Sunday, July 15, 2018

I don’t understand why I am being treated this way.
I don’t understand why you only can see it in one perspective.
I will never say you deserve it but some things you do makes me think that maybe it’s a sign from Him to change your ways before iti’s too late.
I’m not saying I’m a saint. I have my days where I can’t deal with it either.
But at least even I know I’m not as rude to her as you are.
At least I know I don’t hurt her feelings even though she hurts mine all the time.
Ever since those things happened during Ramadhan this year, you get away with so many things now and it’s unfair for me to shoulder things alone.
This past weekend has gotten me more tired than I’ve ever felt.
But I can never say all these to you because of your temper and defensiveness.
At some point, I realized that I got too sick and tired of your attitude that even I let you get away with a lot of things.
But why?
Why do I have to do this too?
I just don’t understand.

Saturday, July 14, 2018

Salam!!!

Hellooooo! I’m alive and back on track! Hahahahahaha. Well, first of all, I AM JOBLESS!!!! I decided, after much consideration, planning and careful thinking, to take a break for the whole of July. This is already the end of my second week of break, homaigad time flies so fast when you’re having fun. I’ve been mostly out with friends and Ahmad, and going for interviews. Because I have the luxury of time, I’m actually taking my time in choosing a suitable centre. I’ve been targetting the international schools actually, but so far, there has been no response because it’s the summer break right now. I should have like, applied earlier but I was doing my notice period and I didn’t want to clear leaves just for interviews. Honestly, I regret that now hahaaha but what to do. I’ve been to many interviews I lost count but that’s another story to tell.

Anyway, I am very much focused on enjoying my break as much as I can. Catching up with friends is one of the best things for sure. It’s so nice to know what they’ve been up to and reminisce on younger days slash poly days mostly. I’m turning 27 this year and school years really feel so far away, as though it was a lifetime ago. We’ve been so quickly sucked into working life and dealing with people in general on top of the daily challenges of our respective jobs. And not forgetting the adulthood responsibilities like paying for the bills, supporting the family, saving for the future and so on. Despite that, I am really happy and thankful for what I have achieved in the short 6 years that I’ve been in the education industry. Alhamdulillah. *inserts namaste emoji”

I promised before that I would share what has been happening in my life. Man, where do I start? My previous job at Punggol first then. Wah. What do I say man? When I first joined last year, I was honestly happy and could actually envision myself staying long-term with the company. But then, 2018 came and all of a sudden, it was like BAM in my face. The management suddenly became shitty. I endured this for 4 months and then decided I had enough so I threw the resignation letter on my principal’s table. I was the first to resign, followed by 2 others (LOL). The 2-month notice period also revealed alot of bad things about the company so my decision to leave was definitely a good one and not like, an impulse thing. I timed my leaves to clear such that every week during the notice period, I get a day off or half day off.

Despite the negative experience in the first half of 2018 at this centre, I can’t say I didn’t learn anything either. I learnt the importance of team work and team spirit. The culture of helping each other in a workplace is so, so, so, super duper important. I learnt and reflected on the kind of teacher, mentor and leader I want to see myself become in the future. The best leader (hands down) is definitely the one at PCF. Sigh. Leadership is not an easy role to take, guys. It’s a make it or break it kind of thing.

The last negative thing (and this one really shook me in anger by the way) was when I found out about something on my 2nd last day at the centre. To cut the story short, someone fitnah me la ah. I confronted the director about it but because these two idiots are best friends, the one who fitnah me got away with it. But honestly speaking, why why why would I ever tell someone NOT to become principal at a centre? Who am I? It’s not even in my place to tell that person what to do or not to do. I couldn’t understand why such people exist in the world. Penipu haram betul.

So much for wanting to leave in peace. I was a harmless person there and someone cari pasal with me. You all win company of the year la please. So annoying. But anyway, I’m over all that. Why waste energy holding a grudge right?

So here I am today. Of all the interviews that I went to so far, I liked today’s company the best. The company’s beliefs towards their staff and stakeholders really impressed me. Plus, it was the first time that I had a panel of 2 interviewers at the same time so I could actually assess whether they were both on the same page while they were sharing information about the centre’s operations and stuff like that. So they will get back to me about the remuneration package in a few days. I actually feel now like I should lower my salary expectations. Some companies just cannot pay because they’re not Shaws. Hahahaha.

I was out with Zaff after the interview and while we were having my very late lunch, I received an email. For the position. “Overseas English Teacher”. I was MINDBLOWN. Zaff was beyond excited hahaha. But let me just be clear first: I was shortlisted for an interview je. It’s not like I got the job already. So the overseas posting will be at China and according to the company’s website, it will be at Shenyang/Chengdu. Now, I am familiar with NEITHER. So Zaff and me were Googling it and all during lunch and the train journey home. She was excited for me because it’s a great opportunity. Plus, the remuneration package and benefits were quite good. Accomodation, insurance etc are covered. Quite a good deal right? It’s great to have supportive friends.

Well, it’s even better to learn today that I have a GREAT fiancĂ©. He was like “Whatever the decision, you have my fullest support.” *inserts crying emoji x8843743205839257)

However, I don’t really have my hopes up for this though. I mean, it is still a great opportunity and all and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited. But of course, I had my concerns. As this will be a contracted thing of 2 years commitment, what if I breached it at like 1 year? Maybe due to unforeseen circumstances, you’d never know. Nevertheless, if it’s my rezeki to receive this opportunity to grow myself personally and professionally, I will accept it for sure. My friend accepted a job a Sydney but it doesn’t come with benefits like provided accomodation expecially. She had to source out her own accomodation and Sydney is soooo expensive. So yeah, if you’re gonna consider working overseas, the remuneration and benefit package better be attractive.

In other news, or rather, old news (haha), I’ve been engaged for almost 3 months already!!! *inserts shocked emoji* Alhamdulillah! Time really flies, man. Like legit. We are down to...let me count...15 months to the big day! *inserts more shocked emoji* Where has the time gone? It feels like yesterday that we were sitting in W35F secretly stalking each other. I got lucky. Like really lucky and blessed. The wedding plans... Ah, don’t get me started. My savings are not non-existent, but it’s not a substantial amount either. Hahahahaha. But it’s okay. We take it slow, one step at a time. Find a job first, then eat grass till next year. Hahahahaha. I’m kidding. We cleared his side’s reception venue which is a whole package at Concorde Hotel. I’ve settled the deposit for the bridal services already too. Currently, we’re deciding on a photography company and because he’s leaving it to me to decide cause it’s kinda my area of expertise in a certain sense, I’m feeling the pressure a little hahaha. It’s okay. All will be well, InsyaAllah. Gotta have faith in my decision making skills.

Okay, it’s really late already. I’m screwed if I were to start working soon cause my body clock switches off like in the wee hours of the morning. Not enough rest like that. I have to clean the house too in the morning so I better go. Wow, it really feels so good to be able to blog again. Yay! Till next time then. Salam!

Saturday, June 9, 2018

Over a month late but better late than never, right?
Alhamdulillah! We’re officially engaged!

I’ve actually got lots to update. It’s been a while since I last blogged/posted.
But it’s not only because I was busy, but because I couldn’t figure out how to blog from my iPad. 
*insert noob emoji here*
My style has always been to include a picture with my posts but Blogger just could NOT access my iPad photo stream. 
So, I dragged on and on from last year till now.
Update: My Macbook finally died on me. My last post was before it died hahaha.
But anyway, I finally figured it out on my iPad!
So, here’s my favourite engagement film photo that my sis took of us on 29th April.
That day was just perfectly magical.
*heart eyes*
I’ll be back with proper long updates because I just miss blogging in general.
So much has happened so I’ve gotta put all that down in words. 
This blog has been my diary for almost 10 years now.
And over the years, I blogged less hahaha.
Wow, adulthood is hard.
Till next time. 

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Play That Song


I don't know why I'm here, but I am. Especially at this time. I should be sleeping, catching up with sleep instead of.... doing work.

My life is consumed with work. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. But I feel like I need some kind of purpose now because it's the same old mundane routine every single day. I've got the job I always wanted. I worked so hard to get here. I've almost got my Bachelor's Degree. Alhamdullilah for all these accomplishments. But tonight, as I sit and do my work (damn you portfolios), I found myself asking "Now what?". What's my next step? Where do I go from here? What do I really want to do now?

The past only God knows how many years, I've busied myself with chasing my dreams, studying and working at the same time that now I have all this "loose" time, I don't actually know what to do with it. Next year, InsyaAllah, will be another "loose" year because I have no plans to study again. So, point is, I don't know what to do but I just want to do something meaningful. I feel like there's so much more to just teaching/doing what I do (now that it's childcare). I just feel like there's more that I can do, there's more that I can offer to people.

Also, I'm picky about what I do with my time. It's annoying. It's like, I wanna do something meaningful but I don't want to tire myself out because there's work the next day. *rolls eyes* I prioritize work so much I should win an award or something.

I just want to get to the end of this year and move forward. Graduation, the show, the concert, the final PTC. There's so many things to deal with until the end of the year, I feel suffocated just thinking about it.

I don't even know what I'm talking about and I'll probably wake up tomorrow and read this and think, "Wow, Faz's thoughts are messed up at night".

Bye.

Play that song
The one that makes me go all night long
The one that makes me think of you
That's all you gotta do

Saturday, July 22, 2017

You Don't Know

So jealous that my sis gets to do this again in Phuket
T.T

Not in the best of moods tonight.
Plus with the work piling up because I'm not catching up with anything,
it's adding more stress to my plate.
You can do this, Faz.
This is nothing like what the other 2 centres were like.
Have faith.
Believe.
Breathe.


I know you've got the best intentions 
Just trying to find the right words to say 
Promise I've already learned my lesson 
But right now, I wanna be not okay

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

You Are My Everything

Current series I'm watching. Obsessed.
This is so last year though but who cares.

Salam!

It's been a while, I think. I can finally say I'm pretty much happy with the new workplace. Alhamdulillah. After one bad egg, lol. But it's okay. I can see that the leaders here are professional and hey, my principal treated the teachers' lunch yesterday as a reward for our efforts last Friday. We had a project showcase for the parents. But anyway, all is well. Everything is back to normal for me. I have my days though. Lazy to go to work days, can money just drop from the sky as I lie on my bed mornings. Hahahaha. Every working adult goes through that and I have been for like, 6 years now? Time flies when you're really busy. Wow.

Actually, I'm really busy with work right now but I just finished submitting like 3 of my work related stuff so I can afford just a quick drop in here. Hahaha.

Oh, yes! Selamat hari raya Aidilfitri! This year, some things are different. We've all lost people we love and it is occasions like these that we really feel their absence. I was feeling very emotional the night before Eid because of my grandpa. It still feels like a gaping hole but we all heal. And with my graduation drawing close, I kept remembering his last advice to me. Never will forget the pride in his voice.

Okay, Imma go before I get too carried away!

Byeeee! Salam! Be in the best of health, InsyaAllah!

P.S The show ^ relighted my obsession with men in military uniforms. There's just something about the uniforms that make them so hot hahahaha. 

You are my everything
In the fate that falls like the stars
I met a person like you
SaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSave

Sunday, April 30, 2017

The Night We Met

13 Reasons Why
Clay and Hannah
This song from this scene has been on repeat since I binge watched this series on Netflix. Truly heartbreaking, this one is. I cried like a baby. So relatable. :(

Salam!

It has clearly been a rough start of the year for me. I know the last time I posted, I mentioned positivity at my new workplace. Well, I could never be more wrong. I said it too soon, I guess. Barely 6 months with Shaws, and I'm jobless now. Not because I was fired, but because I resigned, for so many reasons. But the most important reason is the management and leadership in the company. Throughout my time with them, I saw and experienced things that I could never possibly imagine to happen in PCF. There was zero professionalism, zero integrity and zero honesty in this company's management system. And by that, I mean the people. In my last post, when I said positivity in my new workplace, I think I meant my colleagues. They're all good people, and they believe in helping each other. Which I now feel is so important in order to battle the tyranny that is the leader.

I'm sorry, I'm just letting out my hard feelings about this company. I can't say I regret joining Shaws because it has made me learn so much about myself; what kind of person I want to be in a workplace. What kind of leader I don't want to be, if the opportunity ever opens up to me. How important teamwork and moral support is in a team. Back in PCF, I had a really, really good support system and leadership. Comparing that to this at Shaws, well, the difference is vast when it comes to the leadership component. Unfortunately, the support system isn't strong enough to fight back against the leader. Probably the only way is to leave if you can't take it anymore. 

Right after I gave my resignation, it's like Allah was showing me even more reasons why this place wasn't good for me because of all the things that happened right after. One after another, the events that happened not just to me but to the other teachers too. Plus, more evidence as to why the leadership is lousy and unprofessional. 

Nevertheless, I found good friends here. We provided the support we needed to each other and grew closer eventually. They were sad to see me go, of course. On my last day, we were all in a group hug and it was all I could do to fight back the tears. I didn't really feel as much loss as I felt for PCF, but I definitely felt something for these teacher friends I made. We have a lot of plans to meet up again so I'll be seeing them again.

I am not exactly jobless though. I searched for other teaching positions during my notice period and managed to get one with a direct bus route to and back. Singaporean company, of course. I've had enough working with expats and in-betweens to last me a while. Hopefully, this company will play nice. Praying hard because I really don't want to keep job hopping. I need the income because face it, this is Singapore. 

I chose the picture above because this is one series that is very raw and real. I don't quite know how to explain it. The series touched on many teenage issues like bullying, slut shaming, rape and most importantly, suicide. These are still happening everywhere and it's horrible. There are so many lessons to take away from this show. I read the comments online and people were saying things like how the show was glorifying suicide. But that's not the point of the show! Some people are so annoying. Watch it for yourself and keep an open mind. 

The lesson I learnt from this show? Speak up. If you're facing trouble, talk to someone about it. There will always be someone there for you. Be kind to people. You don't know what they may be going through.

Shaws needs to watch this show. Naw, they're too busy with their own personal agendas to bother. But now, I'm free from them and I couldn't be happier. I just hope my friends in there have the strength to pull through to the end of the year. 

Okay, that's it! I better stop hahaha. Look at the time! I start my new job on the 2nd of May. So, I have 2 days of break left and I have housework to do tomorrow (Sunday). So I better go.

Hope life isn't too cruel to you (if I still have readers). I know I had a rough start but I'm hopeful that it'll all get better. One bad egg in the basket doesn't make all the others bad too. I've got to keep searching and have faith that there are still good people in the world.

Be safe and in the best of health! Salam!


When the night was full of terrors 
And your eyes were filled with tears 
When you had not touched me yet 
Oh, take me back to the night we met 

I had all and then most of you
Some and now none of you
Take me back to the night we met
I don't know what I'm supposed to do
Haunted by the ghost of you
Take me back to the night we met