Cry

This is, by far, the longest RJ I have ever done for as long as I've been in RP. :)

I don't know why but after class ended today, I totally lost my mood. Part of the reason could be because I received an unexpected text message. It's like a reality slap in the face. It just dawned on me that no matter what, my past, my life, will still come back to haunt me, no matter how hard I try to push everything to the back of my mind.

& you know what? No matter what, no one will ever, ever, ever understand how I feel. Even if they know my complete life story, even if they know about everything I'm going through and have gone through, they'll never understand. Not even my family, my own sister will never understand. Berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul. That so applies.

3 more weeks till the end of the semester. I plan to work this vacation, so I can save up and pay for my own piano lessons. It's time that I start taking matters in my own hands. I'm tired of waiting. I want to change something about how I spend this year.

I'm really tired of all the pain I've been feeling lately. I'm tired of suddenly having difficulty breathing. It's okay if it's outside of class. But when it happens during class, it annoys me like crazy. Good enough that the medicine work. But I'll get drowsy like crazy. Especially when I take the maximum dose for a day: 3 pills. The temptation to just lie down and sleep, I had to fight so hard to resist.

Pissed-at-men Syndrome, hahah. Currently reading The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks. & for as far into the book as I've been, I'm gonna say that the book is much, much better than the movie itself. Well, the books always are, anyway.

My dreams are weird lately. I keep seeing blood. Or things related to blood. Wonder what that means.

& today, something someone said about love at first sight got me thinking. No, I don't believe in love at first sight. It could be more like, you see that person and think he/she is cute, so you have a CRUSH on them. Kind of like, an infatuation. Screw those Hindi movies where the hero falls in love with the heroine at first sight. Even though I watch these kind of shows, I find it stupid. -.- I don't even know why I brought this up. Mind is screwed up in the middle of the night.

Okay, this is a long enough update just in case I don't update for another week or more or so. I haven't much to say here and besides, the feelings I have are too personal. I'd rather write in my diary. :)

So, bye. I hope you are all in the best of health, always and forever.