Evergreen

This stung a lot when I saw it.

I feel so bad that whenever I pray, I end up crying so bad.

Anywaysss, salam!!!! This week was pretty hectic. Chasing deadlines to upload the children's portfolios to the school's hard disk as a backup copy for principal and MOE/PCF HQ to check when they come, then realizing that my Mac couldn't read the hard disk, saved the portfolios into a thumbdrive instead and gave it to principal, helped Jeanne realign her slides and convert her morning class's portfolios to PDF, listening to her complain about her husband (LOL), talking to the parents on the parent-teacher conference day, talked to the fathers who came alone and they complained about how naughty their child was (LOL), chased down the parents who haven't paid the following term's material/school fees, got the children to colour their files' cover page, rushing worksheets that haven't been completed, and finally FRIDAY, a mini celebration to welcome the June holidays. Played games with the children, who enjoyed it too much. By too much, I'm referring to Wayn Goh. He refused to accept his loss at Musical Chairs, and while he circled around the chairs, he went "Dong dong cheng" and I don't know what that means but it's just so super cute and funny! Watch the video! It will be easy to identify him; he's the loudest and the most excited among the boys. Hahahaha! 

This is only one of the videos I took. The "Dong dong cheng" part hasn't started yet but really, this boy is one funny thing. He also became Ahmad's favourite kid to watch on video.

Now, speaking of Ahmad.

Ehemm.

Well, to make a long story short (I'll still talk long long about it anyway hahaha), I just started ngaji sessions with him, or rather, his mum. Here is how the story went.

It was after his POP, which I took MC for and attended, alone, if I may say so. Alone because nobody else was free to attend with me. So, I think maybe a week or so later, he suddenly asked me to ngaji with him. I said I would if I could, but the first time we tried, my parents felt uncomfortable with the idea of me going to his house for ngaji. Even if it was just ngaji. Apparently, it's not nice to see anak dara masuk rumah lelaki, without any hubungan whatsoever. Go figure la. I didn't mind because my intention was it's for ngaji, I needed to start, otherwise, when would I start right? And it's like, ni dah ade orang ajak. It's like, an opportunity already. I don't have to search for places to attend ngaji classes or whatsoever. (Though I was considering going for the Perdaus one with Ain.) But they minded so, no choice but to cancel that plan.

So when he asked me to go ngaji with him, despite the fact that he already knew why I couldn't because of my parents' opinion of the idea, I asked him why he suddenly asked again. Which brings us to this "Tak tak dung daa dung dung dung GONG" conversation.

Which eventually led to this:

When I read the above message, my hands were shaking like crazy. I could barely type properly. My heart was pumping so fast, I thought I was gonna faint, and at that time, I was already lying down on my bed, hahaha!

So anyway, we discussed the ngaji thing, and I told him he will have to talk and fully explain to my parents about it. But it ended up being me who talked to my parents about it. The guy was starting to have cold feet hahaha! Okay, joke. It's never easy meeting and talking to your partner's parents. I told him I'd talk to them first about him coming over and the reason for it. And while explaining, I ended up giving the details. At first, mum said no. So I turned to dad who said can la, just try. And mum couldn't say anything because she has to follow dad's decision. Which is why dads are awesome. Hee!

This approval was just two weeks ago.

And yesterday was the first session at his house. All I've gotta say is I had a repeat of the "Tak tak dung daa dung dung dung GONG" sensation, like, throughout. To the point that halfway, I couldn't even feel anything. My mind just blanked out, but not entirely, otherwise I wouldn't even know what I was doing. But during the ngaji session, I absorbed every word his mum was saying and that led to my face being so serious because I was concentrating so hard. Because I got feedback from Ahmad that my face was so serious that he got worried. Which was why yesterday, after the whole thing, he kept asking if I was okay. Hahaha. Oops.

It was the first time I heard, and I mean really heard, Ahmad recite the Qur'an. My jaw wanted to drop to the floor. And it was also the second time I ever solat jemaah with him. His nenek joined us yesterday. But I've gotta add that it was the first time I really felt awkward around Ahmad himself. With his family members, it would be normal to feel awkward. But somehow, I don't know why, maybe because of my formal/professional mode on, I just found myself feeling so awkward whenever he spoke to me. Nak eye contact pon tibe2 malu. Ahak ahak!

I have to admit, I really was in my most formal, most professional self, as much as I could muster and put on, yesterday. But looking back, it was so funny and I don't even know why. I really wasn't myself at all. But, his nenek was the best!! She's so super cute la, sigh. It made me miss my own grandma that I never knew, even if she knew me.

The whole family, minus his nenek and youngest brother, sent me home to Pasir Ris. Yup, I was squeezed in the backseat beside his mum. She's got such piercing eyes. I bet Yash would flinch if he starts to throw a tantrum and she looks at him. Hahahahahaha. Okay, serious. But during the car ride, she started small talk and stuff so it's quite okay. I still feel so paiseh la, I don't know why! Just thinking about the whole of yesterday makes me smile and laugh at the same time.

So, yup. That's basically the summary of it. Whenever things have anything to do with Ahmad, everything feels so surreal. Like, every word he says about us or our relationship or our future, all feels surreal. I guess I'm still trapped in the mindset that I'll never be good enough. I just can't help it, sorry. But I learnt somewhere today that positive thinking leads to positive things so, I'm gonna try my best, I promise. He's just sucha good and sincere person, I feel like I'm not good and sincere enough. He's really admirable, actually. (Ahmad, jangan kembang, bro.)

Pretty long post, hehek. Tomorrow, he embarks on another new adventure. Finally a police officer. I'm excited and scared for him. Nevertheless, my prayers will always be with him. :)

So this is my update. I don't know if I'll update again, given my busy schedule. But when I do post, I'll make it worth the read. See you in my next post. Until then, may you always be in the best of health. :D

I'm gonna take this moment 

 And make it last forever 

 I'm gonna give my heart away 

 And pray we'll stay together