Play That Song

I don't know why I'm here, but I am. Especially at this time. I should be sleeping, catching up with sleep instead of.... doing work.

My life is consumed with work. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. But I feel like I need some kind of purpose now because it's the same old mundane routine every single day. I've got the job I always wanted. I worked so hard to get here. I've almost got my Bachelor's Degree. Alhamdullilah for all these accomplishments. But tonight, as I sit and do my work (damn you portfolios), I found myself asking "Now what?". What's my next step? Where do I go from here? What do I really want to do now?

The past only God knows how many years, I've busied myself with chasing my dreams, studying and working at the same time that now I have all this "loose" time, I don't actually know what to do with it. Next year, InsyaAllah, will be another "loose" year because I have no plans to study again. So, point is, I don't know what to do but I just want to do something meaningful. I feel like there's so much more to just teaching/doing what I do (now that it's childcare). I just feel like there's more that I can do, there's more that I can offer to people.

Also, I'm picky about what I do with my time. It's annoying. It's like, I wanna do something meaningful but I don't want to tire myself out because there's work the next day. *rolls eyes* I prioritize work so much I should win an award or something.

I just want to get to the end of this year and move forward. Graduation, the show, the concert, the final PTC. There's so many things to deal with until the end of the year, I feel suffocated just thinking about it.

I don't even know what I'm talking about and I'll probably wake up tomorrow and read this and think, "Wow, Faz's thoughts are messed up at night".

Bye.

Play that song

The one that makes me go all night long

The one that makes me think of you

That's all you gotta do

You Don't Know

So jealous that my sis gets to do this again in Phuket

T.T

Not in the best of moods tonight.
Plus with the work piling up because I'm not catching up with anything,
it's adding more stress to my plate.
You can do this, Faz.
This is nothing like what the other 2 centres were like.
Have faith.
Believe.
Breathe.

I know you've got the best intentions 

Just trying to find the right words to say 

Promise I've already learned my lesson 

But right now, I wanna be not okay

You Are My Everything

Current series I'm watching. Obsessed.

This is so last year though but who cares.

Salam!

It's been a while, I think. I can finally say I'm pretty much happy with the new workplace. Alhamdulillah. After one bad egg, lol. But it's okay. I can see that the leaders here are professional and hey, my principal treated the teachers' lunch yesterday as a reward for our efforts last Friday. We had a project showcase for the parents. But anyway, all is well. Everything is back to normal for me. I have my days though. Lazy to go to work days, can money just drop from the sky as I lie on my bed mornings. Hahahaha. Every working adult goes through that and I have been for like, 6 years now? Time flies when you're really busy. Wow.

Actually, I'm really busy with work right now but I just finished submitting like 3 of my work related stuff so I can afford just a quick drop in here. Hahaha.

Oh, yes! Selamat hari raya Aidilfitri! This year, some things are different. We've all lost people we love and it is occasions like these that we really feel their absence. I was feeling very emotional the night before Eid because of my grandpa. It still feels like a gaping hole but we all heal. And with my graduation drawing close, I kept remembering his last advice to me. Never will forget the pride in his voice.

Okay, Imma go before I get too carried away!

Byeeee! Salam! Be in the best of health, InsyaAllah!

P.S The show ^ relighted my obsession with men in military uniforms. There's just something about the uniforms that make them so hot hahahaha. 

You are my everything

In the fate that falls like the stars

I met a person like you

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The Night We Met

13 Reasons Why

Clay and Hannah

This song from this scene has been on repeat since I binge watched this series on Netflix. Truly heartbreaking, this one is. I cried like a baby. So relatable. :(

Salam!

It has clearly been a rough start of the year for me. I know the last time I posted, I mentioned positivity at my new workplace. Well, I could never be more wrong. I said it too soon, I guess. Barely 6 months with Shaws, and I'm jobless now. Not because I was fired, but because I resigned, for so many reasons. But the most important reason is the management and leadership in the company. Throughout my time with them, I saw and experienced things that I could never possibly imagine to happen in PCF. There was zero professionalism, zero integrity and zero honesty in this company's management system. And by that, I mean the people. In my last post, when I said positivity in my new workplace, I think I meant my colleagues. They're all good people, and they believe in helping each other. Which I now feel is so important in order to battle the tyranny that is the leader.

I'm sorry, I'm just letting out my hard feelings about this company. I can't say I regret joining Shaws because it has made me learn so much about myself; what kind of person I want to be in a workplace. What kind of leader I don't want to be, if the opportunity ever opens up to me. How important teamwork and moral support is in a team. Back in PCF, I had a really, really good support system and leadership. Comparing that to this at Shaws, well, the difference is vast when it comes to the leadership component. Unfortunately, the support system isn't strong enough to fight back against the leader. Probably the only way is to leave if you can't take it anymore. 

Right after I gave my resignation, it's like Allah was showing me even more reasons why this place wasn't good for me because of all the things that happened right after. One after another, the events that happened not just to me but to the other teachers too. Plus, more evidence as to why the leadership is lousy and unprofessional. 

Nevertheless, I found good friends here. We provided the support we needed to each other and grew closer eventually. They were sad to see me go, of course. On my last day, we were all in a group hug and it was all I could do to fight back the tears. I didn't really feel as much loss as I felt for PCF, but I definitely felt something for these teacher friends I made. We have a lot of plans to meet up again so I'll be seeing them again.

I am not exactly jobless though. I searched for other teaching positions during my notice period and managed to get one with a direct bus route to and back. Singaporean company, of course. I've had enough working with expats and in-betweens to last me a while. Hopefully, this company will play nice. Praying hard because I really don't want to keep job hopping. I need the income because face it, this is Singapore. 

I chose the picture above because this is one series that is very raw and real. I don't quite know how to explain it. The series touched on many teenage issues like bullying, slut shaming, rape and most importantly, suicide. These are still happening everywhere and it's horrible. There are so many lessons to take away from this show. I read the comments online and people were saying things like how the show was glorifying suicide. But that's not the point of the show! Some people are so annoying. Watch it for yourself and keep an open mind. 

The lesson I learnt from this show? Speak up. If you're facing trouble, talk to someone about it. There will always be someone there for you. Be kind to people. You don't know what they may be going through.

Shaws needs to watch this show. Naw, they're too busy with their own personal agendas to bother. But now, I'm free from them and I couldn't be happier. I just hope my friends in there have the strength to pull through to the end of the year. 

Okay, that's it! I better stop hahaha. Look at the time! I start my new job on the 2nd of May. So, I have 2 days of break left and I have housework to do tomorrow (Sunday). So I better go.

Hope life isn't too cruel to you (if I still have readers). I know I had a rough start but I'm hopeful that it'll all get better. One bad egg in the basket doesn't make all the others bad too. I've got to keep searching and have faith that there are still good people in the world.

Be safe and in the best of health! Salam!

When the night was full of terrors 

And your eyes were filled with tears 

When you had not touched me yet 

Oh, take me back to the night we met 

I had all and then most of you

Some and now none of you

Take me back to the night we met

I don't know what I'm supposed to do

Haunted by the ghost of you

Take me back to the night we met

Say You Won't Let Go

2012

2015

2016

Salam!

I know it's been ages since I last posted. I was hoping that working at Shaws now would give me more time for myself and the things I used to want to do or used to do. It has already been one month since I joined Shaws and boy, what a busy month that had been. It was craaaaayzeeeeee. I swear, joining PCF at first wasn't this overwhelming. The information that I was packed with on the first day was already much. The trainings itself (5 sessions in total) were a different story. So, so, so, toooooo much information to absorb in just that 5 sessions. And they weren't hands on enough for us to fully grasp and understand how to execute.The curriculum head was really nice and approachable though, so I don't have much concerns in that area.

Anyway, let's talk about the above pictures but first, let me laugh. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Look at my kental 2012 face. Now I can see why the parents don't take me seriously or don't think I am of "good enough" teaching calibre. I look bloody 15. I guess makeup really helps to mature you up. Cannot believe I just said that, hahaha. Who would have thought right? I used to hate makeup so much. Now I depend on it to LOOK ALIVE. I look dead almost all the time. But anyways, the changes from 2012 to 2016. Tudung style also changed, guys. 2016's was my own creation k, I'm so proud of that. Really can pretend I have long hair anytime can just "flips hair" just that it's tudung. But you get what I mean. I couldn't find 2013's picture, and 2014's photo company was shitty so we never got our solo photos. My point is, SO LONG PCF! BYE.

My new workplace has been great, so far. The support I've received from my new colleagues has been so great. Although now, on top of wearing eyeliner, I have to wear lipstick. "Bright red", at that. It's sort of like a requirement by the principal. I initially had an issue with it because obviously I don't wear lipstick. *rolls eyes* But I went to get one anyway, a cheap one 'cause it's just for work right. By 1pm, I wipe it off cause lipstick dries out my lips. However! I've been very into this brand called Nudestix. I have 2 of their lip + cheek pencils and I looooooooooove them!!!! They feel great on my lips and don't dry them out. Unfortunately, the colours I have are almost the same as my lip colour so it's unacceptable at work. *rolls eyes* So I'm saving up to get the red Nudestix one. Teehee!

But honestly, that's about all I wear. My morning routine is just Fair & Lovely cream on my face, then Innisfree powder (this is another favourite) and eyeliner. I put on the lipstick (Silkygirl *rolls eyes*) at work. Just this routine makes my face look more alive hahahaha.

Why am I talking about makeup hahahaha

Anywaysssss.........2017!

Wow, how time flies! I hope it'll be a good year, InsyaAllah. 2016 had its own ups and downs, friendships lost and gained, financial worries, getting my 2nd last module done, meeting a huge cat that more or less is like the cat I lost, my first band concert ever, spending zero overnight stays at work to do work (WHAT AN ACHIEVEMENT. The K2 camp is not counted.) and love. Lots and lots of love. 7th year with the beloved. And loving 31 children individually, immense love for each and everyone of them. I can't even express my love for them enough, the way I'm so attached to them that even now, in a new environment with new children, I still think of them. Moral of the story: Don't get too attached to someone, they have that much power to break your heart. It's so hard to let go. :(

Anyway, this year will be a year for positivity. I've seen a lot of positivity at my new workplace and I'm hopeful that it can make me a better, stronger and more capable educator. Last year, I was all for catching up with friends and I'm pretty satisfied with what I've achieved so far. So, I'm curious and looking forward to what 2017 will bring me. InsyaAllah, it'll be good.

7 more months to the 8th year, like wow, time flies. *inserts shocked face* InsyaAllah, many more milestones to achieve. So blessed, so so blessed. ^.^

My sis was suggesting recently that I create a blog about my job. Like, name it something like "Letters to Parents" from a teacher's perspective. She said this because of the stuff I've been ranting and complaining about over the years. I actually think it's a good idea, but executing it would be different. I'm gonna see how this will work on top of my workload. Hahahaha.

John Legend's Love Me Now has been playing in my head since he released it. His baby is adorable in the MV. *heart eyes*

Okay, time to bobok! Stay safe this new year and be healthy, InsyaAllah!

I'm so in love with you

And I hope you know

Darling your love is more than worth its weight in gold

We've come so far my dear

Look how we've grown

And I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old

Just say you won't let go

Just say you won't let go

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