K2-2 plants Spinach!

The seeds are really tiny!

Cutest boy in the 4th Playgroup class.

So friendly and intelligent.

Told the teachers if I had a Chinese boyfriend, his face would be my type.

Hahahahaha.

Meet my Prince Charming! :3

Oppaaaaaaa & Prince Charming!

Just a short update on Green Wave Day last Thursday. We had the celebration and then the tree-planting, and then the flea market. Swear the boys were not on their best behaviours that day except the two above. I had fun that day even though it was super tiring and I lost stuff in my classroom again. After the Mothers' Day Tea Party where I shifted most of my stuff to Rachelle's room, I lost  my purple thermometer. Then, after this flea market thing where they used all my children's tables, I lost some important papers and work-related stuff.

This coming slumber night, I'd probably lose more stuff again. I better lock everything up in my cupboard before that happens.

Portfolios are going well now. Started to do up the comments, trying to do as little cut and paste as I can, but typing is just too time consuming. Sigh.

Till my next post, y'all.

You And I

A good day of ngaji and gamelan with him.

Never had anyone who cares so much for me the way he does.

Never had anyone who makes me laugh so hard the way he does.

Never had anyone who gives me advice the way he does.

Never had anyone who drags me across the road the way he does.

Never had anyone who gets so angry with me for crying over something worthless the way he does.

Never had anyone who loves me the way he does.

I never want someone else to fill the place you have in my heart.

I hope, from the deepest part of me, for a future with you.

I'm just scared to admit it. :p

I love you, Ahmad Mustaqim.

Thank you for loving the worst, and best, of me.

You and I

We don't wanna be like them

We can make it till the end

Say Something

Rose are red

Violets are blue

You guys drive me up the wall

But I still love you

I can feel the stress creeping in again. But I keep Ahmad's super fierce advice in mind all the time: Clean up YOUR shit first, before cleaning others'.

It basically means for me to finish up whatever work I have, before lending others a hand. Because I always do the opposite; so willing to help others but my work isn't done yet, thus causing it to pile higher than Mt. Everest. So when he came down last Saturday:

I had fun having his help. Because he was ALOT of help. I couldn't carry the tables and chairs all by myself so I was quite thankful to have a hunk around. Actually, the mess was all because of the Mothers' Day Tea Party we had with the K2 children's moms. It was a huge success, but the entire week caused me extreme fatigue, coming home at near midnight almost everyday before that Friday.

So thank you, Mr. Ahmad Mustaqim, for your help in cleaning my classroom and the gym room next door. As well as for playing with the tricycles excitedly. Hahaha. :3

Been in a turmoil of emotions the past week. So glad that at least I managed to talk about it with my 'personal psychologist'. I'm just gonna give myself time to heal from this. Things will get better, InsyaAllah.

I hope for a better week ahead. All I can think of right now is portfolio, portfolio, portfolio. Sigh.

Say something I'm giving up on you

I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

We have a lion in the house!

Meet newly shaved Lumos!

Looooove the tail so much!

Salam!

What a week(s) it has been. The lack of updates made me realise how much things I wanted to pen down lately but never really had the energy to do it. What they say is true; when you're young, you have more time, more energy but no money. When you're an adult and working, you have more money but less time and energy.

But I just realised that the older I get, the more forgetful I am, and the more careless I am. I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with me. Sigh.

Since it's now May, it means the month of portfolios. I'm screwed because I haven't even started one, but I'm actually about to right now. There's more I want to say, more that I need to vent and let out but I'll save it for another time.

On a brighter note, I received my Letter of Completion for my DECCE-T already and my boss showed me how much my increment would be. It was more than my whole family expected, so, Alhamdulillah for that. It means that I can save more. :)

I want to train myself to complain less now. I need to learn to embrace life as it is. Others are going through worse than me, so I have to be grateful for right now. Life is precious, that's why every moment counts.

Till my next post, InsyaAllah. 

Sick Me

Guess I'd rather be at work instead of at home but I happen to be sick. Because it's boring to stay home.

Can't even walk without feeling like I'm about to faint. The world starts to black out and I'm forced to squat and close my eyes until it goes away. When I woke up this morming, I realised my hands and fingers were shaking on their own. It was so scary. Downed my medicine and laid down for a while. I lost my appetite to even eat anything. Eventually I forced some rice down and drank barley before crashing on my bed. Suddenly had diarrhoea too.

Too descriptive so I'm just gonna...go. 

Miserable At Best

This is something Ahmad tagged me in that I feel are things I need to start doing now. 

Salam!

In the past 2 weeks, I've been through a turmoil of feelings. From feeling worried to angry to betrayed to whatever this is right now.

Because honestly, I just  don't get it.

Here I am, sitting alone in my classroom, another overnight session with a few of my other colleagues in their own rooms, and I'm thinking, why the hell do I have such bad luck with friendships?

I kept wondering, is it me?

What's wrong with me?

Why do my friends either want to get rid of me, or betray me, or just accuse me of doing something I probably wasn't aware I was doing?

Is it my fault in the first place?

Honestly, what is it? What is it?

Why can't I ever have a decent friendship? Yes, they have their ups and downs, but they're supposed to get through all of that and come out stronger. Because all the good times spent together is not worth breaking a friendship over something as small as a misunderstanding.

I just don't get it at all.

I'm sick and tired already. From my secondary school days until my polytechnic days. I thought now that I am a working adult, or at least now that we're all in the early 20s, we'd be mature enough to not behave like this. But no, I was wrong.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not sure why this happens to me like, almost every phase of my life. I just hope I can be strong enough to overcome this.

Time and again, I feel like I somehow allow myself to get betrayed or stabbed in the back by people. If they were unhappy with me for instance, they'd talk behind my back, instead of coming straight to me. Because honestly, if you tegur me, I'd accept it. I'd know what I'm doing may not be acceptable, so that's how I will learn to change. Of course it'd take time to digest, but I'd surely do something to change. But like, really, do I deserve to be treated like this every single time? Seriously.

I can't please everyone. Deep down, I know that. But that's what I've always been doing and in the end, I hurt myself. It's not fair to me. Which brings us to point 5 to 7 in the above picture.

I just don't know what to do anymore. This has been nagging at the back of my head the past 2 weeks and it was all I could do to push it away and put my work first because it was sky high before, now it's the-tallest-skyscraper-in-Singapore high. Sigh.

Well then, I'll just go get a cup of tea to feel better about this, and hopefully, things will get better.

Just. So. Tired. Of. Everything.

Because these words were never easier for me to say

Or her to second guess

But I guess

That I can live without you but

Without you I'll be miserable

And I can live without you

But without you I'll be miserable

And I can live without you

Oh, without you I'll be miserable at best

So I spent 5 hours yesterday fixing my new IKEA kitchen set up.

5 hours of headache.

Trust me when I say I never wanna do this again.

Or maybe, not alone at least.

It's tough shit, I tell you. 

No freaking joke.

Salam!

I'm feeling preeettty happy and excited for myself. I had a lesson observation today by my principal and what's worse is it was to be a video-ed observation. At the start of the day, I was pretty stressed as I hadn't printed my lesson plan for her because Dropbox was being a biatch and so was the work computer. In the end, I managed it. After our mass exercise in the morning, my children and me waited for her arrival but she didn't seem to come so I called her and found out she actually forgot. -.-

The lesson went on as usual, but I couldn't stop smiling and I can't even recall why! The children were soooo excited too! Prior to the observation, I made them promise to be on their best behaviour. My naughtier ones were as usual, of course, but at least, during the whole lesson/observation, they were all cooperative. They responded very well, in fact, TOO WELL, to my standard hand signals. (I try to use hand signals as another form of instruction, a tip I picked up from one of the workshops I attended. Hee.) Now that I reflect back, they were pretty engaged in the activity that I planned for them, or rather, the curriculum planned for them. I was rather impressed at their enthusiasm too.

So, my principal's comments were quite positive. During our pre-observation meeting, she asked me which area of the observation I want her to focus on and I said my classroom management. So just now, she said my classroom management was 'very good'. The children 'respond and listen to you very well'. The children 'were very engaged in the activity, which is what the QAC officers will want to see.'

I wanted to scream Alhamdulillah.

These comments mean a lot to me because last year, all my observations went haywire, practicum assessments included.

So, yep. This is quite an achievement, and the feeling is just too awesome. :)

So I realised these things today that I have not done:
- March meeting minutes
- This week's lesson evaluations
- My class's allergy list
- Virtues lesson plans

Die die die. District Head might be coming anytime she wants, and QAC officer will be coming on the 24th. Die die die.

Still, this can't dampen my mood today. It'll only motivate me. :D

Until my next post, InsyaAllah. :3