I want to smile like this again. Like there's no care in my world at all.

My aunt was admitted into hospital today. The moment I stepped into the house, my mum dropped it on me. I was so shocked, I froze in my footsteps. Seriously, this isn't what I need right now. I don't know anything about her condition, and I know my mum is half-lying about the stronger painkiller thing.

Am I wrong? Was it wrong of me to tell you how I feel? All this time, every unhappy feeling I have concerning you, I kept it inside. Knowing that you'd change, knowing that it's just for a while. But this is the final one I can take. I want you to understand, that kind of smile belongs to me. Seriously, that's why it hurts. 'cause you didn't see yourself.

Maybe it's childish. Maybe it's over-reaction on my part. But what the heck? I care, which is why I tell you. Even if you may think I'm being childish or stupid or jealous or whatever, it's still because I care. I've always been silent when there's anything I'm unhappy about. But I want to change that. I want to be heard. Yet, seeing your reaction, maybe I was wrong to have said anything. Is being honest wrong then?

I wish this didn't have to happen. But I just wanted you to know how I felt, I wanted you to understand.

Anyway, question to all of you: How does it feel like to have your grandmother put you to sleep? Like maybe, stroke your hair when you lie your head on her lap, or pat-pat your shoulder or back. I saw this grandma do this to her granddaughter at the train platform just now, it almost made me cry. :( What I would give in this world to have just one experience of that. Moral of story, cherish your grandparents. :)

Maybe I was wrong then.