Sometimes, it gets harder to be patient.

& even with my level of tolerance, I doubt I can hold in my anger further.

You can be rude with me, you can be sarcastic with me.

But push my buttons harder, and you'll feel the wrath you'll regret feeling.

You can be whatever you wanna be, I don't care.

You can go to hell, I don't care.

I am done here, reminding you and all that shit.

Because obviously you don't bloody care.

So why should I waste my breath?

I may not be perfect, I may not be much of a good person either.

But tolerating this each and every day is more than I can take

There is nowhere I can vent now.

You can go ahead and swear at me.

You can go ahead and curse at me.

But one thing for sure, you'll get your karma.

& that's the day I await.

I've always been patient, I've always been silent when it comes to people hurting me. Because I have always believed what the Prophet has taught us:

Biar orang buat jahat pada kita, jangan kita buat jahat pada mereka.

Allah is not blind to what I am feeling right now.

The tears that fall every single night.

You don't know how much it fucking hurts to be me.

I don't even know where to begin or how. All I want is simply for everything to be over and done with. No more police calls, no more visits to the lawyer, no more arguing, no more sorting of evidences/receipts, no more stress for both my parents. This whole period is putting a lot on their shoulders and even though sometimes I disagree with my mother's tactics, I want everything to just quickly end and have Aisyah back with us.

I pity Farah, that's all. Just this morning, I woke up suddenly because Farah was coughing her throat out and even vomited. & in the afternoon, we found out that Aisyah was also sick with a fever. When Aisyah was in our care, she was rarely ever sick. & as soon as she's away from us, she's sick. Sigh.

Well, I know, everything happens for a reason right?

I just have to keep praying hard for this to all be over soon.

The only thing I'm looking forward to is Ummi Aisyah will be sleeping over at my place on the 12th and 13th, which is this Saturday and Sunday! Like, woohoo! & her youngest daughter's wedding is on the 15th of April and hopefully, if all goes well, we'll be going for the wedding! :D:D I get to see Zein and Idruz again!

I'm like, sipping on Tom Yam soup right now and it's my 4th bowl. It's so delicious I can't stop getting more. Well, I guess I should be going to bed now. Have to wake up early to clean up the house for Ummi Aisyah's arrival. Heh heh heh.

Alright then, take care all! :)

19th :)

Everything is so messed up right now. They're playing law with my family. Mum is half panicked, half angered, half crazy, for being wrongly accused. I just really feel like meeting that man and punching the lights out of him. We've found every evidence we could possibly get our hands on, and they're all not in the man's favour.

Farah is running a high fever. We have a feeling that Aisyah is sick too. The two girls have always been very close, even if they always fought with each other.

I can't believe this is happening, you know?

Thank you for the call and the 19th month wish.

You made my night better.

<3

I know the feeling of betrayal by friends.

& betrayal of love.

Now, I finally really truly know,

that even family can betray you.

Bringing the police to my doorstep without a warrant?

You people are such no-brain losers.

God, I wish Mum would get back quickly.

I'm like, living in fear even though there's nothing to fear.

But my maid makes the house seem so vulnerable.

Gaaaaaaaaaaah.

I think if my family's drama were to become a TV family drama series, it'd probably be a big hit.

You keep appearing in my dreams,

it makes me sad.