Learning To Fall

Wish I could be this happy.

But sometimes, that's easier said than done. Nothing is that simple.

& you were so right about me. I can't believe it took me more than a week to finally realize that. Every word you said, every fact you pointed out, you were right, spot-on. It's like, it finally hit me; I am that kind of person, I actually did that to the most important person to me, the one who had been there all along for the past 6 years. & god, I felt so guilty; that I was never there, that I was so selfish. I am so sorry. Even if everything's fine, I'm still so sorry.

I can't believe I actually cried all the way home, partly because that finally hit me, and partly because the pain just never leaves. At least, I arrived home safely. I know Cik La saw my eyes, even Farah noticed, but they said nothing. Well, Farah did ask why but I didn't answer her. I was about to talk to my mum when I saw her walk into her room with a blanket around her. She looked so weak and tired, I didn't have the heart to tell her that I wanna see the doctor about the ovary thing. I broke down in the toilet, how pathetic is that? I knew the whole house would see my eyes, but it just hurts. Both the pain, and the feeling of being a burden to everyone I love. I'm seriously so tired of it. This. Everything. I don't know why I still push myself forward. Maybe because of them all, but maybe because I don't have much choice.

Might not go to school tomorrow. It still hurts right now. It scared the shit out of me just now when I suddenly had difficulty breathing. I guess chances of going to that BLG concert is 0%. I have my doubts. What a waste. So much for being so excited about it. But I guess it's for my own good anyway. Maybe next time. Ohwells.

Today is the day

the worst day of my life

You sulk until it hurts me

I don't know why

The cost of misery is at an all-time high

I keep it hidden

Close to the surface, inside