I like this picture. :)

I'm pretty stressed out right now. With SPARK assessment coming up anytime, realising I lost my thumb drive that had my water play lesson plans and other curriculum related stuff, having activities that are not good enough at my learning centres.... I'm pretty choked to the neck.

I gave myself a deadline. By the Saturday before Hari Raya Haji, all my curriculum paper work has to be done. Which basically means burning midnight oil everyday. But it's okay because I wanna get SPARK done once and for all.

I have a lot of things to rant about, and I don't even know where to begin. My long hiatus is unforgivable, to me, but I've been really, really busy and tired. I guess this is what adulthood's all about. You have the money but less time and energy to do things you love.

The only things I love and was able to retain is piano and gamelan. I'm afraid to drop either because they're my only escape from the stresses I'm under.

Sigh. I wouldn't say I'm not happy about the direction I'm going right now. But I guess I gotta have faith in Allah's plan for me. He wouldn't put more on my shoulders if He knows I wouldn't be able to bear it. :)

Until the next post, InsyaAllah.

In the midst of all the things stressing me out,

I forgot to remember the one thing I keep trying to do.

Having trust and faith.

It's always me and my stupid insecurities.

You're one to preach, Faz.

You can't even do it well.

Nicely done, Faz.

Ruined everything.

Just can't forgive myself.

I'm starting to forget the person I used to be.

I'm losing myself in all the work I'm sucked into.

I honestly can't take it anymore.

You And I

5 years have passed so quickly.
Felt like yesterday that we sat at the pagoda in Chinese Garden with Syai
Where I poured my whole heart out and told you the truth
Yet, you're still here, always here for me.
& for that, I can never thank you enough for loving me just the way I am.

I hope I can be that girl for you.
I hope I can be the one for you.
No matter how hard I try to, I know my shortcomings.
I am, but a girl, after all.
I admire you for your patience these past 5 years.
& I hope to have that patience to be the best for you.

Thank you for the past 5 years.
Thank you for everything.
You've been the best.
& you always will be.
No matter what the future holds, as long as you're here, I will be too.
I love you, Ahmad Mustaqim.

You are my hope for tomorrow 

The only one who knows the real me 

The person who reached deep down 

And pulled me up through the dark waters 

You are my hope for tomorrow 

The safety net of my sanity 

The light at the end of my dark tunnel 

Who brightens my path away from demons 

 You are my hope for tomorrow 

A cord or silver links use 

It grows brighter and stronger 

Until the day it is complete

All of the stars

You make them shine like they were ours

Ain't nobody in the world but you and I

You and I

To sum up the past two days. :)

Salam Aidilfitri!

I seek forgiveness from the bottom of my heart,

for any wrongdoings that I have committed

to you, against you, deliberately or otherwise.

:)

Right now, I'm missing my late grandmother and aunt.

Missing them so terribly.

:(

Last Night

Salam!!

Time flies so fast when you're having fun. It's too soon that this little girl turned 5. And me, soon to be 23. I feel super old already.

Anyway, the picture above was from last night. How this little girl evolved from the bundle of cries back in 2009. Hahahaha. Now, she's really good at sulking with her pouting mouth. She can spell her name. And she's such a glutton. I forgot to buy her a birthday present so I negotiated with her yesterday.

Me: Cha, Ahlong terlupa nak belikan Chacha present la.
Keisha: Abeh?
Me: Ahlong kasi Chacha bile Kakak punye birthday boleh?
Keisha: Boleh. Kakak birthday 23.
Me: 23 what?
Keisha: August. *walks away*
Me: *in awe*

The kids grow up too fast. They get smarter too fast. I missed the days when I'd tease her non-stop and bite her super fat chubby cheeks. And also tease her with food. Pretend to feed her but the food will go into my mouth. How she'll cry and sulk so much that I'd eventually give her food.

And then!

Keisha: *walks past me*
Me: *catch her in my arms* Jom amek gambar!
Keisha: *struggle* Later!

A while later....

Keisha: *walks to her Mama who was behind me*
Me: Cha, Ahlong nak cake.
Keisha: Later!

A while later...

Me: Keisha! Sini! Hug Ahlong.
Keisha: Later!

Irritating sia her 'later'. She must have learnt it from her parents or brothers. Hmph.

Anyway, wishing her a blissful and happy life growing up. I hope to be able to be there for her and her sister and Farah as they grow up together. May Keisha be blessed with happiness and good health. Amin.

I had a really weird dream last night. I occasionally get this type of dreams in a year. It's so weird. And scary. Hmm.

Life has been stressful. Colleagues have been angering me lately although I put on a fake smile. I just got off the phone with my boss. Called her at the wrong time 'cause she was in the toilet, hahahaha. But it was important so ya. The Sparks period has officially started. I foresee a very busy me ahead. I wonder if I will even have the time for GSM. I promised to commit but looking at my schedule scares me so much. I'm so afraid I'll get a physical and mental breakdown from the toll it will take on me, my mind and body. Sigh.

I'll take it in stride and have faith that Allah will give me the strength I need to move forward.

Wish me luck as I start this stressful journey for the next few months.

Oh and I made new friends at my degree induction programme. They even took down my number 'cause they wanted to open a whatsapp group. Well, not too bad. :)

I'm gonna go. Piano class starts soon at 1.45pm. I think I'm only blogging to release my feelings. Hahaha. Who cares 'bout readers anymore? I'll probably start baking hair raya goodies next week so yay for cooking posts! Till the next post, InsyaAllah! Salam!

Wake up in the morning 

With the sunlight in my eyes, 

No, my head don't feel so bright, 

What the hell happened last night?

Salam!

It's been 2 years! 2 flying-past-your-face years!

Of what?

Of me being a kindergarten teacher. :) :D

I started officially right after the June holidays in 2012.  2nd July to be exact, but I just wanted to post today because I'll be busy tomorrow!

2 years, it has been!

Wow. I'm amazed.

2 years of being amazed by children all the time, 2 years of listening to conflicts among the teachers, 2 years of the gossip, 2 years of the rumours, 2 years of watching oldies argue.

Between these 2 years, I've been pushed around, betrayed (slightly), badmouthed and bullshit-ed around. But these 2 years have taught me many, many things that I wouldn't trade with any others.

& of course, not to mention that my memory got poorer over the years. I have no idea why. Zzz...

Nevertheless, it has been an interesting and wonderful journey, what with juggling assignments with work, especially the things that boss asked me to do back then because I was so "free". And when I got my own class last year for the first quarter, how I struggled! I had quite a shock because I pictured it to be smooth but that's how I learnt things, the hard way of course. Aside from that, the love I got from my children last year; Wayn, Jessica, Nathania, Matin.... and all the rest, of course. Their love inspired me, their love and innocence made this tough job all the more bearable. Not to forget their parents, too! Their support, understanding and genuine concern for the teachers of their children made everything bearable last year. I miss them all.

Last year was a breeze, but not all things are easy. This year has been a tough one.  With my studies being over, more things were thrown on my plate, and unfairness came my way.

But it's okay.

You may take away the glory of my achievements, but you can never take credit for them. :)

I super side-tracked! But anyway, to more years of teaching, InsyaAllah. Though I can't say I'm truly happy with the workload I have right now, I am happy at where I'm standing. That I've at least achieved something to make my parents proud.

Graduation is in October. Can't wait. This time, I'm gonna do a photoshoot with my family in my graduation gown. :B

Till here. Salam! :3