I want that keyboard under my fingers right now.

It's the only thing that can make me feel better.

I'm crying right now, and Natasha is comforting me. I know that others have it worse than me, I know that everything will be better in the end, yada yada yada. But I'm talking about right now. You don't know what it's like, how the pain makes you feel like dying at that moment, how tiring it is to fake a smile and say everything's fine when it's not, how you want so badly for someone to understand the pain and share it with you, how hard it is to try and be strong for everyone you love, how much of a burden you feel you are to your parents even though you know they're doing everything they can to help you because they love you. You can't understand it, unless you're going through it. This is supposed to make me a stronger person, but it's not. I just want to keep crying, because I just feel like it.

I just can't stop crying. I'm so sorry.

I tried to feel better after the appointment by shopping for the things I need for... something. I felt slightly better, until something someone said made me feel worse. Maybe it's my fault that I didn't show much enthusiasm. I'm crying my eyes out because of it. Because of you.

Forget it.

Some metal songs make me feel better. Blasting the music in the room. I should be resting. But I can't forget about today. Still crying. Sighs.

I suddenly miss my grandma. I don't know why. I really miss her.

I miss you. But you don't have to do this to me.