Salam, all!

Today, I got involved in a very much awkward conversation, the most awkward I have ever been in, and it was only between me and another person. Awkwardness level was 200%, please. Ugh. It was quite uncomfortable to talk to her because I just felt that it was just not a good topic for conversation. But she consulted me because she knew that I ngaji and go for the Thursday night classes, which I have NO idea how she knows because I told absolutely no one about the Thursday night classes, and thought that maybe I could give her some advice.

Advice that I had to ask my other friends for advice too! Kental la, Faz.

I ain't gonna say what the topic was here, though. No, no. Can't stain my blog with such a sensitive topic. But I just want to touch on the topic of gratitude. Being grateful for whatever you have, for whatever Allah has given us. Be it less, or more, or not enough.

Let's just call it assets. She was unhappy with her assets and felt less confident because of it and wanted to somehow, how should I put it? Enhance it? I guess. So she asked me about the hukum and stuff and I ni bukan Ustazah ke ape la but I just shared with her my own basic knowledge. What I know and grew up learning from my parents, especially. Unfortunately, I couldn't make her change her mind. Haram is haram, right? But she said if it's okay if it happens after marriage, if there was a mutual understanding between husband and wife.

And yours truly was like, OHHHMAAHGAAHHHHH WHY TALK UNTIL THAT FAR?

This brought the awkwardness level a higher notch. But she doesn't seems to care because she wants to hear the answer from me, an answer that she hopes to hear but unfortunately, isn't receiving.

So I told her I would ask my mum and maid, because I most definitely can't ask the closest Ustaz I have, who happens to be my boyfriend because it'll be super duper awkward, right? I can ask his mum but, it still will be awkward. So, the answer is still no. :D

So, I asked my mum and maid. They both had the same answer: after marriage. To make le husband happy, yes.

And yours truly feels awkward again. Sigh. And my mum made a remark too: "Kawan-kawan kau semua pelik eh!"

Hahahahahahaha. I cannot stand her comments sometimes.

But it made me reflect. Why do some people still feel insecure about themselves and always seem to want more? Why is it always never enough? Especially us women. To attract men, to feel beautiful and attractive, that kind of self-satisfaction. They're willing to go lengths just to achieve this because appearance matters so much. (After marriage is probably a different thing altogether.)

And it's wrong, isn't it? This niat, this intention. I mean, in my opinion, we should just be grateful for what we already have, what we were given. Because others may not have what we already have. 

I find that I'm always highlighting this. Others may not have what you have. Nobody's perfect, not me, and not you. We're always definitely lacking in something, and it could be just anything. But if we learn to overlook this and just accept and love ourselves just the way we are, we could lead happier lives.

Cause you're amazing just the way you are

Yeps.

Unfortunately, the world never thinks alike. So be it. :)

I'm really actually very tired right now. JL had a workshop to attend so I was alone to handle my afternoon class, with a birthday celebration on top of it. This is the third time that I've handled a birthday celebration alone, this year. I feel pretty awesome about it but it leaves me super shagged after everything was over. And today was terrible because my angry boy threw a major tantrum with huge tears streaming down his face because he wanted me to scold another kid. He just kept insisting that I scold that boy, but he did nothing wrong to deserve a scolding from me, so angry boy got angrier. I'm surprised that I could patiently handle him. Hees. Patience is not really easy to maintain sometimes, and it doesn't only apply for this line of job. It's the same for every job. :)

Bottom line, I strained my voice at the end of the day. Still can't seem to grasp the concept of using my diaphragm to project my voice louder. Luckily Jeanne bought for me the honey throat drops already. :D

I wish I could say I'm tired of pretty much everything but I realized that I'm holding up well. But I do wish I could sleep until I don't feel tired anymore. Sigh.

I guess that's it, folks. Time for bed, because my boyfriend is out fighting crime while all of us are safely tucked in bed, and he can't reply my messages. :(

I miss him. And our poly days. Sigh. :'(

Salam, and may ya'll be in the best of health always. :3