Almost Here

Salam all.

I know it's been a while, and I also regret that I haven't been posting much because there's just so much feelings coursing through me right now. All the things that I've kept bottled up and never having the time to let them out. I know it's not good to keep things in, that's why I always rely on my blog to let it out a little, if not all. But sometimes, it's just the time and body of mine that doesn't allow me to post something a day.

My whole family went to Johor today while I was stuck here in SG doing work and going for piano. I had lunch alone at home after going to Drive 6 to buy western food after piano class to bring home. Heated up the ayam baker that Ummi Aisyah and sat in the TV room to eat. Watched Godzilla too while I was at it. And that was when I suddenly missed these 2 people who've left and disappeared from my life respectively.

No words can really express how much I miss them. Angah, because her presence will never return again. Oh how I wish I could show her the pictures and videos of my work, my children. I'd bet she'd laugh at the cuteness I see everyday. I'd bet she'd be proud of all our achievements thus far. She has always believed in education, believed that it could provide a better life for us because she didn't have one. I still remember her telling me in sign language to study hard and make my parents proud. I hope now I have. I've been through so much to be where I am now. I hope among them all, she'd be one of those who'd be proud of me. I hope she knows I miss her everyday. #deep

& I hope he knows what he's doing. Disappeared completely from the face of the earth after reappearing for a year in our lives. I told myself I'd stop missing him, I'd stop crying for him to come back but I just can't. I miss him. He was a great big part of my childhood that his disappearance affected me more than my sister. I'd give anything to have him back with our family again. I wonder if you think of us as much as we think of you. Or maybe, as much as I think of you. I don't miss your wife, or your kids, but I miss you. Just you. Family comes first, blood runs thicker than water. We were there for you before her. And whatever happened in the past should stay in the past. Why can't you make your wife understand that? 

So if you don't turn up again this year, it'd be the 3rd Raya since you last spent it with us.

Hey, what's new right?

I'll just drown myself in my work this week. There's not much left to do except the shelf and reorganising of the room. Boss still left that stupid huge Pro-flair table in my room because the pipes were leaking and flooded the room, so my room is still a bit of a mess.

I'm just feeling so sad right now. Until the next time, guys. 

Haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you, you're almost here

And I know that's not enough

And when I'm with you, I'm close to tears

'cause you're only almost here