It's been a while since I did a proper post, huh? I do want to post, and I have alot to say, actually. But sometimes, when you have so much you want to say, you just can't find the words to describe them. My stomach is really giving me problems right now. I don't know what's wrong plus it's mixed with the dizzy spells I have lately and makes it all even worse. Too little water maybe?

I still remember Ahmad's words from so long ago. "Face your problems the way a graceful woman should. Be a stronger you, a you who is able to face challenges head on." (I think it was something like that. :p) I admit that my problems may not be comparable to those out there who face worser. But the thing is, in the last few years, I have faced a number of things that made me stronger and made me learn to be stronger. But sometimes, I catch myself wondering, if I'm happy at all that my life turned out this way. I've lost friendships, I've gained some, I've learnt, and I've grown. But is it right that things turned out this way?

I'm always told that I need to learn to let go. But how can I when the past has taught me valuable lessons that made me this way? That sometimes, even in friendships, there needs to be distance. That sometimes, you can't really trust a person with everything.

Well, I'm sorry for saying this. Something happened today that made me feel like letting it out here. But this is not even half of the story.

I've been struggling with myself the past few weeks. Sometimes, the truth just hurts so bad but all you can do is keep silent because there really is nothing you can do when things already got out of hand. But I've always stuck to my beliefs and I'd stick by them still. It's one of the things that keeps me going till this point. It takes a lot of patience to handle this kind of situations and I'm surprised I haven't burst yet.

This is why, when I suddenly remembered what Ahmad said, it hit me. Running away from my problems won't help, and neither would leaving it the way it is help. Right now, I'm figuring out how I'm going to set things right again. But it's impossible because always, in situations like these, someone is bound to get hurt.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm the bad person. Sometimes, I even blame myself. Anyone been on the same boat as me? Welcome aboard.

I don't really know what I should do right now. Even talking things out with people close to me, sharing and asking for advice, at the end of the day, it's still my decision to make.

I'm not the kind of person who'd leave without defending myself. Just remember that.

I think I'll just head to bed. I can feel a dizzy spell coming on. Tomorrow's class with the flirty boy. Ergh. Kill me.

I hope there'll be Balinese this Saturday. I kind of miss those Gongs. :(