Cancer

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

The nights of praying and doa-ing for her have not gone to waste. My aunt is getting better. Before this week, she had been unable to sit on the floor or walk around more. She had to sit in the wheelchair and roll herself to wherever she wants to go in the house. Whenever she returns from radiotherapy, she vomits.

But now, she can walk to the toilet on her own, but still slowly, but at least we can see from her face that she is not in much pain. She can sit on the floor when she wants to, though we always tell her to sit on the sofa or chair. She still vomits, because that is an after effect from radiotherapy. I always tell her to drink more water. But she says later pee a lot, must go toilet a lot of times. -.- She has vomit medicine though, so that's a good thing. Actually, she has a lot of medicine, but I guess that's to be expected for a cancer patient.

It's nothing to be so happy about, but I am thankful that we're seeing improvements in her condition.

I know she's strong. I know she's trying to be. & she's my inspiration to keep pushing on no matter what comes my way. :)

& always, always, always, without fail, when I get home, she will be the first person I see in the living room, sitting quietly on the sofa. Then I'll salam her and then look for my mum. :p & every morning, my aunt is up too. Usually, it's to go to the toilet. Then, she'll sit at the sofa and watch us kids get ready for school. Then I'll salam and kiss her before I head out.

You know, it is only when you are counting down someone's last days that you realize how much you really appreciate them and really need them in your life. Moral of story: no matter how badly people may hurt you sometimes, no matter how heartless or cruel or stupid or selfish or stubborn or whatever bad qualities they have, you shouldn't hate them for it. 'cause life is too short to be full of hatre. Or dislike. Or whatever.

& this is for a certain person as well: The past is over. It is today and tomorrow that matters. Whatever you've experienced in the past, let it be over. Not every guy is like that. I know he won't be like that too. You know him for a year, surely you know he won't do that to you. :)

Sheesh, I sound so ustazah-ish lately. Kay, off to gamelan room. Bye!

Now turn away, 'cause I'm awful just to see

'cause all my hair's abandoned all my body

All my agony, know that I will never marry

Baby, I'm just soggy from chemo

But counting down the days to go

It just ain't living, and I just hope you know

That if you say, goodbye today

I'd ask you to be true

'cause the hardest part of this, is leaving you...