Sorry I gotta do a major throwback to the one place I don't mind going back to every year.

Where the skies are bluer, where the air is fresher, where the life is relaxed-er.

I miss you, Australia.

Salam!

March holidays hasn't been nice to me. Not only do I have to go for workshops for the first two days, it meant missing 2 days of work that could have been completed by now. Since I had a late start on my learning centres activities, I have no choice but to come back on the official off days which is today, and most probably the weekend. & I haven't even practised my piano. T.T

My purpose of posting after a long time of busy schedules is because I just sent in my application to UniSIM's degree in early childhood with management, like, 30 minutes ago.

Yup. If I get through the interview and get accepted into the programme, then it'll be 4 years of crazy busy schedules and assignments and this time, exams, again. But it's okay, like I always say: One year of hardships for the next 50 years. Nothing in the world comes easy, there's bound to be setbacks before you reach a finishing point.

I just want to be able to support my family better. I know in 4 years, I probably wouldn't be working at where I am currently, but I hope for better opportunities in future, that'd not only benefit my career, but would also enable me to give my family a better, secured future.

I don't know what I'm saying this time of the night but, I'm actually not even going to sleep yet. I have laminating to do for my learning centres task cards. Yeah, hardcore teacher, you may say, but like Ahmad said, this is BPA (Bo Pian Act). If I don't do it, I'd definitely get into trouble because it's my job, for crying out loud. Then, it will affect my appraisal, followed by my bonus and increments whatnots.

But other than that, I'm pretty satisfied with my work because this term is at least more interesting than the last. At least the children will be more occupied with the activities. I just need more tidying up to do, and with the conflict going on with the cleaner and all, sigh. So malas to entertain drama. I'm like, ain't nobody got time for that. You not happy then don't happy la. It's not my problem. I'm not here to please you. Nobody is here to please you. We all have enough on our plates as it is. :(

I think it's the tea that I drank that's keeping me up this late. Sigh. I haven't had movie marathons in the longest time. All because I'm always doing work related stuff. Speaking of which, I haven't done the meeting minutes for this month. Ugh. I hate SPARKS already. But gotta keep going man. Keep the faith, I can do this. *fighting*

& with all this happening at the moment, the fact that it feels so surreal that our problems would be gone just like that, is hard to believe. Everyone is pinning their hope on it, all except me. I'm not one to pin high hopes on something anymore, I've been through enough to learn that the hard way. Still, if Allah permits it, if this is His way of showing us His mercy and guidance, then I'd accept it. :')

Salam, and till the next post. :)

Lovely Intermission

So, today is the 55th month since we got together.

Trust me when I say, it still feels surreal.

These words finally make sense to me:

You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

:3

Salam!

It's been a long time since the last detailed post. Heh. So sorry. I've been mad tired lately, even Ahmad complained 'cause I slept really early nowadays. Thing is, even though I slept earlier than my usual timing, I still wake up tired. It's draining me, everyday, travelling back and forth, putting up with the aches of work.

Now that I've been working full day for 3 months, I'm starting to see the true colours of my colleagues, starting to see where all these conflicts lie and how they sparked off. But what makes it all better is that the parents of my class, have warmed up to me better. I have a few challenging ones that I can count off my fingers, but the rest are better now. Phew! I even got a positive comment, unexpectedly from my super hyperactive student. His mum told me about when she asked him what he learnt in school and he said Teacher Siti taught about many men is spelt men with the 'e' and one would be spelt with the 'a'. His mum told me she was very happy that he learnt that because he has very short attention span. 

To tell you the truth, I was flabbergasted when his mum told me this because I swear, he never, NEVER, EVER sits still during my large group teaching (plus he's right in front of me under my nose) and I have no idea HOW he could remember that when he wasn't paying attention. It made me see him in a different light after that. I decided even though his eyes may not be on me, his ears are still listening.

Honestly, this inspired me. :B

So I got news about the bond and my supposed salary increment. The bond hasn't officially started because HQ needs my Letter of Completion that states that I passed all my modules in order for them to start my bond and give me my salary increment according to my "academic and professional qualifications". But once they have it, they will start the bond according to the course's date of completion, which is 23 December, and then back pay me for the previous months of salary.

I lost my payslip for the month of February..... Sigh. So kanciong scan all my education certificates, but missed one precious thing: the most recent payslip. So I will have to wait for this month's payslip and submit my application for UniSIM before 31 March. T.T So nervous and scared that I'd forget until I put a reminder of a week from pay day in my calendar. Gonna pester Ruth for the payslip and straightaway scan it at work once pay comes in. I want this so badly, but there's an interview that comes along with the application. Sigh. It's nerve-wrecking, I swear.

So that's about it that's happening in my life. And by the way,

Happy 55th to the one and only man who has captured my heart from day one.

Time flies when you're in love and having fun, hahaha.

I love you to the moon and back, to the stars far above, till Neptune and the 4 other planets that the scientists recently discovered. :3

& I love you much more ferociously than the Torvosaurus Gurneyi that we learnt about today. :3

(Had to read newspapers for the sake of the children's current issues subject, otherwise I wouldn't sound that nerdy. :p)

You're my lovely intermission

You're the one that I've been waiting

Waiting for you

Waiting for you

You're my lovely intermission

I can feel that something's missing before I found you

Before I found you

Work has been crazy.

I'm so tired.

Want to blog but too tired.

:(

Salam!

I'm taking a break from my lesson plan evaluations right now. Never knew being a teacher was so tiring. But it's just for now. Hopefully when I'm done with decorating and all the other stuff, I'll be handling everything much better.

At the moment, I'm finding it very hard to see my savings increase. Well, it's understandable because of my family's current financial instability, it's only normal that I help out. So in the end, I dig out my savings of the past one year to help my parents with whatever they need. Thus causing my savings to drop.

The things is, the fact that I used my POSB 'baby' account as my savings account is what I would now consider a very bad decision/idea. Because through iBanking, I can access both this baby account and my current account (where my salary goes into). So when I need money, I'll just open up iBanking and just transfer from the baby account to my current one, the one I frequently use. 

Bad right? Hais.

So I was telling my boyfriend about this and he suggested Maybank's savings plan called Ar-Rihla. 

I just badly need to save money. I just need a proper savings account that I have no easy access to except from an ATM or the bank itself. And what I want is to deposit only, and no withdrawal. This money would be purely the savings, not for my degree.

I just want to feel stable, ya know? Like as in, feel that oh, I have this account where all I do is put money in and save and save without taking it out for my own benefit, so that as it multiplies, I know I have something to back me up should I really, really, desperately need it someday.

I've been so desperate to save that I've been bringing food from home for lunch now. I save more, yes, but well, it kept going to my parents. Hahaha. Wellll.

So, hopefully, in the coming months, especially when LOC comes and my pay increases, I'd be able to save more, in the Maybank one AND the baby bank. InsyaAllah. :)

I don't really know what the point of this post is but I guess I just needed to vent about the fact that my savings are slowly disappearing. Sigh.

Still trying to be strong. :)

Salam. 

That's The Way It Is

I miss my long hair.

I miss being worry free.

I miss going on long holidays.

I cannot believe this was 4 years ago! Things have changed so, so, so much. And I have changed so, so, so much. And apparently, my dear boyfriend said I'm better now as compared to back then. I wonder why. He said I'm less emo now. And I don't know what else.

If I could only play the me years ago like a television to find out. I'm curious as to what I was like back then. But that's past. I never want to ever go back to the person I was before. I'm teaching myself to be positive, still trying my best, but I never want to be that person again. All the negativity damaged me, as well as my relationships with the people who matter to me.

So, here's to a better me, InsyaAllah. :)

My boss will kill me because it's Week 8 of the term and I haven't written a single thing in my reflection journal. Just, great. Where got time for RJ anymore huh. Hahahahaha!

So, I made an appointment. Just to check up on how things are going. It's been 2 years plus. Time flies so fast when you least expect it. I've been so dependent on it, it's like a part of me now. Without it, I feel like an empty shell. :(

I pray for strength everyday, I pray for courage everyday, to face it and to someday be able to get the words out of my mouth. :')

I don't know what the point of this post is but I just needed something to fill my time while I rack my brains as I do my literacy centre task cards. I can't wait till I complete decorating my Virtue board, current issues board, literacy board, numeracy board and discovery board. 

Holy, that's a lot to do! Sigh.

I told boss that I won't be able to complete my stuff if she don't give me time off to do my work in the afternoons. Rachelle's classroom doesn't look so bad because she has so many stuff. Mine looks bare because of the numerous pinboards that they put up for me, and because I didn't have the time to put much things up, it made the classroom look bare. :(

Anyway, wish me luck. I'm looking forward to the June holidays. Hopefully, I get to go for a short getaway. Before I start my degree and things get too complicated and I get too busy. :(

So, my update ends here. Wish me luck for the next few weeks. And nope, March holidays are no holidays at all. :(

Salam! :3

When you want it the most there's no easy way out

When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt 

Don't give up on your faith 

Love comes to those who believe it 

And that's the way it is

Tonight

Because I've been busy with all these.

I changed the physical layout of my class quite a few times.

But this will be final 'cause it made the classroom more spacious.

Sometimes I feel like I'm decorating my own home.

Hahahaha.

Assalamualaikum!

Sorry for the lack of updates for the past I don't know how long but it's long enough. Well, I don't care if anyone reads my blog anymore but the whole point of the blog is for me to rant and probably just share some things that's happening in my life.

For starters, I'm deprived of a life. Period. Come home, do work, go work, do work, go to sleep, think of work. Life can be a little stressful sometimes but I'm starting to cope better than I was in January. The parents are starting to warm up a little to me, though I've started to get annoyed by some.

Anyhoos, I kind of like the children better now. I realised that I need to embrace their behaviours in order to see their true sides. I have funny moments with them too. And they love jokes, and even laugh at my very lame jokes! Big surprise there. Cause people my age or older will just find me weird.

Funny moment 1:

Me: What are other ways you can show your parents that you are caring towards them?

Krishetha: When me and my mummy and daddy go supermarket, I help them by carrying *does carrying hand gesture* the bags.

Me: Carrying?

Krishetha: *paiseh cause she thinks she's wrong*

Me: *confident rabak* Children, when I say caring, it means to care for someone. To be nice towards others. Not carrying things.

Children: *laugh their assess off*

Me: *nak tarik tudung off*

Looking back, I thought maybe she meant the act of helping to carry the bags is caring towards her parents. Or.....not? Makes me laugh when I think about it hahaha! It's funny when children misunderstand you at the same time that you misunderstand them. It's like whatever they say could have many meanings and rationales.

Funny moment 2:

Me: So, how do you show your friends that you are caring towards them?

Praveenaa: *raises hand (MY BIGGEST RULE HAHA)* I eat chocolate for my friend.

Me: *stunned for a moment until it registers* You eat chocolate FOR your friend? *start laughing*

So, that's work. :)

Besides having a tough week and staying back till midnight on one of the days because the Big Boss was coming the day after, I feel pretty okay. And then that was when I realised that I should take the UniSim degree in early childhood.

Why? Because it's guaranteed recognised here in SG. I mean, if I were to take the one by Monash, it isn't fully recognised in SG, so what's the point of wasting 30K of my money when I know I won't be moving to Australia anytime soon? Besides, if I were to take the degree by UniSim, I would be recognised as an academic degree holder, not just in early childhood. That's a definite plus, of course. There's also 55% government subsidy so financially, I'd be able to afford it on my own without help from my parents. They've enough on their plates already.

I don't know what's holding me back though. Maybe it's the duration of the course. 3.5 years. Minimum. But then again, time will pass very fast, so that's okay. The modules are quite incredible. Very in-depth and complicated-sounding, so good luck to me. I'll probably apply in early March, if AIC can't get back to me about giving my transcript earlier.

Today, I went to the HDB place again with my parents. But while we had breakfast, my mum made a comment that, I don't know, I felt sad when I heard it. She said something along the lines of, Umie harap Long masih provide for Umie and Abah even lepas Ah Long kahwin.

My first thought was, is she doubting me?

Then I thought it's probably every parent's fear: being forgotten after their kids get married. Somehow, I felt sad that she would think that way for me. I mean, after all I've done to help her and my dad, ever since I got a job, doesn't it say anything? Me working hard, me planning to get a degree so that it'll entitle me to a much higher pay, is so that I can provide better for my parents. And future family. It's just, quite a turmoil of feelings. :(

On a brighter note! I made honey cornflakes the other day. Gave one small container to Ahmad 'cause I feel bad for not bringing stuff over lately. I know 'busy' is just an excuse but yeah, I've been busy. Hahahaha.

 1 big box of cornflakes

Double boil butter and honey together

Mix them, duh.

Tadaaa!

Apparently the honey I used is not sweet and thick enough.

It's just a bottle I found at home.

So next time, use a brand called Hosen. :)

Guess that's about it, folks. I'm running out of things to say that isn't private. Till here then. Salam and may y'all be in the best and safest of health. :3

Love, 

Faz lovin'-my-door lun

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up

I need your loving hands to come and pick me up

And every night I miss you

I can just look up and know the stars are holding you

Holding you, holding you 

Tonight

I miss you so terribly.