Finally got my hands on the only picture I took with my students.

I was so busy that day that I couldn't even find the time to snap a picture with my students.

& this was coincidental because Benedict's mummy wanted him to take a picture with me.

He's really adorable. :)

I seriously love what I'm doing now.

I just want to be better at it.

Better strategies, better classroom management.

I've done extensive research on how to achieve that.

But theory is a completely different thing from practice.

I'll slowly be better at this, InsyaAllah. :)

So I went for a checkup today, and it turns out everything is...

Pretty much about the same?

Everytime I'm there, I just can hardly believe it.

Because, sigh.

I don't even wanna talk about it.

& even though I know that everything is pretty much okay,

I was thrown into a bad mood the rest of the day.

It was a lucky thing that I had no choice but to skip the GNK iftar.

Else, I'd be showing everyone else my bad side.

& even though I seriously want to say, "F*ck everything",

I keep telling myself to stay strong.

Because everything that happened, has a reason.

Had a reason.

I miss Ahmad so much right now.

On a side note, I stumbled upon this singer I'd always had a huge crush on back when he was in Click Five. Mr. Eric Dill.

He looks a thousand times better now after ditching that old skool kind of haircut.

Which fit him too back then, I must admit.

But now, he looks even sexier.

Somehow, a little emo looking.

Sexy. That's it.

& this particular song has been on repeat since last night.

I just....

Sigh.

Continue my assignment.

3 years ago, we met. We were in the same class. As simple as that. I barely noticed you, but you told me you noticed me the first time you saw me. I wonder, and I still do until now, what was so special about me. & I wonder, how I got so lucky to even be noticed when I am just.... me.

3 years ago, we were just freshies in RP. You were the 'loner' in class, and I was the.... well, in the malay girls clique, rather. But we malays formed one clique. & that was the start of everything, I guess.

3 years ago, Syai was the closest guy friend I had in class. He was that sunshine in the class. You and me, we were nothing to each other. I never even noticed you, all I saw was you, that quiet guy in class, who rarely speaks a word. I leave you alone because you never bothered me in any way, or at least, the way Syai did.

3 years ago, there was the H1N1 outbreak. We were home quarantined because a classmate contracted it. & that was really the start of everything.

I started to notice you.

Your humour.

Your voice.

Your identity.

3 years ago, after the e-learning period ended, we were back to square one. BUT. I had already begun to notice you. I probably stalked you too. I developed funny feelings for you, feelings that until now, I still have.

3 years ago, I don't know how Syai found out about my crush on you. Maybe because of the random question he asked in the middle of the night. But, he was a pain in the ass the whole time he knew. He assisted you. He gave you my number, and you sent me that lame, lame, super duper lame text message and I remember every single exact word till now. Something started then.

3 years ago, that one week where we got to know each other, that one week when Syai obviously encouraged you to 'pursue' me, that one week when pretty little Maisarah Kamal spilled the beans, was the one week I'd always remember. Looking back now, it was funny, so so funny, but yet, it was quite a dramatic week.

3 years ago, it was beautiful.

3 years later, it still is beautiful.

& in these 3 years, we have grown tremendously. We have gone through many shits together. We stayed strong when we had oceans between us. We fought through emotional storms together. But, we were there for each other. Always. Even when we couldn't, we still tried our best to.

3 years later, we graduated together. Well, on separate days though, but it still counts!

These 3 years with you, it's just amazing. Simply amazing. Though we had our ups and downs, especially what I put you through emotionally sometimes, with regards to my health and... stuff, I'm still always surprised that you choose to stay put. All the times you could have walked away, you stayed. Maybe any other guy would have walked away. But you. You surprise me all the time. & I can't thank you enough for that. For once, someone has accepted me for me, and my flaws.

What can I say now? I'm at a loss for words. 3 years. Time flies so fast. It feels like just yesterday that we were in class playing Blind Man with Syai and the rest.

3 years.

36 months.

Like, WOW.

So, thank you. Thank you for not giving up on me and on us. Every emotional storm we go through, you always take time out to think through everything calmly, but at the end of the day, you will always be there for me. So, thank you. Thank you so much for everything and for the love you've showered upon me the past 3 years. I love you. :3

I'm lucky to have found someone I can be silly with. :)

The past few days had been tough on us after a little burst of emotion sparked off some confusion between us. I wasn't sure what happened but I guess the distance that's growing between us ever since I started my course, was taking its toll on our relationship. We miss each other a lot, actually, but because we're each busy with our own matters and jobs, meeting up becomes really, really hard to do.

I was really emotional, trust me. I couldn't concentrate in class but when I'm around the children, they make me forget everything that's bothering me. It's like, the children were a temporary cure for me, and after dismissal, I'd go right back to my emotional state.

But we cleared everything up. Just like we always do. I was so terrified, I really was. Because recently, or rather, this whole year, people I know have been losing their partners over stupid things. & I was really blaming myself for the distance between us right now. I was afraid it'll affect us, somehow.

I guess, this is really a test for us, whether we can overcome this together. I'm just afraid that we're not strong enough for that. It scares me that much. :(

I know I'm willing to do anything to make this work. He means that much to me. :)

On a side note, my K1s have exactly 2 more days to practice their National Day dance before the actual celebration day comes. I am so going to take pictures of them. I actually sought help from a GNK junior recently, Ahmad Piano, to help me play the song on piano but it turned out too soft and less energetic. I guess we'll just have to risk the amplifiers booming out the song on that day. :/ Nevertheless, I am still proud of the K1s, more to the afternoon session because I practise with them all the time so they're quite tight with the dance movements. Just cannot wait for that long weekend though. Heh. :)

I guess this is about it. On Mondays, my energy level will be like, 100%. But by the time Friday rolls in, I'll be at like, 9%. It's a vicious cycle all over again. This, for the rest of my life? For the sake of working with children, I am willing. For the sake of my future, I am willing. Remembering Mr Arthur Tan's words: One year of sacrifice for the next 50 years.

It will be worth it. :)

Finally opened up my hard disk to check the contents.

All the files and pictures are all jumbled up.

& I found this cute picture.

This was before he went to Sydney.

Slim river sia the bodeh. Heh.

I'll do a proper update later tonight or something.

Wanna sort out my hard disk first.

Later peeps.

Doaku Untukmu Sayang

Massive update! Hahaha. On Tuesday, I planned to go GA but it turned out that Amran was sick so the session was cancelled. So I met up with this guy at Woodlands still, and we had the famous old prata at the coffeeshop opposite RP for buka. It was also the first time that he sent me home, in his van, to my doorstep. We got lost at Seletar because I gave him the directions a second too late. Then we blasted the radio for Sleeq's Untuk Dia. The feeling was just damn awesome. :D

Overall, it was a nice catchup with him, cause we hardly have time to meet up and we'd always be too tired to text till late at night like we used to. A lot of things have changed for us, and it took us a while to adapt. But hey, whatever comes will come, and it'll just test the strength of our relationship and our faith in each other. :):3

Meet Leroy, the baby of the playgroup. He's the youngest of the whole playgroup batch, apparently, and the playgroup teachers call him Baby. He's really, really cute. I always look forward to meeting him whenever I have to relief the playgroup side. But he's such a darling, like omggg so cuteeee!!!! 

This picture of mine is going to appear in the July newsletter for my centre. So embarrassing! Now the parents will know me as the PCF sponsored teacher. This was taken during the school's photoshoot session for the children's class photos and the K2s graduation photos. It was damn awkward when I was standing there smiling because the teachers were teasing me to position my body senget sikit, macam model sikit, jangan takot ngan kite, we don't bite. It was my third day starting my attachment there so I was a bit, quiet and reserved. But it turns out they're all nice people. & despite the huge age gaps between me and a few of them, I could relate quite well with them. They're all always so happy and ready to help whenever I need it, for class or for my assignments. I'm so blessed to be at this centre. My other friends are complaining about how their centres have conflicts between the staff or unreasonable principals and whatnots. I'm just really lucky. :)

& this is about it. I'm missing this guy so terribly much right now. :(

He sent me this through FB yesterday. :')

Aku tak akan berhenti 

Menemani dan menyayangimu 

Hingga matahari tak terbit lagi 

Bahkan bila aku mati 

Ku kan berdoa pada Ilahi 

Tuk satukan kami di surga nanti

The awesome girls who make life in class bearable.

Everyday, we will always have little debates on the topics.

Challenging thinking and expressing opinions.

We learn better this way. :)

The NN4 class.

The chinese girl is verrrry manje.

But the downside is, she speaks chinese to me.

Sigh.

Here is Krishita, who reminds me so vividly of Kriti, the Hindustani neighbour we used to have years back.

This girl is lovely and gentle, not being biased but, one of my favourites.

Can someone agree with me on how freaky it is that the girl next to me looks so similar to my sister when she was younger. I meant, Farhana.

Seriously, even she admitted it when I showed her this picture. :/

Doppelganger, yes? 

This is my K1 children. Cute right? Hehehehe.

The racial harmony celebration was super funny sia. The teachers at my centre are sooooo funny. I was laughing away during the assembly when they explained the slides on the different races and cultures in Singapore. They danced and made funny comments and joked around even in front of the children. Good thing that the kids don't understand though .Haha. :p Whenever my classmates complain about how their teachers have conflicts with principal or each other, I feel blessed that I got attached to this centre. My principal is really understanding and supportive. #blessed

Till here, people. I'm quite tired after the week ended. Currently trying to finish up Bee Gek's assignment. Toodles!