To sum up the past two days. :)

Salam Aidilfitri!

I seek forgiveness from the bottom of my heart,

for any wrongdoings that I have committed

to you, against you, deliberately or otherwise.

:)

Right now, I'm missing my late grandmother and aunt.

Missing them so terribly.

:(

Last Night

Salam!!

Time flies so fast when you're having fun. It's too soon that this little girl turned 5. And me, soon to be 23. I feel super old already.

Anyway, the picture above was from last night. How this little girl evolved from the bundle of cries back in 2009. Hahahaha. Now, she's really good at sulking with her pouting mouth. She can spell her name. And she's such a glutton. I forgot to buy her a birthday present so I negotiated with her yesterday.

Me: Cha, Ahlong terlupa nak belikan Chacha present la.
Keisha: Abeh?
Me: Ahlong kasi Chacha bile Kakak punye birthday boleh?
Keisha: Boleh. Kakak birthday 23.
Me: 23 what?
Keisha: August. *walks away*
Me: *in awe*

The kids grow up too fast. They get smarter too fast. I missed the days when I'd tease her non-stop and bite her super fat chubby cheeks. And also tease her with food. Pretend to feed her but the food will go into my mouth. How she'll cry and sulk so much that I'd eventually give her food.

And then!

Keisha: *walks past me*
Me: *catch her in my arms* Jom amek gambar!
Keisha: *struggle* Later!

A while later....

Keisha: *walks to her Mama who was behind me*
Me: Cha, Ahlong nak cake.
Keisha: Later!

A while later...

Me: Keisha! Sini! Hug Ahlong.
Keisha: Later!

Irritating sia her 'later'. She must have learnt it from her parents or brothers. Hmph.

Anyway, wishing her a blissful and happy life growing up. I hope to be able to be there for her and her sister and Farah as they grow up together. May Keisha be blessed with happiness and good health. Amin.

I had a really weird dream last night. I occasionally get this type of dreams in a year. It's so weird. And scary. Hmm.

Life has been stressful. Colleagues have been angering me lately although I put on a fake smile. I just got off the phone with my boss. Called her at the wrong time 'cause she was in the toilet, hahahaha. But it was important so ya. The Sparks period has officially started. I foresee a very busy me ahead. I wonder if I will even have the time for GSM. I promised to commit but looking at my schedule scares me so much. I'm so afraid I'll get a physical and mental breakdown from the toll it will take on me, my mind and body. Sigh.

I'll take it in stride and have faith that Allah will give me the strength I need to move forward.

Wish me luck as I start this stressful journey for the next few months.

Oh and I made new friends at my degree induction programme. They even took down my number 'cause they wanted to open a whatsapp group. Well, not too bad. :)

I'm gonna go. Piano class starts soon at 1.45pm. I think I'm only blogging to release my feelings. Hahaha. Who cares 'bout readers anymore? I'll probably start baking hair raya goodies next week so yay for cooking posts! Till the next post, InsyaAllah! Salam!

Wake up in the morning 

With the sunlight in my eyes, 

No, my head don't feel so bright, 

What the hell happened last night?

Salam!

It's been 2 years! 2 flying-past-your-face years!

Of what?

Of me being a kindergarten teacher. :) :D

I started officially right after the June holidays in 2012.  2nd July to be exact, but I just wanted to post today because I'll be busy tomorrow!

2 years, it has been!

Wow. I'm amazed.

2 years of being amazed by children all the time, 2 years of listening to conflicts among the teachers, 2 years of the gossip, 2 years of the rumours, 2 years of watching oldies argue.

Between these 2 years, I've been pushed around, betrayed (slightly), badmouthed and bullshit-ed around. But these 2 years have taught me many, many things that I wouldn't trade with any others.

& of course, not to mention that my memory got poorer over the years. I have no idea why. Zzz...

Nevertheless, it has been an interesting and wonderful journey, what with juggling assignments with work, especially the things that boss asked me to do back then because I was so "free". And when I got my own class last year for the first quarter, how I struggled! I had quite a shock because I pictured it to be smooth but that's how I learnt things, the hard way of course. Aside from that, the love I got from my children last year; Wayn, Jessica, Nathania, Matin.... and all the rest, of course. Their love inspired me, their love and innocence made this tough job all the more bearable. Not to forget their parents, too! Their support, understanding and genuine concern for the teachers of their children made everything bearable last year. I miss them all.

Last year was a breeze, but not all things are easy. This year has been a tough one.  With my studies being over, more things were thrown on my plate, and unfairness came my way.

But it's okay.

You may take away the glory of my achievements, but you can never take credit for them. :)

I super side-tracked! But anyway, to more years of teaching, InsyaAllah. Though I can't say I'm truly happy with the workload I have right now, I am happy at where I'm standing. That I've at least achieved something to make my parents proud.

Graduation is in October. Can't wait. This time, I'm gonna do a photoshoot with my family in my graduation gown. :B

Till here. Salam! :3

Even at this age, I never really knew when my grandpa's birthday was.

Not till today.

I don't know if I'm just not being a good granddaughter or it's just the family situation.

Anyway,

To the only grandparent I've ever known:

No one else can take your place in my heart.

No matter what you did in the past, or what happens in the future,

you will always be my grandpa.

You will always be my Tok Bak.

Happy 77th birthday.

I pray that you live a long life, to see Ramadhan this year,

and the next, and the next.

I still remember what you said to me last Eid.

& I will pray for that.

For you to see your grandchildren grow up, and your great-grandchildren.

InsyaAllah.

:)

Almost Here

Salam all.

I know it's been a while, and I also regret that I haven't been posting much because there's just so much feelings coursing through me right now. All the things that I've kept bottled up and never having the time to let them out. I know it's not good to keep things in, that's why I always rely on my blog to let it out a little, if not all. But sometimes, it's just the time and body of mine that doesn't allow me to post something a day.

My whole family went to Johor today while I was stuck here in SG doing work and going for piano. I had lunch alone at home after going to Drive 6 to buy western food after piano class to bring home. Heated up the ayam baker that Ummi Aisyah and sat in the TV room to eat. Watched Godzilla too while I was at it. And that was when I suddenly missed these 2 people who've left and disappeared from my life respectively.

No words can really express how much I miss them. Angah, because her presence will never return again. Oh how I wish I could show her the pictures and videos of my work, my children. I'd bet she'd laugh at the cuteness I see everyday. I'd bet she'd be proud of all our achievements thus far. She has always believed in education, believed that it could provide a better life for us because she didn't have one. I still remember her telling me in sign language to study hard and make my parents proud. I hope now I have. I've been through so much to be where I am now. I hope among them all, she'd be one of those who'd be proud of me. I hope she knows I miss her everyday. #deep

& I hope he knows what he's doing. Disappeared completely from the face of the earth after reappearing for a year in our lives. I told myself I'd stop missing him, I'd stop crying for him to come back but I just can't. I miss him. He was a great big part of my childhood that his disappearance affected me more than my sister. I'd give anything to have him back with our family again. I wonder if you think of us as much as we think of you. Or maybe, as much as I think of you. I don't miss your wife, or your kids, but I miss you. Just you. Family comes first, blood runs thicker than water. We were there for you before her. And whatever happened in the past should stay in the past. Why can't you make your wife understand that? 

So if you don't turn up again this year, it'd be the 3rd Raya since you last spent it with us.

Hey, what's new right?

I'll just drown myself in my work this week. There's not much left to do except the shelf and reorganising of the room. Boss still left that stupid huge Pro-flair table in my room because the pipes were leaking and flooded the room, so my room is still a bit of a mess.

I'm just feeling so sad right now. Until the next time, guys. 

Haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you, you're almost here

And I know that's not enough

And when I'm with you, I'm close to tears

'cause you're only almost here

I miss my younger days.

(Cheh, macam I'm so old already huh.)

Salam!

I guess I've been so busy the past week that I didn't even update on the current "kecohs" in my life right now. To start off, my mum is as usual chasing after her money. LOL. While my dad is happily driving his taxi all day everyday. I'm just thankful that I have my parents by my side, their support and their nagging combined. And my sister is leaving soon for her attachment at Vietnam for the next 3 months. And my little sister is happily enjoying her June holidays while lil ol' me is stuck at work for the rest of the month. Le sigh.

Anyways, I got into the degree I applied for at Kaplan! Actually the news came to me like, the sleepover night week. I was over the moon! Hahaha. Until I saw that I had to raise this certain thousands by 13th June. 

But that's all settled now. :)

On the day I got the news, my dearest boyfriend treated me to Swensen's. Heheh. It may be a very busy few months ahead from now but, I'll try my best to make time for us. I promise. :3

Sorry but that's about all I can talk about right now because I'm pretty beat and I have ngaji tomorrow. So, till the next post! Salam! :3