Salam!

I'm  just gonna be here for a while because I have a presentation tomorrow that I cannot be late for. But I just wanna share my dream last night. & it's also sort of like a reminder for me and I want it on my blog so that everytime I read, I'll remember.

Well, what I dreamt was really nice. As usual, it has Ahmad in it. I don't know why but lately, he's been appearing in my dreams a lot. Ever since that talk we had, I think. Anyway, in the dream, we were just walking around from place to place, just like we do in real life. We were seeing new things, new places and just having a lot of fun and enjoying each other's company. There were some more things that happened and I vaguely remember Uniqlo being involved but I can't remember the exact details except for the ones I just can't forget and am talking about soon.

So here's the freaky part. Later on in the dream, I got separated from Ahmad for some reason I don't know because I remember there being a riot and there were policemen involved too. So I was alone. Then I was walking down this cemented pathway and it was dark. But even though it was dark, it's as though there was a light in me that allowed me to see what's ahead, left and right, and behind. So I just walked alone. & after some time, I realised that the light was illuminating tombstones on my left and right. And when I looked around, I realised that I was at a graveyard. A Chinese graveyard, to be specific. So I finally got scared, really terrified this time. Bulu roma berdiri and all those sensations. That was when Ahmad reappeared beside me and held my hand, and we walked together ahead. I didn't feel scared after that. Ahmad said something to me and that's when I woke up. I don't remember what he said and that bugs me a little 'cause I wish I knew.

So I told my maid about it, but I was a little vague on the details, just said that I dreamt that I was walking down the pathway of a Chinese kubur and I'd felt really scared at that point. And she said, "Mungkin itu peringatan untuk kau. Life is short. Maybe you have to lebih banyak do'a, ibadah."

Something like that la eh. I love my maid. :3

So it got me thinking, and I googled. HAHAHA.

Mimpi melihat kuburan, artinya: pertanda akan teringat pada sesuatu yang telah dijanjikan.

So now I'm wondering what's that promise.... Hmm.

That's all folks! :3

Salam,
Fazzz

How I Know I Love You

Happy 43rd monthsary to us!

You've been nothing but the best to me.

I can't thank you enough for the love you've given me all these years.

These 43 months that we've been together has taught me so much.

I learnt to grow without growing apart from you.

These 43 months that we've been together has separated us one too many times and yet, we've managed to remain strong and pull through the good and bad times. Together.

I still can't believe that 43 months ago, you chose me.

And then we went through so much after that.

Yet, here you are, always supporting me through whatever.

You could have had any other girl,

but you chose me.

I feel so, so lucky and blessed.

If I were given a choice, I would still choose to go through the same 43 months if it means being with you in the end.

Thank you for loving me.

I love you. ❤

"I know I love you because I want to get you soup when you’re sick. Not only do I want to get it for you, I want to make it for you so you can eat something made with love instead of with crushed insects and preservatives. I know I love you because I want to slap anyone who hurts you, even if it’s your boss. I know I love you because I worry about the stuff only people who love you worry about, like the amount of quality sleep you get a night and how much you drink when you’re sad and whether you’re getting enough vitamin B.

I know I love you because I want to listen, I really do. I don’t have anywhere to be that can’t wait for a while and I’m not checking my phone, in fact turned it off and buried it in the cushions the moment you said you needed me. I’m here for you and that other thing can wait.

I know I love you because I’m truly concerned with how your life turns out. It’s not just that I want you to “be happy” or attain that vague self-helpy “inner peace” bullshit we’re all supposed to aspire toward, I want you to express yourself and be fulfilled and feel like you’re living life for a good reason, not just passing the time. I want everything to work out for you the way it should and I want to be there for it.

And I’m genuinely convinced that I love you because I want to do things for you that I don’t want to do for anyone, ever. Examples: I’ll babysit your loud sticky children when you have them. I’ll bring you ice water and take care of you when you eat too much ecstasy like an idiot. I’ll even stand there patiently with a video camera as you attach piranhas to your nipples when you’re broke and trying to get on Jackass, all that and more. That’s how I know I love you, and I hope you know it too."- From Stumbleupon :)


❤, Fazz. :)

Daylight

I'm gonna sum up the entire week in this post. Bear with me. Heh.

Let's begin with this text message above. He sent me this on Sunday night, I think. & I cried so, so, so terribly after that. I felt so bad. I'd really wished I could go. Drop everything and see my boyfriend on one of his most important days. Probably every Singaporean man's important day. So I was really, really stressed about it. & then on Monday, he said the parade was actually in the afternoon, and all along I thought it was in the morning. So I decided to take leave on the day itself. & while I was at it, I went to the doctor to get the proper remedy for my week-long cough and sore throat. Then, we got this...

It was definitely a new experience for a girlfriend going to her boyfriend's passing out parade for the first time. When they started marching out and into their formations, I was thinking, "That's my boyfriend out there. After everything we've been through the past 5 months, that's him out there and I'm finally here." These were the exact words, I swear. I felt so proud of him, words aren't enough to express all the emotions coursing through me until the boys cun-cun stamp "sedia" together and threw their caps in the air at the end. I met his nenek too, after ages. Apparently, according to him, she has been asking about me and joking about why I never come to see her. She hugged my arm tightly while we were walking at one time and I was speechless because that's never happened to me before. And it was super duper maximum awkward with his parents around. They were nice and stuff, really nice, and even offered me a lift back to CCK MRT but I tried to turn them down as politely as I could. His nenek was tearing up when they bade farewell, even though he was going home. So cute la. Best nye dapat jadi cucu nenek.

This speaks for itself. Sometimes, it seems like I'm not appreciating him enough. I thought since I was able to figure out a way to attend his POP, maybe it could make up for all the times he was always there for me. But still, I can never appreciate him enough. Because he's done too much for me, he's accepted me as I am, and he's always there. :')

Here is my darling, baby, manja, drama queen, Nathania aka Nat-Nat aka Rabbit aka Thania. She's the one I was talking about in my last few posts, the one who dramatically crawls backwards when a bully was anywhere too close to her. Cute, right? :D

So while Ahmad counted down to his POP, I had my very own countdown to meet these ladies on Friday evening! :3 We planned a dinner and arcade at Jurong Point. They were arguing on our Whatsapp group about which arcade was better in the west side. And I was simply reading and laughing away. I have hilarious girlfriends. :3

Dinner at Pizza Hut, Haz's treat. Heh. Gossip and deep talks and Philosophy101. Plus lotsa lots of laughter. Hearts hearts, love love. 

So this Dance Dance game was the one they were so looking forward to. But after 3 rounds of it, I decided to switch to the game next door to it....

Para Para Paradise!

It was something like Kinect, something that I've had good practice with compared to the stepping dance game that got my legs aching like mad after that 3 rounds. I decided I was just lousy at it. But Para Para was fun and you can make stupid moves like I dunno how to explain but fun la!

So that pretty much sums up my Friday. I guess POP day and Friday night were the only exciting days of the week because the rest of it went like this:

Monday - Depressed because Ahmad is sad that I ain't going his POP.

Tuesday - A little happier because I decided to take MC and go anyway.

Wednesday - Depressed again because I don't know how to get to HTA without getting lost.

Thursday - Too happy and still can't get over POP day. Corporal Ahmad so hot!

Friday - Hyper like crazy because meeting the girls.

But! Lemme add this.

I was on the train on the way home from Boon Lay after meeting the ladies, when he texted me that he was at Pasir Ris MRT because he had a family chalet at Changi. But I was still far away and told him that maybe we couldn't meet anyway. He insisted on waiting and when I was reaching, he insisted on sending me home in his father's car. But it wasn't his dad driving, it was him, with his second brother, Fatah. You can see from the picture what the time already was. He parked the car a little further from the MRT so he walked halfway to meet me. And sigh, I still can't get over how so very handsome he looks now. My heart was beating very fast, despite my tired legs and all, and with his flirting while we walked to the car, ish. Cair la saye. :p

It's nice to hear people saying that me and him are cute and "not like other couples". I'm not in this relationship because I want it to be like other couples' or do what other couples typically do. I'm in this relationship because after all these years of repeatedly falling in love with him, I know he is the one I can turn to in the happiest and lowest times. & sometimes, it could be because we're so ourselves with each other that we can entertain each other's lamest whatever you call it.

"We're different but same in some ways. And things I cannot cope, he'll be there helping me. We're just compatible. Dia lack in some things, I pon lack in some things, tapi we can meet at some point."

And when the daylight comes, I’ll have to go
But, tonight I’m ‘gonna hold you so close
Cause in the daylight, we’ll be on our own 
But, tonight I need to hold you so close

Don't Let Me Go

Salam and hello to everybody.

Today, I'm feeling very sad somehow. A conversation with a very close friend of mine a few days back finally hit me in the face now that I'm reflecting. In the past few months, I have reviewed my 5-year plan over and over again. But somehow, I can't find a way to ensure that in this plan, I would also still have a life. You see, after I end my DECCE-T course this December, there would be a 3 month break before the release of results where I would eventually graduate. & at the same time, I would have started my 2-year bond in January 2014, I think. This is all according to my quite inaccurate calculations and hopefully, I'm correct. Now here comes the really important part. I plan (and really hope I can) to take my degree in the same field at UniSim, whose intake is usually in July. So, come next year, if I get accepted into the course, I would be juggling work and school all over again. But the best part is it's a part-time degree, so school will just be 2 or 3 times a week. & it's for about 3-4 years. When I read up at their website, they said the average student took 4.5 years for a basic degree. :O, i know. :(

So here's what scares me. I'm afraid of not having a life then. Not being able to meet friends as frequently as we used to, not being able to spend more time with family, because I'll be so focused on work and study. & with all the policies and "improvements" the government is planning for the early education sector, who knows what will happen in the future? I only realized the amount of workload a teacher has just 3 months back. Lesson plans, classroom layout, printing worksheets, proposals etc, you name it, we got it. & to top it off, when the children are in, it's a whole different story. You've got all kinds of kids, "perangai" is what I'd call it. Kids aside, there's the parents. If you're lucky, you'll have nice, understanding parents. My only bad encounter with a parent was the first week of school when her son got smacked by Grace three times in a row and the parent was quite upset until she requested a change of class. I know this wouldn't be the last time but, I know I gotta suck it up. But that's not the point! The point is, I only realized now that the government didn't justify our workload with our salary. The teachers often complain that the government isn't paying them enough. High workload; not-even-close-to-moderate salary. I used to say, the salary doesn't interest me. But then Rachelle knocked my head hard the other day. She listed down the amount of things we teachers have to do and we get like, what? Barely $2000 a month. In the private sector, they earn at least 2.5k to 3k. & we're also a private kindergarten! PCF is NOT a government school/kindergarten/childcare. There is NO government KN/CC in Singapore. Get that straight.

I sidetracked, sorry. So, yeah. Once I start my bond, I know that I will definitely be handling 2 classes, morning and afternoon respectively. That is also if my centre does not convert to kindercare, but I'd cover that another time. So, with 2 classes, you end at 5, gebakgedebuk, by the time you reach home it'd be 6 plus. Ever since I started working, I made it a rule to never bring work home. I haven't so far, and hopefully it'd stay that way. By the time you reach home, you'd be so tired, dinner and everything else. Probably the only time for socializing would be on Fridays and the weekends, and the school holidays. Doesn't that suck? People say it becomes a routine after that, you'd get used to it eventually.

But really, an 8 to 5 job daily takes away more time from your life than you think. & if I pursue the degree, that's a lot of years taken from my life. & the next question would be, when will I settle down?

I sure as hell don't wanna study for the rest of my life. I keep telling myself this is for my future, for my family's future, for my future kids, for their future. I've been sticking to what my facilitator at RP once told me: One year for the next 50 years. But in this case, it'll probably be 4 years for the next 50 years. 4 years from now, I'll be 26.

ZOOOOOOOMMMMGGGGGG!

Or even, 27.

Well, I have another alternative, apart from the degree at UniSim. The reason why I wanted the UniSim degree is because it's sort of like, 2 in 1. There is a leadership component in the degree that would enable me to take on a principal role if I ever want to. & all of that would be at least 4.5 years. OF MY LIFE. Sigh.

Anyway, the other option would be to take the degree offered by AIC, and it's only 20 months. Only eh? Hahahaha. But that's without the leadership component and I'm kinda stressed about that part. I think I'd probably ask Rachelle tomorrow cause she doesn't have a Diploma in ECCE Leadership but she has a degree. If I were to take the DECCE-L, the course is 2 years, and if I continue on to the degree, it would just be 1 year for me instead of the original 20 months. So in total, it'd be 3 years. Now tell me, somebody, which is better?! I'm so stressed. :(:(:(

And on top of it, I'm so scared of not even having time for myself.

Mudd's POP is this Wednesday, and I can't even go. I can't stop beating myself up for it. Everytime he brings it up, I get reminded of the fact that I can't even be there on one of his most important days. :'(

Back to work tomorrow. Hopefully, it'd be a better week. InsyaAllah.

Don't let me go when I'm this low

Why can't we talk about it

Why can't we figure it out 

I wanna know as people grow 

How do they sort it all out 

Work out what love is about 

So tell me now yeah I've gotta know 

When this feeling I've got won't let go

Kuala Lumpur 2013

FIRST DAY IN KUALA LUMPUR @

AMBASSADOR ROW SERVICED SUITES

It was a really long car ride. We left the house at 4am sharp. Pretty amazing. We initially thought our trip would be cancelled because the car we rented gave us no response the day before. It was quite a stressful night because we (girls) were ALL so excited, especially Farah. When the guy wasn't responding to our calls and texts, we thought we would have to cancel the trip. Of course we were pissed. I already changed SGD700 okay! Farah took it harder, she cried and cried until she fell asleep. But we ended up borrowing my third uncle's car, which was super squeezy at the back because Farah laid down on all of our laps and my legs were apparently too long to be any comfortable. Sigh. Nevertheless, we reached KL safely and our hotel room was worth the stress the night before. :D

So the first day, after one hour break in the hotel room, we headed down to Masjid India, le tudung heaven! Of course I shopped till I dropped, half literally. We walked around till I was really tired, for once. Got myself loads of shawls and pashminas (of course), and some for friends. & two skirts, thanks to Mum's persistence. I wanted this tribal dress that was so nice but the material would probably make me sweat truckloads in Singapore. My maid bought the kain for her bridal dress too. When the salesperson was packing the kain and veil, she asked me, "Kakak bila kahwin?" I looked at my sis with a smug face. Hahahaha. I don't know why but lately, I've been getting that question a lot, and not only at weddings. Maybe it's a sign that it's time to....

No, no! Let's not sidetrack! After Masjid India, we headed back for Maghrib. I was so tired after that I fell asleep. Halfway, my maid woke me up to ask me to order food and I fell back asleep again, only to wake up at about ten to eat the food. Went back to my makeshift bed and turned on my laptop since my sis said the wifi was working. Connected to life at Singapore through FB, wanted to blog about me being in KL when I remembered I had work to do. Yes, assignments while on a holiday. When will this part of my life ever end? Hahahaha. 

SECOND DAY!

We went to have breakfast at some Jalan place and I had egg prata. My family's table tried ayam puyuh (quail bird) too. The skin is really thin and a little salty. But it's still nice. :D Anyway, after that, we headed to a place called Mid Valley or something. That was where I did my modern shopping. Hahahaha! Bought headbands and little stuff like that. Then, we came across this shop called F.O.S, like some sort of factory outlet and I spent in total RM343!!! Got myself shirts and belts and whatnots. Then I came across the men's bermudas and remembered that my boyfriend kept telling me he was looking for those. So I decided to buy for him. It was 2 for RM53 anyway! Quite a deal. And I bought him a shirt too! So nice, and I'm so jealous. Hoping that it'll fit him cause I was torn between S and XS. :/

After that, we went to KLCC. Gosh, that place is huge! I didn't buy anything because the stuff were all those high-end brands that I have no interest in. & the place was crowded! Couldn't find F21 there though. :( But my sis bought a pair of jeans at Topshop for RM169, and later on saw jeans at Bershka that were RM89 onwards. Her heart broke. Hahaha!!! Thing about her is, she buys on impulse. Me? I don't. If I see the price makes my heart drop, I drop the item. Unless! It's really, really, really nice like super duper nice.

This was what I wore to Petaling Street. I knew the place would be hot so I took off the cotton shawl and donned my light chiffon. Bought a cap for the boyfriend there since he requested for one. Things I do for my boyfriend. Where to get girlfriend like me, huh? Hahahaha. Anyway, Mum saw some harem pants and made me buy. 2 for RM50 (after much haggling, Mum's getting better!), and they're nice too. Comfy material, and the kind that I can't find in Singapore. :p Afterwards, we were just leaving when I saw a stall that sold shawls. & I left with 2. I just loooooove printed shawls now. :D

They say we look alike. I always wonder, how so?

BURGER RAMLY!

It tastes awesome! Better than our pasar malam kind. :D

So we ended yesterday with a seafood feast at this huge place that has a live band playing while we ate. We were supposed to drop by at Malacca but due to us leaving KL late (because we went to Central Market) and the aunt's family-in-law actually had time to eat at the stopover to Malacca. I was pissed because they changed the plan without telling my family. I actually saved the last of my money for Malacca. Sigh. Anyway, the food was good but the fish wasn't. It smelt of a lot of things. Mum and my maid said maybe they used the same oil to fry everything. As in, fry fish already, use that used oil to fry other things. Sigh.

But anyway, if you look at the last 3 pictures of me, you'd notice that I was wearing 3 different tudung styles. Hahahaha, I left KL with the first style (picture of me and Daddy), 3 hour car ride caused me to change the style to something else (with Ramly burger) because the drapes kept tickling my face while I slept, and finally, settled with the normal style I always don. I broke my record, 3 styles in a day! :D

Got the cramps today, bugger. Back to reality tomorrow. But overall, I'm pretty satisfied with my visit to KL. I just wanna go Melaka one day. It's just, ugh. I just wanna go. They say there's nice stuff there besides tudung. :(

Back to reality tomorrow.

Back. To. Reality.

My second postcard from Miss UK.

Lots of loveeee!!!!

Miss the girl & can't wait till she gets back!!!

Meanwhile, I can't wait for KL this weekend!!!!!

42nd!

I love you! :3