The Reason

When I think about how I lack a brotherly figure in my life, I look at her and I realize, no, I don't need a brother. I have a sister who cares deeply for me and in whom I can confide in whenever I have problems. She speaks nothing but the truth, and though she may be spiteful with her words sometimes, they always make sense to me. Nothing is better than words hurting you because they only have truth in them. She listens to me, and she gives me advices when I need them. There is always something she does that never fails to make me laugh. & recently, she has been making me laugh a lot. I appreciate it, knowing that she knows what I am going through. But what I'm going through is the same for her. We are in the same boat. Crying together never felt better. It doesn't make me feel alone. She even promised me that she would never do what that bitch did to my mother. & I told her I would never do such a thing to her either. I'm thankful to have her. I know that no matter what, I'll always have the best friend in her that I can turn to anytime. :')

We met Farhan and Fatimah for the first time since a year. & a year has indeed changed them a lot. In looks, in behaviour, in speech, in maturity. Well, I can understand why they took a few seconds to recognize me (me in tudung~~ duhhh.) but somehow, they seemed afraid, of perhaps getting into trouble with their daddy just 'cause they met us. After I said goodbye to them, I started crying. Really missed them a lot. & I observed that Farhan is a good brother to Fatimah, and I am so goddamn thankful that their early childhood life has made them grow maturely. I hope and will always hope that they're living the life they deserve, especially after everything they went through. When I grow up, when I get better, when I have a car, when I have a job, when I have money, I will bring them wherever they wanna go.

It's not fair that we have to sacrifice our happiness this raya just for you bitch and family. I've always had respect for your husband because I thought you both were different and he is better than you, but I was wrong. You are both the same: SELFISH. You use people to your advantage, and when you don't need them, you don't give a fuck when they suffer and it was all thanks to you. As long as you're happy, you don't give a shit if others are not. I fucking want you out of my house, and I would tell you that myself but my mother promised to do it, so I just wanna wait and see. I cannot think of the worse bad word to even describe you because none match. You are far worse than that.

My leg itches to kick that bloody amount of fats out of my door, the brats along with them fats. I never thought I would ever have to experience a specific peribahasa, but I've only just realized it: Bagaimana acuan, begitu kuihnya. What you have bred are clones of you. & that is very sad, if you ask me. I only know that once they grow up, you're the one who suffers. One thing for sure, if Angah dies, and you cry, be prepared to receive a major, big, fucking piece of my mind. Because you don't have the right to cry because those would be crocodile tears. & I would myself slap your face, even if that would happen in front of our relatives. Oh man, I so can't wait for that day. The feeling would be damn satisfying.

This Ramadhan really brought a lot of cubaan for me.

I'm not a perfect person

There's many things I wish I didn't do