunch, I received an email. For the position. “Overseas English Teacher”. I was MINDBLOWN. Zaff was beyond excited hahaha. But let me just be clear first: I was shortlisted for an interview je. It’s not like I got the job already. So the overseas posting will be at China and according to the company’s website, it will be at Shenyang/Chengdu. Now, I am familiar with NEITHER. So Zaff and me were Googling it and all during lunch and the train journey home. She was excited for me because it’s a great opportunity. Plus, the remuneration package and benefits were quite good. Accomodation, insurance etc are covered. Quite a good deal right? It’s great to have supportive friends.

Well, it’s even better to learn today that I have a GREAT fiancé. He was like “Whatever the decision, you have my fullest support.” *inserts crying emoji x8843743205839257)

However, I don’t really have my hopes up for this though. I mean, it is still a great opportunity and all and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited. But of course, I had my concerns. As this will be a contracted thing of 2 years commitment, what if I breached it at like 1 year? Maybe due to unforeseen circumstances, you’d never know. Nevertheless, if it’s my rezeki to receive this opportunity to grow myself personally and professionally, I will accept it for sure. My friend accepted a job a Sydney but it doesn’t come with benefits like provided accomodation expecially. She had to source out her own accomodation and Sydney is soooo expensive. So yeah, if you’re gonna consider working overseas, the remuneration and benefit package better be attractive.

In other news, or rather, old news (haha), I’ve been engaged for almost 3 months already!!! *inserts shocked emoji* Alhamdulillah! Time really flies, man. Like legit. We are down to...let me count...15 months to the big day! *inserts more shocked emoji* Where has the time gone? It feels like yesterday that we were sitting in W35F secretly stalking each other. I got lucky. Like really lucky and blessed. The wedding plans... Ah, don’t get me started. My savings are not non-existent, but it’s not a substantial amount either. Hahahahaha. But it’s okay. We take it slow, one step at a time. Find a job first, then eat grass till next year. Hahahahaha. I’m kidding. We cleared his side’s reception venue which is a whole package at Concorde Hotel. I’ve settled the deposit for the bridal services already too. Currently, we’re deciding on a photography company and because he’s leaving it to me to decide cause it’s kinda my area of expertise in a certain sense, I’m feeling the pressure a little hahaha. It’s okay. All will be well, InsyaAllah. Gotta have faith in my decision making skills.

Okay, it’s really late already. I’m screwed if I were to start working soon cause my body clock switches off like in the wee hours of the morning. Not enough rest like that. I have to clean the house too in the morning so I better go. Wow, it really feels so good to be able to blog again. Yay! Till next time then. Salam!