Stand By Me

(As my maid has encouraged me...) Assalamualaikum, everyone!

I know I haven't updated for a long time (& I'm giving myself 30 minutes to finish this post, which I intend to make a long one, :/) but I just gotta say that the past weeks have been a roller coaster ride for me. And not just any normal, thrilling roller coaster ride. It's one helluva January for me. But even though I've struggled so much, so, so, so much for Grace, I'm still here, standing tall, more determined than ever to change this innocent girl. This week, I had come to realize that the reason for her untamed behaviour is her home environment. But Teacher Rachelle and me came to a conclusion that even though her behaviour is unacceptable in social settings, especially school, at least she will have us, the teachers, to correct her and guide her towards the acceptable behaviour. I realized that isolating her from her classmates would not help her to acquire social skills, but since I'm alone in handling the children, I'm forced to. So I decided that when the form teacher comes back in a week's time (InsyaAllah!), I would be able to focus solely on Grace and slowly change her aggressive behaviour. & ability to understand and speak English.

Now, I've been thinking the past weeks about change. Meeting Grace has evoked this part of me that made me realize that even though Grace is so hard to handle all the time, I have been patient with her, knowing and understanding that the family she had was the reason why she behaved in this manner in school made me want to change her. I just wanted to be the one to change and shape her into a better person with a happy childhood.

Well, by now you guys would have known that I'm quite a deep thinker (I think). Or rather, I just think too much. Sometimes, I even over-think. So while I was thinking (& browsing through social media websites), I stumbled upon this couple, actually, the lady is a classmate of mine. They're married (duh) and just had a child last month but before that, they were in a relationship for 10 years. 10 years. 10. Years.

It suddenly bugged me. How did they make it happen? How did they work things out, to the point that, you know, they lasted 10 years and eventually got married? When other young couples go on and off, or break up and have a new partner, or even worse, cheat on their partners. The one thing I really despise is cheating partners but that's beside the point. 10 years is a really long time. & since we're on the topic of change, in 10 years, people can change, and it can be two ways: for good, or bad.

So yesterday, when I was out with the one and only Ahmad Mustaqim, because of all the couples I saw everywhere, I asked him the same question. How can two people stay together for 10 years? Eventually, someone would get tired, probably wants someone new, cheat for pleasure etc.

His answer was simple: That's why it's called love.

I don't know, but somehow, maybe I agree with him too. If two people truly love each other, then they would always make it work. If they truly love each other, there wouldn't be any space for anyone else.

I know I've said this before, and if I haven't, then I'll just say it. I don't think I can find anyone better than Ahmad. & I truly mean it. He, and a few of my closest friends, have seen the most vulnerable side of me, that one fateful day, the side I never want to uncover to anyone, not even him. & to him and Syai, I once did, reluctantly. But thankfully, they understood. I still remember these two particular days that the words spilled out of my mouth, both times, reluctantly and with great hesitation.

Yet, he accepted me. The way I am, the whole package, I would call it. Haha. Because with me comes other not so nice burdens that I don't even wish upon my parents. I guess that's why I took matters into my own hands now. I don't burden them any further now because I know how much I have done so in the past. That's why giving back to them now feels so awesome. I feel more like a daughter now. :)

Ahmad is back in camp. It's amazing how we got through these past 4 months. Maybe that's how it became 10 years for that couple: patience and trust. We've grown so much, and changed too. I've seen him grow and change, and during NS, changed he did. In size. From PES BP to PES A now, it's quite an achievement. So proud of him. :)

I was surprised today when my sis suddenly told me, "It will be cool if you really married Ahmad." I don't know if it's just me but lately, everyone has been telling me the same thing. & what's more, it coincides with the fact that we actually have been talking about it lately, just talk, not plan. There's a difference. I don't know what's cool about it but she said it's because she already knows Ahmad's friends, so if we were to really get married, she won't be awkward at the wedding. That girl already thought ahead of me. Tsk. & suddenly she said, "Skali me and Rafi get married ah!" She expected me to burst out laughing but I told her I would totally support it. ;p

I still remember that dream I once had, the one I told Shaa and Nadeem about. How I woke up in the middle of the night, crying super hard until my sis woke up too. See? Over-thinking again.

I don't know how much more things would change in future. He will be posting out in a matter of weeks because his POP is so near. But I only hope for the best for him, wherever he is, whatever he gets, to just be safe. That's all that matters.:)

Wish me luck for this coming week! Bismillah. Goodbye for now. I'll be focusing on assignments this entire week. They're simple to do this time, hopefully it's not just easier said than done. But I'll make it. I always have.

Goodnight, and may you always be in the best of health. :)

Will you stand by me?

Hold on and never let me go

Will you stand by me?

With you I know I belong

When the story gets told