Today was..... yeah, dotdotdot.

A lot of waiting. & a lot of light, bright light, pointed directly into my eyes. I'll just be here for a short while to update you guys on what's actually happened to my eye.

So the whole thing went like this: registration at the counter, wait, go in room 15, eye test, questioned, the chin and forehead machine test (or whatever you call that), go outside to wait some more, go into room 8, get questioned, chin and forehead machine again (this time with very, very bright light), colour blind test, more questioning, some hand counting test, dokter takes my eyes' pressure (wow! i know. eye also got pressure.), assistant eye specialist gets called in, check eye again with chin and forehead machine, assistant says "yes, definitely treat", so dokter gives some red eye drops, says, "i give you some drops that will make your vision blur cause i need to look at the back of your eye. and these drops will give you blur vision for 5 hours. (me: =0) i'll see you in half and hour. *nods while smiling)", go outside, ohmygod so blind!, sit, parents left me to sit at the back, someone calls my name, get up and go towards the voice, oh! eye photography, go in this cool room, bright lighting in my eye again on chin and forehead machine, eye photographer keeps asking "are you okay?" which irritated the shit out of me, see the picture of the white spot on the computer (damn close up, me: =000000), go out, get scolded by mum, sit down to wait some more, filipino nurse approach me with a torch to check eye drops, yellow discharge, hmmm, call a more expert nurse to come check, stupid filipino, 5 minutes later back to room 8, more questioning, bright lighting on chin and forehead machine again (sigh), dokter wears a head torch, tell me, "look straight, look straight, try." (me thinks: bloody hell, you think not pain ah? light so bright.), but i try, and succeeded, and finally! diagnosis.

I have oily eyelids.

It's the reason why my eyes are so prone to infections and stuff like that. So when my eyes are itchy and stuff, I scratch it and stuff like that, it caused my eye to scar. The scar got worse over the years. Soooooooo, yeah. & it's called an ulcer. Dokter taught me how to clean off the oil from my eyes and I am given a 42-tablet course of antibiotics (wtf?) and it's huge! Got some creams and this big bottle of solution for the wiping thing. I have to come back on the 7th. They wanna see how deep the ulcer is. That's what freaks me out.

A link to information about corneal ulcers: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corneal_ulcer

People, I'm fine. Don't worry about me. I'm handling it pretty well right now. Digesting everything slowly. Natashiiiii, please, please, please go to the dokter. Don't wait. Go ASAP, understood?

Bye, will be busy over the weekend. I love you, people! Just. Know. That.

My darling, hilarious, crazy uncle who entertained my Thursday afternoon with some stupid crazy dance he came up with.

No idea what song that was, but the whole dance cracked the shit out of me. Even watching the video multiple times still cracks me up over again.

Tomorrow is the day, darlings!
I'm being as optimistic as I can. as calm as I can,
as strong as I can about it.

I'm praying hard that it won't be as bad as I think it should be.
So, people, if you love me, pray for me too.
Thank you.

& I'm gonna get ready now to go cycling to Pasir Ris Park.
Even though my ankles hurt like shit.
I'm asking for it.
I know.
Tak payah bilang.

I just need fresh air in my face for once.
To clear my mind, so the bad thoughts would stay away.

It's at 2.10pm tomorrow.
If you wanna give me some words of support or some kind of encouragement,
drop me a message.
Thanks.

I will be strong, I'll promise you that.

NATASHA'S 18TH

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY, NATASHA YOW HISHAM~~!!

Surprise!

Here's my favourite:

Never seen her this excited over an angmoh.

Right, babe! Hope you enjoy your 18th!

Family Portrait

First Day of Raya.

Before mintak maaf-ing.

The first raya that I cried when I mintak maaf.

Blame Dad for his saddening opening sentence to me.

Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft.

Finally, a family portrait....
...that is almost complete

In our family portrait
We look pretty happy
We look pretty normal
Let's go back to that

In our family portrait
We look pretty happy
Let's play pretend
Act like it goes naturally

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri !!!!

Finished reading Torn To Pieces!!! Awesome book, am loving it.

Anyway, back to what I wanted to post about, but before that, I think Kanye West is a jerk to actually ruin Taylor Swift's moment at the VMA. & Beyonce, is a good woman. Hmm.

Anyway, Raye is tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow!!! I received a lot of Raya wishes from friends and family. I just gotta say, that Syai's one cracked me up like shit, but Ahmad's is oh-sooooo-shweeet. & it's original! Wow, man, wow!

Anyway, final touchups to the house today. My arms ache so much 'cause I had to wipe the glass doors, and mirrors while Sisto wiped the fridge. But before that, Sisto and I had to hang up the curtains and it took an awful lot of energy. The best part? We're proud of the result because it was our efforts, and it turned out wonderful. My mum didn't buy Lilies, but some other nice flowers instead. Was supposed to go Geylang to see the lampu kelap-kelip but it got cancelled.

(A guy is confessing to Sisto as I type here right now. By sms. Awesome-ness. That's 2 confessions in a month! I know, she's hawt and irresistible and melts the males' hearts. Cool!)

Right, where was I?

Oh yeah. This Raya will be the third time that our family won't be the same anymore. I know I shouldn't complain and stuff, you know, just be glad with what I have. But I've always wanted my complete family back. & it seems like they just leave instead of staying to keep the family together. It's sad, really. But I guess I just gotta keep going, and see what the future will unfold. Maybe he'll come back, maybe she'll come back. & if they don't, I guess that's just our fate.

Oh yeah, did I mention that this morning when I woke up, I realized that I lost my camera charger and panicked, really panicked, like nobody's shit. I searched the house down but couldn't find it. It was only when Ahmad messaged that I thought of messaging Natasha. But I was panicking too much so I called her. I was like, I lost my camera charger!!! & she thought I said I lost my virginity. -_____________________-"

But anyway, I found it in the end. Phew. I had half my mind to run to Challenger and demand that they sell me a Canon 400D camera battery charger at the lowest price they can give me. Hahahhahahahahah.

Okay, this is too long a post than I had planned.

So.

To all my favourite people: dearest friends, awesome W35F melayus, darling family and not forgetting my beloved Ahmad,

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI

MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN

If I have ever done you guys any wrong, I hope you forgive me.

Let's forget about what's past and embrace a better future.

Okay, if that even sounds like the right thing to say.

I looooooooooooooooove you guys much much much x938758294098376284384

Best Friends Forever

It was Natasha's desktop picture, and now, mine.
Cuteness.
Found on Adik Sarah's blog.

Chatted with this darling of a girl this afternoon.
I love her to the max.

Superrrr awesome day, not counting the heavy rain and the fact that Mdm Yuslina wasn't at the CCA meeting. Major bummer, 'cause we didn't know. My fault though, should have sms-ed her the day before that we were coming. But never mind. We ended up slacking at the canteen. Brings back good old memories of our secondary school days. Watched the New Moon trailer together and boy, I can't wait for it!! It's gonna be really, really, really goooooooooood. I think Taylor Lautner is really cute, cuter than Robert. BEDWARD, HAH! Now that cracks me up over again. Hahahaha.

I need to talk about this video below. It touched me deeeeeeep, 'cause Natasha dedicated it to me last night, and I was like, oooooooooohmygoooooooooood.

Am loving it loads.
Thanks, girlie!

Hey, wasn't it you
Who's always been there for me
Don't forget what we've been through together

Hey, isn't it true
We promised to always be
Best friends forever

When I Look At You

Found this. Superrr made my day.

Okay, what telah happen to my tagboard? Never mind. Man, it's Thursday. How time flies. I've been busy with Gamelan, so busy that I didn't even have the time to blog. Last post was on Sunday. Whoa-wee.

Anyway, I found something I liked:

“ i love you also means i love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, i love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, i love you in a way that i love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else."

I know, pretty cool huh? I love it!

Right, Raya is just this Sunday and there's so much to do. Like, our baju raya to collect from the tailor, cushion covers to change, curtains to hang up, rearranging the furniture. But the golden rule for Raya in our house, is the Lilies. These flowers are a MUST HAVE in this house during Raya. The house smells oh-so-nice and it gives this raya mood, ya know. Hah, never mind. You won't get it. Pffft.

Ohmygawd, I just remembered. I have to wash the hoodie.

& I remembered one more thing! Next week, on the 23rd, there's Gamelan practice. On Bestie's birthday! What luck! I'll make it up to you, babe!

& speaking of this dear girl, she made me watch a Miley Cyrus video last week and since then, I'm stuck to this song.

I swear, I'm gonna catch the movie. Even though it's Miley Cyrus. Superrrr sweeeeeet video. & the song is soooooooooooooooo much better than The Climb. Every time Sisto sings The Climb, I get so irritated. Pffffft. But she's switched to a different song now, Meant To Be. Heard of it? Hahah.

Right. I'm stuck with a flu now. Sneezing awaaaaaaaaayyy.

You appear just like a dream to me

Just like kaleidoscope colours that cover me

All I need, every breath that I breathe

Don't you know, you're beautiful

I admit, I was wrong.

& I'm sorry.

Spring Cleaning!

Study table cleaning today and I found stuffs that I thought I lost. Like, my yearbooks. 4 years worth of memories and class photos. Yeah, I found all four! 2005-2008. & I found the Click Five badge too, the one me and Natasha got for free last year at Orchard. & I found my stories!! Yay to spring cleaning! So when I'm bored with reading books, I can read those stories. But of course, D.A.R.K will always be the best. Right, Nats?

& speaking of her, I found this on her blog.

And fazlun if you are reading this, you know you'll be fine. And I am always here for you. Just stop worrying because I can't help but feel the same way as you do. When the time comes, stay strong. You know I'll keep praying for you. I love you okay babe. Don't worry.

I came running to her last night 'cause I didn't know what to do. I was thinking too much of my fear. I mean, I'm just too scared. Sometimes, reality can be so cruel. & I wasn't sure if I can accept it. I mean, on that day itself. But I will be strong, I promise. I'm trying to be, okay, for everyone's sake. & there are people, too, who give me the strength I need. Thank you, really.

& I just have the feeling that this year's Raya with this family ain't gonna be the same again. Ever. Unless some kind of miracle happens. But miracles don't happen all the time, unless you're some kind of angel. But, I must believe. 'cause this ain't the ending. They'll come back, eventually.

I'm just so tired. It's been sucha tiring week. I think next week could be worse, or better. & that woman is starting to piss me off again.

& you act like being in love is wrong.
& that being in a relationship is wrong.

When I've finally found happiness, you don't seem happy for me.

Tell me, sweetie, is what I'm doing wrong?

The person who said what she said to me would know what I mean.

Everything ends up okay. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.

Bukan Cinta Biasa

Looooooooove this song.

I told Ahmad to listen to this song and he said:
ehhhh.
not bad the song.
very deep.
hmmm.

That, from someone who listens to metal?
I know, I'm shocked myself.
Hah.

Take that, you.
Haha.

Just kidding.
:)))

Aku Bukan Untukmu

I didn't know about this! I'm touched, babe, I really am. & oh, my parents are going with me on that day. Unless you want to tag along? Haha. I could do with some kind of moral/emotional support from a friend on that day. I'll probably be scared like shit. Let's not talk about it. Pfffffft~~

Okay, my keyboard's letter 'q' cannot be pressed properly. I have to press real hard so that the 'q' will appear. Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft.

Anyway, when I returned from shopping at NTUC, I read quotes on this website I found. It's really cool, and most of them made sense.

Mum said no need to do kuih!! Happy gilerrrrrr.

Oh yeah, quotes. I'll add some of my favourites in. Enjoy~!

When you hug someone, never be the first to let go.

Follow your heart, because if you always trust your mind, you'll always act on logic, and logic doesn't always lead to happiness.

Embrace the future, for our future is what we make of it. Learn from the past, for the past cannot be changed.

Letting go isn't a one time thing, it's something you have to do over and over everyday.

Never put everything into one person, because when they leave, then you have nothing.

You only find a few people in this world, a few people who will tell you they love you and mean it with all their heart. Don't forget those people who stood by you through it all, the special few that were there for you till the end.

No matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

You were born an original. Don't die a copy.

Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye.

Be careful when speaking. You create the world around you with your words.

Throw away things you don't need in the end, but keep what's important, and know who's your friend.

To bring somebody into your life, take a step into theirs.

That's all for now. I'm really, really tired. Maybe I'll end my posts with quotes now. I've run out of song. Maybe it'll be alternate. Okay, whatever it is, bye.

Sekarang kau pergi menjauh
Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku
Di saat ku mulai mengharapkanmu
Dan ku mohon maafkan aku

BLG

This made my tiring day.
Martin is awesome.
I am in love.

Kenangan Terindah

Something funny happened today with Cik Jal. I was walking by when Cik La told me that Cik Jal was taking his medicine. So I was like, okaaaayyy. Until I found out that he has always had difficulty swallowing pills. So I was like, okay I kacau. So I sat in front of him at the dining table, while he got ready to swallow his blue pill. I was just smiling away, when he put the pill in. Then he drank some water. & ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE SPIT THE WATER OUT AND IT SPRAYED ON MY HAND.

I FREAKED LIKE SHIT.

& Cik La laughed away. Pffffft. Now I know.

So anyway, I'm reading my old blog posts. Just felt like reading again. & I'm looking at my FB photos during my W35F time. Sighs. All the memories came flooding back. I'm gonna miss fighting with Mirah the most..... about who gets to sit next to the window on the bus. Seriously, yesterday when I sat next to the window, she refused to sit 'cause she insisted that it was her turn. By then, the bus was already moving. So I had to give up the window seat for her. Pffft. But seriously, Mirah was freakishly funny yesterday, and she was also in a freakishly good mood too. Haha.

I'll miss you W35F peeps, man.

I have to wake up freakishly early tomorrow morning. It's gonna be a long day, even longer than today. There's the kuih raya to make, plus Mum's orders, which is the chocolate tarts and fruit tartlets. Then there's the deliveries to make, or something like that. Then, there's the hair thingy that Mum is sending me and Sisto to. Today is already tiring, imagine tomorrow. Wishing that Raya could come earlier, I need my break, a real good break. If I'm not tired because of Gamelan, I'm tired because of the work I have to do at home. If it's not home, it's Gamelan. & after the next two Gamelan sessions, I won't be seeing him again. :(

& speaking of my dear Ahmudd, I know this is a little long ago, but I actually wanted to post this picture, just that Blogger didn't consent. So, I'm posting it now. Ahmudd's ultra sweet birthday post. Awwwwwwwwww.

I love it as much as I love the smell of his hoodie. If I were to tell you the truth, I can smell this hoodie forever and never, ever, ever get tired of it. It smells that good. & seriously, today, each time I enter my room, I'd see the hoodie on my bed, and I'll grab it to breathe in the smell. I know, I'm being sick in the head. Sisto said I was lovesick. I am like, dotdotdotdotdot.

It's amazing that lately, my lost things sort of came back. For example, my Pine. Today, it's Mokona and the first plush toy that Natasha Yow ever gave me. I was happy, really, to find them. I'll keep them safe this time. Hahahahaha.

I'm so sleepy now. I'll go. Bye.

I'll miss those nights of talking on the phone with you.

Bila yang tertulis untukku
Adalah yang terbaik untukmu
Kan kujadikan kau kenangan
Yang terindah dalam hidupku
Namun takkan mudah bagiku
Meninggalkan jejak hidupku
Yang telah terukir abadi
Sebagai kenangan yang terindah

TIGER PINE!!!!!

I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED RIGHT NOW.

I CAME HOME TODAY AND THERE IT WAS.

MY TIGER!

MY TIGER PINE!!

MY FREAKING TIGER PINE!!

TIGERR PINE!!

AFTER MANY, MANY MONTHS OF THINKING THAT I LOST IT

I FOUND IT AGAIN!!

WELL, NOT EXACTLY ME.

BUT IT'S FOUND!!

SO WHO CARES!!

I HAVE MY PINE AGAIN!

I CAN SLEEP WITH MY PINE AGAIN!!!

THE DOWNSIDE:

I'M RUNNING A FEVER.

THE UPSIDE:

NO GAMELAN TILL MONDAY.

WOOTS!

I felt extremely sad when I got home from Gamelan today.
Plus the fact that I saw something I didn't like yesterday on FB.

So, you.

I am really happy that you've found someone.

I hope she makes you happy, and loves you more than I did.

You deserve to be loved, and judging from those photos, she's the one.

I'm still really sorry for everything I did to you and I wish they never happened.

I wish you everlasting bliss with her. (:

Now, I found this on Le Love.
& it's so true.

The love I am referring to is the love you have for a best friend. It’s unique and so important to have. It’s more than just affection for someone; it’s a deep underlying connection. The comfort of knowing you can tell them everything, and not have worry about being judged. The first person you tell when something exciting happens, or when something scary happens. The person you turn to when you need to vent. The person you can laugh at because they will just laugh back at you. The person you need to tell things to so your brain doesn’t explode. The person who can make you feel better when you’re having a tough day, the one you turn to for advice. The person you can have full conversations with by merely exchanging glances. And maybe most importantly, the one you tell all your secrets to, especially boy secrets.

Someone once told me they thought it was creepy how my best friends and I said “I love you” to each other often. I told them: I think when you love someone; you can’t help but sound at least a little creepy. Love is love. No matter if it’s for your Mom, your cat, a boy, or your best friend. And when you are lucky enough to have people to love, and be loved, you need to let them know how thankful you are for that, and how much you love them back.

Natasha Yow Hisham, my best friend.
Hope you're reading this.
I love you!

Okay next.
That day is coming.
& now, the countdown starts.
I am scared shitless.
Even though I shouldn't be.
Still, I'll repeat this again:
If you went through what I went through for the whole of my life, you'll be afraid too.

I'm so tired.
But I'll wait for his call tonight.
He makes me feel better all the time.

Gamelan today
Boys practise their singing

The Call

Okay. I'm just here for a while.

To those of you who have problems with Blogger,

here's the remedy:

Ctrl+F5

Credits to FurQ.

Heh.

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Till they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you

No need to say goodbye

18 Again

Seriously, this is my best birthday evaaarr. Thanks to Fadil (haha!), Hassan (hahaha!) and Nat Russian Girl (LOL ROFL). Okay, I'm being mean. Just kidding. Thanks to these three awesome to the awesome people, my 18th is like, the best birthday I had so far. Not to mention the birthday wishes I got on my Facebook. Oh! Shak gave me one too! Hahaha, cool, really didn't expect it.

Anyway, let's talk about the surprise just now.

Boy, was I really surprised. No, I wasn't surprised. I was SHOCKED. To cut a long story short, I'll just tell ya my favourite parts. The CardsNSuch surprise and the BLOWJOB one. AWESOME.

HAFIZ JUMPED OUT OF NOWHERE AND HE AND ZUL YELLED HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND ZUL WAS HOLDING UP THIS HAPPY BIRTHDAY BALLOON.

I was shocked, surprised, speechless. I didn't know what to think.

& the "blowjob" one worried me the whole time. I actually really wanted to ask an ang moh, but thought I better not. In the end, it was actually Ben (Blow) & Jerry's (Job). Pretty cool, guys. & again, I was shocked, surprised, speechless and I didn't know what to think. I love you people. Really. Thanks for everything.

Zul didn't allow me to upload the videos I took. But I'll upload the one they sang in the train. No worries, Zul, don't have your face, I think.

I love these people!
Thanks again!

Coral Sec Visit

The Pondok of Memories

Her seat!
& this was mine!

& this was our classroom!

& the toilet we always changed at for P.E!!

Real updates after this.
Been talking to Ahmad on the phone since just now.
Bloody look at the time!!! Hahahahahaa.

BLOWJOB.
-.-

Raffles City

Pictures will do the talking for now.

These are only some of the pictures of today.

Videos will go in next time.

You guys are AWESOME.

You made my 18th the best birthday ever.

KAK LYNN!!

HAPPY 22TH BIRTHDAY, KAK LYNN!!

IT'S STILL SO FREAKING COOL THAT OUR BIRTHDAYS ARE NEXT TO EACH OTHER.

I love Ber's wish.

So colourful!

Thanks.

Okay, awak. It's the first picture. :)

Love, Fazlun.

More birthday wishes surprised my Facebook.

Thanks, everyone! Really, I appreciate it so much.

You guys made my 18th so awesome.

It's 2.21 now. & I'm so bored. Looking forward to tomorrow. My parents allowed me to go for tomorrow's outing! Yay-ness! & this morning during Sahur, Dad hugged me and wished me Happy Birthday. Awww, I know. I know what's my birthday present from them both now. Biggie smilies :)))

OMG. I LOVE MY FRIENDS SO FREAKING MUCH LAAAA.

I DONT KNOW HOW ELSE TO THANK ALL OF YOU.

SERIOUSLY.

I LOVE YOU, KAY??

SO MUCH!!
THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN, FOR EVERYTHING!!

:))

LOVE, FAZLUN.