She's in Singapore right now and I will be seeing her for the next few weeks.
I have a feeling she'll immediately notice my emotional instability.
It's been a hectic week. & I was so emotionally disturbed on Thursday after all that unnecessary nonsense happened. I swear, I've never hated anyone I don't even know well this much. My centre's admin really asked for a kick in the face from me that day. Ugh. I don't wanna talk about it anymore. But seriously, this won't be the last time. It's only the beginning of much worse things that could happen. I don't even know what it is about me that she's against with.
Sigh. I'm not myself anymore. I am a different person now, and I am fully aware of that. The things that happen at my centre changed me.
When it comes to school, I always look forward to it because it meant meeting my awesome friends who make classes less boring. I have supportive friends who are willing to lend a hand anytime. But when it comes to work, I dread the day ahead because I don't know what would happen. The only thing I look forward to is meeting the children. The children who greet me excitedly all the time when they see me. :')
I want my own class to teach next year. I don't care how tired it makes me. If it pulls me away from Mrs Sing, I'm willing. If it could make me happier with my own bunch of students, I'm willing. What I'm not wiling is to be someone's sidekick and be wronged at any time when it won't even be entirely my fault.
I hope she really leaves next year. Or just work part-time again for the morning classes.
I miss Ahmad.
Even better, I miss my old self.
Kembalikan lagi senyumku yang manis seperti dulu
Ku rasa kini aku bertahan
Menahan luka yang amat dalam
Kembalikan lagi senyumku aku tak betah begini
Semenjak hati dan jiwa luka
Ku kehilangan senyum
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