This is something Ahmad tagged me in that I feel are things I need to start doing now.
Salam!
In the past 2 weeks, I've been through a turmoil of feelings. From feeling worried to angry to betrayed to whatever this is right now.
Because honestly, I just don't get it.
Here I am, sitting alone in my classroom, another overnight session with a few of my other colleagues in their own rooms, and I'm thinking, why the hell do I have such bad luck with friendships?
I kept wondering, is it me?
What's wrong with me?
Why do my friends either want to get rid of me, or betray me, or just accuse me of doing something I probably wasn't aware I was doing?
Is it my fault in the first place?
Is it my fault in the first place?
Honestly, what is it? What is it?
Why can't I ever have a decent friendship? Yes, they have their ups and downs, but they're supposed to get through all of that and come out stronger. Because all the good times spent together is not worth breaking a friendship over something as small as a misunderstanding.
I just don't get it at all.
I'm sick and tired already. From my secondary school days until my polytechnic days. I thought now that I am a working adult, or at least now that we're all in the early 20s, we'd be mature enough to not behave like this. But no, I was wrong.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not sure why this happens to me like, almost every phase of my life. I just hope I can be strong enough to overcome this.
Time and again, I feel like I somehow allow myself to get betrayed or stabbed in the back by people. If they were unhappy with me for instance, they'd talk behind my back, instead of coming straight to me. Because honestly, if you tegur me, I'd accept it. I'd know what I'm doing may not be acceptable, so that's how I will learn to change. Of course it'd take time to digest, but I'd surely do something to change. But like, really, do I deserve to be treated like this every single time? Seriously.
I can't please everyone. Deep down, I know that. But that's what I've always been doing and in the end, I hurt myself. It's not fair to me. Which brings us to point 5 to 7 in the above picture.
I just don't know what to do anymore. This has been nagging at the back of my head the past 2 weeks and it was all I could do to push it away and put my work first because it was sky high before, now it's the-tallest-skyscraper-in-Singapore high. Sigh.
Well then, I'll just go get a cup of tea to feel better about this, and hopefully, things will get better.
Just. So. Tired. Of. Everything.
Time and again, I feel like I somehow allow myself to get betrayed or stabbed in the back by people. If they were unhappy with me for instance, they'd talk behind my back, instead of coming straight to me. Because honestly, if you tegur me, I'd accept it. I'd know what I'm doing may not be acceptable, so that's how I will learn to change. Of course it'd take time to digest, but I'd surely do something to change. But like, really, do I deserve to be treated like this every single time? Seriously.
I can't please everyone. Deep down, I know that. But that's what I've always been doing and in the end, I hurt myself. It's not fair to me. Which brings us to point 5 to 7 in the above picture.
I just don't know what to do anymore. This has been nagging at the back of my head the past 2 weeks and it was all I could do to push it away and put my work first because it was sky high before, now it's the-tallest-skyscraper-in-Singapore high. Sigh.
Well then, I'll just go get a cup of tea to feel better about this, and hopefully, things will get better.
Just. So. Tired. Of. Everything.
Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you
But without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you
Oh, without you I'll be miserable at best
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