It’s been a long while since I last blogged. Well, wow, it’s been 1.5 years, I think, since I got married. This is my second Ramadhan as a married woman. & this time round, it has been a different one from alllll the Ramadhans I’ve spent. Why? Because I spent a lot of time and energy to try to khatam the Qur’an in this holy month. However, I only managed to reach Juz 19 before my period came. So, take note, Faz, 10 days to pay back for this year. Although I’m sad that my intention to khatam Qur’an during Ramadhan was not achieved, I actually feel proud that I at least got halfway through. I’ll just continue after Ramadhan, and hopefully, I can do it on a daily basis. I think that would be a good intention too, right?
This Ramadhan is different in terms of the trials that I’ve had to go through at work. It took a lot, like really a lot out of me not to stay angry the whole day at all the shit and nonsense my leader left us hanging by. It’s now Week 4 that she’s away and, boy, the things that got revealed were astounding. Like really, how lazy can one person be? So yes, it’s only natural as a staff to feel angered by the things a leader should have done or been responsible for. It took a lot of energy to stay patient with all that was going on.
I also just want to give myself a gentle reminder here. Something happened before Ramadhan started and I did something I normally would not have done and/or had the strength to resist because I am naturally a cheapo person (hahaha!). Okay, only I would know what happened because I’m not gonna tell that story here because of how personal it is but when I read this back, I will be able to understand.
You will have faith. You will continue to have faith. Every woman goes through a different type of journey, and perhaps, yours wouldn’t be as easy but your time will come. Stay strong, have faith, keep trying, keep praying. Even though it’s hard to say it out loud, even though it’s hard to watch that kind of joy and happiness on social media, someday, you will have it too, InsyaAllah. All you have to do is be strong. It’s okay to cry sometimes, because the disappointment is painful, it’s hard, it’s stressful, and there’s so much pressure. But, take it easy. Your mental and physical health matter. It’s okay to cry once in a while, but you don’t deserve to stress yourself out about it. Just have faith because your time will come. If it was meant to be, it will be. If Allah wills it to be yours, it will be. Just be strong and enjoy life as it is. Focus on yourself and the relationship. Build it up, make it stronger. And then, everything will fall into place. :)
I’m always, always so thankful to have Ahmad as my husband. This past half year has been difficult, but we’ve been getting by. Maybe there’s a reason for everything that happens. Maybe the time isn’t right for it to happen. At the end of the day, Allah knows best, and He decides what’s best for us right? No matter how badly we may want it, if Allah says it’s not good for us, He will exchange it with something better. & I’ve gotta remember to always hold on to that.
It’s been hard. But I’m okay. I’m thankful that I have great support systems to turn to anytime I need. So I will be okay.
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