Ahmad.

Mustaqim.

Is.

So.

Cute.

When.

He.

Is.

Sleeping.

I would take a picture of him while he's asleep but then again, if I was sleeping, I wouldn't want someone to do that to me. So I didn't. I respect his privacy or whatever you call it.

So, anyway, reminder to self, photocopy passport tonight.

I can't believe this is real, man.

Walao. Watching Ahmad sleep makes me sleepy sia.

But I can't sleep, skali he oversleep. He has ngaji.

Walao, I feel like a freaking wife.

Buy his meds, water and hot drink.

'cause he's sick today. :(

Now, I'm watching over him.

*angel pose*

Okay, dah stop.

Bye.

Heh. I'm confirmed to go for the Sydney trip. Heh. I can't stop smiling whenever I think about it. It's so exciting, and less than a month away. However, someone is feeling emo 'cause I'll be leaving. Hehehehe, aku bawakkan kau kambing yang tumbuh kat pohon kay? Hahaha, kay no link.

So, yeah, I'll be going to Sydney from 28th February to 4th March. I have to start saving moolahs from now. :s

My evening was a disaster. Mother started yelling at my sister when the contacts in her phone accidentally got deleted. All my sister did was copy all the contacts in the phone into the SIM card. I don't know how some of the contacts got deleted. I mean, even if there is overwriting being done, the contacts that are not being overwritten usually wouldn't disappear. But I don't know what happened for this case. And MOTHER, being the usual clueless but macam faham one, scolded my sis until she cried and walked off. So I told Mother, you scream scream like crazy woman also your contacts won't come back. Then my dad, who got pissed with the shouting, said to her, pekik2 macam setan, ni dah maghrib. So I guess both our comments set her off worse, she shouted at us too. Stuff like, kalau your important business contacts hilang also you will angry. & she listed the contacts that were lost. On and on and on like machine gun. At that point of time, I really wanted to slap her face and scotch tape her mouth. So I walked out of her room. I could hear them arguing even from the hall. My sister rarely cries and I know her well enough to know when are the times she would cry. But this really pissed me off because I don't like it that my mum always puts the blame on others. But when she herself is in the wrong, she won't admit it, and she won't accept it if people tell her that she's wrong.

Sungguh irritating.

But, whatever. It's over.

It's been raining cats and dogs lately, and not only that, it's so cold I have to wear a jacket around the house. Pffft. Okay, Alice in Wonderland is a really nice movie though. Johnny Depp is real cute. Haha.

I'm going to Sydney! Whoop whoop whoop!!!! The last time I was there, I was 6 or 7. I went there with my grandpa and 2 aunts to visit my youngest uncled who was at pilot school there. I remember getting scolded 'cause I gave the kangaroos their food dengan paper packet die skali. HAHAHAHA! Ohohoh! & I remember sleeping with Cik La on the same bed, and in the middle of the night, I fell off the edge. Epic sia. I wonder where that photo album went. I used to look through it whenever I was bored. So much memories of spending time with the complete family I once had. Hmm.

Okay, enough of an update for now. Hee, Australia. I shall learn their accent there and irritate people when I get back here. HAHA! OMFG, so OMFGly excited!

Okay, bye! Always be in the best of health, kay? Take care of yourselves, especially in this kind of weather. Drink more plain water if you have flu or cough, or better still, drink hot chocolate or something hot. It helps. :)

Got the shock of my life when I saw this. I didn't even expect to be selected. I just submitted the RJ just to get the CE point. & I've checked, they gave me my 1DA already. 7 down, 3 more to go. RP's sucha pain. Anyway, I didn't have any intention of getting selected since they said minimum GPA must be 2.6 and above. I was like, crushed sia that day. -.- & that Hazlinda Hussain, walao, janji nak gi together-gether, last-last budak tu tak buat RJ. She said maybe my RJ sounded convincing enough, that's why I got shortlisted. Bugger, I don't even know if I really want to go.

Spent the whole day with Hazlinda. She annoyed me more often than not. But I had a great laugh with her. We even managed to squeeze in some L4D2 on XBOX at the library. Bumped into Faiz there too. It turns out that playing L4D2 on XBOX is a lot harder than playing on the computer. I relied mostly on the sword, cause my aims with the guns are hopeless. & Haz kept using up my first aid kit. I always have to heal her but I end up always dying. -.-

Well, I had enough fun to at least forget about the things that were bothering me since last night. & no matter how hard I tried to think of a solution, I can't find any. All I keep wondering is whether I'm just expecting too much, just like the others were. I thought I'd always understood, but maybe I was wrong.

I'm just really tired of crying, you know?

Farah seems to be much better now. Alhamdulillah. :)

Kisah Tak Sempurna

Alhamdulillah, Farah is fine. We don't know if it's for real, but for now, she is fine. She's not in pain, so that's good enough. But she'll still be going to the doctor's to check the damage.

Well, apparently, on Tuesday night, she korek her telinga with a cotton bud. & you know how dangerous those sticks are for young kids like her. Usually, there's always someone around whenever we let her use it. It's a good thing that she's independent enough to dig her own ear but well. Anyway, what happened was she left the cotton bud sticking out in her ear while dancing to a cartoon on Playhouse Disney. So she syiok sendiri dance dance, as you can see in the picture above. The second stickman is actually the position she struck when the cartoon song ended. Cause apparently, the cartoon characters were doing that position too, both hands up, head sideways. I guess she forgot she had a stick in her ear so when she did that pose, it should have been a hard push, so that's why it poked through her ear drum. & it bled! There is a hole in her ear drum now. When I saw the dried blood in her ear, I almost threw up, seriously. But the up side is that the doctor said it can heal by itself within weeks because the hole isn't too big. I did my research, and they said the same thing. I'm just so very thankful for this. I just really, really hope that it wouldn't lead to something worse. She really is just as clumsy as her sisters. Sigh.

I hope it'll continue to rain like it did the past few days. Gloomy skies match my mood now but even the cold can't numb how I really feel inside. Sometimes, I tell myself not to expect too much. Because even I know that it'll only lead to disappointments. & sometimes, when there is only silence, you can only assume, because you're too afraid to ask. But it's okay. I'll find a way to distract myself. I succeeded before, I can do it again. :)

It's times like this where I really wish my piano was okay. Just so you know, it hurts even worse now. Because even I don't know what I want anymore. How did it get this complicated?

Aku memang tak berhati besar

Untuk memahami hatimu di sana

Aku memang tak berlapang dada

Untuk menyadari kau bukan milikku lagi

She has a hole in her ear drum.

Hopefully, it's not too big so it can heal on its own without surgery.

My chest hurts from all this crying.

I never want anyone to go through what I've gone through.

Any sickness, any illness, any pain.

This has always been my wish in my prayers.

& now, it's happened to the last person I want it to happen to.

All I can do now is pray for her.

I'd rather be the one sick, or in pain, than have my loved ones go through that agony.

Up till now, there's still no news.

The more you trust, the greater the betrayal.

The more you love, the deeper the hurt.

Sudah

So.

I decided to try out Balinese Gamelan today and I have to admit, it's very refreshing, something completely different. Even the gong patterns are different. It's a totally different world from Javanese and Sundanese, and I'm glad I gave it a try.

I was watching Ahmad playing when I realized something. Whenever he frowns the way he did earlier, or whenever he looked as serious as he was, he really looked like Syarif Sleeq. Okay, everyone's probably doing the -.- face, and maybe if Ahmad reads this, he'll go, "Whatttt?!?!" orrr, "NUUUUU!!!!". But really, when I watched him earlier on, he just had that Syarif Sleeq aura, something about his face, the seriousness of his face, reminded me of Syarif Sleeq. It's fine if you don't agree. But at that point of time, I was a little speechless. I don't know why.

But then again, he's as busy as a celebrity. So, I can understand why he looks almost like one. HAHA!

I'm very moody lately, and even I myself know that. I fake a smile, I say everything's fine, but inside, I know better.

I want so badly for my piano to be fixed. I've had so much inspiration lately; writing songs (lyrics come automatically on the train. -.-), figuring the melody out, mashing tunes together. It's kind of weird to me that this is happening but, who's complaining? ;p

One last thing, The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks is not only beautifully written, but heartbreaking and deeply moving. If you're having problems with your family, or either one of your parents, this would make you cry like crazy. But even if you don't, Nicholas knows how to put you in the character's shoes, making you feel the emotions yourself. The tears would fall automatically, and the pain is pure. Nicholas Sparks has never failed to make me cry whenever I read his novels. Inspiring. :)

Okay, bub-bye.

Salahkah aku mencintaimu, memilikimu, menyayangimu?