Seventeen Forever

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY, MAISARAH KAMAL!!!!

So we're the same age, FOR NOW.

In two months' time, uh-uh.

We planned a surprise for the birthday girl. I can't forget her panic when we were in the toilet and Ain gave her the cold shoulder, which was just an act. Man, Ain was awesome! It was so real, and natural, and our dear, darling Sarah got so friggin' scared. So I decided to play along, and asked Sarah what she did to offend Ain. Her expression was priceless! Seriously. Her panic, unforgettable. I was actually holding in my laughter and smiles. Little girl had absolutely no clue. Hahahahahahahaha. Nice. Me loves.

The creators of this beautiful collage. Made with lots of love, carved with the wishes from friends, adorned with beautiful, priceless, unforgettable memories. It's good that Sarah didn't see this one coming. She loves it! Eh, Sarah! Your thank you must come with a hug! You haven't hug me! Hahahahahahaa.

I'm really tired. Haven't had a good rest since Tuesday. But I'm not complaining, because my hard work paid off.

ARGH. I have to help do the fruit tartlets. Damn, damn, damn. Freaking tired. Ah, bye.

We're one mistake from being together

But let's not ask why it's not right

You won't be seventeen forever

And we can get away with this tonight

Blind Mice

Pretty sure you guys were waiting. See yourself blindfolded and how the un-blindfolded trick you. Somehow, the video of me disappeared so I can't even see myself blindfolded. Wasted.

So that's that, people! I think Syai's one was the funniest! It's freaking Friday!!

Hanging By A Moment

I'm not uploading the videos of today now. 'Cause I noticed that lately, I've been uploading only videos, and not pictures. So, I'll upload some pictures of the past week.

So, Mirah and me went to IKEA on Tuesday to get some stuffs. Got lost and all, had to keep refering to the damn map. & we went in circles on the ground floor. Freaking place didn't have to be as complicated as a maze.

& this! It freaking broke!!! I can't find these kind anywhere else!! & this is the only coloured one I have left, 'cause somebody lost my other three. Shit, man.

OHMYGOD, GAMELAN SO ROCKED! I have no idea what you call this instrument. I asked Mirah but she forgot what it's called. & surprisingly for me, it was easy to play, that is, once you've gotten the hang of it. Like, the numbers, for example. Ain was so damn cute at the back with the big gongs. Hahahahahaaha. & oh! Sarah said she would join Gamelan too! Best ah!

& now, highlight of the day. When Syai was talking about this yesterday, I didn't believe him. I wanted to check it out myself yesterday, but didn't have the time to. Then, this morning, I bumped into Mirah at the bus-stop, so we walked into South Agora together and there it was! My picture on display for the Wellness whatever thing. I was soooooooo freaking happy!! Took pictures of it but it was dark so the pictures were dark. Then, out of excitement, I screamed in the damned lift in front of Mirah, and she said I lost my head already because of the photo. Then, during lunch break, Sarah suggested we went to South Agora so we went and I got to admire the display again! & Sarah took a picture of me at my proudest moment. OMG!!! I still can't believe it! The last time I had my pictures up in an exhibition was back in... 2006. & the last time I submitted pictures for a competition was SYPA 2008. I didn't win anyway, which was okay, 'cause I expected it anyway. So, when Syai was talking about the picture, I found it hard to believe. That's why I was so freaking.... shocked/surprised/happy/high and in a freakishly super good mood since weeks. & the whole day!! No trouble when I got home, which is really, really rare.

I'm under interrogation by Syaiful Amiril bin aku terlupe name bapak dier right now. Sighs.

I'm falling even more in love with you
I'm letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
& I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

Videos 2

I AM LAUGHING AT THE SINGING VIDEOS OF THE MALAY PEOPLE OF W35F RIGHT NOW.

BIG, BIG, MEGA-BIG SIZED SHOUTOUT TO MAISARAH KAMAL:
YOU MISSED OUT ON THE FUN TODAY. BIGTIME!

& SINCE MISTER SYAIFUL AMIRIL BIN AKU TAK TAU NAMER BAPAK DIER BUGGED ME ABOUT UPLOADING THE VIDEOS BY TODAY, I AM UPLOADING THEM RIGHT NOW.

EVERYONE, PLEASE JUST LISTEN TO THE WAY AZHAR LAUGHS.
CRACKS ME UP ALL THE TIME. OMG.
& ALSO NOTICE AHMAD PLEASE. FREAKING CRACKS ME UP TOO.
KINDA LIKE THIS SONG THOUGH.

MAN, TODAY IS FULL OF SURPRISES.
KINDA LIKE THIS SONG TOO!^^
& PLEASE WATCH ZUL DANCING IN THE LAST PART. OMG BYK-BYK.
MAN, I JUST REALIZED HOW MUCH MALAY STUFF I'VE BEEN MISSING OUT ON FOR THE PAST 17 YEARS OF MY DAMNED LIFE.
BUT THERE WERE SOME SONGS THAT WERE FAMILIAR TO ME BUT I JUST DON'T KNOW THEM. SAD, MAN.

By the way, I have to freaking go to IKEA in the evening time again 'cause I didn't freaking know that IKEA has floods of ang mohs having dinner there. Hot shit sia.

I can't get over the videos!! So damn funny shit, man! But straightaway after that, I discovered something that freaking pissed me off. Nothing else but trouble at home. I don't know how my mum can stand this, 'cause I can't anymore.

I need air. This house suffocates me.

I feel like going on a cross-country biking trip. Maybe Pasir Ris to East Coast? Anybody want in?

EDITTED:

Ahmad and Ain make a nice singing couple!!!!

EDITTED AGAIN:

Ahmad is damn explosive! & he has a not bad voice. :) Yeah, I'm watching the videos over and over. Every joke of Syai remains brand-new, how weird is that????? Hahaha. Night, people!

Videos

I can't get over the Jamie Scott video of Standing In The Rain!! Each time I see his dimple, I go aaaaaaahhhhhhhh~~~~~!! Me wanna scream at his face like a damned fangirl but I can't 'cause I'm in class now. Bummer. Anyway, I'll upload three videos of yesterday at the library; the beginning, the nice one, and the skeleton hands one. There are more actually, but I'll just upload these three.

I seriously freaked out at this one. Man, so freaking skinny they look like freaking bones! I seriously need to go on a fattening diet. Fastfood is a big no no. Its the shortcut to all kinds of sicknesses. By the way, renovations are going on at home for the "public toilet". Orang kat bawah complain that the water from our toilet leaks through their ceiling, so we had no choice but to renovate the floor of the toilet. I'll take a picture of it when I get home. I forgot to take one yesterday. Hah.

Here's the link if you're curious to see who's Jamie Scott. Pure hawtness, dimples are.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09BrURplaQg

OMG. I FREAKING LOVE HIM!
I JUST CAN'T GET OVER HIS DIMPLES AND ANOOP'S TOO!

Standing In The Rain

This is the first time that you hear Mirah scream and squeal.
Because of the rain.

It's been ages since I walked in the rain. The last time was way last year, drenched from head to toe, running for CCA meeting. Pretty fun.

But! Just now was something different. The saddest thing is, I was in slippers, and me being as clumsy as it is, would definitely make a fool of myself while walking to CWP. So, since Zul wanted to walk to CWP, I relied on the others to survive the walk. Grabbed Syai's sleeve, clutched Zul's bag, hug Mirah's arm and cling onto Ain, all at different times, with the shelter pillars to help me as I go along. I know the video is not clear, but you have to know, it was freezing, and Mirah was holding my arm so friggin' tight because she was using me as a shield so she wouldn't get wet. I don't mind, 'cause I love rain. But if you noticed in the video, we were barefooted. Ain, Zul and me took off our slippers.

I love today! Even though I came to school in a hungover state. Sarah could actually see how shagged I was. Well, considering how I slept at 1am plus. Oh! We FINALLY visited the piano and Ain FINALLY sang Unfaithful for me with the piano. I'll upload the many, many videos that Sarah took (without my permission!). It is only today that I realize that people are actually right about me being skinny. When I watched the videos, I noticed that my hands look like skeletons. I swear, it scared all the shit out of me.

Ain: Besok we going to the library during second break
Mirah: Besok aper?
Ain: Besok we going to the library during second break
Mirah: Besok aper?
Ain: Besok we going to the library during second break
Mirah: Besok aper?

Hilarious, man!! I had noodles in my mouth and I had a hard time struggling not to laugh or I'll choke. Mirah is asking a question that Ain just doesn't seem to answer. Freaking hilarious. I'm still laughing.

I remembered this song in the bus on the way home, as I tried not to freeze to death. Being rain-drenched and then, being in an air-conditioned bus = brain freeeeeze. Standing In The Rain by Jamie Scott And The Town. Sorta fits today.

I JUST SAW A VIDEO OF JAMIE SCOTT AND HE HAS DIMPLES!! OMG! I AM STARTING TO REALIZE THAT I HAVE A WEAKNESS FOR GUYS WITH DIMPLES!! SIMPLY IRRESISTIBLE!!

Hope you just don't stop praying when the waters fall
'Cause standing in the rain ain't gonna leave you dry
People say your love pure one of a kind
But standing in the rain ain't gonna leave you dry

What Hurts The Most

I took my first sip of wine last night
To drown all this pain

Sometimes, when you're suffering, and you think nobody's ever there for you, you realize that you're wrong. Because the truth is, if your family can't be there for you, your friends always are. Gotta thank Syai for that. In the middle of the night, with only the nenek keropok to accompany me. Hahaha.

This video is freaking sad shit. While I chatted with Syai and Nat, I listened to this and just can't stop crying. Every single time I played it, I'll cry all over again. Too much emotion. & I didn't know Anoop has dimples! I love dimples!

This made my night. But it didn't last. Still, I appreciate it.

I might be back later. I might not. Gonna go to the library to the piano with Ain during break. Finally.

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away

And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

Andai Ku Tahu

I won't talk about what I found out today. Instead, here is the lyrics to the song I heard on the radio after such a long time of not listening to it.

Andai kutahu

Kapan tiba ajalku

Ku akan memohon

Tuhan tolong panjangkan umurku

Andai kutahu

Kapan tiba masaku

Ku akan memohon

Tuhan jangan Kau ambil nyawaku

Aku takut

Akan semua dosa dosaku

Aku takut

Dosa yang terus membayangiku

*Instrumental*

Andai kutahu

MalaikatMu kan menjemputku

Izinkan aku

Mengucap kata taubat padaMu

Aku takut

Akan semua dosa dosaku

Aku takut

Dosa yang terus membayangiku

Ampuni aku

Dari segala dosa dosaku

Ampuni aku

Menangis ku bertaubat padaMu

Aku manusia

Yang takut neraka

Namun aku juga

Tak pantas di surga

Andai kutahu

Kapan tiba ajalku

Izinkan aku

Mengucap kata taubat padaMu

Aku takut

Akan semua dosa dosaku

Aku takut

Dosa yang terus membayangiku

Ampuni aku

Dari segala dosa dosaku

Ampuni aku

Menangisku bertaubat padaMu

Haaa... Haaaa... Haaa... Haaaa... [2x]

The song kinda fit what I was feeling in the car when my mum told me everything that was going on. & when I heard this song while she was talking, I cried. How pathetic is that? But I've always been good with silent tears. So she didn't know.

What a weekend. Emotionally draining.

Learning To Fall

I can't say that my weekend's great, 'cause this is just the beginning. Let's talk about the good parts first.

For the first time since so long, I watched MTV again. From 10.30 to 11.30 in the morning. Then, I helped to do the fruit tartlet shells, before showering. My parents brought me out for brunch, but without Sisto 'cause she went out for a movie. When we reached back home, it was about 2. So I prayed Zohor first, before hitting the bed in the TV room. Turned MTV on again and I watched I Love The Weekends, Y2K Hits & Beyond, Hits and Gerek Seh. Why did nobody tell me that All American Rejects actually have really nice songs?? Oh well. After which, I switched to Star Movies, 'cause they were showing Dr. Dolittle. I laughed my ass off. I'm not deaf, I just can't stand listening to her. Hahahahahaha. Freaking cute! After DD was Becoming Jane, which stars Anne Hathaway, who is my favourite since Princess Diaries. I cried halfway through, friggin' sad. & oh man, James McAvoy is friggin' hot in the show.

Here's the bad part. During Becoming Jane, the boys were making so much noise, and I kept telling them to lower down their volume or get out. But! They think that just because their mother is around, I won't dare to scold them. But I did anyway. I raised my voice at them, and they ignored me. So I was like, okay, never mind. I turned up the volume of the TV. Then, Zahir moved to sit on the bed, cause I was lying down on the floor, so when he speaks, all I hear is him and not the TV. So I yelled to Bibik, 'cause she was there with the baby, and Zahir was talking to her: Bibik, tolong kluar, please. 'Cause this idiot just can't shut up! & then! Their mother started yelling for the boys to go in their room 'cause she probably heard me. Then! She started yelling at Farah for no reason. ON PURPOSE. Probably because she couldn't accept the fact that I scolded her sons. If you ask me, Farah has every right to go in that woman's room because it belongs to me in the first place. So she yelled at Farah to get out but well, Farah just won't budge, I guess. & then! When my mum came back, that woman complained to my mum. & guess what? My mum was on HER side!! I was like, what the hell? I don't always get the chance to watch TV, and weekends are my only chance, so the boys could have been considerate enough to lower down their volume while I watch. But they did not, even though I told them repeatedly. Who wouldn't get angry, you tell me? Then my mum said I shouldn't have called Zahir 'idiot'. I was like, what? If you're angry, you wouldn't care about what you say, for me anyway. The things would just come out by itself. & 'idiot' is not as bad as 'son of a bitch' or something. Not like I would say it, anyway. It's just idiot! Just freaking idiot!! That woman probably wanted someone on her side, so she made it sound bad enough for my mum to pull me aside. I officially hate this house. & until this family moves out, I know I'll never be happy.

I'm considering telling my dad everything. 'Cause with my mum, nothing works.

I think I should stay outdoors on weekends too. Just so that I don't have to see her face. & vacation is coming, which means I'll see her 24/7. Hell on earth, to tell you the truth. Vacation is during Ramadhan. Hmm, which is a good thing. Puasa = patience.

I'm learning to fall, I can hardly breathe

When I'm going down, don't worry about me

Don't try this at home, you said you don't see

I don't wanna know that you know it should have been me

Notice Me

You know this girl. You've seen her somewhere.

No, your mind is playing tricks on your mind.

You don't know her any more than I do.

& I so love her studded vest la.

I guess good days for me will never end well. I seem to always hear about the bad stuffs that the other family did on good days such as today. Any other day, nothing. It's frustrating, it drives me crazy. I don't know how I can stand this anymore. It's just too much now. & it'll be continuing for another two years. Yes, the other family will be staying in my house for another two years. & THAT"S BAD NEWS. They're treating this house like a hotel, come and go anytime they want, eat anything they want, 'cause my parents are paying for everything. The woman is clever at making up excuses just so she could stay. She says she'll do the things she says she'll do, but she'll never do it. Like her hutang to my parents? Never did pay. Living in this house is an advantage for her, 'cause she can spend her damn money on unimportant stuffs like that Coach bag she just bought for no reason. Argh. I don't wanna talk about it anymore.

Sam's birthday is tomorrow. Happy 18th, dude! Even though you may not read this! Hahah. Love today, but it just didn't deserve to end the way it did. I'll upload Sam's tau pok pictures on FB over the weekend. I'm really too lazy right now.

& talking to Eunice always makes me smile. She learnt a new word today, by the way: Hairy-di-tary. (: Go figure.

I'll end with a: PWWWWSSSHHHH, PWWWSSSSSSHHHHHHH!!!!! *Inside joke* :))))

I've given everything, I loved you endlessly

But when it comes to me, you don't even notice me

The Girl Next Door

Surpreese, Sarah! Bet you forgot 'bout this one.

I came home pretty early today, which is very rare. But it's good 'cause I feel exhausted today, weirdly enough. I feel more tired than the rest of the days, as though the weight of the world is sitting on my shoulders. But, I laughed my ass off in the kitchen just now, for the first time in a while, being at home. Bibik and Nabilah were hilarious. Story:

Bibik was teaching Nabilah, my two-year-old cousin the ABC. So they went:

Bibik: Ketot! A for...
Nabilah: Apple!
Bibik: B for...
Nabilah: BIBIK!!!
Bibik: *shocked* Haaaah????

We were all caught off-guard, 'cause I swear, no one taught Nabilah that. Blur and shocked for a few seconds, before bursting into laughters. Adorable-ness!!!

Read this. I'm so darn touched.
http://sg.news.yahoo.com/afp/20090720/tts-britain-spain-love-offbeat-cac1e9b.html

She gets the top bunk, I'm sleeping on the floor
She's Miss America, and I'm just the girl next door

Three Cheers For Five Years

This boy is awesome! So young and talented! Me is envious!
Someone teach me guitar!!!!!!!!

Anyways, W35F with formal outfits today. Smart smart smart mamats. Hahaha. I actually wore a dress! That's like 2 dresses in a month! I broke my damn record. I've never worn a skirt or a dress or any girlie stuff for school or whatever event. & this is like..... dotdotdot banyak banyak.

I should kill Sarah for rubbing it in for my interview with her team. Eunice and Ber were okay, but Sarah was like damn sexy gangster la. Make me sweat my dress. Walao, cari pasal only. Suddenly during interview, so loud and so much to say. Hahahahaha. But she damn awesome la. Imagine if we all change class and I can't find anyone like Sarah. But then, why would there be anyone like Sarah? She's so original, no one can copy her. There, I'm being so nice, so Sarah, tomorrow must blanja me Subway cookie 'cause I harumkan your nama. Heh. :)

Am uploading the pictures today to FB. Credits to Faci Paul for the awesome, awesome, awesomeness group photos.

If you were me, what would you do? Would you be able to live with this cruel reality? What I don't need now is your sympathy. What I need now is your understanding. You probably wouldn't be alive if you were me. I'm still trying to be strong, and it's tough, to tell you the truth. But I still have to accept this damned truth, because no matter what I do, nothing can be changed. This is for forever.

Have always love this part of the lyrics.

I thought with a month of apart
Together would find us an opening
& moonlight would provide the spark
& that I would stumble across the key
Or break down the door to your heart
Forever could see us not you and me
& you'd help me out of the dark
& I'd give my heart as an offering

Anyone Else But You

Some morning to kickstart my Monday. I won't talk about it. Blah!

School was pretty much the same, I was a little high. & out of nowhere, we had a green martian. Inside joke, those in Team 3 would get it. *winkwink* Sarah and me laughed our big asses off at the green martian. OMG. && out of nowhere, we developed this sort of saying, "What you want??"

Story: I was busy preparing the slides for presentation when suddenly Sarah msn-ed me. & these words automatically came out of my mouth; "*Tsk* What she want?" & gawd, the way Sarah stared unbelievably at me, 'cause she was right next to me. I was apologetic, I really didn't mean it, but it was funny as hell !!!! All of a sudden, out of nowhere, "what she waaant?" I'm still laughing at it.

Let's talk about my Sunday morning. AWESOMEness!!!!!! I woke up from an unbelievably wonderful dream. I've forgotten some details so I'll just try to recall it as best I can.

In this dream, I have this two good guy friends, who are actually best friends with each other. The thing they have in common the most, is that they were both in love with me. (I'm not bragging, but this was really the dream.) Their names are Hadi and Ryan (pronounced as Riyan), both Malays. I happened to be in a relationship with Hadi, and poor Ryan is heartbroken. :( Blahblahblah, deeper in the dream, I happen to be very close to Hadi's nenek (seriously!!!). & even deeper, Hadi died in an accident. It was heartbreaking. So blahblahblah, Ryan comforted me and all. Skali one day, I received an anonymous call. & whoever that was was singing the Anyone Else But You song, but with different lyrics, just that the 'I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you' line is still there. & since Hadi happened to be a real good singer and guitar player, I thought it was him. It was his voice. So I went to his nenek and told her. Now, this is the part I don't quite remember. So blahblahblah, I ended up confronting Ryan about the call, 'cause it was actually him. He and Hadi were actually in a band. & erm, he confessed his love?? So yeah, this was the dream. Two guys who were in love with me = something that would never happen but = a nice dream to wake up from = the feeling that I can still be loved by someone.

Hahahahahhaa. Just something to share. Now, I have lotsa things to do. Like, handling my mum's website, getting my RJ done, iron out my outfit for tomorrow, type out some stuffs for my mum... so I gotta go.

You are always trying to keep it real

I'm in love with how you feel

I don't see what anyone can see

In anyone else... but you

Impianku

Watching Didi Cazli singing Impianku. Whoohoo! Waiting for Alyph to rap. My Sleeq, My Sleeq!!! Eh sia, no rap sia. Screw it. Arguing with Sisto now, who's cuter, Alyph or Syarif. Heh. I still vote Syarif, and Sisto votes Alyph. We have absolutely opposite taste in guys. Haih.

I think this is the end. My battery's running low and I wanna watch HP in peace. So, tootsies!

Sering aku hanya terpaku bila kamu di hadapanku

Dan sering bayangan senyumanmu kan menjelma di dalam lenaku

Ternyata kamu lah terindah insan impianku

Ketahuilah kasih tiada siapa lagi di hatiku

Dihatiku~~

I absolutely love THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN!!!!

I watched it before when it first came out but Star Movies showed it just now and it was AWESOME. I can never get over Peter, that's for sure. Sisto and I kept arguing during the movie about who's cuter: Edmund or Peter. She voted Edmund, I voted Peter. & all through the movie, we'll keep arguing. & Sarah just had to spoil it. Dotdotdot. I was never one for war scenes but in Narnia, they're exciting. The other war movie I liked was Braveheart.

Soldier: Mouse?
Mouse: You have no imagination. (sword poke)

Haha. Now, I'm watching Harry Potter & The Prisoner Of Azkaban on Channel 5 and APM on Suria. Switching between the channels. This HP movie has always been my favourite 'cause somehow, Daniel Radcliffe looks super hawt in this movie as compared to the other movies.

Whooooooooooo ! Aizat won Artis Baru Lelaki !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I support !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will be back again, baby!

We Don't Have To Look Back Now

This meal was HEAVEN!

1 chicken murtabak & 5 plain pratas.

Awesome or whattt?

Haha. Anyway, gotta thank the IT Helpdesk a thousand million billion times for saving my laptop from whatever viruses that was inside. But it's good that my laptop is okay, 'cause you have no bloody idea how boring it is to not have your laptop with you to keep you company through the boring oh so boring meetings.

It's still so weird to come home every freaking day to a baby. Lately, I've been coming home late, so because of that, I have to stand outside for a few minutes, before entering my house. Then ALL OF THEM PEOPLE would make me wash my feet. Not because it smells, because it doesn't, but because of some pantang-larang thingy. A baby in the house is so.... leceh.

Darling Kak Lynn dropped by to pick up the cream for cupcakes 'cause she wanted to make some for her boyfriend on his birthday. How schweeeeeeeet is that? Haha. She brought doughnuts for us all from Donut Empire and I had one that's topped with chocolate krispie rice (Heard of that? The one with the brown monyet on the cereal box thingy, I think.) and it was fricking yummy! & she really clicks with the little girls. They're giggling away as I type here. :)

Sisto made up a song just now. Freaking hee-lair-ree-years.

I love you, I hate your brother.
We not happy family
With a kick and a punch to that bloody zahir's face
Won't you say you hate him too

She was singing it to the baby in my mum's room. Heh. Sisto comes up with the weirdest but original songs. Haha.

You and I will ride tonight 'till the past is out of sight
We don't have to look back now.

Kidnap My Heart

MAISARAH IS A HAWTHAWTHAWT SUPER HAWT BABE WHO ROCKS BIG TIME

So friggin' tired. & it's only 2.37pm.

It always fascinated me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing. It hurts so much.

When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing. Here it is. One more, one less. Another wasted love story.

I really love this one.

When I think that its over, that I'll never see him again like this... well yes, I'll bump into him, we'll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we had never been together, then we'll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely. Almost.

Always the same for me. Break up, break down. Drunk up, fool around. Meet one guy, then another, fuck around. Forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere and after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well.

There's a moment in life where you can't recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well you still can’t live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well you love his sneezes more than anyone else's kisses.

Love this one from Le Love, Tuesday, July 7 post.

I still haven't friggin' watch Transformers 2. People keep telling me it's awesome, I just get so jealous. I watched the first one in a cinema, so I'm friggin' watching the second one in a cinema too.

Can't wait to go over to ACRES this Saturday. & I am SOOO gonna bring my camera.

Heh. Finally found out Sarah's birthday. There seems to be a lot of July babies. I just found out on FB that Saiful is one of the July babies. Dotdotdot.

It's weird coming home these days, cause my mum wll greet me at the door with a baby in her arms. I'm just not used to the sight. A baby. A red-faced baby. Pfffffft.

Kidnap my heart, take me with you
Kidnap my heart, make my dreams come true

Hero/Heroine

Le Love, Sunday, July 12 post.

I like the picture above very muchies 'cause I find it so true, which also brings us to the LOVE IS BLIND thing. Okay, never mind, whatever.

Finally got the rest of the BLG songs from Bernard today. Thanks, bra. :)

CAN YOU BELIEVE I WENT SMACK INTO A GLASS DOOR AT WHITE SANDS JUST NOW!!!!???!!!!! I wasn't looking at where I was going, and I was walking pretty fast, considering how it was past Maghrib time. I just assumed that both the glass entrance doors would be open, just like they always are but I was sooooooooo wrong. The top of my head went smack, and I stumbled back, like, momentarily dazed. The woman behind me gave me one kinda look, like, what the heck is wrong with this girl???? Now I have a friggin' headache.

Today is my darling girl's birthday. Nafisah Bte Kasti has turned fifteen !!!! Umm, that's all? Haha. Eh, which reminds me. There's another July baby. If I'm not wrong. Oh, I just remembered. HIM !! Gargh, so long ago guy. I'm surprised I still remember. 26th, hmm, hmm, hmm.

Cognitive tomorrow! Yay?

& boy, Fazlun. Stop thinking so much about it. Just forget it. Forget it, forget it. Forget it, forget it. Forget it, forget it. Forget it, forget it. Forget it, forget it. Forget it, forget it. Forget it, forget it. Forget it, forget it. Forget it, forget it. Forget it, forget it. Forget it, forget it. Forget it, forget it. Forget it, forget it. Forget it, forget it. Forget it, forget it. Forget it, forget it. Forget it, forget it. Forget it, forget it. Forget it, forget it. Forget it, forget it. Forget it, forget it. Forget it, forget it.

Tootsies!!

You caught me offguard
Now I'm running and screaming

Love Drunk

Breakfast date with Cik Jal today. He had to go to Woodlands for something so I had a free ride to school on his motorbike. Happy banget. I got to wake up half an hour later than my usual time! Haha. No difference to you, a LOT to me. Makan at Jalan Kayu, roti prata telur = ♥

Sarah just smsed me for malay guys names that goes like this: Fa _ _ _ l. I gave her a short list and she likes Fazeel !!! Sarah is weirrrrrdd. o.O

I think Mum's words yesterday made sense. I've never been the religious kinda person, although sometimes I can be. But after repeating Mum's words to Sarah today, I'm beginning to understand the meaning of it now. I know that being sick is actually sorta a cobaan from Allah for you, like a test? (I'm trying my best not to sound soooo ustazah-ish.) But it didn't stop me from questioning my mum again last night. & she went: "Do you know or not? You sakit right, is ujian from Allah. (I know) Allah wants to test your kesabaran. So you have to sabar. But you know not? (Whaaat?) You have to bersyukur that you sakit. (Why? Who likes being sick?) Yar, but when you're sick, your dosa when you small small or what, Allah minus minus. (Oh eh?) So your dosa lesser. (Oooooo...) And furthermore, Allah kasi you sakit kan. Only Allah has the cure. So you have to banyak do'a. So you cepat sembuh. (Ooooh...)"

End of story. Adoii, mak aku ni. But it's still true.

This got me thinking all day, even in the bus on the way home. & oh! Speaking of bus! I met, no, saw 2, no, 3 of my primary schoolmates in bus 81 just now. Well, 3 because 2 are twins. SS and Julius. I remember the twins 'cause back in P.6, we used to play soccer under the block together with the old gang. & Julius, whoa, the sickening childish boy who always, always, always bullied me in P.5, is umm, all grown up. We alighted at the same bus-stop, and yeah, didn't even say hi or even acknowledge each other. We went our separate ways. I was like, okaaaaaaay. Haha.

It's weird how fast time flies and you're leaving the first class you ever stepped in in RP soon. A few more weeks till we last have our fun together as a class. Hmm, shall emo about this another time.

I'm so friggin' tired.

All the time I wasted on you,
All the bullshit you put me through
I'm checking into rehab
'cause everything that we had
Didn't mean a thing to you

Hanya Kau Yang Mampu

I've been stuck to this song since I watched the video on TV, either on Suria or Sensasi, not sure which. It's really, really sedaaaaaaap, and even Mirah likes it. It's really sad, by the way, and um... did he really play the piano??? I wish I could play, ya know, without looking down at the keys, like him. & my piano is friggin' spoilt sia!!! *pissedpissedpissed* & I broke my shades!!! *pisserpisserpisser*

Baby Keisha's pictures are in! I visited TMC yesterday with Mum, Dad and Farah. Sisto couldn't come 'cause she has a high fever. & Keisha looks more to Cik Jal. Very chinese-y. Mata sepet la. I took a lot of videos too, but I'll upload them when I feel less lazy. Haha. Here's a picture of Keisha, pronounced as Kai-shah, for the world.

I noticed that all babies smell the same. The kind of powdery smell. I don't know, I can't describe it well 'cause only new-born babies have that smell. Maybe it's the minyak talon, but maybe not? I don't know la, go smell a baby yourself!!

I become another Kakak. Bummer.

Cerita tentang masa lalu
Cerita tentang kau dan aku
Kini tinggal hanya kenangan
Kau abadi di dalam hatiku

Harusnya takkan ku biarkan engkau pergi
Membuat ku terpuruk rasa ingin mati
Derita yang mendera kapan akan berakhir
Hanya engkau yang mampu taklukkan hatiku

Little Wonders

It was nice to be back at school, even for just one hour. Syai disturbed me like, almost as soon as I stepped in the bloody class. & I learnt that he wasn't serious when he said he wasn't gonna kacau us anymore. I still have 3 weeks into the bet. Bummer. But I deserve it. T_T

Taggie board is up! & I finally read a good number of pages into Blood Brothers. Clay becomes more and more me as I read. It's a weird thing that an author created a character's life that happened to be almost the same as mine. To read your own life, the feeling is damn wow. Never mind, it's hard to explain.

I'm fricking tired. & these tears never stop falling and they're out of my control. Ever tried not wiping away your tears and leaving them there on your cheeks to dry? I've done that. Because I don't wanna waste tissues. Save the planet, ya know.... Haha.

The baby's coming home tomorrow. Major bummer.

& my eye is feeling slightly better. Alhamdulillah...

If it's me you need to turn to, we'll get by

It's the heart that really matters in the end

Friendship

I don't know why but somehow, maintaining old friendships is hard when you're in different schools. Syed is making an effort to keep in touch though. He messages me once in a while, and I'll be surprised each and every time 'cause he's so random. I need to keep trying to do the same thing with my friends.

Anyway, I'll just post up my old pictures, back back way back in secondary school. Just before I go to school for UT. I was supposed to go for school itself, but Dad didn't allow me to just because the doctor gave me a 2-day MC. Bummer.

March 2009, CSS Sports Meet

Pasir Ris Park '09

Pasir Ris Park `09

Prom Nite Maskardia `08

Graduation Day `08

Midnight wish on my 17th

Teachers' Day Gifts

Racial Harmony Day '08

Fort Canning Park Photography '08

Taman Warisan Photography '08

Taman Warisan Photography '08

'07 Birthday Presents

'07 KL & Cameron Highlands Geog Trip

1st June `06 - Zoo & Orchard Photography

Beautiful memories from Sec 5, all the way down to Sec.3.
It's too sad they're over.

Depth of friendship does not depend on length of acquaintance - RabindranathTagore

Thunder

I friggin' almost died today!!!!!

Lightning struck just a few hundred metres away from me and Sisto when we were walking home from the clinic. Sisto's reaction was to hug me. Mine was: "Fiiiiisssshh!!! *panic* Run, idiot!" To get the hell away from the big longkang.

It sucks to wear shades the whole freaking day just to protect my eye from bright lighting. I have a bottle of eye drops, a tube of eye cream and pills to ease the itch from the doctor, all at 34 bucks. The pills would make me drowsy, and THANK GOD they're tiny.

By the way, Putri Keisha Qistina finally arrived at 1718hours today, weighing at 3.1 kg. Cik Jal said she look alot like Nabilah; thick, curly, black curls and fair-skinned. ENVY. Babies have it easy, fair skin, I mean. Yay! I have another baby to photograph, bringing the total to 3 babies. This will be the.... 5th baby, whose growth I will be witnessing. She's coming home on Saturday. I hope I sleep like a dead person. Imagine waking up in the dead of the night to the cries of a baby? I doubt I can stand it.

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer

Do you know you're unlike any other

You'll always be my thunder

& I said

Your eyes are the brightest of all the colours

I don't wanna ever love another

You'll always be my thunder

So bring on the rain

& bring on the thunder

Fall To Pieces

I can't believe I'm crying!!!! For Michael Jackson!!!! Watching the memorial service thing, omg la, so bloody sad. I started crying when his daughter burst into tears. SISTO WAS ACTUALLY MOVED TO TEARS!!! He had indeed gone too soon. What the hell, why am I still crying??!!!!

Anyway, SARAH FINALLY ADMITTED/CONFESSED TODAY. I've been bugging her since I dunno when. Dinner with them girls was bloody syiok. I can't believe I lost a scissors paper stone game to Sarah. So frustrated la, she's so good at everything. Our Love Guru. :D

My eye hurts like f*** laaaaaa. Walao.

I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you

Bored la. Damn bored.
& Cognitive has always been my favourite module.
Analysing is damn crazy laaaaaaaaa.

You Are Not Alone

The earlier post was done in school but I didn't manage to publish it because rpnet sucks.

Zul and Syai are so friggin' dead when I come to school tomorrow. Sisto saw the note thingy that they wrote on my msn. She thought I was crazy to actually write that. She even thought it was really me who did it. But I gotta keep my cool, just like Sarah always says.

Wai duu ai miss sains fair-see soh march?

Hahahaha. My eye hurts like faen la. I'm so tired, the shower didn't do me any good. I'm "crying" again. Which reminds me, just now in school, I was so pathetic la. But I gotta thank Sarah for being there, even though she was quiet all the way.

& I feel so old lor. A few months ago, I was a kakak. In two days' time, I'll be another kakak. Although it'll be a while till they start calling me kakak, still, it's official. But not forgetting that I'm already a makcik. I have a nephew and a niece, because my cousin married young, like early 20s. I was already a makcik when I was only in Primary 4!!! Imagine that!! They call me kak, for now. But their mum insists that they call me cik. Like, faen it la. Cik is so........... minah.

& Sisto is laughing like a crazy monyet right now at some Youtube videos. & I'm bidding my farewell to MJ. Have always loved this song. 2nd best next to Earth Song.

You are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart

Like A Knife

I guess Ain's words yesterday finally sank in. & to make it worse, I had a full report on how THAT BLOODY WOMAN acted yesterday for her first day of maternity leave. & I found out too that my parents talked to HER, about the pawn thing and how she's not doing her part in contributing to pay for the bills, "duit makan" and stuff like that. Like, obviously, my dad can't be the only one who pays for everything, that wouldn't be fair to him, considering how there's like, 12 people living in the house. Besides, they're bloody expecting the arrival of their fourth child this Thursday. & I'm gonna make sure my parents are not the ones who take care of the hospital bills. They've done that thrice, and I'll make sure they won't do it again. They've done too much, and they've done enough to help. Now that family is stepping over my parents' heads.

I'll be back again. Just feel like letting out my feelings.

'cause today, you walked out of my life
'cause today, your words felt like a knife

Que Sera Sera

Wednesday was brought forward to 25th September because I have UT on that day. I don't know if this is good or bad news. Maybe it being sooner would have been better, but having to wait might be better too. I don't have to worry about it much. Eh, sia. 25th Sept is bulan puasa! Cool, cool.

Today is friggin' crazy, to finally be back at school. New maths faci is a wee bit better, but he talks too much. & he makes really lame jokes. & all of a sudden, Reuben got a 'ribbon' for his name.

There were a few confessions made today. Haha, coolness. Ate takoyaki with Mirah and Ain. Somehow, the topic was about our past and present friendships. I thought hard about Ain's words, but I really am not sure of what I should do. But it's nice to have people to talk to about your problems and doubts. I'm really happy whenever I'm with them all, the guys included. & can you believe my right foot sank into a HOLE at the pasar malam????

Mirah made a confession, and I made one too. It's friggin' cool!! Haha. Shh, secret. She's a confused girl now, but I'm telling her to let everything fall into place. Dunno if she'd listen, I was never one with good advices. Hah!

I took a few videos today. Gang raping is back, and Syai was the first victim! Wheepees!! Haha. I'm being so mean. He still remembers the bet, dammit. Right, until here then. I was so tired today, I actually slept in the bus! Haha. Lucky Anna woke me up with her sms. Tomorrow's team is with Bernub, my BLG buddy! Haha.

Que Sera Sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que Sera Sera
What will be, will be

Love Drunk

I hoped for the impossible. Now I'm the one who gets hurt.

Did nothing much today except read. I borrowed a couple of books from the library yesterday before Dad picked us up to have such an exciting Saturday afternoon. Blood Brothers turned out to be an indeed page-turning novel. I read the afternoon away and only stopped at about 4 'cause my eye was leaking tears again. Really, it's an amazing book, and I've only read like, 5 chapters. As I read, I couldn't help thinking that I had a lot in common with the main character, Clay, even though he was a guy. Our friendship issues were almost exactly the same. Blah, I don't wanna talk about it.

I forgot to upload the last video of Kranji yesterday. I just realized that lately, I've been very interested in videoing people and stuff. Maybe we should really get our videocamera fixed. At least, put it to good use. Now, who the hell spoilt that bloody videocam? I think it's me, haha. Hais. Anyways, here is the video. Enjoy.

School's tomorrow. Wheeps! :)

I noticed that I've been very hostile towards her. I find me being very childish about it, but I just can't help it. Number 1, she's bloody irritating. Number 2, she's irritating at the wrong times. Number 3, she pawned my mother's bloody stuff without permission. Who can bloody forgive that, you tell me?

Nawh, I won't talk about it. But I'll try to act as best I could, that I have no idea about what she's done. Me and Sisto were not supposed to know, and Dad doesn't know that we know. But the deadline's tomorrow. Bloody $3800, fall down from the sky tomorrow, kay?

Yay, my mum's gonna be bringing home Wanton Noodles from her cooking class today! Wheeps! Darn, it's only almost 6 and it's so damn dark. Think it's gonna rain again. Cloudy skies, bad omen, bad omen. But wait, rain = rezeki. I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow morning.

War of the Worlds on Channel 5 later! A must catch!

I used to be love drunk
But now I'm hungover
I'll love you forever
Forever is over

A Kampung Life Experience (Part 2)

We passed by a few interesting farms before the goat farm. Frog farm, fireflies farm (not sure if it's really the real thing) and a bird farm too. I wanted to go to the bird farm but Dad was afraid the smelly odour might make Farah throw up again, which was what we assume had made her throw up in the first place. So Dad suggested going to watch the people dig for shellfish and we went for it. Little did we know that Dad had a plan of going INTO the water. It's at Kranji by the way, a park called (somethingsomething) Battle Site, next to a bridge. & there were people camping there too. You could see the Senoko incineration plant from where you are, as well as Johor itself. Pretty cool. So anyway, here are the videos I took, even though my phone battery was at like, 19%. I'm surprised it lasted. Haha.

I'd like to add something before we continue. I know I sound damn irritating in the videos, even I myself find my voice so bloody irritating. But say and think what you like about me, 'cause this is just the way I am with my family. When you're in your comfort zone, you tend to be more open. & Sisto was hilarious. Haha. Faen!

I swear to God, this was one helluva good experience. For once, you experience a kind of like a kampung life, and you just get away from your fast-paced, stressful life by "chillaxing" (as Sisto would put it) with your family, feeling the wind play with your hair and breathing in the sweet, fresh air. This was a new and super cool experience. The driest among the four of us was Farah. She cheated! Dad carried her all the way. The next time I get to go there again, I'll bring a bucket, nets, boots and a hat. Friggin' hot, even though it was very windy.

We end with pictures. I look forward to going there again, this time, with a whole bunch of kids in tow. Haha. I'd love to scare Nabilah into the black shores. She's so penakut. She clung onto me like a koala bear just now when we watched Kuntilanak 2 on Sensasi. Haha. By the way, Sisto and I made up a song when we walked back to shore.

I love you
You love me
This is so bloody disgusting

Sing it to the tune of that Barney song. We sang a few songs too, until the part where the sand got so stinkin' deep. More screaming, and Dad tricked us also. "Go there, go there. Tak dalam sangat." Padahal dalam sey. Sisto yelled first, then me 'cause I stepped on a shell or something. & worse, people were staring at us like we were friggin' crazy. Hahahahahahaha.

I wasn't even ready sey. Sisto looks really cute. Dad & Farah; Sisto & MoiMother-in-training; goat homes; my wet jeans

That's all for today, people. If I even have people reading this blog. Haha. Bonded a lot with Dad today. It's been a while. You don't get daddies like this that often, so I count myself lucky.

It is a wise father that knows his own child - William Shakespeare