Happy New Year!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

& GUESS WHAT, I'LL BE POSTING SOMETHING LONG AFTER THIS.

WELL, SATISFACTORY LONG, IF NOT LONG ENOUGH.

ANYHOOS, MAY 2013 BE GOOD TO US, AMIN! :D

Love, Fazzzz

'cause I simply love them together. :3

Hello all. I know it's been a long time since a proper post. Alas, I still can't put up a proper post right now because I can't find any words to describe anything that I'm feeling right now. Terrified, nervous and excited are nothing close to the emotions coursing through me at the moment, and probably for the rest of the year. It's 18 December, 13 more days before 2013 comes swinging by like nobody's business. I just wish time would stop. Like, really stop. Everything is happening so fast, too fast. For once, I just feel like sitting on a bench and just watch the world pass me by. I don't wanna have to worry about having a 2013 planner, about being so forgetful, about taking 14 children on alone next year, about my family, about my future, about my relationship, about buying a watch ASAP, about everything.

I just wanna catch my breath, for crying out loud...

Sometimes, I feel like crying, but I don't even know what I'm crying for or about. I just really wanna sit and just maybe close my eyes and breathe. Breathe.

I can't say much else 'cept this, mates. I've got 1 foreigner and 3 PRs in my class next year. It could be worse than that but I'm thankful for what I have now. :)

Stay strong. & in case I don't say it in time, happy new year and may you have a blessed one ahead.

Lots of love, Fazzz :3

Because you believe.

We believe.

& we can get through this together.

:)

I love you.

I miss you quite terribly.

& I'm not sure how to make this less painful.

Everything I do, wherever I am, reminds me of you.

It gets harder to fall asleep at night.

10 more weeks.

It seems so far away.

I've been through worse.

But I'm not sure how I got through these past 2 months.

I'll just have to remember how to do it for the next 10 weeks.

I really, really miss you.

& you won't have any idea how much.

Not even close.

I Almost Do

I miss him.

Hell, like a lot.

And I just want to tell you

It takes everything in me not to call you

And I wish I could run to you

And I hope you know that

Everytime I don't, I almost do

I almost do, I almost do

This surprised me this morning when I woke up.

Doaku untukmu sayang, semoga selamat di dalam.

Dreading the week ahead but, looking forward to next weekend.

Abang Din's wedding! Finally!

Kembalikan Senyumku

She's in Singapore right now and I will be seeing her for the next few weeks.

I have a feeling she'll immediately notice my emotional instability.

It's been a hectic week. & I was so emotionally disturbed on Thursday after all that unnecessary nonsense happened. I swear, I've never hated anyone I don't even know well this much. My centre's admin really asked for a kick in the face from me that day. Ugh. I don't wanna talk about it anymore. But seriously, this won't be the last time. It's only the beginning of much worse things that could happen. I don't even know what it is about me that she's against with.

Sigh. I'm not myself anymore. I am a different person now, and I am fully aware of that. The things that happen at my centre changed me. 

When it comes to school, I always look forward to it because it meant meeting my awesome friends who make classes less boring. I have supportive friends who are willing to lend a hand anytime. But when it comes to work, I dread the day ahead because I don't know what would happen. The only thing I look forward to is meeting the children. The children who greet me excitedly all the time when they see me. :')

I want my own class to teach next year. I don't care how tired it makes me. If it pulls me away from Mrs Sing, I'm willing. If it could make me happier with my own bunch of students, I'm willing. What I'm not wiling is to be someone's sidekick and be wronged at any time when it won't even be entirely my fault.

I hope she really leaves next year. Or just work part-time again for the morning classes.

I miss Ahmad.

Even better, I miss my old self. 

Kembalikan lagi senyumku yang manis seperti dulu

Ku rasa kini aku bertahan

Menahan luka yang amat dalam

Kembalikan lagi senyumku aku tak betah begini

Semenjak hati dan jiwa luka

Ku kehilangan senyum