I want to be able to smile the way I do whenever he's around.

:(

Believe me, I've tried so hard to be strong.

I really have.

I've been so emotional ever since that day.

Like, the slightest thing could just set me off.

Or ruin the rest of my day.

Because ever since that day,

all the walls I worked so hard to build the past 3 years,

went crashing down.

The walls that protected me from the things people say,

the walls that kept me from being close to people because they'd end up leaving me,

the walls that protected my heart from getting hurt,

the walls that helped me prevent history from repeating itself,

the walls that cushioned the pain each time I receive a blow,

the walls that prevented me from feeling things I didn't want to feel,

These walls, are gone.

Everything, everyday, affects me greatly now.

It doesn't matter what.

Even the smallest thing upsets me.

I used to be stronger.

Now, I don't have the strength to stay strong.

If I get through a day, it's nothing but a miracle.

& I'm always thankful for that.

Still, if only I had been more careful.

If.

Only.

I feel guilty.

I still do.