September

I'll update this space with pictures of today before I start emo-ing. Today was our official first day of celebrating Aidilfitri. Why? Because the first day started horribly. I think I cried oceans of tears.

My sick aunt with cancer, had a fit yesterday. Right after we came back from Eid prayers, right after we had our meal, she started vomitting, and a while later, her mouth went senget and she started talking to empty space. Her fingers were like, I don't know how to describe it. Her face, her expression, all these images are etched in my mind, but there is no way I can describe them.

Everyone cried the whole day. My mum, grandpa, sis, and the relatives who came to bace Yasin, Doa Angin Ahmar and whatever selawat there is. Cause we all thought she was going to go. She was talking to empty space, and she said my arwah nenek was there in the house. & she was just, acting weird. She requested to meet all my relatives, which was why they were there. My uncles, aunts. She salam-ed every one of us, even the kids, and the babies. It was so heartbreaking. I was so scared. Cause I wasn't prepared for this at all.

They sent my sick aunt to the hospital. After everyone left, and it was just me, my sis, my maid and Aisyah at home, I prayed, and fell asleep crying, fearing what is to come. Woke up again to pray Asar and started crying again everytime I looked at Aisyah. Around maghrib, my parents came home, and they said my aunt was fine. She just lacked oxygen. So after praying Isya', we went to KK to visit her. She was all smiles. The memory that hurt was that while she was in her fit state, she grinned widely at us and told us not to cry. But at the hospital, I broke down in her arms, and she patted and stroke my head. I cried again in the car, till I got home. At home, cried again and again, the images of her face never leaving my mind's eye.

& today, I found out that the cancer had reached her skull. It was one of the reasons why she had a fit. There could be more in future, who knows? There is also a possibility that it could reach her brain. Sigh.

I woke up with swollen eyes this morning, but with a dream I'll remember for a long time. But then again, dreams and reality are two different things. Still, it was that dream that made me cheer up. It's like, the best dream I've had in a while. Hmm.

I guess I will have to learn and accept the reality now. "Ade hikmah di sebalik orang yang sakit." Hmm.

Everyone, hope you're having a blast. :)

Of all the things I still remember

Summer's never looked the same

The years go by and the time just seems to fly by

But the memories remain

In the middle of September

We'd still play out in the rain

Nothing to lose but everyting to gain

Reflecting now on how things could've been

It was worth it in the end