I know exactly what my sister would say if I brought up this topic to her. She's family.

Here's my rebuttal: Has she acted like she's family? Where was she when her sister was on her deathbed? Where was she when her kids needed a mother, even though it's an abusive one? Where was she when my own mother needed her sisters to support her, especially through the ordeal that my mother went through last year? Our parents have always helped her, have always been there for her through everything she went through. & how did she repay them? Fitnah.

Yeah, forgive and forget. Oh, I have forgiven. You don't know how many tears I've spilled for this stupid family. Wishing that things would change for the better, begging for those who left to return. The puzzle pieces have been joined back together, but they're not fitted, they're just loosely apart.

Her coming back is not going to change anything. Her ego is too big to come to my doorstep to beg for forgiveness from my parents. This Raya, is something I'm looking forward to, but not for the reason everyone has. I'm just gonna wait and see what happens.

Sorry, just needed to rant. My eyesight right now is blurry like eff and I'm annoyed to the max that I don't have my eye refreshers with me. Probably will partial. Will see how.

Well, nothing much to say except that it's over. Sure, I enjoyed their company, and I learnt so much from all three of them. Yup, I learnt from Soleh too. As annoying as he can be, when he's serious, he's serious for real.

Anyway, they all went home today. After they salam-ed all of us, Ustaz Khafidin and Ustaz Romoh entered the gates first. I was the last person Soleh salam-ed, and then he went to the police at the gate. The guy held out his hand to check Soleh's passport and omg, Soleh actually salam-ed the guy. Hilarious to the max. OMG. HAHAHAHA!

But hey, it's over. It was fun the last two weeks, but I'm really glad it's over. :D

Anyway, finally gave Ahmad Mustaqim his little jar of hearts today. :p

Ever since Soleh and the 2 Ustaz arrived in SG, and because of Ramadhan being here already, I've been too busy and tired to update my blog. :( But, Syukur Alhamdulillah that I meet yet again another month of Ramadhan. Last year, we spent it taking care of arwah Angah and as I look back, I really miss those times. Sure, it made the family more stressed, especially when one sister was too selfish, but it only taught us lessons about patience and the importance of family. I admire my mum for being the strongest woman she was during that whole period. :)

Anyway, having Soleh around has been nothing but hilarious. He insisted to learn English and in exchange, he taught me Jawa. So far, he got words like Smile (It was 'smell' at first. LOL!!), Thank you, See you tomorrow, Excuse me (Exchuse me!!!) and some basic others. Quite good progress so far. BUT! He hasn't gotten the numbers in English correct yet. He says it 'one two three four fev action' and I dunno what else. -.-

And me! I got the numbers in bahasa Jawa already! Hohoho.

Siji, loro, terlu, papat, limo, enam, bitu, walu, songoh, sepuluh! Yayyyy!!!!!

Anyway, I brought Soleh to Balinese rehearsal last Saturday. The night before, he didn't believe my maid when she told him that I play Gamelan. He said that Gamelan untuk orang desa. So when we were there, he said to me, "Aku suka." LOOOLLL. Maybe because in Semarang, the gamelan there only plays Javanese styles. It was his first time seeing and listening to Balinese Gamelan. & Amran was so friendly to him. I was thankful for that cause that day was the first time I talked to Soleh so I didn't really know what to say and me and Mirah were pretty awkward, and there was this HUGE language barrier that day. HAHAHA! After Balinese, we went to pray at Masjid Angulia where Cik Jal picked us up afterward to bring Soleh sight-seeing. &....we ended up here.

VIVOCITY!!! Dinner at Harbourfront's Pizza Hut first and then window-shopping around Vivo. I even managed to buy a pair of sandals at F21. :p By then, we'd already warmed up to him, and he was starting to show his annoying side. Haha. His annoying side fully showed up the next day by the way, when we went to the Zoo. -.- Suuuuuperrr annoying. & when I showed that I was irritated, he would say, "Senyum," and I can't help but smile. HAHA! Contradicting, right?

Anyway, despite it being the first week of Ramadhan, I've had my patience really tested the past two days. I don't really want to talk about it because for me, it's over. The other party changed their mind, and didn't want to discuss it so I blew up and threw everything at them. I hope they get the hint now, why I behaved like this the past few months.

Sigh. Just my luck hmm? Well, I shall go now. Happy fasting to all Muslims! :):):)

I'm really tired of everything.

I'm tired of crying.

Tired of waiting.

Tired of being taken for granted.

Tired of trying to be strong.

Each and every day.

If I could sleep forever, I would.

I'm just really so physically and mentally tired.

Shadows & Regrets

Life, as told by me.

When I was the only senior girl in Photography Club. :p

KL & Cameron Highlands with the NA Melayus. :')

When Farah was only 1 year old. :D

The camp that was the highlight of 2006

I happen to like my hair in this. :p

Not Photoshopped. :D

Sigh, when I was the only Sec.2 girl. Sigh.

Sigh, when I was still the only Sec.2 girl.

She sparked my passion in photography.

Who can forget her? :')

Heroes World Tour 2007

I miss working with this guy.

He made managing Photography Club so much fun.

Do I have to repeat again?

When I was the only Sec.2 girl. Sigh, sigh.

Somehow, this is my favourite picture during the Prom.

Seems like the whole 5 years in CSS,

Photography Club was like my whole life.

When we used to go ice-skating ALL the time

When I loved these people with all my heart

My life from 2005-2008

(not in sequence)

When all that mattered was being happy with friends and loved ones

Found these in my mum's harddisk

I was sighing when I looked through all the pictures

If I could turn back time and correct the things I've done wrong,

I would do anything for that to happen.

But I can't.

If you were ever a part of my past,

it doesn't mean that I've forgotten you in my present.

:)

When we were only kids

And we were best of friends

And we hoped for the best

And let go of the rest

He left me - again. No he didn't break up with me or leave me for another girl, he left me for another passion of his, traveling. I always knew that even when he came back he would leave again because it's in his blood, it's what comes naturally and passionately to him. When we first started dating he went abroad for 6 months to another country. Even though we had just started dating before he life, it was the hardest 6 months I have ever endured in my life. But we fell in love, the old fashioned way. Through letters and e-mails (not so old fashioned), but everything we did had passion behind it. We didn't touch for 6 whole months. Imagine not being able to have the person you love give you a simple hug because there was literally 7,000 miles between you.

When he returned we were inseparable, but I knew he would eventually leave again. Like I said before, it's in his blood, it's part of his make up. He's a free spirit and someone I look up to. He has brought out qualities in myself that I could never imagine having and that is just a simple reason of many why I'm so crazy about him. He left a week ago to follow his dream and move across country to California. No plans, no expectations, just a dream he has always had.

And what about me? I'm back on the East Coast. As much as I want to scream at him and tell him he's selfish, ask why he left me again, tell him to stay, I won't. Because what kind of girlfriend would I be if I did that? What kind of girlfriend does not support their soul mates dreams even if it does mean being a little selfish? Everything is supposed to happen for a reason and Fate works in way that are unthinkable. I know in my heart that it will work out the way it is supposed to. We fell in love through distance, we fell in love through struggle. We've been together for almost 2 years now and I still get butterflies when I think about touching him again.

I look up to him for what he does and how he does it. At times, I may think he is stubborn and almost impossible but that does not make me love him any less. Struggles make you stronger whether you realize it or not. This time I know it will work even better than it did the last.

- Le Love

I feel the same too.

Because I believe. :)

& today, I realized so much more things.

It hurts really bad.

Who you are, who you really are.

Karma?

Yeah, that's pretty much it.

This is what it feels like not to be remembered.

At all.