The Night We Met

13 Reasons Why

Clay and Hannah

This song from this scene has been on repeat since I binge watched this series on Netflix. Truly heartbreaking, this one is. I cried like a baby. So relatable. :(

Salam!

It has clearly been a rough start of the year for me. I know the last time I posted, I mentioned positivity at my new workplace. Well, I could never be more wrong. I said it too soon, I guess. Barely 6 months with Shaws, and I'm jobless now. Not because I was fired, but because I resigned, for so many reasons. But the most important reason is the management and leadership in the company. Throughout my time with them, I saw and experienced things that I could never possibly imagine to happen in PCF. There was zero professionalism, zero integrity and zero honesty in this company's management system. And by that, I mean the people. In my last post, when I said positivity in my new workplace, I think I meant my colleagues. They're all good people, and they believe in helping each other. Which I now feel is so important in order to battle the tyranny that is the leader.

I'm sorry, I'm just letting out my hard feelings about this company. I can't say I regret joining Shaws because it has made me learn so much about myself; what kind of person I want to be in a workplace. What kind of leader I don't want to be, if the opportunity ever opens up to me. How important teamwork and moral support is in a team. Back in PCF, I had a really, really good support system and leadership. Comparing that to this at Shaws, well, the difference is vast when it comes to the leadership component. Unfortunately, the support system isn't strong enough to fight back against the leader. Probably the only way is to leave if you can't take it anymore. 

Right after I gave my resignation, it's like Allah was showing me even more reasons why this place wasn't good for me because of all the things that happened right after. One after another, the events that happened not just to me but to the other teachers too. Plus, more evidence as to why the leadership is lousy and unprofessional. 

Nevertheless, I found good friends here. We provided the support we needed to each other and grew closer eventually. They were sad to see me go, of course. On my last day, we were all in a group hug and it was all I could do to fight back the tears. I didn't really feel as much loss as I felt for PCF, but I definitely felt something for these teacher friends I made. We have a lot of plans to meet up again so I'll be seeing them again.

I am not exactly jobless though. I searched for other teaching positions during my notice period and managed to get one with a direct bus route to and back. Singaporean company, of course. I've had enough working with expats and in-betweens to last me a while. Hopefully, this company will play nice. Praying hard because I really don't want to keep job hopping. I need the income because face it, this is Singapore. 

I chose the picture above because this is one series that is very raw and real. I don't quite know how to explain it. The series touched on many teenage issues like bullying, slut shaming, rape and most importantly, suicide. These are still happening everywhere and it's horrible. There are so many lessons to take away from this show. I read the comments online and people were saying things like how the show was glorifying suicide. But that's not the point of the show! Some people are so annoying. Watch it for yourself and keep an open mind. 

The lesson I learnt from this show? Speak up. If you're facing trouble, talk to someone about it. There will always be someone there for you. Be kind to people. You don't know what they may be going through.

Shaws needs to watch this show. Naw, they're too busy with their own personal agendas to bother. But now, I'm free from them and I couldn't be happier. I just hope my friends in there have the strength to pull through to the end of the year. 

Okay, that's it! I better stop hahaha. Look at the time! I start my new job on the 2nd of May. So, I have 2 days of break left and I have housework to do tomorrow (Sunday). So I better go.

Hope life isn't too cruel to you (if I still have readers). I know I had a rough start but I'm hopeful that it'll all get better. One bad egg in the basket doesn't make all the others bad too. I've got to keep searching and have faith that there are still good people in the world.

Be safe and in the best of health! Salam!

When the night was full of terrors 

And your eyes were filled with tears 

When you had not touched me yet 

Oh, take me back to the night we met 

I had all and then most of you

Some and now none of you

Take me back to the night we met

I don't know what I'm supposed to do

Haunted by the ghost of you

Take me back to the night we met

Say You Won't Let Go

2012

2015

2016

Salam!

I know it's been ages since I last posted. I was hoping that working at Shaws now would give me more time for myself and the things I used to want to do or used to do. It has already been one month since I joined Shaws and boy, what a busy month that had been. It was craaaaayzeeeeee. I swear, joining PCF at first wasn't this overwhelming. The information that I was packed with on the first day was already much. The trainings itself (5 sessions in total) were a different story. So, so, so, toooooo much information to absorb in just that 5 sessions. And they weren't hands on enough for us to fully grasp and understand how to execute.The curriculum head was really nice and approachable though, so I don't have much concerns in that area.

Anyway, let's talk about the above pictures but first, let me laugh. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Look at my kental 2012 face. Now I can see why the parents don't take me seriously or don't think I am of "good enough" teaching calibre. I look bloody 15. I guess makeup really helps to mature you up. Cannot believe I just said that, hahaha. Who would have thought right? I used to hate makeup so much. Now I depend on it to LOOK ALIVE. I look dead almost all the time. But anyways, the changes from 2012 to 2016. Tudung style also changed, guys. 2016's was my own creation k, I'm so proud of that. Really can pretend I have long hair anytime can just "flips hair" just that it's tudung. But you get what I mean. I couldn't find 2013's picture, and 2014's photo company was shitty so we never got our solo photos. My point is, SO LONG PCF! BYE.

My new workplace has been great, so far. The support I've received from my new colleagues has been so great. Although now, on top of wearing eyeliner, I have to wear lipstick. "Bright red", at that. It's sort of like a requirement by the principal. I initially had an issue with it because obviously I don't wear lipstick. *rolls eyes* But I went to get one anyway, a cheap one 'cause it's just for work right. By 1pm, I wipe it off cause lipstick dries out my lips. However! I've been very into this brand called Nudestix. I have 2 of their lip + cheek pencils and I looooooooooove them!!!! They feel great on my lips and don't dry them out. Unfortunately, the colours I have are almost the same as my lip colour so it's unacceptable at work. *rolls eyes* So I'm saving up to get the red Nudestix one. Teehee!

But honestly, that's about all I wear. My morning routine is just Fair & Lovely cream on my face, then Innisfree powder (this is another favourite) and eyeliner. I put on the lipstick (Silkygirl *rolls eyes*) at work. Just this routine makes my face look more alive hahahaha.

Why am I talking about makeup hahahaha

Anywaysssss.........2017!

Wow, how time flies! I hope it'll be a good year, InsyaAllah. 2016 had its own ups and downs, friendships lost and gained, financial worries, getting my 2nd last module done, meeting a huge cat that more or less is like the cat I lost, my first band concert ever, spending zero overnight stays at work to do work (WHAT AN ACHIEVEMENT. The K2 camp is not counted.) and love. Lots and lots of love. 7th year with the beloved. And loving 31 children individually, immense love for each and everyone of them. I can't even express my love for them enough, the way I'm so attached to them that even now, in a new environment with new children, I still think of them. Moral of the story: Don't get too attached to someone, they have that much power to break your heart. It's so hard to let go. :(

Anyway, this year will be a year for positivity. I've seen a lot of positivity at my new workplace and I'm hopeful that it can make me a better, stronger and more capable educator. Last year, I was all for catching up with friends and I'm pretty satisfied with what I've achieved so far. So, I'm curious and looking forward to what 2017 will bring me. InsyaAllah, it'll be good.

7 more months to the 8th year, like wow, time flies. *inserts shocked face* InsyaAllah, many more milestones to achieve. So blessed, so so blessed. ^.^

My sis was suggesting recently that I create a blog about my job. Like, name it something like "Letters to Parents" from a teacher's perspective. She said this because of the stuff I've been ranting and complaining about over the years. I actually think it's a good idea, but executing it would be different. I'm gonna see how this will work on top of my workload. Hahahaha.

John Legend's Love Me Now has been playing in my head since he released it. His baby is adorable in the MV. *heart eyes*

Okay, time to bobok! Stay safe this new year and be healthy, InsyaAllah!

I'm so in love with you

And I hope you know

Darling your love is more than worth its weight in gold

We've come so far my dear

Look how we've grown

And I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old

Just say you won't let go

Just say you won't let go

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Mercy

Salam!

October didn't begin to easily for me. I was on one day of MC and the next 2 days gave me a lot of trouble. My career almost took a hard downfall, I was stressed out of my mind. Alhamdulillah, that's all over and everything's good now. I've been living the past 2 weeks in constant fear for my career but, it all turned out to be a waste of time. I even had a terrible nightmare! I'm just relieved it's all over and I can move forward. We can ALL move on with our lives. It's a good thing that I'm leaving too, I don't actually want to face them all next year. Call me a coward, but they'll just be a constant reminder of what happened.

But of course, I learnt my lesson. It was, indeed, a lesson learnt the extremely hard way. Did I also mention that I almost lost my entire career? Yep, that bad. It will be something that I would always be conscious of and never repeat.

It's the last 3 weeks of the term. I've got lots of paperwork to rush on top of my portfolios. My portfolios are running well so far. I'm glad and relieved that I had an early start on it so I'm basically just filling up the holes at the moment. Pretty satisfied with my work speed at the moment, which is why I can't stay long.

I also just submitted my letter of resignation. It was sitting in my dropbox for more than a month or less or so. Admin asked me why I was in such a rush to leave when I can do it in January so that I can keep my bonus. So I told her money is money, you can get it anywhere and it doesn't really matter to me that it's an "entitlement". I just wanna get out of there, especially since December will be a heavy month of moving and setting up the classroom all freaking over again. *rolls eyes* I'd rather not do that again. So, this is me rolling out.

Anyway, I'm doing the one month notice period already and well, I can't wait to just get out of there and start anew. Regardless of whether the new place will be as good to me as 135 had been these past 5 years, I'll brace whatever challenges ahead because I know, that's how I will grow as a teacher and as an individual. I want to keep making a difference in the little ones' lives and that's where you will always find me. For now.

InsyaAllah, it will all be better. That's all for now.

PS. Ahmad's in Indo now, prolly having the time of his life. I can't wait for my turn next year, InsyaAllah.

Till the next post, be always in the best of health. InsyaAllah. (:

Please have mercy on me

Take it easy on my heart

Even though you don't mean to hurt me

You keep tearing me apart

I was with this bunch for almost 2 years now.

How I've watched them grow.

How I'd shed some tears when they shed theirs.

Their happiness is my happiness.

Their sadness is mine too.

Their unconditional love throughout the past 2 years.

Despite getting scolded almost everyday (the top photo is guilty of this)

I'd planned to stay until they graduated.

But my current situation has given me no choice but to leave.

I'll always remember you guys.

I'll cherish our last few months together.

I'll see you next year for graduation. I promise.

:(

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GIRLS TALK BOYS

Editted by: Ahmad <3 p="">

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!!!

MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN!!!

The first Eid without my dearest grandfather, well, not the same anymore.

But we all move on and forward.

InsyaAllah, I'll be graduating next year in May.

I'll be registering for the graduation soon, teehee.

Alhamdulillah for the journey thus far, though challenging, still manageable.

I can't believe I started my degree during the SPARK period/year.

Because that was the toughest/stress-est I've ever been in my life.

Not even exams in pri/sec school got me this stressed out.

SPARK is brutal. :(

I'm still trying to decide between resigning at the end of 2016 or after Semester 1 in 2017.

I haven't discussed this with the boss so I'll leave it till appraisal period to raise it.

Of course, leaving earlier is better on my financial situation, especially.

I know it's been too long. Sometimes, I just don't know what to say.

I've been in the baddest of moods last week for the entire week. :O

Anywayssss, till next time, InsyaAllah.

Planning an end of year vacay thanks to my sister's sponsorship teehee.

Guess providing for her has paid off somehow teehee.

Can't wait! :3

Till next time. InsyaAllah.

Busy bee la this one. Soz.

Cause I been talking to my friends

The way you take away my breath

It's something bigger than myself

It's something I don't understand

Yellow

It's been a while since I last posted.

Been busy.

Adulthood's a busy place.

Today marks 6 years 9 months for us.

:')

We've been through so much, jeez, I can't even measure how much that how much really is because, it hasn't been an easy journey.

Especially when you have people like me being very emotional and clingy and teary everytime I'm on my period.

Well, not really, just that one time. (Keyword: ONE time)

I haven't been emotional about us for a very long time.

I was supposed to be at his house in the morning for the usual ngaji but I got really sick.

I must have caught some bug from the kids or something, the attendance this week had been pretty poor, what with one hospitalization and all. And because of this, I've been in bed sleeping the day away all day so I'm totally behind on my portfolios. *inserts panicked face here*

Anyway, 3 more months till the 7th of August which will mark our 7th year.

Pretty mindblown.

The fact is, when I met him just last Tuesday, it was the first time since almost 3 months. 

The last time we met was for Deadpool in like, Feb?

I know right. Haha.

I've had friends and colleagues asking how we deal with the distance and even not meeting for that long.

And to be honest, I myself don't know how we do it.

I guess it's always been one day at a time.

Ya know how they say,  everyday is a day closer to the next time you'll see each other.

And besides, we're busy with our own stuff.

The next thing we know, we got a date.

Hahahaha.

I don't really know what the point of this post was.

But just needed to make sure the blog doesn't die.

Nat sent me a picture of a book we once had back in 2009 that we were supposed to write in and pass between each other.

Just like we did in secondary school.

You can think of it like a Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants kinda thing.

Just that for us, it's a book.

Anyway, when Nat sent the pic to me, I got all nostalgic.

I missed writing really bad.

And I mean, literally writing, not typing like right now.

I used to write stories and she was my number one fan.

And we had all those diaries since Sec 1. 

Gosh, Sec 1 feels like a lifetime ago.

I remember being excited for the future, for work, for my own income.

Now I wish I could take it all back and go back to school, where your only worries would be your homework and passing your exams.

I cannot believe I'm turning 25 this year.

Time is flying so fast.

I can't wait for this though.

Just one more module to go.

InsyaAllah, next year.

Seems like I'm cramming a lot of stuff from the last couple of months in this post.

Yeah, I've been very busy and yet, I can't even remember with what.

Ahmad called, hahaha.

#almost7 and still feels surreal.

How did I get so lucky? :')

Till the next post, InsyaAllah. :3

Look at the stars 

Look how they shine for you 

And everything you do 

Yeah, they were all yellow

5 SECONDS OF SUMMER

THE 5SOS CONCERT WAS THE BOMB!

*WARNING: I will sound like a complete fan girl here because it's been too long since I liked a band this much. I'd try to tone it down but we'll see. & this is probably the only time I'd scream and fan over a group of boys way younger than me. Hehehehe.

I never thought that I would ever watch the boys live, if ever they came here. So when they announced their Sounds Live Feels Live tour, I didn't hope for much because it was the UK tour. THEN! I saw on their IG the promo poster for the Asia SLFL tour and I was over the moon! I even considered buying a tix for my sis because she was forced to listen to the new album because I played it ALL THE TIME at home. THEN! I thought of Amielia and asked her if she was going. She was almost going to buy the VIP tix and go on her own when I asked. So we ended up going together and it was such an amazing experience, having a friend fan to go with. We had a good view too because our seats were on the first row of the elevated section, so we were not that blocked by the posters and phones and lots of hands up in the air. *heart eyes*

Ready to start the night

Ready to scream and shout and jump and sing our hearts out

Cal baby!!!! (on the right *heart eyessss*)

They started off with "Carry On" from SGFG and on to their hits. When they started the intro to "Disconnected", I was screaming my head off already because I love that song! Ditched my phone in my pocket and just sang along because I didn't want to look at them from behind my phone screen. Enjoy the moment while it lasts, right? 

And THEN, we got to the best part: Waste The Night, Castaway and Jet Black Heart. Mike was awesome with the long note in the intro for JBH, I WAS MINDBLOWN. 

The whole song was so super intense. And Calum with his solo....

Cal shared about his backstage fumble, falling in a box that he thought was full. That kid is adorable. Sorry, I'm a Calum girl, hehehehe... :B (Unfortunately, I can't upload the video of when he told that story because Blogger sucks at only 100MB per vid. Boo you.)

So then they got to my all time favourite: Amnesia, because the lyrics sang out to me when I first heard it. And Beside You, which was the first ever song that I heard from them, whose lyrics perfectly matched what I felt about my "long-distance" relationship.  This made me curious about this band, because their lyrics were so deep and in tune to my feelings. The second album had songs that literally made me cry. Check out Broken Home and Invisible. Though I wish they sang these two live, it would have connected the audience to them even better.

Anyway, you'd realise (and so would the people standing behind me, if they noticed) that I only video-ed Cal's solos and parts in the songs. That's all I record and then I'll start jumping and singing my heart out, while holding onto the handrails in front of me lest I fall off 'cause I was totally leaning forward hahahaha!

Calum sounded beautiful, dammit! But Luke was too, and Mike, and Ash at the drums all sweaty was damn sexy. 

See, I come to a band concert and I only have eyes for their bassist.

That body though, those arms though.

HEART EYES HERE PLZZZ

:3

Here's Ashton with the drums that sexy dude

From End Up Here, Voodoo Doll, Good Girls, Permanent Vacation and What I Like About You, completely ditched my phone and sang along. By then, I realised all that jumping messed up my tudung, LOL. They ended off the night with She's Kinda Hot and She Looks So Perfect. Their iconic jump for SLSP was damn perfect.

At the end of it all, I realised that I had really, thoroughly enjoyed myself, and I couldn't remember when I last had this much fun. My voice had turned hoarse and my throat hurt from all the screaming and shouting. The fact that I was standing throughout, quite forgetting that I always had back pain when I stood for long hours, and didn't even feel anything throughout the entire thing was and felt amazing. That was when I knew that I really had fun. 

Thank you 5SOS, you guys were royal gold! Hearts and love for you! :3

Thank you Amielia for the best seats you could get for us. No one better to share this experience with than you. 

The messy us post-concert. 

My tudung was all over the place and one brooch fell out lol.

So yup, I wanted to blog this while it was still fresh in my mind. I was humming and singing their songs at work the next day, and I was in a very good mood despite little sleep because I was still reeling from the experience.

This was my first ever band concert. A band that I love. I didn't get to watch Westlife, not even Boys Like Girls, or Mayday Parade. But this, is good enough. I hope they come again, because I would go again. I don't care how old I'll be by then but I would still go and watch them again.

Still in a good mood about this. It's a wish come true. I'll probably watch their interviews when I have the time. Hehehe.

Bridesmaid duty next month, pretty excited about it too.

Still, I think 5SOS is the highlight of my 2016. Ditching reality to enjoy their concert never felt so good. Till here, and I really should post about Phuket soon. I hope to travel again this year. Saving up so religiously. :D

Cal baby stop being so sexy